Two Ways Couples Hurt Each Other. I want to start today’s devotional by quoting verses from the Bible. If you are a believer, then you will recognize the Bible as the highest authority on earth and heaven. We live by its instructions and heed its advice.
1. Your Words
As couples, we need to place close attention to our choice of words, speech, and tone. Couples should not just say anything they feel like saying without considering its effect on their spouses. God the covenant witness between the two of you is watching.
Lovers of God think before they speak, but the careless blurt out wicked words meant to cause harm. Proverbs 15:28 TPT
Reckless words are like the thrusts of a sword, cutting remarks meant to stab and to hurt. But the words of the wise soothe and heal. Proverbs 12:18 TPT
Your words are so powerful that they will kill or give life, and the talkative person will reap the consequences. Proverbs 18:21 TPT
You must stop speaking evil, hurtful words and never deceive in what they say. Always turn from what is wrong and cultivate what is good; eagerly pursue peace in every relationship, making it your prize. 1 Peter 3:11 TPT
The Bible tells us to stop speaking evil and hurtful words. You can stop it. Even if you are a hot, inconsiderate temperament. You have a new life in Christ.
We are to pursue peace in every relationship especially that with our spouse.
If your speech causes a bridge in the marital covenant, then you are allowing the devil to use your speech to accomplish his purpose which is to steal, kill and destroy. May that not be your portion in Jesus’ name.
Let your words rather soothe and heal your spouse.
Not thinking before you speak or weighing your words or reckless words do more harm than good.
Two Ways Couples Hurt Each Other.
2. Your Actions
Usually, the hurtful words are as a result of hurtful actions. The hurtful words emanate from a completely frustrated spouse. Your spouse is distracted, causing you harm, your BP goes up and you can literally see yourself dying. In your desperation, you blurt out words in other to get the attention of your spouse who seems oblivious to your actions! Hurtful words will do harm. Hurtful actions will do harm as well!
Infidelity issues, emotional adultery, lack of communication, insincerity or lying, drinking, smoking and many more are some of the hurtful actions that couples can get into.
I think once your spouse says this habit is killing me, raising my BP, and so on, if you truly love that man or woman, then you will work on your weaknesses and not feed them! It is one thing to be tempted by the devil, it is another thing for you to be tempting the devil. Don’t pursue your lusts! Don’t set yourself up! Don’t follow lustful desires like you are uncontrollable! Ask God to create a new heart in you!
Psa 51:10 (KJV) Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
Marriage is work!
Back to hurtful actions and words, the simple way to deal with this is to be friends, focus on each other, respect your issues and please yourselves after pleasing God. Communicate well, be open and be sincere. You will see that those issues will be resolved. Alternatively, seek a mentor and talk! Some couples actually need a therapist!
Most people who lie impulsively, live in denial and have depression waves one after the other may be dealing with bipolar issues and some other mental issues which will require an expert in that field.
Your marriage will thrive. These are Two Ways Couples Hurt Each Other.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage will work. I will stop killing my marriage and spouse with my words. I am not Satan’s agent doing his bidding in my marriage
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Father give me your wisdom and strenght to always yield my tongue to the Holy Spirit in Jesus name
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Reckless words are like the thrusts of a sword, cutting remarks meant to stab and to hurt. But the words of the wise soothe and heal. Proverbs 12:18 TPT
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY I will stop using hurtful words like swords on my spouse but I will use my words to build him/her up
BIBLE READING FOR THE DAY Pro 12
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Every Husband Must Hear This! I feel like the Samaritan woman this morning, who excitedly went into the town and told all the men about Jesus.
The woman then left her waterpot, and went her way into the city, and saith to the men, Come, see a man, which told me all things that ever I did: is not this the Christ? John 4:28 – 29 KJV
I believe men really need to hear by revelation and have an encounter with Jesus. It makes all the difference. Men (of course our husbands) are the ones God gave the command, to love their wives like Christ loved the church.
I guess it just makes a lot of sense that they need an encounter with the man Jesus so that they can learn to be like Him.
