Top 56 Valuable Lessons from the 56-Year Marriage of Joyce and Dave Meyer
Joyce and Dave Meyer have been married for over 56 years. In their Video, Talk It Out, they share candidly about the highs and lows of their journey together. Joyce notes early on in their 5-date courtship, they didn’t truly know each other. Yet through divine intervention, they found themselves bonded for life.
Based on this conversation with celebrated life coach and bestselling author Joyce Meyer and her husband Dave, here are some invaluable insights on how to build a strong, God-honoring marriage.
1. Joyce and Dave Meyer discuss the ups and downs of their early marriage and how their thinking has changed over the years.
2. Dave knew marriage was forever so he never thought about changing Joyce or leaving if things didn’t improve.
3. They had to learn about each other through experiences and God helped Dave deal with difficult situations. Over decades, Joyce and Dave Meyer learned to accept each other fully as God designed.
4. Dave applies relevant scriptures like Ephesians 5:28 to situations rather than dwelling on problems.
5. Joyce explains she came from a difficult childhood which manifested in erratic, emotionally volatile behaviors in their first years of marriage. She recalls giving Dave the silent treatment for weeks at a time when upset.
6. Dave remained steadfast, understanding where Joyce’s hurt originated while navigating ups and downs to learn about her. He displayed remarkable strength and commitment to their vows.
Common Mistakes in Marriage.
7. Trying to change your spouse instead of letting them be who they are. Realizing their unique qualities complement one another affirms God’s plan for oneness in marriage.
8. Joyce acknowledges trying to change Dave was misguided since transformation must come from within.
9. From the start, Dave viewed marriage as permanent, avoiding the “threat” mindset some have of changing or divorcing a spouse.
10. Focusing on what’s wrong with your spouse instead of what’s right is a common mistake.
11. Thinking you have to be happy for your spouse to be happy instead of each being responsible for their own happiness.
Handling Differences of Opinion.
12. It’s normal to have different opinions and likes in a marriage.
13. Compromise by allowing each person to decorate their own space.
14. It’s okay to disagree as long as you don’t think your spouse is wrong for having a different view.
15. Joyce recommends couples make a side-by-side list of each other’s positive and negative traits. For her and Dave, the good vastly outweighed the bad. By shifting mental focus to a spouse’s virtues, small flaws seem insignificant.
Dealing with Financial Disagreements.
16. Joyce and Dave Meyer advised that you talk through finances and goals before marriage to avoid surprises.
17. Needs can change over time so revisit financial agreements.
18. Understand each other’s perspectives and fears around money.
Dave’s Experience with Saving Money as a Youth.
19. Dave shares how he learned the value of saving money from a young age. He explains how at 16 years old, he saved one thousand dollars cutting grass and selling items to buy his first car.
20. Dave emphasizes the importance of prioritizing spending money on important goals.
Accepting Each Other as God Made Us.
21. Joyce and Dave Meyer are different. Dave is more logical while Joyce processes things verbally.
22. One frequent source of disagreement between spouses is having differing communication styles.
23. Joyce mentioned how she likes to verbally process situations by talking through all the angles, while Dave prefers a more direct, logical approach. It’s not that either way is wrong, but recognizing these distinctions is important. They’ve realized God made them this way and focusing on each other’s strengths has helped.
24. When Joyce was unhappy, Dave modeled finding joy regardless through stable faith.
25. As Christians, we are not to let others dictate our moods but lead by example. Joyce was inspired to mirror Dave’s contentment.
26. Misunderstandings often arise when partners don’t understand each other’s methods of thinking and reasoning through problems.
27. Surrender fully to God’s design for oneness. Appreciate differences as completing each other.
28. Apply biblical solutions in tough times, not human reasoning. Prioritize your spouse’s well-being through humility, patience, and consistent prayer.
We will continue with Part 2 of Top 56 Valuable Lessons from the 56-Year Marriage of Joyce and Dave Meyer tomorrow.
Top 10 Tips for Navigating Difficult Conversations in Relationships Part 2
4. Avoid Assumptions
Don’t assume you know what your partner is thinking or feeling. Instead, ask open-ended questions to gain a better understanding of their perspective. Assumptions can lead to miscommunication and conflict, so it’s essential to clarify any doubts or uncertainties. By asking questions, you show that you’re genuinely interested in understanding your partner’s viewpoint, which can help to build trust and strengthen your connection.
