Alright, let’s talk about love languages from a Christian perspective. Maybe you’ve heard of them, maybe not, but love languages are a game-changer when it comes to understanding how we express and receive love. It’s not just about romance; it’s about all relationships—friends, family, church community, and yes, romantic partners. And as Christians, understanding love is a huge part of living out our faith.
What Exactly Are Love Languages?
So, love languages—what are they? Dr. Gary Chapman introduced this concept in his book “The Five Love Languages”. In a nutshell, we all have different ways of showing love and feeling loved. The five main ones are:
– Words of Affirmation (think compliments or encouragement)
– Acts of Service (helping out in practical ways)
– Receiving Gifts (thoughtful tokens, big or small)
– Quality Time (undivided attention)
– Physical Touch (hugs, holding hands, etc.)
Now, while the world talks about love languages, we’re adding a Christian lens here. Love isn’t just a feeling—it’s a practice. It’s what Jesus calls us to do, and figuring out how people in your life feel loved can help you love them as Christ loves us.
How Do Love Languages Work?
Let’s break down the love languages, with a bit of biblical flavor:
– Words of Affirmation – People who vibe with this love language light up when they hear encouragement or kind words. Proverbs 18:21 says, “The tongue has the power of life and death,” which is just a fancy way of saying words have a massive impact. Whether it’s a “thank you” or “I’m proud of you,” your words can breathe life into someone’s day.
– Acts of Service – If this is your love language, someone lending a helping hand means everything. Think of Galatians 5:13: “Serve one another humbly in love.” It could be something as simple as doing the dishes or helping someone move. It’s love in action.
– Receiving Gifts – Gifts don’t have to be expensive. It’s the thought behind them that matters. It’s like the sentiment in Ecclesiastes 3:1, where there’s a season for everything, including giving. The right gift at the right time can be a way to say, “I’m thinking of you,” in a way that really hits home.
– Quality Time – This love language is all about undivided attention. Jesus was the master of this; He spent quality time with His disciples—teaching, eating, and just being with them. Psalm 46:10 encourages us to “be still,” which can be a reminder to just be present with the people you care about.
– Physical Touch – Some people feel most connected through hugs, hand-holding, or even just a pat on the back. 1 John 4:19 says, “We love because He first loved us,” reminding us that even physical affection can be a reflection of divine love.
Jesus and Love Languages
Jesus was the king of love languages—seriously. He showed love in so many ways, whether it was spending time with His disciples, affirming others with His words, or serving others in big and small ways. One example is the story of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37), where love was shown through acts of service.
Another great example is the Apostle Paul. His letters to early Christians were filled with words of affirmation and encouragement, showing how uplifting speech can strengthen faith and relationships. These biblical examples remind us that love languages are not a new thing—they’ve been around forever.
What’s Your Love Language?
You might be wondering, “Okay, but how do I know my love language?” Great question. It all starts with self-reflection. When do you feel most appreciated? Is it when someone says something nice, spends time with you, or helps you out with a task? Or maybe a hug after a long day speaks volumes to you.
If you’re still not sure, some quizzes can help you pinpoint your primary love language. But take it a step further: Pray about it. Ask God to guide you as you discover how you best give and receive love. Understanding your love language isn’t just about personal growth; it’s also about improving your relationships with others and aligning them with your Christian values.
How to Spot Your Partner’s (or Friend’s) Love Language
Learning your partner’s or friend’s love language? It’s like unlocking a new level of connection. Have an open convo about it. Ask them, “What makes you feel loved?” or “How do you prefer I show affection?” It might feel awkward at first, but trust me, it’s worth it.
Also, be observant. How do they show love? If they’re always helping you out, their love language might be acts of service. If they love giving gifts, that might be their jam. This isn’t a one-time thing either—relationships evolve, so stay curious about how to love them better.
Real Talk: Love Languages Can Be Hard
Here’s the thing: It’s not always easy. Let’s say your love language is quality time, but your partner’s is acts of service. You might feel neglected when they’re doing things for you, but all you want is for them to just sit and talk. This can lead to frustration and unmet needs.
