There are a lot of questionsabout in-laws that some of us might need answers to. An In-law issue is a very complicated one that one needs a lot of wisdom to address. You love your spouse very much, you don’t want to hurt or offend them, and yet there are issues with his/her parents.
They have been the ones taking care of your spouse before your spouse met you, so they cannot be wrong. They are flawless. They are saints, so does your spouse see them. How do you handle them in such a way that it doesn’t cause frictions? We will try and look into some of these issues.
Scenario 1 She grew up with her mum in Kaduna, who has been taking care of her ever since her dad traveled to South Africa when she was 12 years old. She is the firstborn and has been very close to her mum since then. Now she is married. Her mother does not understand that she is married. They live close to each other and their mum visits them every day. The husband is infuriated and irritated each time he sees her. She even passes the night and spends weeks with them.
Initially, she helps with the daughter. The husband complains a lot about this but the wife feels he is taking things too seriously. The wife, who is a Medical Doctor, is sure divided between her mum and her husband. Her time is divided, her attention, her finances, her care, she is divided in spirit, soul, and body.
Her mum will often take her time talking with her. She enters their room and she has no boundaries whatsoever. She gets on the husband’s nerve so much that they often have open confrontations. Instead of the mother seeing that she is intruding, she sees it as enemies not wanting her to stay with her daughter. The husband has instructed his wife a number of times about her mother but only falls on deaf ears. She claims ‘will I send my mother away?’
What should be done?
This is a clear case of over-familiarity. The bond between the mother and her daughter is so close, more so that she is more or less separated from her husband who has not been home for many years.
The husband should be patient and use a lot of wisdom while being firm. While they are looking for another accommodation far away from where the mother lives, the husband should try and reduce their dependency on her.
The husband should be very strict and put certain instructions and rules in place. The husband should also be very prayerful and very patient. No matter what, he should not allow himself to be provoked.
Scenario 2 The husband is the first born and lived with his parents before he got married. He was to get a house after the wedding but one week became six months.
The wife is not finding it funny but she tries her very best to be a good daughter in-law. The wife leaves her job as a Pharmacist in Abuja to stay with her husband in Ogun state where he leaves with his parents.
The wife doesn’t have a job yet in the new place and she is frustrated. They fight, quarrel and the husband concludes she’s not been patient enough. The husband’s job is not that stable so he doesn’t know whether he will settle in Ogun state, Abuja or outside the country.
The problem is with the mother in-law. She is so attached to the son. Her body language is that they should stay and keep living with them.She behaves like her son’s wife. She takes care of him, asks what he will eat as though the wife does not exist. She competes with the wife over him and for his attention
What should be done?
The husband has to try as much as possible and get a house in where he plans to settle down. Even if it is a room, he needs to take a drastic decision because it is obvious his wife is running out of patience. With that distance, they can reduce their proximity to the mother. They will still remain in touch through regular calls.
The wife should be full of prayers and very patient at this time not to do anything she will later regret. She should be calm and try harder to endure till it’s over.
They also need counsel and should be guided all the way.
Tomorrow, we will consider more scenarios and pick out lessons from them.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY Lord, I receive wisdom to handle all in-law issues.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Father, give me wisdom and discernment to handle all in law issues.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave unto his own wife.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Begin to handle every in-law issues in your marriage with God’s wisdom
BIBLE READING FOR THE DAY 2 Chronicles 28; 2 Kings 16-17
Do you know God as The Lord our Righteousness? That’s Jehovah Tsidkenu in Hebrew. It’s important you understand this dimension of God.
“But the Lord rules forever. He sits on his throne to judge. The Lord will judge the world by what is right. He will decide what is fair for the nations.
Psalm 9:7-8
God is our righteousness. He decides what is right and fair. You need not worry as a child of His if his decision will favour you or not.
Remember, He said that His plans for you are going to be good. Even if they don’t seem good right now, understanding who God is and how He works should put your mind at ease. He is the Lord our righteousness.
Who is righteous? No one. Not even your parents or grandparents.
“All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” Romans 3:23
Sin created a gap between us and God which was bridged by the death of Christ on the cross. Jesus Christ was the only one whose righteousness could cover this gap. Follow carefully as we try to understand the Lord our righteousness.
“God made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him” 2 Corinthians 5:21.
Christ died that we might be righteous before God.
Why does God need us to be righteous? God needs us to be righteous at all times so that our fellowship with Him can be pure just like it was at Eden. The way He had planned it.
God also needs us to be righteous so that He can bless us with His presence. When we continually sin, God can’t fellowship with us because of the stain of sin upon us. You might say, Jesus has died for my sake, He took my sins and that’s it. So we can call God the Lord our righteousness.
Jesus died once for you to be in right standing with God, but you have to keep maintaining that which He died for you to have – direct access to the Lord Almighty. Accepting Christ is not the only criterion for having easy access to God, in as much as it is so important, but consciously walking in that righteousness is equally important.
When you have a consciousness of this and practice it constantly, with help from God, that is when you can boldly come before the throne of God to receive mercy and grace. This indeed is the work of the Lord our righteousness.
