Dressing matters a lot. Somebody said the way you dress is the way you will be addressed. Take a look at the below video and then we will get into this:
This video says it all. In no way should people come to church and then be distracted. Distractions are understandable out there, but certainly not in church!
People really want to come to church and be able to focus. You see, we need to understand this especially the ladies.
You see ladies don’t understand that men are moved by sight. The hanging cleavage, the rolling eyes, the flashing laps, the batting eyelids, the chewing of gum and smirking of lips, the seductive dance and gyrating.. all of these and more are killing for an average man.
Some people will say that dressing does not really matter, but the scriptures says otherwise.
Joseph had to change his raiment when he was summoned to the palace from the prison.
Then Pharaoh sent and called Joseph, and they brought him hastily out of the dungeon: and he shaved himself, and changed his raiment, and came in unto Pharaoh.
Gen 41:14 (KJV)
Joseph needed to change his clothes for his new address.
Teach me to do thy will; for thou art my God: thy spirit is good; lead me into the land of uprightness. (Psalms 143:10 KJV)
In deciding who to marry, the singular most important factor is God’s direction. This cannot be traded with the fact that you met in church. Here is a story narrated by a lady some years back. I read the account in a Newspaper (It was either Punch or Daily Sun)
She was going out with a guy that she met in a big Pentecostal church in Lagos. Everything looked good. ‘At least they met in church,’ so she thought. The guy had a jeep and would often drop her for choir meetings and pick her up later. This went on for about six months.
One of those days after choir meeting, he came to pick her as usual. But that particular day, he seemed to be in a hurry. He asked that he needed to dash down to a place before dropping her. That was no issue for her; that was her fiancé talking!
So he drove quite a long distance and just drove and drove.
‘Sorry dear, we are almost there.’
The next thing was that he veered off the road and drove far into the bush. Then he packed, got down, dragged her down and wanted to cut off her head. The girl screamed, but there was nobody to help in the bush. He pressed the knife to her neck hard to decapitate her head, and the lady struggled. She was a little bit strong, she fought back, but the guy held the knife firmly on her neck, knowing she would become weak after losing much blood.
Then, some movements were heard. The guy jumped in his jeep and drove away, with the intention to come back for the head.
Some hunters showed up, but on seeing the sight of the girl, they ran away without offering help. The case could be turned on them.
In a daze, losing blood and already weak, this lady stood up and just began to move in just a particular direction. She got to a particular hut where she got help with herbal care and then she was later moved to town.
Of course, the ‘brother in the Lord’ was nowhere to be found.’ It was from the hospital bed that this lady narrated her ordeal.
You can read about this because she lived to tell her story. How many of these would have happened that the victims never lived to tell the story?
This story is to let you know that meeting a person in church does not automatically translate that you are in God’s will or God’s choice for your life.
You will always be responsible for the choice you make because you will always live with your choice.
There are different kinds of people in the church.
There are sincere people, deceptive people, and deceptive people who want to become sincere. There are newly born again Christians whose minds are not renewed at all. There are Christians who are still very carnal. There are those who are very religious who think being in the choir can insure their habitual sexual compromise. So you see all kind of people.
There are people who come to church not because they want to serve God but because they want a man or a lady.
Tomorrow, I will share with you lessons we can learn from the above story.
Don’t miss it!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not fall in love with the wrong person. I will not be meeting the right person at the wrong place.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Ask that God will arrange your meeting with the right person
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Teach me to do thy will; for thou art my God: thy spirit is good; lead me into the land of uprightness. (Psalms 143:10 KJV)
Words are powerful. Words are eternal. They don’t die.
Jesus said words are spirits.
Joh 6:63 KJV It is the spirit that quickeneth; the flesh profiteth nothing: the words that I speak unto you, they are spirit, and they are life.
Nations have gone to war because of words spoken and battles have been known to come to an end because of words.
Jesus also said that words reveal what is in a man’s heart.
Luk 6:45 AMP The upright (honorable, intrinsically good) man out of the good treasure [stored] in his heart produces what is upright (honorable and intrinsically good), and the evil man out of the evil storehouse brings forth that which is depraved (wicked and intrinsically evil); for out of the abundance (overflow) of the heart his mouth speaks.
You can decode a man’s attitude from his words. His words, when analysed will show you where he is going.
This morning, I want to show you a few words that men who claim to be your lover often say that show something is defective somewhere. They let you know that your relationship or marriage needs some attention and counsel. Here are a few of those statements that your lover may not be saying.
1. I am not a religious freak. I don’t like church stuffs. I can’t be a fanatic.
What he is really saying: I don’t want to be spiritual. I will not always go to church. I don’t believe in God that much. Once we are married, you will have to stop going to church as you do now.
The implication: Your spiritual life will be depleted. You will not be on the same page. Without a good foundation of spiritual life and relationship with God, you will be limited, you will do a lot of things with struggles and you will never be able to enter the fullness of God’s blessings for your life.
2. There is nothing wrong with sex as long as we love ourselves, although I am not insisting. Even pastors are messing up.