But don’t panic. The Bible calls us to patience, understanding, and compromise (hello, 1 Corinthians 13). Talk about it, work on it, and give each other grace. Learning to speak someone else’s love language can take effort, but it’s so worth it in the long run.
Love Languages & Family
Love languages aren’t just for couples. They’re super important in families, too. Maybe your mom’s love language is gifts, but you’ve been trying to bond over quality time. Or your sibling needs words of affirmation, and you’re focused on helping them out with acts of service. Knowing each other’s love languages can reduce family misunderstandings and make everyone feel more loved and connected.
In Christian families, love is the cornerstone. When we understand how each family member feels loved, we can create a home environment that mirrors Christ’s love—full of patience, kindness, and support.
Putting Love Languages Into Action
Ready to bring this love language knowledge into your everyday life? Here are a few ideas:
– For Words of Affirmation: Send a text with a Bible verse or a kind note. It’s a small effort that can go a long way.
– For Acts of Service: Surprise someone by helping them with something on their to-do list—whether it’s cooking, cleaning, or just being there.
– For Receiving Gifts: Thoughtful gifts don’t have to cost a lot. Maybe pick up their favorite snack or a book that reminded you of them.
– For Quality Time: Plan a no-phones-allowed coffee date or take a walk together. It’s about giving them your full attention.
– For Physical Touch: Offer a hug or hold their hand during prayer. Even small gestures make a big difference.
Final Thoughts: Love Languages Are Powerful
Understanding love languages can transform your relationships. When we get intentional about how we love—whether that’s with friends, family, or in dating—it not only strengthens our connections but also reflects Christ’s love for us.
So, what’s your next step? Figure out your love language. Learn about your loved ones. And then go out there and love people the way they need to be loved. After all, isn’t that what living like Jesus is all about?
In Olanrewaju Village, Adeola and Folake’s love story was once the heartbeat of the village’s tales. Adeola, a robust farmer, was as steadfast as the land he tilled. Folake, celebrated for her beauty and intellect, brought radiant energy to their marriage. However, five years on, the spark that once lit up their union had dimmed, casting long, silent shadows over their lively home.
One evening, Adeola returned home from the fields with big yams and fresh vegetables. He approached Folake with a broad smile, expecting to see her face light up with joy. “Folake, look at what I’ve brought for you,” Adeola said proudly.
Folake glanced at the bounty but her face fell. She sighed, her eyes brimming with unshed tears. “Adeola, it’s not about the yams or the vegetables,” she began. “I don’t feel loved.”
Adeola stood there, bewildered. In his culture, love was shown through actions, not words. “Folake, what do you mean?” Adeola asked. “I work hard every day to provide for you. I built this house for us. How can you say I don’t love you?”
Folake sighed deeply. “Adeola, it’s not just about the things you do. It’s the little things. You never say anything nice to me. You never compliment me. I need to hear that you love me.”
Adeola frowned. “Folake, if I didn’t love you, would I have married you? Think about it. Every day, I work the fields so we have food to eat. Isn’t that love?”
Folake shook her head, a tear sliding down her cheek. “I appreciate everything you do, but love is more than just providing. When was the last time you told me I looked beautiful? Or that you were proud of me? I need to hear those words, Adeola.”
Adeola’s brow furrowed in confusion. “Actions speak louder than words. When I built that house, I was showing you my love. Words are just… words. They don’t mean anything if they aren’t backed up by actions.”
Folake’s voice trembled. “But to me, words mean everything. They give life to your actions. Without them, your actions feel hollow. I feel invisible, Adeola. It’s like I’m just another part of your routine, not the woman you fell in love with.”
Adeola sought advice from his friend, Chinedu, who had recently returned from the city with new perspectives on marriage and relationships.
Chinedu listened attentively. “Adeola, some people need to hear words of affirmation to feel loved. It’s not enough to show love through actions alone; you must also express it through words.”
“But how do I start?” Adeola asked.
“Start small,” Chinedu advised. “Begin with genuine compliments and expressions of gratitude. Tell her what she means to you. It might feel awkward at first, but with time, it will become natural.”
