SINGLES – Dear Pastor, Can I Kiss My Fiancé or Fiancée?
If you are in courtship, be careful. Don’t let the devil trap you. The raging fire in your body will not be doused with kissing; it will only rekindle it until you want to explore more!
In the scripture, When Joab wanted to kill Amasa, he deceived him with a kiss!
And Joab said to Amasa, Art thou in health, my brother? And Joab took Amasa by the beard with the right hand to kiss him. But Amasa took no heed to the sword that was in Joab’s hand: so he smote him therewith in the fifth rib, and shed out his bowels to the ground, and struck him not again; and he died. So Joab and Abishai his brother pursued after Sheba the son of Bichri. – 2Sa 20:9-10 KJV
Yes, it will look harmless. It will sound logical. But it can destroy destinies.
Jesus Christ was betrayed with a kiss!
But Jesus said unto him, Judas, betrayest thou the Son of man with a kiss? – Luk 22:48 KJV
Isn’t something inappropriate with a lady who is leading the church in worship, but who the previous night had been in an intense kissing session with the brother who led opening prayer that same morning?
Live right, for God is not mocked!
There is nothing wrong with a light hug. There is nothing wrong with a light peck by the cheek if that was how you were raised up, but it is better to just stay away! But the problem is will you stop at that stage? Your body will crave more and if you lack self-control, you will yield to it. There are some brothers that can’t talk to a lady unless they touch her or place their hands on her shoulder. Must they tap current before they can talk?
That kissing, touching, and petting you do behind doors will get you into trouble sooner than you think if you don’t put your feet down now. Don’t dabble into those terrains because the song afterward is always, ‘we didn’t want to go all the way,’ but the mistake would have been made.
Resolve to do it right and you will enjoy the fullness of God’s blessings.
I pray God gives you more understanding and help you to stop every form of compromise!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY Lord, I receive wisdom to discern between positive and negative influences in my life and grace to avoid the negative.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY In Jesus’ name, I resist the power of negative influence over my life.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Rom 7:25 MSG The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Cut off your association with any person, place, or thing that is influencing you negatively.
If you have been in courtship for some time, the likelihood is that your lover/fiancé has at one point or the other probably told you, “You don’t respect me!”
You see, you need to understand that the way a man thinks and the way a woman thinks are so different and are miles apart. While the man is thinking, “She doesn’t respect me, the woman is thinking, He doesn’t love me!
One important thing you need to know about men is that they are logical and so tend to interpret most things from logic.
The logic is “I am the head of the house. The decision rests on me. The bucks stop at my table.”
A woman interprets things from a relationship point. Her thoughts are “If he really loves me, he wouldn’t do this or that, he would spend time with me and so on and so forth.
Now, if your fiancee ever looked you in the face and tell you, “You don’t love me,” you don’t need to argue at all. She is the one that is supposed to receive the love and she can’t feel it. Rather than get logical and rant about what you did last year and so on, be humble and try to understand what she is trying to say and what love means to her.
In the same way, if your fiancé tells you repeatedly that you don’t respect him, you don’t need to get hurt or moody over that and manipulate his emotions through silent treatment until he comes to apologize for saying what he feels. Rather than get hurt over that, simply try to enter his brain through loving communication to find out his concept of respect.
To one man, it could be as simple as genuflecting (bending the knee a little). He is simply “traditional” and he has seen his mum and siblings do that for his dad for thirty years. It has been tattooed into his brain and if he voices that out to you as what he wants, be smart enough to do it.
It wouldn’t reduce you, it will bring peace to your home and the surprising thing, after a while he wouldn’t demand that again because in his mindset would be the statement, “My fiancee respects me!”
To some other man, it is cooking a good meal. The important thing is to find out what your fiancé deems as respect and do it!
If you keep getting hurt over everything at your fiancé, after a while he would simply keep quiet and that would impact communication. You wouldn’t want to know the consequences of that.
Study your fiancé. Generally, men don’t talk until they are sure of what they want to do or the decision they want to take. Have you ever asked him about some pressing issues and he refuses to say a word? And you are hurt because he ignored you?
Let me tell you something, he didn’t ignore you. The reality is that he didn’t know what to say or what to do. The proper thing is to say, “Dear, give me some time to think about that.” But most times, when a man is confused, he will simply keep quiet and refuse to say a word. His ego would not allow him to own up and say something like, “Dear, on this issue, I am as confused as you!”
Here is the difference between a man and a woman
A man thinks his way into a decision
A woman talks her way into a decision.
So, there is always tension and difficulty in communication when a woman wants to talk her way into a decision that a man has not thought about!
Learn about him and there would be fewer conflicts. This is why a lot of marriages crack and most courtships dissolve.
In the same vein, study your fiancee and simply do what she wants as long as there is no scriptural contradiction. Find out the love language of your lover and speak it. Spend time with her and give her attention! And have peace of mind!
May God grant more understanding.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I understand my partner properly.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray for wisdom to understand your lover.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Eph 1:18 (KJV)The eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that ye may know what is the hope of his calling, and what the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints,
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Start speaking the language of your lover
There is nothing wrong with loving your wife or wife-to-be. There is nothing wrong with thinking about her. In fact, the scripture advises you to do that. Before you say hurray, however, there is a way you love your fiancée and there is a way you love your wife.
Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love (Proverbs 5:18-19 KJV)
This is talking to married people and not singles in courtship. It didn’t say, rejoice with the fiancée of thy youth or with your wife to be…
So verse 19 clearly establishes that God does not want you fondling and caressing each other. That is always the beginning of compromise.
When two people who are genuinely in love start petting each other, they will always do more and more each time they meet until they find themselves entangled in the web of compromise. It is called the law of progression and it happens all the time.
I know how your body feels when you are in love. I was once in love back then on the campus in the early nineties, and oh my God! Your body is mostly on fire!
You can continue to spiritualize it and deceive yourself that nothing can happen until you find yourself messing up. Or you can tell your fiancée, please, you have got to help me. I am in love with you and this is how my body feels. We must not compromise. Always caution me, if I am being inappropriate! And sometimes, it is the lady that needs to say that to the guy!
You see, when you do that, you are consciously protecting your destiny and preserving your relationship with God, which is what will make your relationship work out and lead to marriage!
How do you love a lady appropriately?
1. You are the protector of her body and her virtue A good man will say from the very first day, “I love you dearly and because of that, I have a strong physical desire each time I see you, but we will not compromise. We will obey God’s principles in order that our courtship is protected. We will put our bodies under.
I will not allow my body to take charge and give me direction, I will allow my spirit to gain ascendancy and I will not lose my testimony. You make up your mind to wait and not compromise. That way, trust will be established and your intending marriage will be founded on a good foundation.
2. Never lift your hands against her I have heard cases of singles in courtship that have been beaten severely by their fiancé. I have also had a few cases of ladies who slap the guys.
Well, you shouldn’t cope with any form of physical abuse on any level in your courtship. Don’t suffer silently thinking it will get better after marriage.
Deliver yourself like a bird and fly! If he is used to donating a few slaps here and there for you, and you still cling to him in sexual lust, something is seriously wrong. It is either he controls you with his money or there is a soul tie effected through pre-marital sex.
Whichever way, you need to deliver yourself quickly! Don’t go through all of life been treated like a doormat. You have a destiny to fulfill and don’t allow anybody to play the role of “God” in your life.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am not being inappropriate. I know how to love my fiancee
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God will give you the grace to always put your body under
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY For the ways of man are before the eyes of the Lord, and he pondereth all his goings. (Proverbs 5:21 KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Decide how you want to love your fiancee