Handling Your ‘Ex’ As Singles And Married. Break ups in relationships or divorce in marriage are not the best things to look forward to or desire to experience. God hates divorce! However, it happens to a few, even though that is not God’s best for His children.
After broken relationships, separation, or divorce, there will definitely be hurt, betrayal, pain, tears, regret, and heartache. But make up your mind to receive God’s help. Who is at fault is not the issue but getting healed from every hurt. In the name of Jesus, He will give you double for your trouble. God will compensate you so much, He will make you forget.
Here are 5 ways to handle your ‘Ex’ so you don’t become a bitter person but a better person.
Handling Your ‘Ex’ As Singles And Married
1. Accept the fact that the relationship has ended Some people may be in denial, hoping and praying something will happen. That something will happen is not your prerogative. It takes two committed people to sustain a relationship.
If your ‘Ex’ is not willing, you can’t change that. Don’t try to put a comma where a full stop already existed. Until you accept this fact you are not ready to move forward. You have to let go of the past so you can enter into the new. Even God had to recognize the death of Moses before Joshua can succeed him.
Handling Your ‘Ex’ As Singles And Married
2. Reduce all forms of communication to the barest minimum All forms of communication should be reduced totally. This will help you avoid double dating and cheating on your new lover. All visits, calls, chats, and texts should be cut off. Some people don’t want to be committed to you yet want to enjoy your company. Please don’t allow this.
They will only end up wasting your time, get you emotionally vulnerable, and then hurt you more. Don’t keep checking their Facebook status to catch up on what is happening in their lives. Don’t get jealous when you see them with someone else. Let your ‘Ex’ be. Don’t beg to be loved. Some relationships just can’t work.
Handling Your ‘Ex’ As Singles And Married
3. Learn from your past relationship The best revenge you can give the devil is to make up your mind to become better. Don’t let the devil have the last laugh. You might have been cheated or outsmarted, just learn from your past.
It takes two to tangle, so there would have been one or two mistakes you made. Don’t be in a rush to enter another relationship. Don’t try to prove any point.
You are not running a rat race nor are you competing with anyone. Go at God’s pace. Ask questions, what went wrong? What were the wrong choices I made? The questions are not to make you depressed but to make you wiser. Learn human behaviors and tendencies. Learn how not to treat a lover. Learn that ultimately it is only God that keeps and sustains a relationship. Learn that above all God should be top of your priority list.
For people who have been married once, divorce is never the best option for you. God doesn’t want it. But if it has happened, well, you have to trust God to move on, once all hope of reconciliation is out or when there is violence and abuse involved. In addition to what we mentioned above, the key to moving on here is forgiveness. Bitterness will crush you more, so get healed. Don’t use the children to fight back lest you plant bitterness in the heart as well.
I pray God will give you strength in Jesus’ name. Do all you can to fight for your marriage. The consequences of separation and divorce are not what anybody should go through.
I pray that my God will restore that which is lost and fill your mouth with laughter again in Jesus’ name
How To Handle Disagreements as singles and couples. Disagreements are part of courtship and marriage as much as the biscuit wrapper is a part of the package when you buy a biscuit. In the natural, we display common sense when we throw away the biscuit wrapper and enjoy the biscuit which is the most important thing.
The start of a quarrel is like a leak in a dam, so stop it before it bursts. (Pro 17:14, MSG)
In our courtship and marriage, disagreement will ensue at one point or another. It is wisdom and understanding knowing how to throw away the “wrapper” and enjoy each other’s companionship because two are better than one and one will chase one thousand but two shall put ten thousand to flight. The rewards and benefits of marriage and courtship are too great to allow trivial misunderstandings to rob us of these benefits.
Essentially, in marriage opposite will always attract. You were attracted to her in the first place because she is not like you. She is a woman, and you are a man, a whole world of difference. I and my husband are very different. He is a Choleric while I am a Phlegmatic. He is quick, fast, and decisive while I am not. I take my time, and process things first before doing things. We first had issues in courtship because we both wanted each other to be like each other. He wanted me to be fast and quick, I wanted him to take things easy. We are still very different, but now we have learned to accept, appreciate and celebrate our differences. We have decided not to major in the main.
We have learned to allow God to work in our marriage and use our unique differences to bring blessings into our home and ministry. This is one of the reasons why you cannot afford to marry an unbeliever. When you marry a believer God becomes the center of your relationship and He gives direction to your relationship.
Here are 5 practical steps that will help you in handling disagreements in your courtship and marriage.
How To Handle Disagreements.
1. Accept your partner’s difference
This is not about resorting to fate and condoling the weaknesses of your partner. It is an understanding based on the fact that you cannot change any man. You did not die for any man including your partner so allow his/her saviour to do the job of transforming them. Accept the fact that because you are from different backgrounds, your opinion and reasoning will not be the same on all issues of life.
