COUPLES – There are certain challenging situations that may arise in marriage. One of this is handling an affair. There are two sides to this situation; there is the part of the erring spouse and that of the other spouse.
In an affair or adultery, the bulk of the work lies on the spouse that had an affair, the responsibility is on him/her. The responsibility of the other spouse is just to be supportive and to forgive.
The erring spouse has the responsibility of being brutally truthful, sincere and repentant.
There are some scenarios that the spouse is under demonic influence and finds it difficult to be sincere or truthful. Prayers to God for healing by giving him/her a new and clean heart will be necessary; this is because to successfully handle an affair squarely requires sincerity and truthfulness.
Let’s see some practical steps in handling an affair.
1. Confrontation
The first step to handling an affair is confronting it. What you don’t confront, you can never change. The erring spouse should come to a place where he/she knows that having an affair is an attempt of the devil to steal, kill and destroy you.
You should call it a sin and not just a mistake; it is not confrontation when you still make excuses or when you explain.
2. Ask For Forgiveness
There is no forgiveness until there is a willingness to turn around from your sins. The erring spouse should acknowledge that he/she needs to be forgiven.
3. Seek Help And Support
That an affair has taken place shows that there are principles you don’t know, or there are principles you are taking for granted. You need to be educated and informed.
This is the time to search for books that talks about how to handle lust, how to handle affairs, how to set healthy boundaries, how to love and satisfy your spouse, etc.
What reading along this line does is that you get enlightened; when light comes, ignorance vanishes. It is also good to learn how you fell, because recognizing the pit-fall will help you avoid such next time.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I choose to honor my marriage vows.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Oh Lord, help me to Bea faithful spouse.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY I bless GOD every chance I get; my lungs expand with his praise. –Psalms 34:1 (MSG)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Follow the above steps of you are guilty.
BIBLE READING FOR THE DAY Job 5-6
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Marriage is the place where you will have to come to terms with the practicality of forgiveness. In other relationships, forgiveness is also essential but it may not be as that of marriage.
In marriage, you will have to forgive for the relationship to be healed. You and your spouse cannot avoid each other. You live together, have children together, for the sake of peace and progress, forgiveness is very necessary.
The standard of the Word of God is so high. That’s why it is a narrow road that leads to heaven.
The Bible does not mince words when we are told to love our enemies. Hmmm. I thought we should love our friends and well wishers and stay clear and avoid our enemies.
The bible tells us to love them, and bless those who curse us. That is pretty hard. A hard pill to swallow. I believe that is why we have to live in the spirit so we do not gratify the lust of the flesh.
We need Holy Ghost power. We cannot do it in our own natural strength.
But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; – Matthew 5:44 KJV
Our differences will most often act as threat to our marital union and our mandate as couples. It will pose a problem to our becoming one.
The natural man tends to be selfish and only one that is submitted to Christ and His word can love genuinely.
It is easier for women to hold on to hurts and have difficulty in forgiving. Women hurt deeply essentially because they are emotional being and because they analyse more.
Whichever way, let God be true and every man a liar. The standard of God’s word must be followed. A different gospel is not for men and another for women. We are to follow and obey the same word.
We should allow the Holy spirit to rightly discern the situation and analyse it for us.
God is not saying we should not be hurt, angry or need time to heal. We should do that and then get over it and move on.
That’s where power lies. That’s where victory begins. The Word says we should be angry but we are not permitted to sin.
We sin when we over analyse. There is a spirit way to analyse things that instead of being bitter, we become better.
When we allow bitterness, we open the door for other demons to enter our lives and afflict us. Disobedience opens the door for the enemy of our souls. We open the door for sicknesses, diseases, poverty, disfavor etc.
Joseph could have wasted his life being bitter. He could have lost years by being bitter. He could have lost opportunities. But he choose to enjoy where he was on his way to being better and to where God was taking him to.
Joseph saw his brothers who sold him into slavery and he analysed the situation well by the help of the Holy spirit.
He said what they meant for evil, God used it to preserve many lives. Can you allow that situation to become a tool in the hands of God?
I’m not saying it will be easy. That’s what taking up your cross daily and following God is about.
Couples, learn to give that situation to God. You are reviled, persecuted, unjustly treated, abused, afflicted, cheated etc. Surrender it to the Lord. Give it to Him.
Allow the Holy spirit to make you see what it really is. Until Joseph saw correctly, he could not forgive and forget.
Jesus was able to pass through the cross because he saw well. For the joy set before Him, He endured the cross.
He could say father forgive them,for they know not what they are doing.
God is able to turn things around and make your mess a message that will liberate thousands.
Don’t fight your spouse, forgive and move on. Learn what you are to learn. Don’t be afraid of being misjudged or treated unfairly. Jesus was wrongly and falsely accused. He shut His mouth and didn’t answer back. It was tough, but at the end, He was justified and glorified
Ask the Lord to help you see well and He will come to your aid.
God bless your marriage
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I have often heard that those we love hurt us deeper than anyone else, especially our spouse. I had felt it can’t be that bad.
