For the next 4 weeks, we will be looking at what it means to be one flesh. To make it easier, I have made this article into a series, and today, we will start with the first part.
Part 1 – The Mystery of Oneness
When God said in Genesis 2:24, “A man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh,” He wasn’t just talking about physical union or romance. He was revealing a divine mystery — one that reflects His own nature of unity, love, and purpose.
Marriage was God’s idea, not man’s. When He created Eve out of Adam’s rib, it wasn’t because Adam was lonely and needed company. It was because God saw that His creation was incomplete without a counterpart who would complete, not compete. Eve was not another version of Adam — she was the missing piece of his wholeness. Together, they reflected the image of God more fully.
To be one flesh, therefore, is not simply to live together or share responsibilities. It means to be joined in spirit, in purpose, and in destiny. It means that what affects one affects the other. It means there’s no “his” and “hers” — it’s “ours.” Our dreams, our struggles, our wins, our calling.
For singles, this truth invites deep preparation. It’s not enough to desire marriage; it’s important to become the kind of whole person who can merge with another whole person under God’s authority. Emotional maturity, spiritual grounding, and purpose clarity are vital. You cannot merge into one flesh if you are still fragmented within yourself.
For the married, this oneness is a lifelong journey. It doesn’t happen automatically after the wedding; it’s cultivated daily through understanding, forgiveness, communication, and prayer. It’s about consistently choosing unity even when differences arise. One flesh means we win together, we grow together, and we heal together.
Conflict is an inevitable part of any marriage. No two people are exactly alike, and differences in personalities, preferences, and perspectives will naturally lead to disagreements. However, how couples handle these conflicts determines whether their relationship grows stronger or becomes strained. By approaching disputes with grace, humility, and a commitment to unity, spouses can turn moments of tension into opportunities for deeper connection and understanding.
1. Recognize That Conflict Is Not the Enemy
Conflict itself isn’t inherently bad—it’s how we respond to it that matters. Disagreements provide a chance to address underlying issues, clarify expectations, and grow closer as a couple. Ephesians 4:26-27 says, “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” The goal isn’t to avoid conflict but to resolve it in a way that honors God and strengthens your marriage.
Solution: View conflict as a tool for growth rather than a threat. Focus on solving the problem together, not winning the argument or proving a point.
2. Choose Timing and Tone Wisely
The timing and tone of a conversation can make all the difference in resolving conflicts peacefully. Addressing sensitive topics during moments of high stress or exhaustion often leads to unnecessary escalation. Proverbs 15:1 reminds us, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
Solution: If emotions are running high, take a break to cool down before continuing the discussion. Speak calmly and respectfully, using words that build up rather than tear down.
3. Listen First, Respond Later
Effective communication begins with listening. Many conflicts arise—or worsen—because one or both partners feel unheard. James 1:19 urges us to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. Listening demonstrates love and respect, creating a safe space for honest dialogue.
Solution: Practice active listening by giving your full attention, asking clarifying questions, and summarizing what your spouse has shared. This helps ensure you understand their perspective fully before responding.
She thought marriage meant constant date nights. He thought marriage meant saving every penny to keep the home running and to give the children a good life.
He thought “quality time” meant watching TV together. She thought it meant long walks and deep talks.
Neither was absolutely wrong—but both were disappointed.
This is how expectations clash. And if unspoken, they lead to frustration.
Singles, while dating, don’t just ask, “What’s your favourite colour?” Ask, “What does love look like to you?” You might discover one of you defines romance as gifts, while the other defines it as service. This clarity will definitely save you from some conflict later. With this understanding, you can go into marriage knowing what and what you will do that will read L.O.V.E to your spouse.
Now, to couples, let’s stop assuming that our spouses should “just know.” No one is a mind reader. If you expect help with chores, say so. If you long for more affection, voice it. James 4:2 says, “You do not have because you do not ask God.” Ehm, the same principle applies in marriage—sometimes you don’t have because you didn’t ask your spouse. Now start asking.
Expectations aren’t the enemy—silence is. Talk. Listen. Adjust. That’s how two merge into one.
Handling Quarrels During the Falling in Love Stage
The early stages of falling in love are often filled with excitement, passion, and discovery. However, even during this blissful phase, disagreements and misunderstandings can arise. While conflict might feel unsettling when you’re still getting to know each other, it’s actually a natural part of any relationship. How you handle quarrels during this stage sets the tone for the future of your connection. Here’s how to navigate conflicts wisely and constructively while falling in love.
