This is the concluding part of our series on what ladies need to know about men before saying ‘I do’.
We have talked about
1. Be ready to massage his ego 2. Be ready to respect him 3. Be ready to satisfy him sexually 4. Be ready to cook for him 5. Be ready to dress for him
6. Be ready to pray for him. Pray for your husband. Don’t let your early years in marriage be characterized with quarrels and hurts and wounds. You will slow yourself down that way. Yes, he is not a good man, he is not caring, he is not loving, she is not submissive, she is not respectful…but you are married! You are one in God’s eyes. You need each other’s agreement; you need each other’s prayers!
Pray for him from the depth of your heart and support him, don’t close up your spirit on him because of some issues…support him. Never open your mouth to curse him; it would be like cursing yourself because you are one!
7. Be ready to help him You are a helper. There are only two people referred to as ‘helper’ in the whole of Genesis to Revelation. That is the Holy Spirit and your wife!
That is why you have been told never to grieve the Holy Spirit and never to be bitter with your wife. That is why you don’t lift your hand against your helper! Ladies, be there to help him succeed. Support his endeavours.
Singles, you help your fiancée when you refuse to compromise. You are not helping him when he says ‘let’s kiss baby, and you too submit your lips for the next two hours like you are submitting a paper in the exam hall! Tell him, if you are hungry, you go by Ponmo or some cow-hide in the market, you ain’t chewing my mouth! These lips are reserved till marriage!
The power of life and death lies in your mouth, you use it to give direction to your life, not for kissing the one you are not married to! After, your marriage, you can do all of that, even for days, and God will still be excited about it!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have wisdom to make my relationship work
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Oh God, help me to know what I ought to know that I do not know
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Proverbs 4:7(KJV) Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.
Today, we continue on our topic which we started few days back.
We have talked about
1. Be ready to massage his ego 2. Be ready to respect him 3. Be ready to satisfy him sexually
Here we go;
4. Be ready to cook for him Now, this is very important. Food is very important and it is something constant in a family system.
‘Whatever happened to house-helps?’ Yes, they can help, but don’t let them take over the kitchen completely except in situations where you are your husband agree to employ trusted family cooks. But this is not usually the scenario in young families. Not a few ladies have their families disrupted by house-helps who were lured by the man in the house.
Even if the house-help will help in certain times, which is inevitable, try as much as possible to serve your husband yourself. This is very important. By the time you are not always there for days, while a young girl serves your husband, anything can happen if the man lacks self-control or has no fear for God.
While you are still single, don’t leave your mum to do everything, get in there and learn all you can.
Don’t be like the lady who got married and for days they were just eating out. After a while the husband got tired and requested for Amala. (A Nigerian local delicacy) Then trouble began. So the pot of water is on the fire, and she calls her mum to ask, ‘Mum the pot is on the fire now, at what minute do I add the yam powder?
5. Be ready to dress for him This is important as well. You should learn to dress for your husband at home. Why is this important? Men are moved by sight. They are moved by what they see, including anointed men and apostles and popes!
Don’t be like a lady who is so busy tied up in a wrapper and that was the last picture her husband saw before leaving for work. By the time he comes back, she is back in the wrapper trying to get food ready! Meanwhile, at work, he is accosted by this delectable, adorable and impeccably dressed secretary every morning who is saying ‘I am available’ with her body language! If the guy doesn’t’ know what he is doing or is brainless like Message translation says concerning adultery, he will simply mess up.
I don’t like wrappers and my wife doesn’t like it as well. So unromantic! It is not a sin to wear a lingerie at home! Dress cute for your husband at home and learn to set him in the mood. He likes that, he may not verbalize that, but I am helping him to do that now.
Singles, watch what you wear to your fiancée’s house. Don’t kill the guy; let him fulfill destiny! You are going to see him so that you can pray together by 9.00pm in a mini skirt that has a slit! How will the guy pray? The eyes will be turning red, the tongues will change and you will think it is the anointing? Nay, he is suffering and his tongues is probably, ‘O Lord deliver me from what I see with my eyes!’