This world is full of hurtful people. I think the hurt is deeper when in marriage you hurt yourselves and keep on hunting yourselves unless you make up your mind not to hurt.
Hurt is a decision it is not based on your feeling. You have to make a conscious effort and decision against hurt.
Some people have been hurt for most years of their life.
That is what the devil wants. He is busy having a nice time stealing joy, peace, life, compassion, unity, and love from families.
The point is, people, your spouse, and those you hold dear to you will not stop hurting you but you have to make up your mind you won’t allow the hurt to get at you.
Hurtful words are spoken like the cutting of the sword especially if your spouse is choleric. You cannot prevent people from misunderstanding you, people judging you falsely, lying about you, etc.
There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health. –Proverbs 12:18 KJV
From this scripture, you can pray for your spouse, pray that their tongues become the tongue of the wise that brings healing.
Hurt is like drinking poison and hoping your neighbour dies.
That’s not going to happen. Hurts make you bitter. You can be bitter all your life if care is not taken. You will just see that sixty years of your life are gone without achieving much because of hurt and bitterness.
Let’s receive grace from the Lord. Jesus was hated, misunderstood, lied against, misjudged, and criticized, yet none of this affected him.
He choose to be immune to hurt. He kept His vision before His eyes. He choose between being powerful or being pitiful. He couldn’t possibly have died for humanity if He hated humanity. If he didn’t forgive on time He couldn’t go to the cross.
Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and overall the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you. –Luke 10:19 (KJV)
Jesus knew we will be faced with hurt and he made provision for it. We have to walk in our authority over hurts.
No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is of me, saith the Lord. –Isaiah 54:17 (KJV)
You have to take charge of your emotions. Not even your feelings should be strong enough to stop you from fulfilling your purpose. You are only answerable to one; the one who died on the cross for you.
When you come face to face with Him on judgment day, you will have no excuse to offer. Jesus passed through the same and was victorious. He overcame and gave you the victory.
He gave the blood of Jesus, the Word, the shield of faith, communion, etc.
You have to take the shield of faith which is the Word of God. Anytime words are spoken to you that are hurtful, lies, remind yourself and confess out loud and use it against the wile of the enemy.
Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. -Ephesians 6:16 (KJV)
Remember, to protect yourself against hurt and every negative emotion. Protect yourself God’s way. There are negative ways of dealing with hurts. I will talk about that later.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY: I declare concerning my life and marriage, I have victory, the enemy has lost the battle over my life and mind. I refuse to stay in hurt and unforgiveness, Jesus is glorified.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY: Father in the name of Jesus every fiery dart of the evil one is destroyed in my life and marriage in Jesus name
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. -Ephesians 6:16 (KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY: Forgive and let go of every hurt today
BIBLE READING FOR THE DAY: Habakkuk
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Now that you have been forgiven your sin, there is one thing you should also strive for. As I earlier said, forgiveness is God’s act of Mercy, and this occurred during the death of Jesus on the cross of Calvary.
who once were not a people but are now the people of God, who had not obtained mercy but now have obtained mercy. – 1 Peter 2:10 [NKJV]
Since we have been shown mercy by the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, it is expected that we show others mercy as well.
Why is this important?
Let’s look at the words of Jesus Christ himself while he was on earth.
Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy. – Matt 5:7 [NKJV]
You have not been forgiven so that you can brag about it. You have been forgiven so that you can forgive others as well. You have received mercy so that you can show others mercy as well.
Regardless of what that person has done, god expects that we walk in love and forgive him/her.
Look at how the message bible puts it as I conclude this morning;
“You’re blessed when you care. At the moment of being ‘carefull,’ you find yourselves cared for. – Matt 5:7 [MSG]
Conclusively, the more forgiveness you show, the more forgiveness you receive.
May God help us to act as we have learnt in Jesus name, Amen.
PRAYER: Father in Jesus name, I just want to thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me a new life.
ACTION PLAN: Decide to live a life free of sin
DECLARATION: I am a child of God, he has forgiven me my sins when Jesus died on the cross and so I live a life free of sin. Amen
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Dear child, yesterday we began talking about how God forgave you. The gift of forgiveness of sins is one of God’s greatest gifts to humanity. It’s a gift because it’s not what we deserve, the bible says all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.
for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, -Romans 3:23 (NIV)
So you see, we all had fallen short, but God gifted us forgiveness of sin out of His mercy and redeemed us from a life of death.
Today I want to tell you about the significance of God’s forgiveness, and why it’s so important.
When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, – Colossians 2:13 (NIV)
God has made you and I alive instead of being dead in sin
You are now in the kingdom of light, never to return to darkness
Who hath delivered us from the power of darkness, and hath translated us into the kingdom of his dear Son: -Colossians 1:13 (KJV)
You can now be called a child of God
You are assured of God’s love for you
You no longer have to walk in fear.
How amazing is this, God has been gracious to us all.
“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. – John 3:16 (NIV)
PRAYER: Father in Jesus name, I just want to thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me a new life. Amen.
ACTION PLAN: Decide to live a life free of sin
DECLARATION: I am a child of God, he has forgiven me my sins when Jesus died on the cross and so I live a life free of sin. Amen
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