1. Recognize That Conflict Is Normal
No two people are exactly alike, so differences will inevitably surface—even in the honeymoon phase. Instead of fearing conflict, view it as an opportunity to grow closer by learning about each other’s perspectives.
Ecclesiastes 7:9 reminds us, “Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.”
Approach disagreements with patience and humility, knowing they’re a chance to strengthen your bond.
Solution: Reframe conflict as a tool for understanding rather than a threat to your relationship. Focus on resolving issues together rather than “winning” arguments.
2. Communicate Calmly and Honestly
When emotions run high, it’s easy to lash out or shut down. But effective communication is key to resolving disputes.
James 1:19 advises, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.”
Take a deep breath before responding, and strive to express your feelings without blame or criticism.
Solution: Use “I” statements instead of “you” accusations. For example, say, “I felt hurt when…” rather than “You always…” This reduces defensiveness and fosters constructive dialogue.
3. Avoid Letting Pride Get in the Way
Pride can escalate minor disagreements into major fights. Falling in love requires vulnerability, which means admitting when you’re wrong or apologizing sincerely.
Proverbs 11:2 says, “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.”
Solution: Be willing to admit mistakes and extend forgiveness. Apologize promptly and genuinely, showing that reconciliation matters more than being right.
The Subtle Danger of Overthinking in Relationships
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:6–7
If there is one thing almost everyone struggles with in relationships, it is overthinking. You meet someone, and before the relationship even begins, your mind has run ten different scenarios. You replay conversations, analyze text messages, wonder what they really meant, and sometimes even assume the worst before anything has happened.
On the surface, overthinking feels harmless—it’s just “thinking things through,” right? But if left unchecked, it becomes a heavy weight on your heart. It keeps you restless, robs you of joy, and sometimes even destroys a relationship that was never in danger in the first place
Here are a few reasons why it’s dangerous, and how to deal with it:
1. It steals your peace.
Relationships are meant to bring joy, not constant tension. But when your mind won’t stop running—“Do they still care about me?” “Am I making the right choice?”—peace slips away. You end up anxious, suspicious, or restless. That is not the kind of life God wants for you.
2. It makes you miss what’s actually happening.
Instead of enjoying the good moments, you’re busy worrying about “what might happen.” Overthinking takes your attention from the present and fixes it on fears about the future. You miss the joy of now because you’re stuck in the “what ifs.”
3. It feeds fear, not faith.
God calls you to trust Him with your life and your heart. Overthinking does the opposite—it says, “I must figure everything out, just in case God doesn’t.” The more you overthink, the less space you give for faith to grow.
4. It can ruin something that was healthy.
Sometimes the relationship isn’t the problem—your assumptions are. Constantly doubting motives or expecting the worst can create issues that were never really there. Many people have pushed away good relationships simply because they let their thoughts run wild.
5. It puts you in control instead of God.
At its root, overthinking is about control. You want to predict every outcome so nothing surprises you. But life doesn’t work that way. The harder you try to control everything, the more you take your eyes off God—the One who actually knows the future.
So how do you deal with it?
Here’s the truth: the answer isn’t “just stop thinking.” God gave you a mind to think with. The real answer is surrender. When your thoughts are spiraling, pause and give them to God in prayer. When fear rises, remind yourself of His promises. When anxiety creeps in, choose peace instead of panic.
But there’s also a practical side: sometimes what you’re overthinking about doesn’t need a three-day fast—it needs a simple, honest conversation. Instead of staying up at night replaying something your partner said, talk about it. Ask questions. Share how you feel. You’ll often realize the thing that kept you restless was just a misunderstanding. Silence creates assumptions; openness clears them.
Also, do not isolate yourself. Surround yourself with friends, mentors, or spiritual family who can speak truth when your thoughts are clouded. Sometimes someone else’s perspective is what reminds you, “You’re overthinking this.”
Conclusion
Overthinking may feel like you are just being careful, but it can actually be a trap. It robs you of peace, joy, and trust in God. Relationships don’t need your constant fear; they need your faith and honesty. Let God carry what your mind cannot handle, and when something bothers you, don’t assume—communicate. Peace comes when you stop wrestling with the “what ifs” and start trusting the One who already holds tomorrow.
The Subtle Danger of Overthinking in Relationships
