It is difficult and hard when your spouse has been involved in an affair or affairs. It takes a lot of maturity and God’s love shed abroad in our hearts to properly handle the situation.
It will take God and the willingness of the erring spouse to denounce this habit, turn a new leave and become an instrument against affairs in the hands of God.
Such change is very possible when the erring spouse knows how to appropriate the grace, mercy, and blood of Jesus. No devil has the power to make any of us do what we don’t want to do.
For example, the deliverance of Saul was complete and total. Never did he go back again to persecuting the church. So the determination of the erring spouse is more important than what the spouse does or does not do.
Despite the reaction of the spouse, total victory is still a reality.
However, for the sake of support and those who are not so strong, here are things the spouse of an erring spouse is not to do.
Never allow a feeling of revenge overtake you.
The devil is a bad devil and would love to exploit any situation, but the bible says we should resist him.
So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. James 4:7 NLT
You may be tempted to also pay your spouse back in the same coin, to also cheat and have an affair. The temptation will be strong but please do not yield to it.
Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the Lord. Romans 12:19 NLT
Keep yourself in the love of God.
2. Never try to blow your own trumpet.
The devil is full of different strategies that he never seeks to give up. Even when it is obvious he has lost the battle, he still wants to try, peradventure he could still win some grounds.
God should still remain the center of focus and not man. So it is better to continually give all the glory to God. Don’t think it is because you are smart or gifted that you discovered. It is God that made it happen. He gave you the wisdom.
Don’t also think you are standing because you are righteous, it is of the Lord’s mercy.
So rather than blow your trumpet of being the good cop over all the years, thank God for the grace to be faithful. We are all a product of God’s help.
Thank God you made yourself available for God to use you in being so forthright, disciplined, and focused.
We all are a product of God’s Mercy.
I will stop here today, and continue tomorrow by the grace of God.
It is my prayer that God will give us more understanding in Jesus’ name.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will be faithful to my partner.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY My Father, help me to keep my marriage vows.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY James 4:7 (ESV): Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Open up to your spouse, if there be any issues
Yesterday, we looked at how to handle an affair from the erring spouse part. This is so important because the bulk of the work lies on the spouse that had an affair.
The responsibility is on him/her. The spouse is just to be support and to forgive.
The erring spouse has the responsibility of being brutally truthful, sincere and repentant.
There are some scenarios that the spouse is under demonic influence and finds it difficult to be sincere or truthful. Prayers of God healing by giving him/her a new and clean heart will be necessary. This is because to successfully handle an affair squarely requires sincerity and truthfulness.
Let’s continue today with the other steps. You can read yesterday’s devotionals HERE
4.Attach pain to the experience of having an affair.
Until an affair is associated with pain in the mind and the brain, thorough work is not done. The erring couple must have several quiet moments of self-talk and deep ruminating of the issue. That’s why depending on the situation, the erring spouse must be left alone to have some sober reflections.
This sober reflection is necessary for a certain positive conclusion to be made. Although a lot of prayers are needed in this period. The support of the other spouse is also needed by not criticizing, nagging, and not showing rage or irritability.
A lot of love, emotional support, care, and reassuring words should be given to the erring spouse at such times as this. A spouse should come out of this ordeal stronger, better, and bigger ready to help those in the same predicament.
That’s the way God organized things in the kingdom. What you have overcome, you have the Grace to help set others free.
6.Change the environment.
It might be necessary to that environment where the affair happened. However, this may not always be possible. If you can’t change your environment, you can at least change what YOU do within that compromising environment.
Whether you have lunch breaks together alone with a particular lady, you have to change this. It is to be noted that the affair could be an emotional affair. Don’t be deceived, an emotional affair is as serious as a sexual affair. In God, they are the same.
But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Matthew 5:28 NLT
7.Make sure you don’t play the blame game.
What has happened has happened. Don’t cry over split milk. Don’t wallow in self-pity. That is the devil domain. You don’t want to cooperate with the devil to make your freedom difficult.
You must embrace Gods free gift of forgiveness and obey all His principles.
Don’t go to the extreme concerning yourself. David committed adultery and murder yet God called him a man after my heart. God restored him and he was one of the most famous kings on earth.
Don’t doubt God’s love. When He says He has forgiven you He means exactly that. Embrace His love and His forgiveness.
I believe you have found these steps helpful. May God enlighten our darkness in Jesus name.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am committed to my marriage vows.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to love my spouse appropriately.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY If you are having an affair, make amends today
I startedthis topic yesterday and I will be concluding on it today. Other signs that shows that your marriage needs attention on time before it becomes too late are:
5. Your spouse cannot be trusted.
In this case trust has been ruptured in time past by some events and the spouse in question has done nothing to build back the ruptured trust. The spouse is also still doing things that makes his spouse suspicious like keeping secrets, passwording phone, not been able to receive calls when your spouse is around, deleting messages, keeping late nights and the list goes on. Your marriage needs a lot of help and both of the spouses will need to be counselled. Forgiveness on the faithful spouse and repentance on the erring spouse will be necessary for healing.
6. When there is extramarital affairs.
Nothing breaks marriage like extra marital affairs. Whatever the reasons for this, scriptures enjoins us that no matter what, we should never drink water from another Cistern unjustifiably. For no reason should any of the spouses go onto an extra marital affair. The book of Proverbs especially chapter 6, talks about transparency. Couples should be sincere, open and truthful to each other.
7. When both husband and wife are not on the same page.
The very essence of marriage is that the couples be naked and are not ashamed, and that the union produces oneness that no man can put asunder. When both couples are not on the same page, the power of agreement is broken. Couples can no longer pray the prayer of agreement and see results. There are several reasons for this, that’s not what we are looking at today. The couple should not just wait, hoping some day things will turn out better. Time doesn’t make things better only intervention help sort out issues.
8. Unresolved conflicts.
Nearly all marriages have had several conflicts in their marriage. In fact, conflicts show that you married a human being with feelings and different opinion to yours. What makes the difference and marks the boys from the men, is the ability to resolved issues and get better and stronger together. It takes a whole lot of maturity to resolve conflicts. Unresolved conflict, no matter how small or little the conflict was, has the ability to break a marriage. Always resolve every issue and ensure no party is in unforgiveness, bitterness, anger.
9. Criticism
Couples should have constructive criticism which is healthy for the union. When criticism become frequent, destructive and done outside of love, then it is a sign the marriage needs help and the erring partner should be educated.
10. Finances
When couples are not transparent and open about their financial dealings, the marriage needs attention. When you hide your money, your investments, your debt, your financial givings, things you buy, and the language “my money” is often used rather than “our money”, something is terribly wrong. Your marriage needs help. You need to seek wisdom. I never want to know who is responsible, but couples should pull their resources together and jointly forge ahead. Any issue in marriage that attempts to pull you away from each other makes you need help. You can sort for help in several means, you can pray about your marriage, you can read books to enlighten you, you can take up the matter with your mentors, or change your character for the better. Whichever method is chosen, don’t just gloss over issues on your marriage.
May God grant us more understanding. God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I pay attention to my marriage.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to pay attention to my marriage.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
