In this generation, it appears that physical attributes, or simply put beauty, are the primary factors considered when choosing a spouse!
People go to such an extent that they use online and social media filters to alter their appearances and looks, creating an illusion for both the observer and the person being observed.
Well, the reality is that relying solely on outward appearance as the primary criterion is a recipe for disaster.
Let’s examine what the Bible suggests!
Gen 2:23 (KJV) And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.
Bone of my bones.
Flesh of my flesh.
Bones, which lie within, symbolize the body’s structural foundation and inherent strength.
In contrast, flesh, which lies outside, serves as an external covering, protecting the underlying bone.
The scripture mentions the bones of my bones first, before the flesh of my flesh. This is deliberate and not a mere coincidence.
The bones will always hold greater significance than the flesh.
That which lies within, the structure that holds that handsome man or beautiful woman, that is their character, is of utmost importance.
Yes, I understand that you should marry the one you are attracted to.
Yes, beauty is important, but it should never be the sole criterion for offering something.
Pro 11:22 (MSG) Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful face on an empty head.
Yes, you read that correctly!
The image of a gold ring in a pig’s snout is jarring and incongruous, starkly contrasting the outward beauty with the inner emptiness.
A beautiful face (outer beauty) is meaningless if the person lacks inner qualities such as wisdom, kindness, and character (inner substance).
Don’t judge people based solely on their physical looks. Instead, take the time to get to know their character and inner qualities.
Cultivate inner beauty as a single person. Focus on developing a beautiful inner life, which will eventually radiate outward and enhance your outward appearance.
We live in a world where standing up for what’s right can often lead to mockery. Staying chaste has suddenly become old-fashioned. Integrity is gradually disappearing from the body of Christ. I can only imagine the challenges Daniel must have faced from his people. They ridiculed him, laughing at his convictions and calling him foolish. They must have wondered who would reject the King’s food and wine.
Daniel and his companions were in a foreign land, victims of war. No pastors or fellowship coordinators were watching over them. No one would correct them if they strayed. No parents to guide or direct them in the place where they found themselves. They were far from home, far from their mentors and spiritual leaders, with nothing to lose.
Yet, the Bible tells us that Daniel made a firm decision in his heart to be different. He decided to uphold his foundation.
Daniel 1:8 (ERV) But Daniel purposed in his heart that he would not defile himself with the king’s meat, nor with the wine which he drank: therefore he requested of the prince of the eunuchs that he might not defile himself.
It all begins in the heart. As we’ve heard before, no miracle happens on the altar. If you are bitter and selfish as a single person, marriage won’t change that—it will just magnify those traits. If your heart is not in the right place when you’re single, you’ll carry that same misalignment into marriage.
This is why Proverbs warns us about the “strange woman” and the “wicked man”, those whose lips speak deceitfulness. This is why you cannot allow “hot legs” or “deep voice” to be your leading factor in asking for or giving a YES. What is the state of his/her heart?
There will come a time when you’ll be far from the watchful eyes of those who usually guide and encourage you. A season will come when, like Daniel, you’ll be in unfamiliar territory. The question is: when that moment arrives, will you compromise, or will you stand firm in your values? Will the wind blow you away, because of a weak foundation?
This is the concluding part of this series. I hope you have been following diligently. and you are taking note of what to do before love turns to shock.
So what do we do? Keep on sinning so God can keep on forgiving? [2] I should hope not! If we’ve left the country where sin is sovereign, how can we still live in our old house there? – Romans 6:1-2 (MSG)
The grace of God is to deliver you from sin, not to keep you safe in your sin!
9. Character Defects
When you see obvious character defects, don’t close your eyes to them especially when he or she says he will change later.
Marriage changes nobody. Anybody that tells you he or she will change later is deceiving you. What do you do when you see character defects? Seek help! Don’t keep quiet.
10. Take a Pause
If during courtship or after marriage, you suddenly discover you never knew who you were in the same boat with, here is what to do.
In courtship, take a pause on everything until you find a solution. For example, if the issue has to do with physical violence or physical abuse, don’t just keep quiet thinking that marriage will soften him.
Don’t walk down the aisle into that kind of marriage, or you might need to soon run up the aisle and out! If you are getting slaps in courtship, guess what will happen in marriage? In marriage, divorce is not the first option. Look for a Christian marriage counselor or marriage therapist for help.
11. Long-Distance Relationships
If you are in a distant relationship or some online dating, you need to know that you will not have a distant marriage and you will not live online.
The reality must dawn on you never to make life-involving decisions without knowing the person very well. It is wrong for you to fall in love with a stranger.
Something is not quite right with falling in love with an online profile or some voice-over-the-phone! Marriage is not a game! It is a covenant!
12. We are Projects
Finally, we are all projects in the making in the hands of God.
Nobody is perfect, but there are things that are unbecoming for a child of God. When you see some of these things, it is time to seek help, or if intense, run for your life!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not be in shock!
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to trust you.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Romans 6:1-2 (MSG) So what do we do? Keep on sinning so God can keep on forgiving? [2] I should hope not! If we’ve left the country where sin is sovereign, how can we still live in our old house there?
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Pray for insight, to prevent any kind of shock.
Yesterday, we learnt one way to study the bible. Let’s see yet another way this morning. Another way to approach the Bible is by doing a male character study.
The Bible is rich with stories of both men and women. Even children (little Samuel, Joseph).
They were people who like you faced certain challenges you could be facing right now.
People who had flesh and blood like you, walked the earth, ate food, drank water, much like you do today.
There’s no difference between you and them. The difference is only in how they related to God back then and how you are relating to Him today.
Do a male character study. Study the many male characters in the bible, look at what they did, how they did it and the outcomes of what they did.
Look at how God spoke to them, showed Himself to them, what He promised them and more.
As you study may God bless you with revelation. Amen
Prayer: Lord, help me in my study of Your word. Amen.
Action point: How about picking some names to start studying? Do a male character study
Declaration: I am a student if the word. I will study the Bible for profiting.
While studying the Bible, you can decide to study female Bible characters. The Bible records stories of them. There were the good and bad ones.
Apart from giving birth to children and keeping the home, they also played key roles in many important situations.
Read up on them. What did they do? How did they behave back then?
You could study the story of Deborah, a prophetess in the bible. There’s Esther, a Queen that saved her people from genocide. Women also supported the apostles in spreading God’s word.
Check what God says about women, how he spoke to them, what He did to them.
This is a great way to discover God’s purpose for women.