What he is really saying: I will soon get you. It is a matter of time. I will wait for you to get emotionally connected with me and fall in love hopelessly and then you won’t be able to say No. How will I be in a relationship without having sex? ‘You never know anything!’
The implication: His word already reveals his heart. If you stay in a relationship with such a person, you will soon compromise. It is just a matter of time. If you value your relationship with God, you will disconnect from any tiny appearance of compromise before you become entangled and fall in love.
3. Let’s keep our relationship to ourselves for now. I don’t want any pastor or parents to know. Don’t even tell too many of your friends for now. I am a private person and I don’t like being discussed all over the place. Let it just be between the two of us. When the time comes to go public, I will let you know.
What he is really saying: I don’t want to go all the way with you. I don’t want any commitments; all I want is sex! Let’s make the casualty to be only you and not involve any authority figure that will tie me down.
The implication: He will not walk the aisle with you. He is not interested in marriage and there is no point wasting a few of your years with him. A good courtship is not supposed to operate as a secret cult!
4. I really love you and that is why you are number one out of all my girlfriends. You are the one I want to get married to.
What he is really saying: I have other girlfriends that I sleep around with. Be careful so I won’t change my mind about you because I have so many of them in my hands.
The implication: He is manipulating you with that statement and he may not get married to you eventually. Even if he does, there would not be an automatic disconnection with his girlfriends especially if they are sexually involved. You will have to contend with that after marriage and practically fight battles that could have been avoided. As a child of God, you are to be loved and adored by your husband. The moment you are being threatened this way, something is not quite right. Don’t stay under a manipulative man; that is not God’s plan for you.
5. Even though, I am married, I don’t love my wife. I don’t know why I have not met you before I got married. You are my true wife. I will find a way to leave that woman and marry you. You are so caring, loving and I can do anything for you. Just stay with me, I will give you anything you want and I will marry you eventually.
What he is really saying: You think it is so easy to leave the mother of my children? You are just a baby, and I will keep on giving you paltry sums of money to get what I want. I will rent a house for you and buy you a car and I will visit you there for sex. The day you say you are no longer interested, I will collect my car and my house.
The implication:Adultery is not worth it. You will simply waste your youth and practically stop your life. It will look sweet initially but soon turns into gravel in your mouth. Disconnect from such relationships because God doesn’t want you there.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am wise. I have a better understanding of my lover. I know what my lover is saying and not saying.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God will show you what your lover is not saying.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is no help at all. The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life. (John 6:63 ESV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Review all your relationships and follow God’s instructions to find out what your lover is not saying.
The issue above is one of the commonest statements of regret from several people that I counsel every other month. Avoiding in marriage a lover on fire today but cold later is possible.
“Pastor, he has changed…”
“Pastor, I never knew he was like this…”
“Pastor, before we got married, he was a leader in the fellowship, but now, he doesn’t go to church…”
“Pastor, during our courtship, he was so sweet, but now, he beats me up!
“Pastor, I never knew him because our courtship was a distant one…”
…And so on and so forth…
Well, what went wrong along the way?
2Pe 2:20-22 (MSG) If they’ve escaped from the slum of sin by experiencing our Master and Savior, Jesus Christ, and then slid back into that same old life again, they’re worse than if they had never left. [21] Better not to have started out on the straight road to God than to start out and then turn back, repudiating the experience and the holy command. [22] They prove the point of the proverbs, “A dog goes back to its own vomit,” and, “A scrubbed-up pig heads for the mud.”
Here are a few things to note.
There are pretenders out there. There are people who will feign being in the faith just to get a ‘good’ girl that will not give them ‘problems’ in marriage. This is where Christian pre-marriage counseling comes in.
2. That you met somebody in church does not guarantee that he or she is a true child of God or that you are avoiding in marriage all troubles. Anybody and everybody can attend church services for different purposes. Always seek counsel before you get involved with anybody.
3. Not everybody in the church setting is looking for God. That is why phones and personal effects get missing in church. An angel didn’t steal them. They were stolen by people with whom you worship but with ulterior motives.
4. Let the leadership of the church be involved in your relationship and marriage. There are some churches that have marriage guidance councils, these are not instituted to control you or spy into your private life but to guide you appropriately. Let your pastor be in the know. This is important because the pastor usually knows the committed ones and those who are insincere to an extent.
5. Learn all you can learn. Get marriage tips and free Christian advice online for avoiding chaos in marriage. On Kisses and Huggs Club, for example, we offer free Christian advice for singles and married couples and you can get advice on marriage issues on our daily devotionals, daily discussions and several other materials online. Don’t walk into a marriage ignorantly and so naïve that you fall for anything.
6. As a marriage counselor for some years, I can rightly say that it is true some people really love the Lord, but along the way, there is a turn around. Avoiding in marriage such people is what this post is about. This can be due to negative influence, change of environment, pressure that comes with marriage, choice of career and so on. Whatever it is, when you find yourself in this kind of scenario, you need to quickly find a marriage counselor to talk to.
I will stop here today and conclude on this topic tomorrow.
Be blessed.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have divine wisdom from God to make decisions.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray and ask God to show you what you don’t know about your life
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not. (Jeremiah 33:3 KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Take an inventory of all the relationships in your life
