In Love, But In Doubt! Sally is so much in love and yet her soul is engulfed in an Island of doubt. The contradiction is a source of confusion for her. How can I be in love and yet doubt holds me in the jugular, suffocating the life out of me with unending questions and anxieties?
The Johnsons are not spared. Mr. Johnson had just lost his job in the Oil and Gas sector and their finances had plummeted. Mrs. Johnson for the first time after their wedding began to question her choice and began to think her wrong choice could be what is sponsoring their present predicament. In Love, But In Doubt!
It happens all the time. You fall in love, you make commitments, and in some cases, wedding plans begin, and then like a mighty tornado from nowhere, doubt hits you like you hit someone with a sledgehammer.
I thought I was in love! Where is this doubt coming from? O Lord, help me!
It even gets more confusing when compromise or specifically, sex is involved. You hardly know what to do. On one hand, you think you love him or her, but when you think about your future together, a lump rises in your throat and a subtle fear meanders in the inner crevices of your mind.
Even married couples are not spared sometimes. You are already married, and really everything was okay until you had this huge financial storm that refuses to abate. Then you begin to entertain the question that you thought was never there or has long been settled; are we really meant for each other? Are we financially incapacitated because I am involved with the wrong person?
What do you do at such times? This is what we want to look at this morning.
First of all, at what points do doubts occur? Here are some:
In Love, But In Doubt!
1. A relationship is outside of God’s will and God needed to get your attention.
2. A relationship is actually God’s will, but the devil wants to confuse you so that you can step out of that will.
3. You have huge and sometimes unrealistic expectations and unfortunately, the expectations are far from being realized.
4. You are in a relationship and it is God’s plan for you, but somewhere along the line, you are caught in sex. The devil would usually bring guilt trips and if you stay habitually in the compromise, confusion will enter the soul and you won’t know your left from right.
5. You are not informed and you are ignorant of your basic spiritual rights, you will easily get confused and yield to doubt.
6. You start a relationship or courtship without seeking God’s will. That conviction would not be there and doubts would have an upper hand.
7. You sought direction about your marriage from some prophet without a personal adventure in seeking God’s face.
8. You go into a relationship or marriage in order to escape from something. After your escape, then you start asking whether you really love the person.
9. All your mentors, pastor, and even parents are against the wedding except you. Doubt will surely come eventually.
10. Marriage is not all about roses and flowers, when the thorns show up, they usually come in the basket of doubt.
The next thing is “will one ever get to a place in life where doubt is completely extricated and will never occur again?” Like take a gun and shoot doubt forever and ever?
Well, the answer is a big NO. Doubt will still come, whether you like it or not. But it is now your choice to discard it or embrace it.
How do we deal with doubt and how can it be prevented?
I will continue from here tomorrow. In Love, But In Doubt!
Doubts will come, as long as you are human. Even Jesus Christ experienced doubts. This happened at the garden of Gethsemane when he was overwhelmed by the pain and agony he would be going through.
So how do you prevent unnecessary doubts?
1 Be sure of God’s direction before you take a step
That way, when doubts arise, you will easily identify the source and then you can deal with it. You will know that the doubt is coming to fight you out of God’s will and you will resist it.
But when you are not sure whether it was God or not in the first place, when doubts arise along the way, you are unsure of how to handle it, because inner conviction is absent.
2 Don’t be a in a hurry in your romantic journey
Don’t be hasty. Don’t fall in love senselessly. Be responsible and surround yourself with good friends and mentors.
3 Do not lgnore authority figures in your life,
While they are not supposed to decide for you, God can often speak through them to warn you about steps you are about to take. Do not despise or disregard their wisdom.
4 Learn to read and study God’s word regularly.
It brings you the wisdom that stabilizes your soul.
Handling Doubts About Your Lover. The next question is what if I am already in doubt?
1. Go back to God to confirm what He said in the first place.
There is nothing wrong with hearing God again.
God hath spoken once; twice have I heard this (Psalms 62:11 KJV)
2. Take time to stay in God’s presence and you will hear Him again.
Sometimes you might have to fast to get your mind quiet.
3. Stay away from every sin.
Ask God to forgive you if you are hooked up with masturbation, pornography, pre-marital sex, or some other sexual perversion.\
5. Learn to pray together.
When you don’t pray, unnecessary issues will arise often and destabilize you.
The last question is how can I be sure a decision is of God?
When a decision you are about to take or have taken is of God, you will have peace. It is an unexplainable peace that doesn’t seem to line up with physical reality sometimes, but the peace will be there that tells you all is well. When this peace is absent, never go ahead with that decision. This is the way of Handling Doubts About Your Lover
And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:7 KJV)
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have the peace of God. I am guided by God’s peace.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY
Lord, let there be restoration of all that I have lost.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Php 4:7 (AMPC) And God’s peace [shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace] which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Ask you lover pertinent question about the future.
How to handle doubts about your lover is a skill you need, to have a successful relationship. Emeka and Sandy are seeing each other, but there is a nagging feeling within her that brings doubts every time. She didn’t know what to do with the doubts.
What do you do with doubts? Doubts will always come. You can’t prevent it. I think the first question is “Why do doubts spring up in a relationship that is looking so promising?
There are several scenarios that can elicit doubts. Let’s take a look at some of them.
1. Doubts can come quickly to shatter the delicate glass of romance when your expectation of a lover are unrealistic and are not being met
2. When your lover is not God’s choice for you, God will allow the doubts to rush at you in order to get your attention.
3. Conversely, when the devil wants to dissuade you about your lover, he can bring doubts, his aim being to make you miss out on God’s plan for your marriage.
There are more ways to identify doubts in order to know how to handle doubts about your lover.
4. When there is sexual compromise, the beautiful romantic story God is writing can quickly become one with nasty twists and turns. This is what sin does, particularly sexual sins, it seeks to bring confusion to the soul.
5. When you rush into a relationship with a lover without duly seeking God’s direction, every events in the relationship will be a spring board of doubt, simply because you are not sure.
6. When you shift the responsibility of finding out God’s plan to some prophet or seer, doubt will arise along the way and you will quickly drift off, since there was never a personal conviction.
7. When all respected people and authority figures around you are against the choice of your lover, doubts, like bandits, are waiting and lurking in the next junction of romantic journey.
8. When storms arise, and winds blow, and dusts rise to blur the romantic journey, doubts can quickly emerge from within the turbulence.
After knowing How To Handle Doubts About Your Lover, the next question then will be “What do I do when these doubts come? How can I guard against unnecessary doubts? How can I be really sure?
This is where we will continue from tomorrow! Don’t miss it!
Tonight, Tue 19th July, we will be having School of Relationship and Marriage and Pastor Sophia and I will be teaching you! It will take place on YouTube. You can subscribe ahead and click on notification bell to know when we go live by 6.00pm. Use this link HERE
God bless you!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not doubt. I have God’s Spirit in me.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God will bring His wisdom to your life
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Rom 8:14 (KJV) For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God.