It is good when we view our marriage and relationship like a garden. When you hear “garden,” what comes to your mind? A beautiful picture of a well-tended piece of land, beautiful and colorful flowers, with fragrance and no weeds. Apart from the fact that when you see a garden, you know that someone or some people have been responsible, consistently working. There are three elements I want us to look at in considering the marriage and relationship as a garden.
Pulling out weeds
Planting Seeds
Killing the snakes
Let me explain in detail what I mean.
1. Pulling weeds
Every garden has a tendency for weeds to grow in them if left untended. Weeds are bad habits, human bad habits such as poor communication, lack of commitment, threatening with divorce or breaking up, lack of respect, use of negative words like ‘never’, ‘always’, not actively listening to our spouse or partner, lack of understanding each other and the list goes on.
Whatever will cause our relationship and marriage not to blossom and thrive are weeds. They need to be pulled out. This takes consistent, conscious, and deliberate efforts on our part to pull the weeds out. As the saying goes, the grass is always greener on the other side but someone is tilling the ground and wetting the grass.
2. Plant the Seeds
Seeds are what I call the good habits. Those things we want to see in our relationship and marriage. It is not just good enough to pull out the weeds; we should be proactive and intentional about planting good seeds. Seeds of what we do to our partner in a relationship and spouse in marriage.
We should not just do bad stuff to our partner and spouse but we should do good stuff to our partner. Being kind, being tender and gentle, showing each other respect, being thoughtful, loving our partner, forgiveness, not counting scores, treating each other with thoughtfulness, taking time to understand your spouse or partner. We can always add to this list.
3. Kill the snakes
Sometimes we do all the right things in a relationship and in marriage but things still go wrong. The relationship still breaks and the marriage still ends up in divorce. The snakes are ‘spiritual problems or issues’. There are not just weeds and seeds but there are also snakes. These are the dangerous intruders from the enemy of our relationship and marriage. They seek to steal, kill, and destroy.
We don’t pull out the snakes; we kill them. Some of us are not aware of the existence of snakes in our relationship and marriage. We need to be aware of them and arm ourselves with the right weapons of God’s word, prayer, and an understanding of our authority in Christ Jesus and the finished work of the cross.
This discusses delayed gratification, where you ‘pay’ now and ‘gain’ later as opposed to ‘gaining’ now to ‘pay’ later. This paradox is noteworthy, and we need to take note of it. It is always better to ‘pay’ now and ‘play’ later in our relationships and marriages.
I want to discuss 5 things this morning that we need to do now in our relationships and marriages that will yield great dividends for us later on. We must learn as individuals and as couples to delay gratification. One of the marks of maturity is when we learn to delay gratification.
Tonight is MASTERCLASS with singles and couples! Don’t miss it. Find details below. Invite others, and see the links to our Whatsapp groups below the page!
As Singles, engaging in premarital sex is tantamount to not knowing how to delay gratification. It’s better to invest a few years in getting to know yourselves before marriage and then spend all of your married lives enjoying sex together.
As a couple, we need to learn how to delay gratification when we feel like having an anger outburst or when we feel the need to express our emotions intensely. God doesn’t want us to yield to our flesh every time. He wants us to be controlled by the Holy Spirit. He wants the Holy Spirit to govern our moods, feelings, and actions. We are not to engage in tit for tat in our relationships and marriages.
Let’s now explore 5 areas where we can apply the Pain Paradox in our relationships and marriages.
Our spiritual life: From the time of finding the right person to marrying to living out our married life blissfully, we need to embrace the principle of the Pain Paradox. It makes a lot of sense if we take time out to discern God’s perfect will for us before entering into marriage.
We save ourselves a lot of heartache when we are sure we are on the same page with God on our marital journey. We can always turn to God for direction and guidance whenever we are in a dilemma. As married couples, it’s highly beneficial to prioritize walking with God because marriage cannot thrive outside of God.
Spend time getting to know and following God now, rather than using that time to pursue frivolities. Immerse yourself in God’s Word. Learn His principles now for your marriage, and you won’t have to deal with the pain of ignorance later. There is a time to sow and a time to reap. Sow now and reap later. Don’t sow now, and you won’t have anything to reap later.
Our Financial life: Finances are one of the greatest tools in relationships and marriage. The Bible says money answers all things. We need to plan our finances well. As Singles, you need to be financially intelligent. Don’t spend your hard-earned money proposing with a diamond ring when you are not even sure if she will eventually marry you.
Am I against a beautiful proposal? No. What I am saying is, can you afford such expenses when you don’t have any good investments? As couples, don’t live beyond your means. Going to fancy restaurants all the time when you can cook at home is not too wise.
Live by a budget. Let your finances be budgeted. Invest for a rainy day. Buy land or real estate. Invest now to reap the benefits later.
I will stop here today. I will continue tomorrow by God’s grace.
Abuse in relationships and marriage is the most common cause of separation and divorce in marriage.
As Singles, you should watch out for signs of abuse and be courageous enough to take the necessary steps.
First, let’s look at the meaning of abuse.