One afternoon, during one of his visits, Adeola saw Chinedu writing a love letter to his wife, Sade. “What are you writing, Chinedu?” Adeola asked.
“I’m writing a love letter to Sade,” Chinedu replied. “Words have power, Adeola. Sometimes, writing them down makes them even more special.”
Intrigued, Adeola asked, “But what do you write about?”
“I write about how much I appreciate her, the little things she does that make my day brighter. I remind her of our fond memories and our dreams. It’s not always grand declarations; sometimes, it’s the small, everyday things that matter most.”
Adeola was silent, digesting this new perspective. “Do you think Folake would appreciate something like this?”
“Absolutely. Every woman wants to feel cherished and valued. Words can touch the heart in ways that actions sometimes can’t.”
Determined to save his marriage, Adeola decided to change. The next morning, he woke up early and prepared breakfast for Folake. When she awoke, Adeola looked into her eyes and said, “You are the most beautiful woman in Olanrewaju Village, Folake. Your smile brightens my day more than the sun.”
From that day on, Adeola made a conscious effort to compliment Folake daily. Their relationship began to flourish once more.
During the annual village festival, Adeola took Folake’s hand and said, “Folake, you are my heart’s desire, the melody to my song, and the light to my path. I love you more than words can say.”
The crowd erupted in applause, and Folake, overwhelmed with emotion, embraced Adeola tightly. Their love had been rekindled, not by grand gestures, but by the simple, yet profound power of complimentary words.
The concept of the five love languages is very popular. I have written about this topic before but it bears repetition. Sometimes, we think we know something until we hear it again and again.
We don’t fully understand a subject matter until we have taken time to think about it.
The topic of love languages in marriage is so important that the understanding of it will literally solve major issues of your marriage.
Every couple should take time out to ask themselves what their love languages are.
Love language by definition is just how you perceive love. It is the language spoken to you that makes you know that you are loved by that person.
For example, if the language you understand is English and someone is trying to communicate with you something important in Spanish, you will not understand nor respond as you ought because they are not speaking your language and you have not learnt that language.
The same thing happens in marriage. Love needs to be expressed for it to be appreciated. So if your wife or husband is speaking or communicating love to you in a language that is not what you speak or understand, you don’t feel their love.
There are basically 5 love languages. Studies have shown that you can have a combination of more than one love language. For further study, you can read Gary Chapman.
They are
1. Physical touch 2. Acts of service 3. Words of affirmation 4. Quality time 5. Gifts
Let’s begin with:
1. Physical touch
This love language is spoken not only in words, thoughts but more so by touching. For a person whose love language is physical touch, there must always be contact. Your spouse feels special when you touch them. You put your hands around their shoulders when talking to them and they feel loved. A kiss early in the morning, or a hug each time you see them, makes them feel fulfilled. My husband loves it when I stroke the back of his head whenever he is driving and I constantly touch him when we are together.
When your spouse’s love language is physical touch, even when he/she is angry and you speak this language, they calm down. Such spouse respond to touch and body contact a lot.
This is also a pointer to what is to be avoided by anybody that is not your spouse. It is easy to fall in love with anybody speaking your love language to you.
So with this knowledge also comes the responsibility of avoiding persons who want to speak your love language to you other than your spouse.
2. Acts of service
This is your love language when you love things to be done for you. You love it when your spouse helps you do your personal stuffs and also do for you what you are supposed to do.
For example, when your spouse helps you do your chores, helps with the kids, wash the car, do laundry or pay to help someone else do it for you.
It shows that your spouse is thoughtful and concerned. He/ she has not left you all alone to sweat it out, slave away or figure how to get your work done.
Some spouse enjoy work. In fact they have extra energy for work. That is the reason some people who are not disciplined and have this love language often fall on love with the house helps, messengers and the likes.
If your spouse is not speaking this language, you have to let them know it makes you feel loved. Let them make arrangements to someone to help out at a fee.
Let me stop here today.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I learn to speak my partners love language.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray for wisdom to speak the love language of your spouse
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Eph 5:25 ESVHusbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Speak your spouses’ love language