What really makes Jesus who He is? What did Jesus represent and what did He come to the world to show us? I believe He came to show us the God kind of faith. To show us how to live the faith life. He lived here on earth as a man to show us how men (by extension, women also) ought to live.
If we are going to love our wives like Christ loved the church, it’s going to be by faith. Jesus wants every Husband to be men of faith. Every Husband Must Hear This
Talking about faith, our example of faith who walked by faith is our father, Abraham. His journey of faith started with God calling him to leave his kindred and father’s house.
I love the Amp translation NOW [in Haran] the Lord said to Abram, Go for yourself [for your own advantage] away from your country, from your relatives and your father’s house, to the land that I will show you. [Heb. 11:8-10.] And I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you [with abundant increase of favors] and make your name famous and distinguished, and you will be a blessing [dispensing good to others].Genesis 12:1 – 2 AMPC
This is the similar instruction God gave to Adam as a key to having a successful marriage.
Therefore a man shall ‘leave’ his father and his mother and shall become united and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:24 AMPC
Every Husband is called to a life of faith. It takes faith to leave the familiar and go on a journey trusting in God.
You cannot love a woman if you are a natural man. Challenges of life will come. What will you overcome them with? The bible says faith is our victory. Faith is what gives us victory 100% of the time.
In leaving your father’s house or kindred, God actually wants us to ‘leave’ the ideals, methods, and ways of this natural world. He wants us to live by another standard. Which is the standard of faith. This is done by renewing our minds.
Husbands you have to be men of faith. Every Husband Must Hear This
Romans 12:2 AMPC Do not be conformed to this world (this age), [fashioned after and adapted to its external, superficial customs], but be transformed (changed) by the [entire] renewal of your mind [by its new ideals and its new attitude], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God, even the thing which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His sight for you].
You love your wife by being ‘a saviour’ to her. You enforce what is written over your marriage.
I remember just before our wedding, I was ill suddenly and was taken to the hospital. I actually passed out. It was the prayer of faith of my fiance, now my husband that revived me.
Life will be full of crises and challenges. Husbands, the greatest gift you can give your wife and family is to be a man of faith.
Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word. Be a man of the word.
Read the word, study it, meditate on it, confess it and begin to live by faith.
“Look at the proud one, His soul is not right within him, But the righteous will live by his faith [in the true God]. Habakkuk 2:4 AMP
God bless our marriage
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am a man (woman) of faith. I develop my faith and I experience victory over life’s challenges
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY I receive grace to begin to walk by faith in Jesus’ name
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Look at the proud one, His soul is not right within him, But the righteous will live by his faith [in the true God]. Hab 2:4
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Begin to live by your own faith
BIBLE READING FOR THE DAY Heb 11
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The ultimate goal of your marriage is that you and your spouse become best of friends, an intimate relationship or better still a covenant relationship. This Is what marriage is meant to be. We have to find a common ground of friendship where we truly love and like ourselves. That’s why we always advise you marry your friend.
Some of us were not really friends before they got married while some others lost their friendship along the way in marriage. Life happened to them and the very basis for their friendship was eroded. Others could not manage their differences, and as such lost their friendship. Yet others allowed third parties come between them.
Our friendship as couples is meant to last till death do us part.
Pro 18:24 (MSG) Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family.
Pro 18:24 TPT) Some friendships don’t last for long, but there is one loving friend who is joined to your heart closer than any other!
We are supposed to stick together for life.
Here are some tips that will help you build friendship with your spouses and become best friends. We must show ourselves friendly if we must have our spouse as our friend. {Pro18:24)
How To Best Be Friends with Your Spouse
Spend a lot of time together and learn how to start and sustain conversations. Friendship is spelt time together doing activities together and communicating. Stay as much as possible and keep in touch through text, calls, chats etc. and also enjoy each other’s company.
Forgive easily, quickly and completely
Pro 17:9 CEV You will keep your friends if you forgive them, but you will lose your friends if you keep talking about what they did wrong.
Do activities you both enjoy together. Do what you both enjoy doing. Eat out, walk together, watch movies, go sight seeing.