How To Handle Disagreements.
2. Allow God’s word to be the continual judge and umpire of every disagreement
Always learn to handle disagreements by doing what the word of God says. One of the most basic fundamental principles of a successful marriage is” Husbands love your wife and wives submit and respect their own husbands”. So whatever the situation, always ask yourself, “ Am loving my wife or am I respecting my husband in this issue”. Following this golden rule will resolve any disagreement.
How To Handle Disagreements.
3. Grow in your relationship with God
The more we place emphasis on our relationship with God, the more our relationships with our fiance or fiancee, husband, or wife become better. This is because courtship and marriage require spiritual energy to make them successful. Once your priority is your walk with God and being led by God’s spirit, your relationship just enjoys the benefits of a spirit-controlled life. You know God is the greatest lover, He just teaches you how to love her better, and how to respect him more.
How To Handle Disagreements.
4. Don’t let things degenerate into strife
The ultimate aim of the devil is to get all disagreements to a point of strife, quarrels, abuse, fighting, and then what people now call irreconcilable differences. If you are a believer and you have the Holy Spirit, there are no irreconcilable differences, only differences you choose to make irreconcilable. Learn to forgive quickly and move on. Don’t allow the devil to fulfill his ministry of stealing, killing, and destroying in your relationship.
How To Handle Disagreements.
5. Be humble enough to see from your partner’s perspective
If you are not humble enough, you will be saying the same things, in different ways and yet you will not see it. It takes humility to see things from another person’s viewpoint. Don’t always insist on your own. It is pride to think your own way must always to the acceptable way. Be willing to allow your partner to have his/her way, especially if it’s not a matter of life and death. Even if it is, learn to talk to God about it, and allow Him to work things out. He always does a better job than you.
What Couples Know That Singles Don’t. Most singles anticipate marriage so much they fail to take time to adequately prepare themselves for the challenges ahead. The wrong mindset before entering into marriage and not correcting such mindset will lead to serious issues in marriage. It’s like when you want to enter a university. That feeling of, ‘yes, at last, now I am on my own, no more school uniforms, no more plaiting of the hair, no more principal, no more caging by teachers and parents, no more …. and the list goes on and on.
Really it’s a good feeling and a good place to be but there are also challenges. Rigors of day-to-day activities, missing the pleasures of home and the comfort of parents. There are also a lot of risks.
However, those that were well prepared and guided with a good mindset and remain responsible while in the university have great testimonies despite the challenges.
This morning I would like to encourage and prepare the hearts of our singles about marriage. What Couples Know That Singles Don’t
1. Marriage is hard work A lazy person spiritually, emotionally, financially, and physically may not be able to endure the rigors of marriage. As a lady, there is hard work in keeping your home, children, in-laws, and husband. Hard work in balancing personal life, with career, ministry, home, family, and husband. You become the managing director of the home and personal adviser to your kids and family on all affairs. As a mother you become everything from the cook, to the nurse to the children’s teacher, to the driver, in short, you become super and spider woman together. As a guy, hard work in being the spiritual, physical, financial, and emotional head of your family. Providing money is hard work. Ensuring you are a good leader and worthy example is also hard work.
What Couples Know That Singles Don’t
TODAY IS DAY 6 OF FASTING AND PRAYERS FOR 2023. CHECK TODAY’S PRAYERS POINTS HERE AND DECLARATIONS HERE
2. Marriage is not just about feeling Marriage is about commitment and a decision to stick to a person you choose to live with till death do you part. Love includes feelings and feelings can be fickle. Situations affect our feelings. In marriage, you will not always feel loved nor will you feel like loving your spouse all the time. You will hurt and you will feel hurt.
3. Marriage is a lot of forgiveness. You need to start taking confessions now about being prompt to forgive. Jesus said we should forgive 70 multiplied by 70 times in a day. That’s such a high standard to follow, which we must meet up to.
4. Marriage is about the ability to stick it out through thick and thin. In marriage, we start from the lower rung of the ladder and keep going up. However, for some, the bottom of the ladder is really, really low. Whatever the bottom of the ladder is, we climb up. Remember, nobody climbs a ladder from the top.
What Couples Know That Singles Don’t
5. Marriage is first spiritual before it is physical It’s a terrible mistake to think your marriage is just physical. Remember, the source of a thing is the sustenance thereof. Marriage came from God so it takes God to sustain it. There are spiritual principles that sustain marriage if you will make a success of it. A lot of prayers, confessions, and spiritual warfare needs to be done. A lot of spiritual covering by mentors.
