There is something you have to work at as couples and it will save your marriage from unnecessary marital embarrassments.
I was looking at scripture in Genesis and I will like to share it with you! Just two verses!
Genesis 2:24 (KJV) Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
Here we see, that in marriage, you become one flesh.
The word cleave has so many meanings. But two of them caught my attention.
1. To catch by pursuit.
2. To pursue hard.
Cleaving is not what is done on the wedding day alone, it is what you do all your married life!
You are to keep PURSUING each other in love, looking for ways to satisfy each other, and looking for opportunities to bless each other.
You have to keep working at loving each other more, finding creative ways to love each other more.
This is how to cleave!
How is this cleaving expressed?
It tells us in the next verse!
Genesis 2:25 (KJV) And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
Because they are now one flesh, there is nothing to HIDE again!
You cannot hide your flesh from your flesh!
The Bible says you become one flesh, not one spirit.
It means, in all things, things of the flesh, affairs of this world, everyday things, you are to be open to each other!
Do you get it?
Avoiding Marital Embarrassments
Every time a husband or wife hides something from his or her spouse, the devil is attempting to mess up with the one flesh principle instituted by God!
And then this is what the Holy Spirit showed me!
Because they were naked and not ashamed, they will not not see shame!
Amplified Version says:
Genesis 2:25 (AMPC) And the man and his wife were both naked and were not embarrassed or ashamed in each other’s presence.
Avoiding Marital Embarrassments
Their nakedness to each other eliminated every shame!
The word naked suggests nudity in all senses.
Nudity of thoughts, intents to each other!
Dear husband and wife, be open to each other.
When something is nude, there is no packaging.
Don’t repackage what happened to your spouse. Say it as it is. The truth sets free. Falsehood brings bondage and robs you of your boldness. That is how to enjoy the fullness of God’s blessings in your marriage and avoid unnecessary embarrassments!
There are ways that look good and yet they are dead ends. There are marital pursuits that look like heaven on earth, yet they end up being hell on earth.
One of the greatest prayers to pray is to ask God to guide your feet and prevent you from stepping into marital errors.
And this, God has done in many ways, but we often think it is a disappointment and that something is wrong somewhere.
Yes, something is actually wrong, and God is often behind some relationships that crashed. God will not look on and allow evil to befall you. He is committed via the covenant.
Securing Your Marital Destination
Take a look at the scripture:
Psalms 119:29 (KJV) Remove from me the way of lying: and grant me thy law graciously.
This is a prayer unto God to stop you from the way that is replete with errors.
Take a look at the Message Translation:
Psalms 119:29 (MSG) Barricade the road that goes Nowhere; grace me with your clear revelation.
Wow!
May God barricade every evil way disguised as a romantic adventure!
May you be graced with clear revelation!
There have been barricades, right? God could be behind some of them. In order to protect you!
What’s the point of getting married only to discover surprises that throw you into perpetual despondency?
What’s the point of marrying a lover only to discover that you married an unrepentant cheat?
What is the point of getting married only to discover that it is no different from being sentenced to a marital prison?
God in His sovereignty and benevolence will prevent you from entering into a lifetime of regrets, pain, and agony if you listen to Him.
Securing Your Marital Destination
The next verses are very profound. Read them slowly.
Psalms 119:30-34 (MSG) I choose the true road to Somewhere, I post your road signs at every curve and corner. [31] I grasp and cling to whatever you tell me; GOD, don’t let me down! [32] I’ll run the course you lay out for me if you’ll just show me how. [33] GOD, teach me lessons for living so I can stay the course. [34] Give me insight so I can do what you tell me— my whole life one long, obedient response.
May this be your story in Jesus’ name!
May your errors lead you back to God and into miracles.
I pray for you, God will teach you how to grasp and cling to what He says in Jesus’ name.
For those who are already married, and you are feeling you have made a mistake now because of things you discovered, take to the Lord in prayer. Seek help. Seek Counsel. Go for therapies if needed. Do all in your capacity to salvage your marriage, because if a person failed in marriage, it affects every other thing! May God give you the wisdom and fortitude to do the right and the needful!
Oh, Pastor, you have no idea what I have been through!
My problem is unique, out of this world, an impossibility!