When they David saw Bathsheba taking her bath, a seed for adultery and murder was sown. When Samson saw a harlot, he went in unto her. He saw another lady, and he could not speak correctly again, he told his father,
‘Get her for me to wife!’ Check it out in your Bible!
Men can lose their temper, temperature and temperament altogether when they see a beautiful lady!!! Men, can you bear me witness?
What other things do you need to know before saying I do?
To be continued…
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I know the things to do to advance my life
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Ask for wisdom to know the things to do.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Proverbs 4:7(KJV) Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Write down the things you are learning.
Sometimes, husbands want to please or do things that their wives enjoy. They experience frustration in trying to make them happy, especially since their wives are emotional beings. One moment they are happy, the other moment they are not so happy. Since their emotions are not stable, it becomes difficult for the husbands to know how to meet them at their point of need.
I think there are three areas or ways that any time, a woman will always find enjoyable. A man has to be patient with his wife. An impatient husband will always be seen as a not too caring husband.
If every husband can do these three things, there will always be smiles and peace in the marriage.
1. Be Understanding 2. Be tender 3. Buy her things.
1. Be understanding
The man is the head and so makes a lot of decisions. A woman does certain things and may not think of the consequences, maybe because she is emotional. The logic of the husband usually corrects all these.
But in correcting, he should try and not be hard. He will be tempted to be hard and harsh in correcting her. But if you don’t yield to temptation it will be good.
There is always gratefulness that every wife expresses to an understanding husband. It is understanding that makes a husband not flare up and get angry at every provocation. It is understanding that makes a husband read in between the lines and put himself in her shoes.
2. Be tender Most men are by nature wired to be leaders and could be hard. But for the sake of peace in the home, you have to be tender and choose to lead lovingly.
The password of any woman is always being tender to her. The woman does not need the tenderness of any other man but that of her own husband.
The husband must know that he has a responsibility to always meet this need of being tender. Your wife enjoys this more than giving her a million dollars.
3. Buy her gifts There is a chord inside every woman that buying gifts touches. Ladies are known to like anything shiny. A woman can never have enough gifts, there is always room for more.
The gifts don’t have to be big or expensive. It is the gesture of being remembered and spending money to buy her stuff that matters.
The gifts should be consistent, not once in a while. Some husbands think when they buy her gifts often, she takes them for granted. Not true at all.
How often do you want your wife happy? If your answer is often, then buy her gifts often. Gifts mean taking her out sometimes. Spending time with her and just taking care of her.
Spend your money on her. Don’t be afraid to spend on your wife, God will provide. It is said that when you want to spoil your wife, God will always provide the money.
First, let it be in your heart to do and God will put it in your hands.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am not confused.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that every doubt will be destroyed
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY “Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.” (Php 4:7, MSG)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Spend time in God’s presence
Ok, I promised to continue from where we left off yesterday and I will keep to my promise as some new topics are screaming at me right now. Yesterday we looked at the first two things that are very important before you say ‘I do’, which are
1. Be ready to massage his ego 2. Be ready to respect him
We still have five more points to go.
3. Be ready to satisfy him sexually 4. Be ready to cook for him 5. Be ready to dress for him 6. Be ready to pray for him. 7. Be ready to help him
Today we continue from the third one.
3. Be ready to satisfy him sexually You and I know this is very important right? But here are few things about that. Now, talking to married couples first, I want to tell wives, if it is possible, try as much as you can to always satisfy your husband sexually. It is the number one preventive for an adulterous lifestyle. I am not trying to justify any man’s recklessness in his family, but I am saying a few things can be guard against.
Young wives, you need to know that jeru trip is not a tool for punishment or reward. When he is nice and has bought something for you, you cooperate with him. When he has not been nice, you start singing ‘my head, my shoulder, my knees, my toes, they all are paining me! That is not fair!
Well, the scripture admonishes couples, ‘defraud ye not one another!’ The scripture calls it fraud when you deny one another without genuine reasons! And really, genuine reasons should only come up once in a while!