6. Marriage requires a lot of wisdom Wisdom is the principal thing, in all your getting, get understanding. As you are getting married, you also have to get wisdom. Wisdom is the engine of any successful marriage. Wisdom in knowing what to say, how, when, and why. Wisdom is knowing how to react. How to get what you what and not hurt your spouse.
What Couples Know That Singles Don’t
7. Marriage is balancing, the spiritual, physical, and emotional aspects together. All these three chambers of marriage have to be satisfied. There must be sexual satisfaction or fulfillment, emotional fulfillment, and physical and spiritual fulfillment. Maintaining this balance is not always easy but it must be achieved.
How To Strengthen Your Connections. Our connection has to be strong whether we are married or single. It’s all about friendship oneness, union, togetherness, and understanding.
for you in courtship, know that your courtship is to build a solid friendship. The married folks will tell you that friendship is everything.
When you are friends with your spouse the problem is half solved. You don’t fight your friend and even when you fight you easily end it because you are friends and share a lot in common. But if you can harbour strife successfully for two weeks or more, then we should question your friendship.
One important ingredient your courtship and marriage should never lack is your ability to constantly talk. Have loving, meaningful, and thoughtful conversations.
In strengthening our connections, we will be using the illustration of tending a vineyard as an example.
We can strengthen our connection using four analogies for those that are married and intend to get married.
How To Strengthen Your Connections
1. Adjusting
Just as in tending a vineyard you make adjustments as a couple.
As couples, you need to make certain adjustments to accommodate another life in your space. You no longer live for yourself. You make your own necessary adjustment because it’s easier to change yourself than your spouse.
As a single person begin to adjust your thoughts, words, and actions
How To Strengthen Your Connections
2. Prunning
As you prune your vineyard to get a better harvest, so also you prune your life’s activities. You begin to cut off unnecessary activities that can hinder your aims as a couple. Not all activities are beneficial for your relationship. You cut off such non-essentials.
How To Strengthen Your Connections
3. Supporting
Just as you support a vineyard for maximum productivity, you have to support your relationship and marriage. The support of godly friends, mentors, family, and whatever can be of support to your relationship or marriage at whatever stage you are.
How To Strengthen Your Connections
4. Renewing
Your relationship and marriage need to be constantly renewed so that you will not lose the taste and flavor of your marriage.
Renew your relationship by having constant date nights, vacations, and fun trips together.
Reduced To A Piece Of Bread. What I want to write about this morning is a plague that is eating deep into the body of Christ. You see believers, tongue-talking, bible reading children of God falling into this sin, some very deliberately and some not so deliberately. Whether it was a deliberate sin or not, it doesn’t make it any less sinful and displeasing to God.
We shall take our text from the book of
2 Sam 11: 2-5 One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, and David sent someone to find out about her. The man said, “She is Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite.” Then David sent messengers to get her. She came to him, and he slept with her. (Now she was purifying herself from her monthly uncleanness.) Then she went back home. The woman conceived and sent word to David, saying, “I am pregnant.”
The mere fact that it is a well-thought process means we can prevent it from happening.
The book of Proverbs calls it a senseless act. It turns those who involve in it into a crust of bread. Reduced To A Piece Of Bread
Pro 6:26 (KJV) For by means of a whorish woman a man is brought to a piece of bread: and the adulteress will hunt for the precious life.
TODAY IS DAY 2 OF FASTING AND PRAYERS FOR 2023. CHECK TODAY’S PRAYERS POINTS HERE AND DECLARATIONS HERE
The consequences far outweigh and outlive the momentary pleasure. What. it does is that it throws the family into perpetual sorrow and heartache. It affects finances and one’s wealth and health.
There are countless stories of men who were once rich but adultery swept their wealth away. Their families are not always together.
Why do you want to put fire in your bosom and then not expect to be burnt?
You will definitely be burnt. And you know burns always leave a scar. Reduced To A Piece Of Bread
You are unmarried, a guy or a lady, and you are involved in this, just know that it has consequences.
You say you can’t help it. Days of ignorance God has winked at but now He is holding us accountable for our sins. God will forgive but the consequences live with us.
As in the days of David in our text, it was a well-thought-of action like it is with most of the people that engage in it.
There is always enough time to think about the consequences.
I want to encourage us this morning to stop the process and think of the heartache and pains you are putting your family through. Reduced To A Piece Of Bread
You are getting too close for comfort to the opposite sex, cut off the relationship before you get into trouble
You really like him but it’s too late you are already married, cut off that relationship before you cut off your life and destiny
Be true to yourself and retrace your steps. Ask for God’s Mercy and turn around from your ways.
You are in another man’s arms because you want no one force you. You are in the embrace of another woman other than your wife because you love the pleasure of sin.
Let me stop here. We will not be Reduced To A Piece Of Bread
I pray for God’s Mercy to come into the heart of all those truly seeking a way out in Jesus’ name