You can go on and on…but I have only one thing to say;
You are still alive!
Troubled, Perplexed, Persecuted, And Cast Down But Alive!
And if you are still alive, victory is sure!
2 Corinthians 4:8-9 (KJV) We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; [9] Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed;
To be troubled means to be afflicted, narrowed, thronged, and to suffer tribulation.
Ever been there before?
What does it mean to be perplexed?
It means to have no way out, that is, be at a loss mentally!
Ever got to a place where it seems all reasons fail you and all way seems blocked?
Where you are at your wit’s end and suicidal thoughts sift through your mind and you device means of ending it all?
But it didn’t end!
The amplified Bible explains it this way;
2 Corinthians 4:8-9 (AMPC) We are hedged in (pressed) on every side [troubled and oppressed in every way], but not cramped or crushed; we suffer embarrassments and are perplexed and unable to find a way out, but not driven to despair; [9] We are pursued (persecuted and hard driven), but not deserted [to stand alone]; we are struck down to the ground, but never struck out and destroyed;
You Have No Idea!
You have gone through a lot.
Broken relationships
Sexual harassment
Abortions
Depression
Manipulated by people you trusted and looked up to
Deceived and sexually abused by the one you call a Pastor
And you feel God hates you. God doesn’t like you. Why do you have to go through all that?
The first thing you need to know is that God has not abandoned you.
There are things that are self-inflicted, there are those that came as a result of disobedience, and even more because of mistakes of parents.
The second thing is that you need to pour out your heart and forgive all who hurt you and took advantage of you.
The third thing is to forget the past and move into the new that God has for you.
Then and then only, will you find yourself, in the experience of verse 15;
2 Corinthians 4:15 (MKJV) For all things are for your sake, so that the superabounding grace might be made to abound through the thanksgiving of the greater number, to the glory of God.
You Have No Idea!
You will look back and give thanks for everything!
Why?
2 Corinthians 4:17 (MKJV) For the lightness of our present affliction works out for us a far more excellent eternal weight of glory,
Everything you went through is referred to as light…because Jesus went through more and more for you to the point of shedding blood.
Hebrews 12:3-4 (MKJV) For consider Him who endured such contradiction of sinners against Himself, lest you be weary and faint in your minds. [4] You have not yet resisted unto blood, striving against sin.
Hebrews 12:3-4 (MSG) When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls! [4] In this all-out match against sin, others have suffered far worse than you, to say nothing of what Jesus went through—all that bloodshed!
And then, in verse 17, it drops the bomb. All you ever went through, which the devil meant to use to destroy you will be used by God as raw materials to work out His glory in your life.
How?
You don’t need the details. You only need to hold on to Him and then see His incredible, unbelievable divine purpose as it unfolds in your life.
2 Corinthians 4:17 (AMPC) For our light, momentary affliction (this slight distress of the passing hour) is ever more and more abundantly preparing and producing and achieving for us an everlasting weight of glory [beyond all measure, excessively surpassing all comparisons and all calculations, a vast and transcendent glory and blessedness never to cease!],
She sat before the counselor with tears in her eyes. ‘But, why did you do it’?
The counselor asked. With her heart filled with regret, grief, and pain, she answered.
‘I never intended to cheat on my husband. I have always loved and desired to have a happy, loving marriage and home. Infidelity, adultery, and unfaithfulness are like taboo to me.’
The counselor wanted her to check into the inner recesses of her heart and try to see how she got to that point. Sincerity and soul search are also a part of the healing process and therapy.
It is also important to know that, until certain steps and boundaries are set in marriage, we may find ourselves on unsafe grounds.
Eventually, Mrs Ojo was able to come up with something.
‘I think it happened because deep down in my heart, I was looking for how my deepest needs as a woman will be met. I met Bode and in a short while, he was meeting my needs and quenching my longings. He was a friend. He listened, cared, and was sensitive. I fell for it only to realize, it’s always better to stick to my marriage, make things work, and stop looking outside my marriage for a quick fix.
The counselor tried to balance things for Mrs Ojo.
Can You Quench My Longings?
Here are his submissions.
