SINGLES – Dear Pastor, Can I Kiss My Fiancé or Fiancée?
If you are in courtship, be careful. Don’t let the devil trap you. The raging fire in your body will not be doused with kissing; it will only rekindle it until you want to explore more!
In the scripture, When Joab wanted to kill Amasa, he deceived him with a kiss!
And Joab said to Amasa, Art thou in health, my brother? And Joab took Amasa by the beard with the right hand to kiss him. But Amasa took no heed to the sword that was in Joab’s hand: so he smote him therewith in the fifth rib, and shed out his bowels to the ground, and struck him not again; and he died. So Joab and Abishai his brother pursued after Sheba the son of Bichri. – 2Sa 20:9-10 KJV
Yes, it will look harmless. It will sound logical. But it can destroy destinies.
Jesus Christ was betrayed with a kiss!
But Jesus said unto him, Judas, betrayest thou the Son of man with a kiss? – Luk 22:48 KJV
Isn’t something inappropriate with a lady who is leading the church in worship, but who the previous night had been in an intense kissing session with the brother who led opening prayer that same morning?
Live right, for God is not mocked!
There is nothing wrong with a light hug. There is nothing wrong with a light peck by the cheek if that was how you were raised up, but it is better to just stay away! But the problem is will you stop at that stage? Your body will crave more and if you lack self-control, you will yield to it. There are some brothers that can’t talk to a lady unless they touch her or place their hands on her shoulder. Must they tap current before they can talk?
That kissing, touching, and petting you do behind doors will get you into trouble sooner than you think if you don’t put your feet down now. Don’t dabble into those terrains because the song afterward is always, ‘we didn’t want to go all the way,’ but the mistake would have been made.
Resolve to do it right and you will enjoy the fullness of God’s blessings.
I pray God gives you more understanding and help you to stop every form of compromise!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY Lord, I receive wisdom to discern between positive and negative influences in my life and grace to avoid the negative.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY In Jesus’ name, I resist the power of negative influence over my life.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Rom 7:25 MSG The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Cut off your association with any person, place, or thing that is influencing you negatively.
Yesterday, we started looking at some pressures singles face, especially in the areas of relationships and marriage.
Let’s continue…
f. Self-imposed Deadlines
Deadlines are good and advisable, especially in goals achievement; however, they could be a source of pressure, especially in relationships.
You need to be patient and understand that God is involved in it too. He is even more interested than you are in your relationship, and He wants you to marry the right person, at the right time. Things become beautiful in His own time, not your own time.
Do not unnecessarily be in a hurry. The decision of a life-long relationship is worth giving all the time you can reasonably afford. Don’t rush into marriage. Courtship is necessary! Get to know him or her!
g. Emergencies
Do not get pressurized into a relationship because of emergencies. He just won a visa lottery, or got transferred to a distant location, or got a political or ministerial appointment, so he decided to make haste and get married for reasons that could range from ensuring he wouldn’t lose her due to distance or some other reasons.
If you are not very sure of him/her as your right life partner, do not make a marital commitment. Don’t yield to pressures when things become so fast you cannot think again.
Be wary of getting married to somebody you met last week online and then you are planning to resign your job and travel somewhere!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am filled with God’s wisdom to rule my house.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, strengthen me in Jesus name.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Eph 5:23 MSG The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing.
1. Be ready to massage his ego Every man has an ego. It is part of him and that is what makes him a man. He needs that ego to survive and to be the best he can be. While I don’t subscribe to men who are overly egocentric and who manipulate their fiancées or wives as a result, I know that as a lady you should be ready to stroke that ego and not crush it. If you keep on crushing a man’s ego, you will keep seeing the other side of him that is not really nice! How do you crush a man’s ego?
Let me give you a sample. You and your husband are dining alongside another couple. The other lady goes like, ‘one thing I like about my husband is that he is so patient with me, always available to even help me out in the kitchen most times” And then, you go like, “You are so lucky! My own husband? He is so lazy and behaves like an impatient drone. Rather than for him to help me out in the kitchen, he prefers to sit down playing cards with little kids like a deranged man. I wish he is like your husband…you are so lucky o.”
This looks like an extreme example, but anything like this, you have just finished the man, and he would look for ways to finish you as well because you just crushed his ego publicly! A man’s ego is so important to him that even if you try crushing it in privacy when you are alone, he will react immediately, not to talk of openly. It is not the way to go.
2. Be ready to respect him Respect is a major issue for men. So major that they are not ready to compromise in that area. So make up your mind to respect and be submissive to your husband if you really want to enjoy your marriage. Interestingly, the more submissive you are, the more he will listen to you eventually, and the more you will be able to influence him.
If you are a lady, and your song is ‘he never listens to me,’ I can tell you what is happening. Somewhere in his mind, he believes you are disrespectful.’ So any attempt to make contributions he flares up! Do you know why? He sees your contributions as trying to usurp his authority and he shuts you down or ignores you. When you find yourself in this kind of situation, rather than fight back or withdraw in frustration, try making adjustments in how you respect him, even in your choice of words and tone of voice, it all matters.