Here are some Dangers of Assumptions
a. Lead to miscommunication
When you assume you know what your partner is thinking or feeling, you may misinterpret their words or actions, leading to misunderstanding and conflict.
b. Create conflict Unfounded assumptions can lead to arguments and resentment, causing unnecessary tension in your relationship.
c. Erode trust
When you assume you know what your partner is thinking, you may not take the time to listen to their perspective, which can erode trust and intimacy.
The Power of Open-Ended Questions
Asking open-ended questions helps to:
a. Clarify doubts and uncertainties
By asking questions, you can clear up any misunderstandings and ensure you’re on the same page as your partner.
b. Gain a deeper understanding
Open-ended questions help you gain insight into your partner’s thoughts, feelings, and motivations, fostering a deeper understanding of their perspective.
c. Build trust and intimacy
When you take the time to ask questions and listen actively, you demonstrate that you value and respect your partner’s thoughts and feelings, building trust and intimacy.
Examples of Open-Ended Questions
Here are some examples of open-ended questions you can ask your partner:
a. What do you think about…? – Ask your partner’s opinion on a specific topic or issue.
b. How did you feel when…? – Ask your partner to share their emotions and thoughts about a particular experience or situation.
c. What do you need from me in this situation? – Ask your partner what they need from you to feel supported and understood.
d. Can you help me understand why…? – Ask your partner to explain their reasoning or motivations behind a particular action or decision.
Tips for Effective Questioning
Here are some tips to keep in mind when asking open-ended questions:
a. Avoid leading questions
Phrase your questions in a neutral way to avoid influencing your partner’s response.
Listen actively
b. Pay attention to your partner’s response and show that you’re engaged in the conversation.
c. Ask follow-up questions
Clarify any doubts or uncertainties by asking follow-up questions to gain a deeper understanding.
d. Don’t interrupt
Let your partner finish speaking before you respond or ask another question.
Top 10 Best Relationship Advice No One Ever Told You
Marriage and relationships are a beautiful adventure, but they can also be unpredictable. While many of us have received advice on how to navigate these waters, there are some lesser-known gems that can make a significant difference. Here are the top 10 best relationship and marriage advice no one ever told you, along with relevant scriptures to guide us.
1. Love is a choice, not just a feeling.
Remember that love is a conscious decision, not just a fleeting emotion. Choose to love your partner every day, even when it’s hard.
“We love because he first loved us.” – 1 John 4:19
Love is not just a feeling, but a choice we make every day. When we choose to love, we open ourselves up to the possibility of hurt, but also to the possibility of deep connection and growth.
2. Marriage is a journey, not a destination.
Marriage is a continuous process of growth, learning, and evolution. It is not a hundred meter dash, it is a marathon! Embrace the journey and don’t expect to arrive at a perfect destination. James 1:2-4
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
Marriage is not a destination we arrive at, but a journey we embark on together. It requires effort, patience, and perseverance to navigate the ups and downs of life. Before you enter the marital road, ask yourself whether you are ready to go the along haul.
3. Marriage is a union of two quick forgivers.
No one is perfect, and mistakes will be made. Practice forgiveness and create a safe space for your partner to do the same. Ephesians 4:32
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” – Ephesians 4:32
Forgiveness is not always easy, but it’s essential in building a healthy and thriving relationship. When we forgive, we release the burden of resentment and create space for healing and growth. You know what I often advice? Practice advance forgiveness!
4. Communicate with intention, not just habit.
Communication is key, but make sure you’re communicating with intention and purpose, not just out of habit or obligation. Proverbs 15:28
“The heart of the righteous weighs its answers, but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil.” – Proverbs 15:28
Effective communication requires intention and purpose. Take the time to listen, understand, and respond thoughtfully, rather than just going through the motions. Marriage is never. Play where you serve it hot without considering where it is landing. It is a place where you intentional speak with love.
5. Embrace the seasons of love.
Relationships go through different seasons, just like life. Embrace the ups and downs, and don’t expect perpetual sunshine.
Apostle Paul said he knew what it was to abound and what it was to be abased.
