4. Attach Pain To The Experience Of Having An Affair
Until an affair is associated with pain in the mind and the brain, a thorough work is not done. The erring couple must have several quiet moments of self-talk and deep ruminating of the issue. That’s why depending on the situation, the erring spouse must be left alone to have some sober reflections.
These sober reflections are necessary for certain positive conclusion to be made. Also, a lot of prayers are needed in this period. The support of the other spouse is also needed by not criticizing, nagging and not showing rage or irritability.
A lot of love, emotional support, care and reassuring words should be given to the erring spouse at such times as this.
A spouse should come out of this ordeal stronger, better and bigger, ready to help those on the same predicament. That’s the way God organized things in the kingdom. What you have overcome, you have the Grace to help set others free from.
5. Change The Environment
It might be necessary to change that environment where the affair happened. However, this may not always be possible. If you can’t change your environment, you can at least change what you do within that compromising environment.
If you have lunch breaks together alone with a particular lady, you have to change this. Note that an affair is not necessarily sexual, it could be an emotional affair. Don’t be deceived, an emotional affair is as serious as a sexual affair, in the sight of God, they are the same.
But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. –Matthew 5:28 (NLT)
6. Make Sure You Don’t Play The Blame Game.
What has happened has happened. Don’t cry over spilt milk, don’t wallow in self-pity. That is the devil’s domain; you don’t want to cooperate with the devil to make your freedom difficult. You must embrace Gods free gift of forgiveness and obey all His principles. Don’t go to the extreme of condemning yourself.
David committed adultery and murder, yet God called him a man after his own heart. God restored him, and he was one of the most famous kings on earth.
Don’t doubt Gods love, when He says He has forgiven you, He means exactly that. Embrace His love and His forgiveness.
I believe you have found these steps helpful. May God enlighten our darkness in Jesus name.
God bless your marriage!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage is blessed and fruitful
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Ask for the grace to be a good spouse
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY I bless GOD every chance I get; my lungs expand with his praise. –Psalms 34:1 (MSG)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Put the above points to practice
The scripture admonishes men to stay faithful to their wives. Learn to enjoy your spouse and stop looking elsewhere. I always advise guys when they want to choose a wife not just to pray, but to ‘watch and pray!’
Your spring water is for you and you only, not to be passed around among strangers. Bless your fresh-flowing fountain! Enjoy the wife you married as a young man! Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose– don’t ever quit taking delight in her body. Never take her love for granted! Why would you trade enduring intimacies for cheap thrills with a whore? for dalliance with a promiscuous stranger? Mark well that GOD doesn’t miss a move you make; he’s aware of every step you take. –Proverbs 5:17-21 (MSG)
It is important you marry someone that is physically attractive to you. Men are moved by sight. What is the sense in getting married, and three weeks later or a few months after, you’ve found yourself living an adulterous life in the arms of another/woman? That is a dangerous thing to do. It is not only dangerous to you; it is a direct affront to God and His principles!
The above scriptures say ‘Mark well that God doesn’t miss a move you make; he is aware of every step you take. This means that when you start desecrating the marital covenant or living an adulterous life and you start looking and fooling around with someone else apart from your wife, you will not have God’s support.
You risk losing his favour, mercy, and protection. Stay with your spouse and don’t fall into adulterous traps. This applies to the ladies too.
Don’t allow yourself to be pressured into living an adulterous life at the place of your work. You don’t have any excuse to flirt around! He is not caring, he is not available, he is not sensitive, blab, blab, blab…
Those are not enough reasons to jeopardize your destiny and risk losing all, because when you sin habitually without repentance, you actually lose God and that means losing all!
So what are the ways to avoid affairs?