1. Just as you have deep needs, so does your husband. It will be selfish of you to focus on only your own needs. Marriage is for mutual benefit.
2. Never assume or conclude your husband cannot meet your needs. He definitely can learn.
3. Communication is very essential in marriage. Talk about your needs, and be sincere. Let your husband know. Marriage is for bliss, not for blisters or an endurance journey
4. Never look outside your marriage for fulfillment, satisfaction, affection, affirmation, compliments, appreciation, or happiness.
Can You Quench My Longings?
5. You, as much as your husband need to learn how to meet each other’s needs. Marriage is an unending school where learning is continuously necessary.
6. The temptation to cheat on your spouse must be fought with all your might. Cheating is senseless and in the end full of regrets.
7. Repentance and restoration are very important after infidelity so as to put an end to it.
Wendy is frustrated. She has been involved in several relationships that never worked and she is beginning to think she is cursed. All her friends are married and she seemed to be the only one left. The more desperate she became, the more relationships and marriage were evading her. She has prayed, fasted, and cried, and she doesn’t know what to do again.
On the other hand, George had so many girls he sleeps with regularly, and he feels that is being a man. Sadly he is misinformed and confused. He fails to realize that he has been sucked into a cycle of sexual perversion with damning consequences and only God can save him if he is genuinely repentant. The more he did that, the more he frustrates and truncates the plan of God for him in this area.
John and Comfort are married but are not enjoying their marriage one bit. They got married without knowing the purpose of marriage, hence abuse set it. They are both well-read and educated, but unfortunately, you are not taught how to run a marriage in school. You are left with deliberate tutoring through self-development or through mentors.
So now, the question is “How do you know the purpose of a relationship/marriage is being abused?
Uncovering Relationship Anomalies
1. When you start a relationship experimentally
You see, a relationship or marriage as the case may be is not supposed to be an experiment. It is something you initiate deliberately and purposefully. It is an institution created by God, and as such it should be held sacred.
When God began the marriage institution, He had something in mind. He was not performing an experiment but he was deliberately packaging a purposeful institution. So, the moment you do anything experimentally, you have moved away from the original intention, hence the consequences.
In experimental relationships, you say “Let‘s see whether this will work out.” Before it begins, you already perfected the exit strategy. I really don‘t think this is what God wants from us.
2. When you are involved in sexual sins
During friendship or courtship, it is the mind that should be aligned, not the body.
When the body comes together in a sexual relationship before marriage, the light of God’s word is tampered with because of violation and confusion enters the soul!
One common statement you will hear from people who are compromised is “I am confused!”
They know it is wrong, and yet they are held in the embrace of sin because an illegal bonding has been formed. It takes God and guts to break such.
On the other hand, when married couples make love, it strengthens them more. It is for this reason that the scripture says a couple should not deny each other!
Uncovering Relationship Anomalies
3. When you objectify your lover
Objectification of people is relationship abuse. The purpose of that lady in your life is not to satisfy your rush of adrenaline. Reducing a lady that God created in His image to a mere sexual object for pleasure is gross abuse.
When the lady sees the husband as her ATM, it is also abuse. He is not in your life to buy weekly recharge cards while you are giving sex. This is an abuse of what God intended.
4. When you start a relationship while still bitter and hurting
I have said it over and over again, you don’t begin a relationship immediately after getting off one because you want to prove a point or you want to get back at your ex. At that point, your reasoning is impaired and your definition of love has been warped by the recent experience.
It is always good to take a break for about six months and allow yourself to heal. Wisdom says you should find out what went wrong with the first one before you dabble into another. If you have had several relationships broken over and over again, it is not about a curse anywhere, it is just that you lack wisdom and you are abusing the purpose of a relationship.
You don’t enter a relationship because you want the person to fill some emptiness in your soul. Only Jesus Christ can fill your emptiness with His Spirit! If you haul a job meant for God on a guy or a lady, you will end up frustrating that person! After a broken relationship, take your time. Ask questions. Why did it go wrong?
Don’t jump into the next available arms just to deal with hurts and wounds. When you do that, you will get hurt the more, because you have not followed the right process. Never ever try to give sex in order to get attention or love. It will never work that way. Young ladies, drum that into your head and carry yourselves with some dignity!