Each season brings its own unique challenges and opportunities for growth. Decide to navigate these seasons with joy and not with unnecessary bickering and animosity. It is a choice you have to make.
6. Sex is not just some fun, it is a covenant between you and your spouse.
It is deeply spiritual. Intimacy is more than just physical; prioritize emotional and spiritual connection with your partner. And this is why we also tell singles to abstain from sex before wedding. The Bible frowns at that and it is important you understand this.
“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your bodies.” – 1 Corinthians 6:19-20
You are to honour God with your body by enjoying sex in marriage with your spouse and by abstaining from sex as singles!
7. Respect is the foundation, not just love.
Love is essential, but respect is the foundation on which a healthy relationship is built. Prioritize respect and kindness.
“However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” – Ephesians 5:33
Love is essential, but respect is the foundation on which a healthy relationship is built. Prioritize respect and kindness, and build a strong foundation for your relationship. I tell ladies all the time, do not marry a man you cannot respect!
8. Take responsibility for your own joy.
Your partner can’t make you happy; that’s your job. Take ownership of your happiness and well-being.
“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” – Galatians 6:2. Two miserable couples would soon bring an end to the marriage.
While it’s wonderful to have a supportive partner, ultimately, your joy is your responsibility. Focus on building a fulfilling life, and your relationship will benefit as a result. Decide to keep your joy.
9. Don’t expect your partner to be a magician.
Your partner has no special love potion they have taken. Your partner will be as human as they can be. Do not expect a perfect person, they only exist in novels and movies. Happily every after is only in movies. There will be additional troubles that come as a result of getting married. Your maturity is loving despite all these troubles that come as result of male-female differences.
1Co 7:28 (MSG) But there’s certainly no sin in getting married, whether you’re a virgin or not. All I am saying is that when you marry, you take on additional stress in an already stressful time, and I want to spare you if possible.
10. Laugh together, often.
Laughter is the best medicine, especially in relationships. Make time to laugh together and find the humor in life’s challenges.
“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” – Proverbs 17:22
Laughter is contagious and brings joy to our lives. Make time to laugh together, and find the humor in life’s challenges. Bring humour out of tensed situations and laugh about it.
In conclusion, relationships and marriage are a beautiful adventure, full of twists and turns. When you go along with God’s counsel, it makes the journey more beautiful.
There are so many things that couples know that singles don’t have a clue about. I know some singles won’t agree…until they marry!
Being in a committed relationship can be a unique and transformative experience. Here are the top ten things that couples know that singles may not have an idea of.
1. Love is a Choice.
Couples know that love is not just a feeling, but a conscious decision to prioritize and commit to each other every day. Singles think they will forever feel love towards their spouse after the wedding! Should we tell them? The reality is that you will wake up some days and won’t feel an iota of love. Love then becomes a choice, a decision you make, not because of what you feel. Feelings are fleeting and fickle, so you cannot rely on them.
2. Communication is Key.
Couples understand that effective communication is crucial for building trust, resolving conflicts, and deepening their connection. Couples know they have to keep talking whether they like it or not. Singles think they will naturally flow all the time, but sometimes a spouse wants to be alone. Effort must be made to sustain communication at such times.
3. Intimacy Goes Beyond Sex.
This is one of the secrets couples keep from singles. Couples know that intimacy encompasses emotional vulnerability, trust, and a deep sense of connection that transcends physical intimacy. Couples know that intimacy is not all about marriage; they know that beyond intimacy, there are deeper cords that bind the couple together.
4. Compromise is Essential.
Couples have learned that finding common ground and compromising is vital for navigating differences and building a strong partnership. Singles can stubbornly stay with their opinion and think that is the way it is generally. But couples know you have to find a middle ground within the context of God’s word most of the time.
5. Independence is Important.
Couples recognize that maintaining individuality and personal interests is essential for a healthy and fulfilling relationship. This is what will prevent unnecessary meltdowns during mid-life crises.
6. Fights are Inevitable and Necessary.
Couples know that disagreements are a natural part of any relationship and can actually strengthen their bond if navigated constructively. Singles can sweep things under the carpet or even pretend to be nice. But in marriage, things happen live in 3D! Good couples have learned to disagree without being disagreeable. Some singles are under the illusion that they will never disagree because they are “in love.”
