Believe me, all these contribute to the total well-being of a good marriage. But they can’t do all these when there are people living with them observing every move they make with critical eyes and breathing down their necks. They need that free space before the children start coming.
In those foundational years, the couple needs to become friends. What do friends do? They talk. They communicate. Study yourselves, Discuss temperamental differences. Watch Television together. Play games on your laptops together in your free time.
Dear wife, study your husband’s likes. Make up your mind to fall in love with what he loves. If he is a football lover, start watching football. This is the only way he won’t leave you at home to go and watch football with his friends outside.
Study his passion. Be passionate with his passion! Don’t feel left out when he buries his head in his laptop, iPad, etc. Join him and pad the iPad together! That’s the secret!
Dear husband, your immediate family which is made up of you and your wife is more important than any other in this world. You have the responsibility to protect it.
Don’t turn your newly wedded wife into a cook, because she has to cook for cousins, brothers, etc! The wife is not a professional cook or dry-cleaner who cooks from morning till night catering for the husband’s three brothers and mother from the village!
That is not healthy for any marriage! Sometimes, this is in addition to her career! And then, you wonder why she is always tired when you get to bed.
Give her quality time. Study her love language. Give her listening time. When she is talking, maintain eye to eye contact, and be involved even when she is discussing illogical things. Just listen and you won’t lose her to moods and depression.
Tomorrow, we will continue the series on Relationship and Marriage Killers.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am full of wisdom to fulfill my role in my marriage. My marriage is kept by God’s power. My marriage will not turn into hardship. I am helped of God. I am directed by the Spirit of God.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, open the eyes of my understanding as regards my relationships and marriage and fill me with the Spirit id wisdom.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Bless your fresh-flowing fountain! Enjoy the wife you married as a young man! –Proverbs 5:18 (MSG)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Follow the suggestions above
There are several factors that could literally put an end to a marriage.
The first in the series of marriage killers we will be looking at is Home Invaders. I always counsel newly married couples – Don’t allow anybody to come and live with you when you are newly married, be it cousins, brothers, sisters, mother or father.
If you want to help your folk, and you should help them, you can make provision for them without necessarily their coming to stay with you. How I wish newly married couples can lend their ears to this wisdom.
This is because the newly wedded couple needs as much privacy as possible to be alone and to discover themselves. They don’t need any distractions in those foundational years, especially the first five years.
They need to focus on God and themselves. If a young couple can focus on God and themselves in the first few years, they would have established a solid foundation that will withstand any marital storm or wind that may come.
Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. – Proverbs 5:18 (KJV)
They don’t need anything that might trigger inhibitions in their sexual life. They don’t need anybody to complain about the wife’s inability to cook well or the husband’s uncaring attitude.
Two is a good company, three is a crowd. They don’t need somebody to critique the stew and how the meat didn’t collide well with the catfish.
The young wife needs to focus her love and respect on her husband and she does not need all the additional emotional upheavals and pressures that are often engendered when she has a lot of people to attend to.
They should be left alone to discover themselves. They should be free to walk around their house naked, play together, jump on themselves and have a lot of fun together.
To be continued…
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am full of wisdom to fulfill my role in my marriage.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, open the eyes of my understanding as regards my marriage and fill me with the Spirit of wisdom.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Bless your fresh-flowing fountain! Enjoy the wife you married as a young man! –Proverbs 5:18 (MSG)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Follow the suggestions above
Husbands, are you hurting your wife? Do you care for her emotional well-being? Or are you just focusing on what gives you fulfillment which is your job?
Do you leave your wife lonely, vulnerable and unhappy? Are you really concerned about her as a person or you just want her to be well behaved so you can have some peace and concentrate more on your job?
Do you really love her, cherish, appreciate adore and affirm your wife or you are too busy for that? Do you understand her inner struggles, unfulfilled aspirations, dreams and depression triggers?
Are you secretly cheating on her thinking that nobody will discover? Do you know that the scripture says one day will come when your sin will find you out? Even if you run to UK or USA, the ‘sin’ will collect visa too and will appear like James Bond!
Remember God has a marking scheme, and the marking scheme says, ‘Husbands, love your wife.’
Wives, are you submitted to your husband’s desires? Do you respect him even when his decisions seem hard to follow? Do you go your own way while you leave him to go his own ways? Do you spend ‘your own’ money the way you want without having the attitude that it is ‘our money?’
Are you really a loving couple or strange bed fellows? Do you seek to appreciate him? Do you make yourself available as a suitable help, adaptable to him or you are busy and consumed with just your own self?
Are you selfishly drawing or demanding attention for self without being selfless? Do you realize deep down in your mind that you can deceive somebody for a long time, but you cannot fool God for a second? That is why the scripture says God is not mocked!
Remember that if you fail in your marital assignment, you have failed in a major area of your life and destiny. But when we do fail, His mercy covers for us and he helps us in our weaknesses. He turns our failures into glory.
Thank God for grace, because God is a God of second chance. While grace is not a license for habitual sins, grace will embrace you if you make a mistake. He teaches and trains us while on the assignment. He gives us several tutorials and allows the Holy Spirit to show us some of the questions in the examination. He allows the Holy Spirit to enter the examination hall with us and help us out! What a God!