To be continued…
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am faithful to my spouse. I love my spouse. I will not allow any distraction to tear my marriage and home apart. I am sincere to my spouse. My marriage is preserved.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY I destroy every marriage killer; I receive wisdom from God to rule in the affairs of this world. Spirit of God, envelope my marriage with your wisdom and power
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Wives understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. –Ephesians 5:22 (MSG)
Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church–a love marked by giving, not getting. –Ephesians 5:25 (MSG)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Disconnect from every relationship/affairs that your spouse does not know anything about or that he does not approve
Married couples, your marriage vows are very sacred and needs to be kept as such. Extramarital affairs should be avoided at all costs. Marriage should be held in high esteem and the bed must remain undefiled.
We should always make sure we fulfill our roles as married couples. Marriage is for companionship, where both parties stay and stick with each other no matter what.
The chief culprit in developing extra-marital affairs is when either of the party is not a real companion. Real companionship is not just about pictures all over social media.
Issues in marriage don’t have to be left unaddressed. These issues start like ordinary and minor issues. The devil does not attack us at full force all at once. He introduces his attacks in subtle ways.
Every married couple needs a marriage counselor or a mentor, where these issues are addressed.
Extramarital affairs start when we try to meet marital needs outside of the sanctity of marriage. You should never be close to any opposite sex other than your wife or husband.
An attempt to do that is looking for trouble. Don’t ever put yourself into a tight corner. The devil usually set up certain atmosphere for adultery.
I know there are different situations. I have heard of rape cases or situations where the lady was drugged. That’s why it’s good to pray and commit our ways into God’s hands and be led by the Holy Spirit.
The truth is that extramarital relationships are not worth it. The Bible says that stolen waters is sweet but in the end, it’s like gravel in the mouth. Work on your own marriage no matter what.
I know that there are some extreme cases where the husband or wife is so impossible and there’s just a yearning for love and companionship. Just hold on, pray, seek help and trust God will sort it out rather than seek pleasures outside. You will yet smile again.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not have extramarital affairs
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Father help me to stand faithful
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Psa 86:11 (KJV) Teach me thy way, O LORD; I will walk in thy truth: unite my heart to fear thy name.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Avoid all forms of extramarital affairs
READ THROUGH THE BIBLE IN ONE YEAR 2 Samuel 16 – 18
So here is the concluding part of our series on Handling affairs in marriage. Let me just delve into today’s teaching and get it over with.
Like I said earlier, the Grace of God needs to be embraced in an abundant measure to effectively help with handling affairs in marriage.
4. A lot of teachings
It is good for the spouse of the erring couple to surround the spouse involved in an affair with a lot of good teaching materials. It is the truth from inside those books that God will use to set him/her free. It is the truth that set free
Joh 8:32 And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.
No matter your good words it will not be as effective as God’s word. Let good lead you to specific materials and tapes of anointed men and women of God. There is virtually every book on every topic you are looking for on telegram, books on handling affairs in marriage inclusive. Download them and let the spouse involved in an affair, read them.
Transformation only comes by renewing the mind.
Rom 12:2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
It will also be helpful if the erring spouse can have some time of sober reflection, this has a good part to play in handling affairs in marriage.
This becomes very important. Intercession must be going on for the spouse involved in affair as much as the erring spouse should also be doing a lot of prayer for himself or herself.
Prayers for the help of God, Mercy, forgiveness, Grace to crucify the flesh and not yield to its dictates must be said as often as possible by the erring spouse. Faith and hope must also be kept alive because if the devil succeeds in getting the erring spouse to a point of defeat, this will help in handling affairs in marriage. A point where he/she feels despondent or a feeling of ‘there is no point’, ‘ let give up’, the battle has been lost.
But keep hope alive and encourage the erring spouse that with God all things are possible. The grace of God can make strong. The flesh cannot have dominion over you because Christ has already died for you. Prayer is a game-changer when it comes to handling affairs in marriage
We are not of them that give up. Christ never gave up even though the pain and the price he paid was so much. He won the victory. He won the battle. So we have the victory. We are only enforcing our victory because the devil is a liar.
