Levels of Communication in Marriage – Part 4

Levels of Communication in Marriage – Part 4

Reading Time: 2 minutes

COUPLES –

Continued from yesterday

This type of conversation is not just limited to a ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ answer. The wife’s or husband’s opinion is needed and necessary.

For example,
‘Are the children eating rice this afternoon?’ ‘I don’t think it will be the best option for them. They need more vegetables in their diet’.

It is important to note that, the question, what do you think about….is so important in husband-wife conversations.

Your husband or wife’s opinion matters and don’t want them feeling like they are not smart. If the wife is just accepting every decision made and is not really a part of the decision-making process and involved in the intellectual aspect of thinking through, there will eventually be problems later on in the marriage.

4. Emotional Talk.

‘Let me tell you how I feel’.

In this fourth level of Communication, we share our feelings. When our feelings are shared, we share ourselves because we are what and how we feel.

We are simply making ourselves vulnerable. When we share with our mate how we feel, the intention is not whether we are right or wrong. We mostly don’t want to be judged because of how we feel. We just need our spouse to listen, understand and accept that that’s the way we feel.

We kill intimacy when we are quick to judge the feeling. I am not saying we should not correct but first acknowledge your spouse’s feelings.

It is more difficult for most people to share their feelings than their thoughts. These are two very different things

‘I feel that guy is a thief’.

‘I feel the car will break down’

‘I am thinking the issue with the woman is not natural’.

When you share your feelings, you are expressive. When you don’t share your deepest feelings, a path of you is left hidden or covered.

When you share your feelings, you are vulnerable, open, unashamed, no inhibitions.

Couples should aim at growing together into this fourth level of communication, to enjoy a higher level of intimacy.

In our concluding part, I will be talking about how your marriage can move up on the level of Communication and you both can become intimate couples. The goal in every marriage should be to know each other and be as intimate with your spouse as much as possible.

CONFESSION FOR THE DAY
My marriage will be a blessing to many

PRAYER FOR THE DAY
Oh Lord, teach me how to communicate effectively

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not. –Jeremiah 33:3 (KJV)

ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY
Pray in the Spirit

BIBLE READING FOR THE DAY
Psalm 30-32


Show us Some Love! OR Direct Deposit – GTB, Kisses and Huggs Club, 0150088032

Devotional In Video


Daily Prayers


Revive Conversations

SUBSCRIBE TO THE DEVOTIONAL BY E-MAIL




Join Kisses and Huggs Club Community


Extraordinary Services at Shouts of Grace Nation!

Do you live in the city of Ibadan and you don’t have a place of worship yet?

It will be a great honour to have you in our Services.
Location: Joke Plaza, Beside Trans Amusement Park, Bodija – UI Road, Ibadan


Latest on Vents, Secrets, Issues, and Questions


Levels of Communication in Marriage – Part 3

Levels of Communication in Marriage – Part 3

Reading Time: 2 minutes

Continued from yesterday…

COUPLES –

So we learned how important communication is in marriage. Not just anyhow communication but husbands and wives should dedicate time and attention to proper and effective ways to communicate with each other.

It can’t be over-emphasized, that Intimacy in marriage can only be brought as we grow from one level of Communication to the other levels.

There are five levels of Communication. I started with the first level yesterday, which is Hallway talker. Today, I am continuing:

2. Reporter’s Talk

This level is a step further than the first. Here, the conversation moves from general talks to talking or giving facts or information about events. It is a reported kind of talk.

Here more information is given, but still, this kind of conversation does not promote intimacy. In level two communication, we do not express our opinions, thoughts, or how we feel about the subject matter.

If you are at this level two communication, your aim should be to move up and climb the steps of effective communication so that intimacy could be engendered.

Remember, level two communication is summarized; Just give me the facts.

3.  Intellectual Talk

In this conversation level, your spouse is given the freedom to think differently. This is an amazing gift to give each other in marriage.

It is recognizing the fact that each one of you is a unique individual with a different perspective, viewpoint, and way of reasoning.

Marriage is trying to bring our way of thinking into alignment without suffocating the uniqueness of each other’s thinking. Two becoming one is choosing the best of our different thinking patterns and or merging our different opinions till we arrive at the best alternative.

When we recognize our weaknesses and strength and know that each one of us has a role and part to play and that neither of us is superior to another. We will honor each other and give each other the opportunity to air their opinions.

