The ultimate goal of every marriage is for both the husband and the wife to grow increasingly in love and intimate with each other.
When you look at your marriage, can you say of the truth that you and your spouse are growing in love?
You may start out not being so close with each other in terms of understanding each other, but as the years roll by, you should be growing in intimacy.
However, it takes some couples longer years to grow to that level of intimacy. Some couples are like cat and mouse. They have not been able to work out their differences.
It is like a rat race, the husband always wants the wife to be exactly like him and vice versa. They always want to fashion their wife into what they want or what they feel she should be like. The same thing with the wife, always trying to make her husband into her image of what a husband should be.
God has not called us to the ministry of changing our spouses. It is a futile ministry, a ministry that will never prosper. If anything, you will end up having a spouse who is a clone of himself or herself.
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Allow your spouse to grow at his/her pace. Don’t try to change your spouse. Your spouse is not essentially your primary responsibility in terms of monitoring him /her. Do more prayer and intercession for your spouse and allow God to get through to him/her.
Don’t let us be too hasty in judging our spouse. Let’s learn to rather commend them to God and to the word of his grace which is able to build up and give them an inheritance among them that are sanctified, as instructed in Acts 20:32
Here are some characters to watch out for that can hinder intimacy in marriage
1. Immaturity Learn to handle things in your marriage maturely. Learn to separate issues from your spouses’ personality.
2. Being temperamental When you are too strong on your personality or being a difficult person.
3. Being too emotional
4. Not forgiving easily
5. Not respecting your spouse as an individual and God’s child.
6. Not being easy to talk with
7. Lack of understanding If you don’t understand that you and your spouse are different and that you see things from different standpoints, intimacy is going to be difficult
All these and much more are things that can prevent any marriage from experiencing the intimacy they so much desire.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I choose to be intimate with my spouse
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Oh Lord, teach me how to love my spouse with all my heart
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Gen 2:24[NKJV] Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Register for KHC Couples camp meeting
We started on the topic “Ways to Know that your marriage needs help” in yesterday’s devotional. let’s look at a few more
3. When the couples keep secrets from each other
There are different vital information that your spouse considers you should not keep away from them. Keeping such information away for whatever reasons could create a crack in the marriage. Trust is broken and you never see yourself as being naked and not ashamed.
4. When there is still parental influence
The Bible clearly says in Gen 2: 23, the husband should leave father and mother and cleave to his wife.
Parents, no doubt, want what is best for their children but we have to obey scriptures for our marriage to work like God planned it. Parents could be sentimental and biased when it comes to their opinion or judging issues in case there is a misunderstanding. So avoid the involvement of your own parents in your marital affairs as much as possible.
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5. When there is extramarital affairs
When there is extra marital affairs either by the husband or wife or from both couples, it’s a serious sign that all is not well. Whatever the justification whether out of retaliation, offense, being promiscuous, ignorance, neglect from either spouse, health conditions, financial constraints or whatever the reason. Whenever there is infidelity there is serious problem.
Maybe it is not a full blown affair, it is still under an emotional affair or an office affair they are all danger signs.
Seek help before it gets out of hand.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I seek the needed help when I need it.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord surround me with my helpers and let me recognize them.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Psa 20:2 Send thee help from the sanctuary, and strengthen thee out of Zion;
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY I will sincerely look into my marriage and identify areas where we need help
The Bible says husbands enjoy the wife of their youth. This means enjoying yourself while you have strength as a young couple. Don’t be too serious at home and learn to live together as best friends. Don’t allow the pressure of finances, raising children, in-laws, and others to destabilize your togetherness.
Your spring water is for you and you only, not to be passed around among strangers. Bless your fresh-flowing fountain! Enjoy the wife you married as a young man! Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose — don’t ever quit taking delight in her body. Never take her love for granted! Why would you trade enduring intimacies for cheap thrills with a whore? for dalliance with a promiscuous stranger?
Prov 5:17-21 [MSG]
Between the two of you, one person will be more playful. Let the playful one take the initiative and the other follows suit.
The Holy Spirit knows what He’s saying when He says enjoy the wife of your youth. Be deliberate in making each other happy. Do not make others outside your home or marriage happy at the expense of your spouse.
Did you miss out on yesterday’s devotional, we’ve got you covered kindly go HERE. For KHC video Devotionals kindly go HERE
Read books together and discuss them. Invest in each other.
I pray your marriage will be beautiful and filled with new wine.
God bless your marriage
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I love my spouse and we enjoy life together
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord help us to enjoy ourselves now
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Ecc 9:9 Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun.
The ability to enjoy whatever God has given to us despite imperfections is the maturity that takes for happiness in life and marriage. It is in loving our spouse unconditionally that makes marriage beautiful and fulfilling. We all have so many buts, we can choose to or choose not to consider in our spouse.
The Bible says love covers a multitude of sins. It means if we choose to walk in love, we can ignore or better still, hand our spouse’s flaws to God.