If you find yourself floundering in any areas, you have a father who will always embrace you and help you. Turn to Him and talk to Him. He has listening ears and He will not condemn you. He will rather embrace you in His everlasting and loving arms and turn your life and home around.
I pray that God will give you more wisdom in Jesus name.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will make a success of my marital assignment. I will love my wife. I will be submissive to my husband.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Let every crisis area in my marital assignment receive healing in Jesus name.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Eph 5:33 (AMP) However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly]. [I Pet. 3:2.]
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Ask your wife how you can love her better. Ask your husband in what ways you can be the wife of his dreams.
I am very persuaded that when you are not living right and following God’s principles, there are a lot of things you are missing and then you make yourself vulnerable to the antics of the devil.
I can prove this to you from the scriptures and from several experiences my ears have scraped from phone calls from every continent on this earth! It is the same everywhere, tales of regrets the moment compromise has been entertained.
You see, the devil knows you are a child of God. He knows you want to make heaven. He cannot access your life until you allow him. You allow him the moment you buy into his suggestions, temptations and traps.
He sets specific traps that are unique to your weakness. And this is what you must realize! Before someone starts winking at you for extra-marital affair, the devil ensures you have been fighting your spouse thereby making you vulnerable!
Everything that happens is of spiritual significance! Nothing just happens! Before you take that action, ask yourself, is this moving me towards God or away from God? There is no middle ground!
But it also applies to you: every husband must love his wife as himself, and every wife must respect her husband. –Ephesians 5:33 (GNB)
When you were single, you were at the preparation stage, but now that you are married, you are at the performance stage of your married life. You are at the center stage and heaven’s spotlight is on you.
Your performance in marriage will either allow you to be marked right or wrong. God gave you the marital assignment and He is going to mark your script.
Dear husband and wife, it is not what you feel or think is right that you do that will earn you a pass mark in your marital assignment but what God requires according to His marking scheme (the Bible).
To be continued…
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will make a success of my marital assignment. I will love my wife. I will be submissive to my husband.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Let every crisis area in my marital assignment receive healing in Jesus name.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly]. –Ephesians 5:33 (AMP)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Ask your wife how you can love her better. Ask your husband in what ways you can be the wife of his dreams.
Still reading from our anchor scripture Genesis 38:16, 18
…And Judah turned unto her by the way and said, go to, I pray you, let me come in unto you: And she said what will you GIVE me, that you may come in unto me? And he said what pledge shall I give you? And she said, your SIGNET, and your BRACELETS and your STAFF that is in your hand. And he gave it her, and came in unto her, and she conceived by him. –Genesis 38:16, 18 (KJV)
SIGNET is ‘chotham chotham’ in Hebrew language and it simply means a seal or a signature ring, it represents authority. It also implies, ‘finality’.
You rule in this world with authority. When Jesus was leaving his disciples, he gave them authority. It is the mark of your reign on earth; it is the proof of your royalty. And yes, that is what you let go when you desecrate yourself with what would have been rightfully yours in marriage!
BRACELET is ‘pathiyl’ and simply means twine or lace. It represents the dignity and the glory of God in your life. It is a mark of favour that makes you outstanding and beautiful in this sinfully ugly world.
STAFF is ‘matteh mattah’ which figuratively means a tribe, a rod, whether for chastising, ruling as in a scepter, and also means a support of life as in bread!
No wonder the devil plays the card of free and cheap compromise all over the place. No wonder he glamorizes and makes sin looks like the usual thing using the dual passage of technology and the media!
I have gone all the way to expatiate on this to let you see the implication of compromise. I want you to know that bed antics is spiritual and it does not end in the brothel or the hotel, it actually begins!
Would it be worth it to exchange the three most important things in your life for some few minutes of pleasure that will bring heartache and untold agony later?
Joseph would have lost the signet, bracelet and staff of a Prime Minister-ship in Egypt had he compromised with Mrs. Potiphar!
This message is not to condemn you! On the contrary, it is to call you to order. That is the anointing and unction on Kisses and Huggs Club and to the glory of God, thousands are being touched and affected from every continent on this planet!
It is your turn to drink from this grace! It is your turn to turn around!
I want you to run to God this morning. If you feel your signet, bracelet and staff are all gone and lost, God can restore! All He wants is your genuine turn around! It is as simple as that.
Ask God to give you a new beginning and He will! His love is ever available for you, and all you need to do is to embrace that love! He will not only forgive you, He will also forget about it! Believe it!
Talk to him right now! If you are still struggling with guilt and you have nobody to pray with you, you could give a call.
I pray it will be a new day for you and that all you have lost will be restored in Jesus name as you call upon God now!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have grace, wisdom and diligence to develop myself as I prepare for marriage.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Father in the name of Jesus, I resist every hindrance to my success in my assignment.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY So Jotham became mighty, because he prepared his ways before the LORD his God. – 2Chronicles 27:6 (KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Write out all your attitudes, positive and negative. Find ways to improve on your good attitudes and eliminate the bad ones.