To be continued…

CONFESSION FOR THE DAY
My marriage will be a blessing to many

PRAYER FOR THE DAY
Oh Lord, teach me how to communicate effectively

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not. –Jeremiah 33:3 (KJV)

ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY
Pray in the Spirit

BIBLE READING FOR THE DAY
Leviticus 20


Show us Some Love! OR Direct Deposit – GTB, Kisses and Huggs Club, 0150088032

Devotional In Video


Daily Prayers


Revive Conversations

SUBSCRIBE TO THE DEVOTIONAL BY E-MAIL




Join Kisses and Huggs Club Community


Extraordinary Services at Shouts of Grace Nation!

Do you live in the city of Ibadan and you don’t have a place of worship yet?

It will be a great honour to have you in our Services.
Location: Joke Plaza, Beside Trans Amusement Park, Bodija – UI Road, Ibadan


Latest on Vents, Secrets, Issues, and Questions


Levels of Communication in Marriage – Part 2

Levels of Communication in Marriage – Part 2

Reading Time: 2 minutes

Continued from yesterday

There are five levels of Communication. A further read is encouraged on the subject of communication especially by the best selling author Gary Chapman.
I am sure you will find it rewarding and worth your while.

1. The Hallway talker

In this type of conversation no intimacy is developed or worked at. This conversation doesn’t involve wanting to know the feeling or thought process or pattern of the other person.
The conversation is on autodrive.

You have a particular way of response to what is said or asked. Example,

‘How are you doing?’.

‘Fine’.

‘How are the kids?’

They have gone to school.’

The essence of communicating with each other is develop intimacy. No deep communication, no intimacy. And intimacy is the essence of marriage.

Why am I married if I can’t enjoy love, acceptance, understanding, oneness, sincerity and transparency?

Every married couple, should aim at climbing the steps of communication to further develop the intimacy between them.

You can’t be involved in monosyllable answers and expect intimacy to be developed.

If couples are not careful or well discerning, twenty years of their marred life will pass so quickly and they will discover they have not improved on their communication and that they are still in the ‘hall way’ method of communicating.

They were distracted by work, a busy schedule, distracted with the children and yet each spouse were just coping and not really pleased with each other.

The children are grown and they are now left with each other to deal with the hurts piled up for so many years and not talked about.

May God in His mercy send help to us out of Zion in Jesus name.

CONFESSION FOR THE DAY
I have the wisdom of God

PRAYER FOR THE DAY
Oh Lord, help me to communicate well with my spouse

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Jer 33:3 (KJV)Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.

ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY
Pray in the Spirit

BIBLE READING FOR THE DAY
Leviticus 19-21


Show us Some Love! OR Direct Deposit – GTB, Kisses and Huggs Club, 0150088032

Devotional In Video


Daily Prayers


Revive Conversations

SUBSCRIBE TO THE DEVOTIONAL BY E-MAIL




Join Kisses and Huggs Club Community


Extraordinary Services at Shouts of Grace Nation!

Do you live in the city of Ibadan and you don’t have a place of worship yet?

It will be a great honour to have you in our Services.
Location: Joke Plaza, Beside Trans Amusement Park, Bodija – UI Road, Ibadan


Latest on Vents, Secrets, Issues, and Questions


How To Detect A Problem in Your Relationship

How To Detect A Problem in Your Relationship

Reading Time: 2 minutes

SINGLES – How To Detect A Problem in Your Relationship

When you hear statements like these, then be rest assured the relationship is defective and there is a problem.

1. I don’t know how to communicate, that is how I am

How do you know a man or woman who is not right for you? You will find out in his or her words.

His words will reveal his heart. His words are like a searchlight, highlighting the intents and the intentions of the hearts.

Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.

There is nobody who doesn’t know how to communicate. People only choose whether they want to do so or not. There is something about somebody you love genuinely. The vocal chords will resonate!

The voice of my beloved! behold, he cometh leaping upon the mountains, skipping upon the hills. – Son 2:8 (KJV)

You are at an interview. You are about to be hired and they have one last question for you. “Tell us about yourself.”

Will you say you don’t know how to communicate? You will suddenly have inspiration.

When you stay incommunicado with a supposed lover for weeks, something is not quite right.

2. I serve God my own way, I am not like a fanatic

When a person says things like that, it shows deeper resentments for God and His ways. 