Abuse means treating a loved one or partner with violence, disrespect, cruelty, harm, or force. When someone treats their partner in any of these ways, it’s called an abusive relationship. Abuse in a relationship can be physical, sexual, verbal, financial, or emotional. Or it could be all of these.
In an abusive relationship or marriage, it takes a positive mindset and courage to confront the abuser. Having healthy self-esteem will also help to know that you are not to be abused but loved and cherished. No one should be a victim, whether male or female.
When a partner is showing signs of abuse it is not alright to ignore it. An abuser in relationships will be an abuser in marriage.
There are many reasons for being an abusive partner, a major cause is a dysfunctional background. Most people who abuse their partner have been abused and they usually have a deep-seated emotional issue or immaturity.
In an abusive marriage, the husband or wife has a power imbalance and uses manipulation, intimidation, threats, and physical or emotional violence to control the other.
Abuse in relationships and marriage is often characterized by extreme jealousy, possessiveness, and a lack of respect for the other partner’s boundaries.
A lot of marriages go through abuse of various kinds and different degrees. When violence and physical abuse are involved, a professional therapist must be sought.
The use of scriptures to pray and make daily declarations and confessions is also known to get amazing results.
Declaring the word and speaking the Word over the abuser helps in rewiring the brain.
Genesis 1:1-2 (KJV) In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.
God spoke His Word to a situation that was without form and void. You too can speak to that situation.
Singles should not go on to marry a partner who is already showing serious signs of abuse.
Taking Care Of Your Lover/Spouse Okay, so you are in love. Butterflies are flying in the tummy, your heartbeat accelerates, and there are twinkling little stars on your face. How do you take care of each other? Or you are married, somehow the butterflies have decided to rest, the heartbeat is stable and the stars have hibernated. How do you take care of each other or probably rekindle this love?
Here are some ideas for singles and married couples.
1. Communication Stay in touch. Words are powerful; use them to your advantage. As singles, don’t let your courtship season be a memory of fights, quarrels, and arguments. Be mature with each other. Avoid being incommunicado.
Make it a rule; we must keep talking. That can also be a powerful principle to live by as a married couple. The devil feasts on silence; assumptions will persist and complicate the issue because assumptions are the lowest form of knowledge.
What is a man looking for? Respect! What is a lady looking for? Love! If you learn to communicate this, there will be less tension!
Singles should however note that it is wrong to say you are showing respect while you are disobeying God’s injunctions! More aptly put, you are not showing respect to your fiance by cooperating with him when he asks for pre-marital sex.
2. Spirituals Oh, pastor, what has this got to do with being romantic? It’s got a lot to do! Somebody said, to be romantic, read the book of Romans! Your spiritual life as single or married can determine the success of your relationship or marriage. There are two elements to your spiritual life: reading God’s word (which also includes study and meditation) and praying to God. If you can make this regular and consistent, some order will enter your relationship/marriage.
Overcoming Wicked Spirits That Manipulate and Deceive
Valentine’s is tomorrow! This wicked spirit will be in operation! Beware
What do I mean?
Yesterday, I established that the spirit realm is filled with good and bad spirits.
We are not supposed to yield to these bad spirits that are wicked. We are supposed to yield to the Spirit of God!
There are wicked spirits that operate through manipulation and deception.
How can one identify these spirits? How can one protect themselves from such influences?
Do you remember the story of Samson and Delilah?
Jdg 16:4 (KJV) And it came to pass afterward, that he loved a woman in the valley of Sorek, whose name was Delilah.
Loving this particular woman was the beginning of Samson’s nemesis.
The lords of the Philistines have tried several means to snuff out the life of Samson but to no avail. They were frustrated each time. They resorted to using Delilah.
Delilah obliged having been promised some large chunk of money!
Three times, Samson deceived Delilah and in those three times, he saw clearly that Delilah was after his life!
But he still became a victim?
How?
There was the operation of wicked spirits employing manipulation and deception.
Jdg 16:15 (AMPC+) And she said to him, How can you say, I love you, when your heart is not with me? You have mocked me these three times and have not told me in what your great strength lies.
How many times have you heard this statement?
And you say you love me? That was what Delilah used and Samson fell for it. This same statement will fly around a lot on Valentine’s Day! Please don’t fall for it! Don’t lose your virginity if you still have one! And even if you are not one, don’t sleep around on that day!
The goal of this manipulative and deceiving spirit is constant harassment till you yield.
Jdg 16:16 (AMPC+) And when she pressed him day after day with her words and urged him, he was vexed to death.
Samson fell asleep on her lap!
A lot of destinies have fallen asleep, and hibernated under the influence of these wicked spirits!
You will not be caught sleeping when you should be awake in Jesus’ name!
Jdg 16:21 (MSG) The Philistines grabbed him, gouged out his eyes, and took him down to Gaza. They shackled him in irons and put him to the work of grinding in the prison.
They eventually caught him and the first thing was to take out his eyes! That is the goal of this wicked spirit, to make you stop reading and studying God’s word!
Your eyes will not be taken out!
We judge every wicked spirit operating through manipulation and deception in Jesus’ name!