Another reason for righteousness is that the enemy will not accuse us when we come before the presence of God. How does it happen? You sin and don’t ask for forgiveness. When you start to pray the devil starts to play this sin in your mind, tells you that God won’t forgive you because you are a sinner, thereby discouraging you from praying. But as a child of God who knows that your God is your righteousness, you will do the right thing by quickly confessing your sin and receiving forgiveness.
Prayer point: God, you are my righteousness. Help me to know that you are ‘the Lord our righteousness’ always. I thank you for this. Amen
Man is a curious being. Perhaps, extremely curious. Man doesn’t like being oblivious. And this has driven man to quests for knowledge, inventions, and technological advancements.
On the flip side, it has also driven man into the supernatural. Man has studied all available stuff to be studied, from science to psychology and to paranormal terrains. The occult is not exempt.
A man wants to know, period.
As you come to know the Lord, this thirst doesn’t go away. You simply want to know. And the good news is that God is not denying you from knowing. As a matter of fact, He wants you to know the lover more than you want to know. It’s actually the devil that doesn’t want you to know a thing.
However, the first order of what to know is God Himself. It is in your quest and pursuit to know God that you begin to know yourself and as a consequence, you come into the discovery of God’s purpose and intent for your life in terms of your marital choice.
God wants you to know the right person to marry. He doesn’t want you to miss it in any way! It is sure not God’s plan for you to jump experimentally from one person to another searching for love that was never lost. He wants to lead you! The question is, will you be led?
Jer 33:3 (KJV) Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.
Here, God gives you the all-clear-access to ask Him!
I love how the Message Translation put it.
Jer 33:3 (MSG) ‘Call to me and I will answer you. I’ll tell you marvelous and wondrous things that YOU COULD NEVER FIGURE OUT ON YOUR OWN.’
One of the things you might never be able to figure out on your own is who to get married to. Ask Him, for He promises to answer you and show you this.
Rather than follow your emotions and dabble into a relationship whose story will touch the heart later, patiently follow God and let Him show you His will.
That is where peace is.
That is where favour is.
May God grant you more understanding in Jesus name!
This is me, Pastor Dunamis, saying “I love you, and I’m praying for you, even as you read!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I know the lover to marry.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, teach me how to know the lover to marry.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Jeremiah 33:3 (NLT)Ask me and I will tell you remarkable secrets you do not know about things to come.
David was very much loved of God. He was simply God’s favorite. Just as today, we are all God’s favorites through the death and the resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ.
However, he fumbled along the way. From adultery, he descended so fast on the lane of iniquity, fueled by lust of the eyes and of the flesh. From the cage of adultery, he dug further into the dungeon of a murderous act.
In one swoop of his signature, he exterminated the life of one of his most loyal men, in a desperate bid to cover up a pregnancy.
And after all of that, our God’s man gathered enough temerity to convert the widow of the man he murdered into his harem. This did not go down well with God.
He had to be confronted, because his present deception will put him into eternal jeopardy.
Out came the fiery man of God, Prophet Nathan, in one of the most dramatic confrontations ever recorded in the scriptures.
David was cornered. But he did something so powerful I want you to see. He did not live in denial or delusion once confronted. He owned up. Psalm 51 was a prayer from the heart of a repentant man.
One verse that struck me however, which inspired this morning’s discourse is this:
Psa 51:11 Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.
He knew if the Holy Spirit is gone, he is finished. He must have remembered Saul, and what happened to him when the Holy Spirit departed and took His mercy away from him.
Perhaps in your quest to settle down and get married, your greatest asset is the Holy Spirit.
He is the revealer. He is the teacher. He is the comforter.
Protect your relationship with Him. It is a key to a lasting relationship and marriage. He is the one that will show you who to marry, just as He showed me!
May God grant you more understanding!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY The Holy Spirit is my greatest asset. I value his friendship.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Thank God for the Holy Spirit. What a great asset!
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Psa 51:11 Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.
Do you know God can heal you or anyone you know from any medical condition? God has the healing power! It could even be healing from a negative way of thinking. He can heal you of bad thinking. His healing ability goes beyond the body but to the mind, spirit, and soul.
Don’t believe what the enemy or anyone tells you. Not even what the doctor says. God is the greatest doctor of all. Yes, you will still have to use your drugs, do the exercises, stop watching those wrong movies, but God is still the one that has the power to heal you.
Don’t let your mind dwell on people who didn’t recover from a medical condition like yours or someone else you know. Believe that your case is different with God. This is because you know that God has the healing power.
It is God’s will that you are healed and stay in good health. The bible tells us so in
3 John 1:2 “Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth.” KJV.
Look at the ways God demonstrates His healing power; the way God comes to heal us.
Jesus, the son of God, was beaten and died on the cross for your health to be restored and made stronger. The bible records that “…we are healed because of his wounds.” Isaiah 53:5 ICB.
The Holy Spirit of God dwells inside of us
“You should know that your body is a temple for the Holy Spirit.” 1Cor. 6:19 ICB.
Where God’s spirit is, no pain or disease can remain there, as long as you have the faith that God can heal you, through His healing power.
Jesus healed people during His stay here on earth. The woman with the issue of blood believed if she just touched His garment she would be healed. And she was healed.
The disciples healed many people in the name of Jesus Christ. Ordinary men who believed in God and filled with His power were able to perform many healing miracles.
You don’t need to do any activity other than to put your faith into action by asking for God’s healing power and, believe too.