His definition of serving God is his own invention. It is as defined by him and at his convenience. This type of heart that is not ready to sacrifice cannot go far in God.

To follow after God, you must be prepared to carry your own cross.

Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. Mat 16:24 (KJV)

To be continued.

CONFESSION FOR THE DAY
I have the wisdom of God to solve the problem

PRAYER FOR THE DAY
Lord, show me what may not be obvious

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Jer 33:3 (KJV) Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.

ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY
Pray in the Spirit

BIBLE READING FOR THE DAY 
Leviticus 16 – 18


Show us Some Love! OR Direct Deposit – GTB, Kisses and Huggs Club, 0150088032

Devotional In Video


Daily Prayers


Revive Conversations

SUBSCRIBE TO THE DEVOTIONAL BY E-MAIL




Join Kisses and Huggs Club Community


Extraordinary Services at Shouts of Grace Nation!

Do you live in the city of Ibadan and you don’t have a place of worship yet?

It will be a great honour to have you in our Services.
Location: Joke Plaza, Beside Trans Amusement Park, Bodija – UI Road, Ibadan


Latest on Vents, Secrets, Issues, and Questions


Levels of Communication In Marriage

Levels of Communication In Marriage

Reading Time: 2 minutes

COUPLES –

Communication is simply talking, but of cause, there are more things involved than just talking. A healthy conversation involves not just what is said but what is heard.

In essence, communication is a two way conversation which involves speaking and hearing. The two spouses must form the conscious habit of allowing the other spouse express himself or herself. While he/ she speaks, the other partner should be actively listening.

Not listening for pleasure, not listening for information but should practise empathic listening. This is putting yourself in the conversation. Trying to understand and feel the impulse of the speaker.

It is unhealthy to to dominate a conversation without waiting at intervals to get feedback. To check whether your hearer is hearing the right thing, to know how he/she is processing the information. The aim of your conversation especially on marriage is for your partner to understand what you are saying , understand and then obey you.

Listening should not also be done with the intention of giving a reply that will defend your status or what you represent in the marriage covenant.

I think we cannot also have a good conversation with our spouse if our interpretation of what marriage is, is defective. Until we see our marriage from the view point of it being a covenant relationship, every other thing becomes loop sided.

What we see most couples practising is contract and not covenant marriage.

This is so important. It is a contract (which could be unwritten and informal), when the marriage is based on mutual benefit. That is, we are both doing something for each other.

For example, I will be nice to you, if you bring in enough money. Or, if you help out in the house, I will prepare the meals.

The opposite obtains if your spouse doesn’t do what is expected. I will be very cold and unresponsive to you if you hurt my feelings. I will be uncaring to you if you disrespect me.

Marriage is a covenant. In which each partner takes up his/her responsibility.
A wife is to submit fully. The husband takes up his responsibility to love her like Christ does irrespective of what she does.

It is the aim of covenant relationship to please and serve the other person despite what he/ she does.

It’s kind of difficult right? Very hard. Especially if you have been to some school of hardknocks, where you have been deeply hurt.

If you are starting on a clean note and you have this understanding, how blessed you are.

No matter how farther away we have gone, in Christ there is always a way out. He shows us and leads us in the way since He is the way.

We need to retrace our steps and in humility, accept what works.

When a marriage is not working, both partners are responsible. It is not just one persons fault but the two parties have their contributing factors.

Tomorrow, I will attempt to summarize the five levels of Communication.

God bless your marriage.

CONFESSION FOR THE DAY
I am communicating well with my spouse.

PRAYER FOR THE DAY
Lord, help me to be a better communicator

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
They said to him, “Hezekiah says, ‘This is a black day. We’re in crisis. We’re like pregnant women without even the strength to have a baby!
Isaiah 37:3 – MSG

ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY
Talk with your spouse

BIBLE READING FOR THE DAY
Isaiah 37


Show us Some Love! OR Direct Deposit – GTB, Kisses and Huggs Club, 0150088032

Devotional In Video


Daily Prayers


Revive Conversations

SUBSCRIBE TO THE DEVOTIONAL BY E-MAIL




Join Kisses and Huggs Club Community


Extraordinary Services at Shouts of Grace Nation!

Do you live in the city of Ibadan and you don’t have a place of worship yet?

It will be a great honour to have you in our Services.
Location: Joke Plaza, Beside Trans Amusement Park, Bodija – UI Road, Ibadan


Latest on Vents, Secrets, Issues, and Questions