Be each other’s cheer leader. Let your spouse always feel like a million bucks. Don’t pull your spouse down.
Be vulnerable with each other. Encourage open conversations.
Accept each other’s flaws. Roses have thorns, if you focus on the thorn you will not enjoy and appreciate the fragrance of the rose.
Don’t focus on each other’s weaknesses. Stop drawing attention always to your spouse’s weaknesses. Give them time to grow and trust God to work on them.
Encourage each other during tough times. Be the support system for them, always be there for them.
Don’t be a boss or be domineering. Respect each other’s feelings, boundaries and personality differences
Be honest. Give your sincere opinion or correction in love
This is How To Best Be Friends with Your Spouse. God bless our marriages.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am my spouse best friend, no one and nothing can come between us
PRAYER FOR THE DAY
I let go of every offense that has cause our friendship to be turned in hatred in Jesus name
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Pro 18:24 KJV A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Be your spouse friend
BIBLE READING FOR THE DAY Proverbs 18
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Today, I want to encourage us to keep on asking, keep on seeking and keep on knocking.
Don’t give up on your spouse, don’t give up on your children.
The Bible says,
‘Ask and keep on asking and it shall be given you; seek and keep on seeking and you shall find, knock and keep on knocking and the door shall be opened to you’. – Matt 7:9
Keep on asking, seeking and knocking on a continual basis, day in, day out, 365 days a year, so that we may keep receiving what we need.
How long do we stay awake all night wrestling with our issues and losing our sleep? Instead of simply casting our cares upon Him by asking Him and trusting Him.
Maybe your spouse has a weakness and you have talked to him/her about it for a long time and he doesn’t seem to listen.
Maybe your spouse even agrees to change but find it difficult to change. Your children are wayward and they seem impossible.
You are having a difficult time maintaining a close, godly relationship with them. Just don’t give up or maintain the status quo.
You must know how to stay with what you want. Jesus already promised in His word that
…how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him”. – Luke 11:13
God wants us to trust Him with our request. He wants to see how much we trust Him and how much we can stay on what we want without shifting grounds.
You have to keep asking till your marriage becomes what you want it to be. You have to keep on knocking until your children become what they should be.
Never give up on God and this goes for everything. Never give up until you are rich, until you have your children, until you get that job.
God is committed until it is completed.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not give up on my dreams.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord make right everything wrong in my marriage
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Psa 128:2 (KJV) For thou shalt eat the labour of thine hands: happy shalt thou be, and it shall be well with thee.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Pray for your spouse
BIBLE READING FOR THE DAY 1 Samuel 13-14
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Today, we will be looking at a house that is not united; the causes and consequences and the possible solutions.
God created homes to be united and to be the greatest source of togetherness and unity so that from our homes, unity can spread to the nation, our workplace, and to other relationships we have.
The devil is scared of families. He is scared of the unity in the family. He cannot imagine the havoc that will be done to his kingdom if families are united. He became proactive, and so all his attack is on the family. He wants to prevent unity in our homes and families as much as possible.
Let’s look at the scriptures
But he, knowing their thoughts, said unto them, Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation; and a house divided against a house falleth.- Luk 11:17
The Amplified version puts it in a better way
But He, [well] aware of their intent and purpose, said to them, Every kingdom split up against itself is doomed and brought to desolation, and so house falls upon house. [The disunited household will collapse.] – Luk11:17
It says a disunited household will collapse. May that not be our portion in Jesus name!
We should try to prevent disunity in our homes. Husbands and wives need to be on the same page. And one major thing that can cause disunity or a breach in the spirit is not being truthful.
Insincerity will break the unity. In the spirit realm, it is like a breach. Quarrels, strife, and suspicion, are all causes of disunity.
Wives not being submissive to their husbands threatens the unity in the home. One degree away from the truth is falsehood. There is no little lie or white lie. A lie is a lie
May God bless us.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am not disobedient to God. I am quick to hear and obey.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, teach me your ways that I may do it your way
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Psa 133:1 (KJV) Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Study the word unity
BIBLE READING FOR THE DAY 1 Samuel 4-8
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