But Pastor, he doesn’t love me, why should I respect him? The instruction in Ephesians 5 is not a 50-50 contract. It’s 100% instruction. You are not to respect him because he loves you. You are to submit to him because he is your husband. The same goes for men, you don’t love your wife because she respects you, you are to love her because she is your wife. When couples start seeing it this way, they will be amazed at the changes that will take place in their marriage!
Now, listen to this, if you are so independent and you are not ready to respect and submit to your husband, you are not ready for marriage! It doesn’t matter whether you earn more than him or whether you are more traveled, he remains the head of the house. There cannot be two heads in the house, any two-headed creature is a monster. This is how God instituted it, and that is how it is going to work. But sincerely, in an atmosphere of love, the wife does not need to be shouted upon, ‘I am the head of the house!’ Like somebody said, the moment you have to keep screaming that, you have just lost the headship!
For singles in courtship, here is what you need to know. Never ever try disobeying God in any way because you want to respect your fiancé. For example, he asks you to come over and spend the weekend with him while you are not yet married. You have every right to disagree on that because you and I know what that would lead to. In fact, you need to review any kind of relationship where the guy is putting pressure on you for pre-marital sex. So, in your
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have the wisdom of God. I know how to make my relationship work
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Ask that God will help you to know what to do per time.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Proverbs 4:7(KJV) Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.
1. He will truly support your dreams and vision. Not a few women have had their dreams and vision suffocated and swallowed up because of unnecessary intimidation.
A man that truly loves you will truly support your dreams, vision and aspirations knowing fully well that you are one. What is the point of a lady serving God with so much zest and energy on her youthful and campus days and after marriage only to be permanently domiciled to kitchen and baby nursing affairs only? Yes, I know you have to take care of your family and you should but that doesn’t mean you should come to a place where you are not even lifting a finger in your local assembly. I also know that this situation could arise as a result of your own inability to properly transition from a single lady to a married woman and might not have anything to do with your husband.
If you find yourself in this situation, what to do is not go and put up a fight with your husband, but to lovingly discuss with him how you can strike a balance and be useful to God, even as a wife and a mother. I know there are also situations where you might have to blend with your husband, so I am not saying here that you should have a completely independent spirit wherein rather than be a helper to your husband, you eventually become a distraction.
2. He will truly be a lover boy to you only A godly man that truly loves you will be a great lover of you only. He is not going back and forth and getting involved with other ladies. He is focused on you. Being godly does not mean being unromantic.
A godly man that truly loves you does not come around to tell you that he has so many girlfriends but you are his first choice, as if he is filling a university admission form. He will not play games with you. He will not toy with your emotions and he will not manipulate you with logic. He knows how to take care of you and how to bring out the best in you. Ladies, do not stay with a man who sleeps around and even tells you to your face, that he would stop after marriage. Don’t subject yourself to that kind of affliction, even if he gives you a million bucks every month! You are not for sale!
In marriage, he will focus on you and will not be distracted. His love for you will keep him zipped up even in the face of pressure.
3. He will truly protect you. A man is supposed to be a protector of the lady. In courtship, he doesn’t want you to compromise your virtue, nay, he wants you to please God, so he is willing to wait. In marriage, his love for you will be evident in how he provides, pampers you, and prays for you. He wants the best for you. When there are issues, he tries to treat you gently, because he knows you are his wife.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not fall in love with the wrong person.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God leads you to your rightful partner
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Ask questions about your relationship and take decisions.
Yesterday, we saw the dangers of letting your emotions lead you.
What other reasons are there to show you cannot fall in love anyhow?
2. You need to protect your heart The second reason why you cannot just fall in love anyhow or with just anybody is because of your heart. You have a responsibility to protect your heart. Your heart is a like a garden. Your heart is like a vineyard of precious fruits. It should be a secured place with the word of God mounting guard over it!
Philippians 4:7 (AMP) – And God’s peace [shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace] which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
There is a peace that comes from following God’s word that becomes a guard to your heart.
There are generally two kinds of people trying to access your heart, which is like a garden. There are gardeners who will take care of you and there are scavengers who want to take care of themselves at your expense. It is an error to fall in love carelessly with a scavenger. A gardener wants to nurture you. A scavenger wants to puncture your heart. A gardener will pray for you. A scavenger will prey on you. It is your responsibility, with the help of the Holy Spirit, to protect your heart.
If you are already in courtship, make up your mind to protect each other. When both of you are selfless and consider the other first, you will release an unprecedented dimension of favour over your relationship. Avoid strife like a plague because it is a tool in the hands of the devil to wreak havoc. Forgive each other quickly; be committed to peace. Don’t allow hurt and bitterness to chart a course for your intended family. There is no way you won’t hurt each other sometimes but practice advance forgiveness. You need to go to your partner now and apologize even if you feel he or she is in the wrong.
It is not about winning an argument, it is about not losing your partner, so bury your ego and be matured. Let peace reign. As you obey this specific instruction of reconciling with your potential spouse, watch out for a fresh deluge of His blessings especially in your finances.
I pray for you today, may you be blessed! The heavens open over you in Jesus name! God will honour you and fill your mouth with laughter.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not fall in love helplessly
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God teaches you how to fall in love
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Proverbs 18:22 (NKJV) He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord.