This prayer becomes handy; Lord give us the Grace to change the things we can change and the courage to leave the ones we cannot.
When we hand over such things to God, we should know that God is capable of handling them in His own way. Once in God’s hands, we should rest and trust in His love.
What most people do is that they give God and then collect it back. God knows what best to do to change a man. There is no overnight transformation. Even God appreciates the process of gradual change or transformation.
Do not conform yourselves to the standards of this world, but let God transform you inwardly by a complete change of your mind. Then you will be able to know the will of God—what is good and is pleasing to him and is perfect.
Rom 12:2 GNB
Am I asking us to keep quiet and suffer in silence? No. Neither am I justifying wrong behaviors or any character flaws or defects. Most of the character flaws we see in marriage were already there as singles. It only became amplified in marriage.
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An irresponsible man had always had those tendencies. It was only fully expressive in marriage.
If we will not focus on the temperamental differences of our spouse, we would have done well.
So far as what we complain about are our differences, fear not. God will always see us through. The opposite will always attract. You found yourself attracted to your spouse and eventually married him/her because he was different from you.
If you are a fast person, you will be attracted to a quiet, easy-going person. A serious person will marry a playful person. It is these same differences that later repels, annoys and, gets us aggravated.
Some couples say, I love my spouse but she talks too much, but she is lazy, but she is careless. I love my spouse but he is aggressive, but he works too much, we can’t even go for vacation….and on and on.
What we should do is appreciate and thank God for the difference. Know that God put the differences there so you can accomplish much in your marriage. Try and let love, understanding, and patience have their full course in your lives.
You have to understand that neither you nor your spouse is correct or wrong, it is just about being wired differently, having different opinions, and seeing things from different viewpoint and perspectives.
So if you are hoping and thinking, ‘I love my spouse, but…’, you have to begin to remove the ‘but’ from your marital dictionary and begin to love your spouse despite their faults. Learn to forgive and forgive fast. Never allow issues to linger for long before seeking to forgive. Don’t allow ego or pride to finish your marriage.
I know a couple whose marriage is fast heading for the rocks. The wife has chosen to believe she is right and is waiting for her husband to come rolling on the floor begging. The husband too is unwilling to bend, saying she is fond of doing that and that he is tired of begging.
The wife has refused to listen to counsel. It is their differences that the devil wants to use to scatter their marriage. We are to walk through our differences allowing God to mature us.
May God bless our marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I love my spouse and my sin covers his/her flaws
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me enjoy the wife of my youth
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Rom 12:2 GNB Do not conform yourselves to the standards of this world, but let God transform you inwardly by a complete change of your mind. Then you will be able to know the will of God—what is good and is pleasing to him and is perfect.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Study your spouse and learn to accept your differences
One of the foundational ingredients of a successful marriage is being under authority. By authority, I mean good authority because it is possible for someone to be under a negative authority.
It is good when your spouse has someone or people (not too many) that he/she listens to. The importance of this cannot be overemphasized. You should at least have a spiritual authority figure that can speak into your lives as a couple.
When you have questions or you have hot arguments, there must be someone you can run to, someone who loves you enough to correct your wrong and give you the right direction.
This has been the undoing of so many marriages. They have decided to live like an island. There are no custom-made issues in marriage. The problems in marriage are common to all marriages. They may come in a different flavor but basically, they are the same things.
You take the pressure off your marriage when you have someone you can talk to and most importantly, LISTEN to.
The person has to be considered a mentor because he/ she is considered older, more experienced, and more spiritual.
Did you miss out on yesterday’s devotional, we’ve got you covered kindly go HERE. For KHC video Devotionals kindly go HERE
Your mentors may not be your parents because it has been discovered that parents could be sentimental in their judgments.
You don’t have to learn from experience. Learn by the wisdom of your mentors. There are a lot of things we assume we know, but we do not know as we ought to know.
So many marriages are achieving below their marital potential. They have denied themselves their great destiny potential because they feel they can handle stuff by themselves.
Even Jesus had to grow, had to be subject to his parents, had to be taught, and had teachers.
I remember an issue we had a while ago. It was so knotty, it was as if the devil was ready to throw in confusion and disagreement into our home. Thank God for our mentors, it was not so much of what was said, it was their intercession for us that solved the issue.
So don’t be afraid of sharing your problems. Some think they have not solved their own problems before they are solving other people’s problems. That’s being childish. Is like saying a doctor is not qualified to help the sick because he has malaria himself.
A doctor is graced and anointed with the wisdom and knowledge to help the sick. Of course, if he doesn’t apply the same principles he is giving to the sick to himself, he will be sick and have to use the same medicine he is prescribing to his patient.
God bless your marriage
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am humbled to listen to the counsel of my mentors.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY God give a listening ear and a receiving heart
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Pro 24:6 For by wise counsel thou shalt make thy war: and in multitude of counsellors there is safety.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Register for KHC Camp meeting