Why is jeru trip so important to men? It is because of their wiring, it is not their fault. However, the scripture makes it clear that a sexual relationship should only be with your spouse, not with a colleague or somebody you met in a one-nightstand somewhere! The consequences of adultery are debilitating. It comes with agony and regrets!
If you are not enjoying it as a wife, you should let your husband know so that you can find ways to resolve that. It is not right to keep rebuffing his advances because ‘you are not enjoying it!’ You should be enjoying it to the fullest because one of the reasons why God made jeru trip is pleasure. There could be many reasons why you don’t enjoy it and you might need to see a trusted counselor together (never alone) who can keep your issues confidential.
If you feel your husband rushes you and is never patient, teach him and lead him gently until he learns to wait for you. I would have gone deeper on this, but singles are reading this too, so I don’t want to ‘afflict’ their souls! Lol.
Let him know areas you would want him to touch. Every man ought to know every lady needs an average of twenty minutes to be fully ready! So ladies, when you notice your husband has been reacting, withdrawing, getting angry at little things, getting irritated at almost everything, complaining about what he used to ignore, check out whether you have been refusing his advances and his ego is not allowing him to ‘beg’ for it. It is actually not a good place for any man to be because a sexually starved man is capable of messing up anytime!
Protect your marriage by enjoying each other and never denying each other. For a lady, it is more than a physical workout, it is an emotional thing for her, so when she is hurt, she may not be able to release herself. This is why it is important to forgive easily and let go…because you are still one! It is also why you should treat your wife gently and be caring!
For the singles, I mentioned some things yesterday. You are not to satisfy anybody until after you say I do, which is in marriage. You can put forth all kinds of lame excuses why it should happen but that is not God’s order. If you are going to have God’s support, favour, and help in this life, then you had better do it God’s way. And I really don’t think anybody wants to live without God’s support, favour, and help in this life. Those are what would distinguish and make a difference in your life.
If as a married couple, you are already involved with adultery or with pre-marital sex as a single, it is never too late to ask God for forgiveness and turn around in your ways. That is how not to delay yourself or slow yourself down.
Conclusively, you will never be able to ‘insure’ any relationship or ‘keep’ a man through compromise. Your body is not a commodity to trade; it is the temple of the Holy Ghost! Respect your body and don’t trade it around because God puts a lot of value on your body and on your person!
To be continued tomorrow.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have the wisdom to make my relationship work
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Ask that God will give you wisdom.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Proverbs 4:7(KJV) Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.
It should beour aim in marriage to want to do those things that please our spouses, whether you are the wife or husband. I remembered how I used to read about anything that has to do with marriage when I first got married. I wanted to have a good marriage and so I looked for ways to improve our marriage.
In my twenty-one-plus years of marriage, I have found these 3 things particularly heartwarming. No matter how these three things will make your husband be endeared to you.
They are;
1. Good food 2. Jeru trip 3. Attention
1. Good food Men enjoy good food, well prepared. If you have a husband that can cook and enjoys cooking you are sure blessed. But basically, the kitchen is not their place. They enjoy varieties but you have to know your own husband. Some don’t like experiments. They have a sensitive tummy and so won’t try out anything different.
You will do good to spice up your cooking. These days that women are career women, it may be difficult. But anything for your marriage and home is worth it. The jobs will go but what will remain is your marriage and your husband.
2. Attention This comes in different flavors but attention is still attention. As a married woman, your husband does not want to have the slightest feeling that someone else is taking your attention in any way.He wants to be reassured over and over again that he is the only one you are dedicated to in terms of time and attention. Your husband also enjoys it if you spend time with him talking and playing.
3. Jeru trip Every man enjoys jeru trip. What jeru trip is for a man is different from what it is for a woman. For a man, it releases tension. All his creativity comes alive. It is like a renewal of strength and rejuvenation. So your husband enjoys it. So if you are a married woman, just know that you have signed for these three things for life.
You must up your game not to be found wanting in these three areas. Never complain, never wish your husband was less demanding but be up to the task and the Lord will help you.
Some husbands are more demanding than usual but God will give you the grace you need.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am able to meet my husband’s need
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, grant me the grace to meet the needs of my husband
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Pro 31:11 (KJV) The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