The devil seeks to kill, steal and destroy. The erring spouse must just be encouraging to stand his ground.
Psa 30:5 For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.
There will be great joy, if you endure the discipline of enforcing your victory and you’re finally able to handle and put a stop to affairs in marriage.
Jas 4:7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
When you learn to submit to God and his principles and ways of doing things, you will resist the devil and he has no choice but to flee, and this will help a great deal in handling affairs in marriage.
Resist him no matter how strong the temptation is or long the addiction has been. You resist him in the name of Jesus. Use every weapon to resist him. The blood of Jesus, communion, the word, prayers and he will flee.
God bless you.
May God grant us more understanding and give us grace to do. God surround our marriage in Jesus name.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will be faithful to my partner.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Father, help me to keep my marriage vows.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY James 4:7 (ESV): Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Open up to your spouse, if need be.
We started on the topic of Handling affairs in marriage difficult. We started on this topic yesterday and I established the fact that it is a difficult situation to handle for the spouse.
It is better prevented than experienced.
Handling affairs in marriage is difficult. The pain and hurt of the betrayal of an affair is in different categories. There are more painful experiences than others.
Imagine the pain of someone having a full-blown sexual affair with your house help or having an affair with your sister or brother or with your best friend or even with someone who needed your help and offered to help.
The pain of being cheated and taken for a fool is best described as a dagger piercing ones soul.
That is why, the spouse of the erring spouse must allow the Lord heal his/her soul completely.
The first response is that of frustration and revenge.
It is to be noted that our response to handling this issue (i.e handling affairs in marriage) can never be in the flesh. If we must handle things well, we should never allow our flesh to gain ascendancy over our spirit.
There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. Romans 8:1 KJV
The only way to avoid condemnation is to walk in the spirit.
The devil seeks to accuse us to God even in the midst of that very difficult situation. He wants to accuse us so that the unity and agreement needed as a couple to break the backbone of lust is broken.
When the spouse that is supposed to stand in the gap to the erring spouse is bitter and offended against the spouse that needs help, how will there be total victory and complete deliverance?
Hear me, I am not saying or pushing the responsibility to be free in the hands of the other spouse, I’m only saying it puts the enemy to shame faster.
Imagine if someone comes to accuse your son to you for stealing your money expecting you to flog him, it will be the son’s privilege and he will forever be grateful if you don’t join the outsider to condemn him but show him mercy.
For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: Matthew 6:14 KJV
The outsider cannot do anything except the father agrees with the outsider to punish his son.
I am not undermining disciplining a child when wrong. It is just an analogy to tell us you don’t have to join the enemy in disciplining or correcting your son. You will punish your son but not in the presence of the outsider. It is a family issue and should be handled as such.
Likewise handle the erring spouse infidelity as such. Once again, this is done by being in the spirit.
Let’s continue on the issue of handling affairs in marriage
3. Walk in the spirit
This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh. Galatians 5:16 KJV
If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Galatians 5:25 KJV
Our flesh is what seeks expression when we feel we have been violated. The flesh wants to respond in retaliation. The flesh wants to fight back but we must go by the way of the cross when it comes to the issue of handling affairs in marriage.
It takes unconditional love to forgive and keep forgiving even when the erring spouse is in the wrong.
Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven. Matthew 18:21 – 22 KJV
It takes a conscious walk in the spirit to do this. If it were not possible, Jesus would have not said it. But that he said it means it is possible.
Jesus will definitely give us grace. This Grace is available for us if we will embrace it. If we are willing and obedient, he will give us this grace to forgive.
But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble. James 4:6 KJV
Let’s trust God to help us. No matter how far stretched we are, God still has more Grace to give to us.
I will stop here today and continue tomorrow on handling affairs in marriage
God bless our marriage and protect us from the powers of darkness.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will be faithful to my partner.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY My Father, help me to keep my marriage vows.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY James 4:7 (ESV): Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Open up to your spouse, if there be any issues