7. Supporting Each Other’s Growth.
Couples understand the importance of supporting each other’s personal growth, goals, and aspirations. Couples know they are limited when they are not together. They know the reality of one chasing a thousand and two chasing ten thousand. Couples know they have to be on the same page.
8. Vulnerability is a Strength.
Couples have learned that being vulnerable and open with each other is a sign of strength, not weakness. Couples have realized the importance of the following scripture:
Jas 5:16 (TPT) Confess and acknowledge how you have offended one another and then pray for one another to be instantly healed, for tremendous power is released through the passionate, heartfelt prayer of a godly believer!
They know that vulnerability is strength! Period! It requires courage to peel back the layers, revealing one’s true self to another.
9. Relationships Take Work.
This is another one of the secrets couples keep from singles. Couples know that relationships require effort, patience, and dedication to maintain and deepen their connection. Some singles are living on fantasy island. Couples know they have to work on their marriage. They know that marriage only works when they have decided to work at it. Like tending to a delicate garden, they nurture the seeds of love and tend to its growth, watering it with kindness, understanding, and unwavering devotion.
10. Unconditional Love is Real.
Couples have experienced the transformative power of unconditional love and acceptance, which can bring a profound sense of security and joy to their relationship. It is a love that transcends flaws, imperfections, and the changing tides of life. Couples know that a love that is not selfish but selfless is what will get the job done.
By recognizing and embracing these truths, couples can build a strong, resilient, and loving partnership that brings happiness and fulfillment to both individuals.
Hey there, ladies! Have you ever wondered what makes a man tick? What do they really want in a partner? Today, we’re going to dive into the top 10 qualities that men desire in a woman. And trust me, it’s not just about looks or physical attraction. There’s so much more to it!
1. Confidence.
Let’s face it, guys love a woman who exudes confidence. It’s not about being perfect; it’s about embracing your imperfections and owning them with poise. Confidence can be sexy!
How can a woman develop confidence? Firstly, a woman can build confidence by:
a. Focusing on what she’s good at and what she’s achieved.
b. Being kind to herself and taking care of her physical and emotional needs.
c. Surrounding herself with God, His Word, and with people who support and encourage her.
The Scripture declares in 1 Peter 3:3-4 that “What matters is not your outer appearance—the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes, but your inner disposition. Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in.”
2. Intelligence.
Men are drawn to women who can hold their own in a conversation. This is one of the Qualities That Men Desire. They love a good debate, a witty remark, or a clever joke. So, don’t be afraid to show off your brainpower, ladies! A man wants a lady who he can talk to and engage in friendly banter and conversations.
Why do men leave a big and clearer television at home to go and watch a global match in a club in a less comfortable environment? It is because of those friendly conversations and banters! Ladies, develop yourself! Know one or two things about the club he loves. Learn to sustain conversations!
Men are attracted to women who are curious and interested in learning and who can hold intelligent conversations and share their own insights.
Proverbs 18:15 says “The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge, for the ears of the wise seek it out.”
To develop your intelligence as a lady, here are a few things you can do:
a. Read widely and often, exploring different topics and interests.
b. Engage in conversations with people from different backgrounds and industries.
c. Take classes or workshops to learn new skills and expand your knowledge.
d. Ask questions and seek to understand different perspectives.
3. Empathy.
Empathy is one of the Qualities That Men Desire in a Woman. Guys appreciate a woman who can understand their struggles, validate their emotions, and offer support. Be that safe haven for your partner, and watch your relationship flourish!
Men crave emotional connection and intimacy, just like women do. Men often feel like they’re not being heard or understood, especially when it comes to their emotions.
When a woman can understand and validate a man’s emotions, it breaks traditional gender roles and stereotypes, allowing for a more equal and balanced relationship. These are some reasons why men crave such a woman who can provide these.
This is why it is good to pray to God before making marital decisions. There are some ladies who lack these qualities and yet they are on their way to developing them. In other words, they didn’t have it yet, but they inherently have all it takes to be that kind of woman.
You see people change with time. A man has to be discerning. Conversely, there can be a woman who seems to possess these qualities, and yet it would be fleeting and temporary. When pressures come, she melts like a pot of stew!
Pray and pray very well to be led by God in making your decisions! Only God knows who will love you now and would still love you in another thirty or forty years!
