Yesterday we learned about baggages in marriage, that we all have and come into our marriage with different kinds of baggage.
We also learned that these baggages are unresolved issues from our past, our background, and from our childhood experiences. These baggages or bags or luggages have to be emptied and the content exposed and dealt with.
We established that in marriage no secrets are allowed. Everything must be open and talked about.
And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. – Gen 2:25 (KJV)
Today, we will be looking at the various types of baggage we carry into marriage. Most of these we don’t even know we carry. Rest comes to our wearied souls as promised by Jesus only when we learn to come unto him in total surrender and then confess our faults one to another.
Types of Baggage
Relationship Baggage
This type of baggage is from our childhood relationships. Where we felt rejected, unloved, neglected, or criticized. Where we have a sense of shame or a low self-esteemed of ourselves. For whatever reasons we feel not up to the standard of other people.
Spiritual Baggage
Here we have learned to combine spirituality with lies and other vices. We grow up in church yet do a lot of bad stuff, like steal offerings, watch pornography in the church toilet or during sermons, sleep with a unit member, and still hide under being spiritual.
Moral Baggage
When you have this type of baggage, your sense of judgment is warped. You cannot decertify between good and bad. You even call good bad. You don’t know what is morally right. You smoke weed, you get involved with lesbianism, watch pornography, gamble, and the like.
Emotional Baggage
You were in several relationships that never worked or were involved with different ladies/ men and had emotional affairs with them. Maybe you were involved sexually with them in other to keep the relationship.
Physical Baggage
Here you kept your distance from people; this is similar to relational baggage. You enjoy solitude. You don’t want or like to associate with people. You suspect everybody and feel everyone is bad.
Sexual Baggage
With this, you are involved with all manner of sexual escapades. Sex toys, threesome, abortion, sex with strange men and women, prostitution, one-night stand, sex for material gains, etc.
Now that we have an idea of the type of baggages we may be carrying, these are the steps involved in dealing with them.
1. Unpack Your Bag: Stop hiding your bags, bring them to the open and be willing and ready to unpack.
2. Unload: Seek help from counselors, don’t try to handle things alone. You also need someone to be accountable to.
3. Be Patient: Don’t be too much in a hurry, be patient and follow due process.
4. Lighten Your Load by Forgiven: Forgive all those you have to forgive including yourself.
5. Take Classes Together: You need information, so you and your spouse needs all the education you can get.
6. Let Go Of Past Hurts: It’s important you let go and keep them in your past, so that you can experience new life.
God bless your marriage!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY Rest comes to my soul
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Oh Lord, help me to be open about my baggages
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. – Genesis 2:25 (KJV)
Everybody has got baggages and each of us came into marriage with our individual baggages. If not dealt with properly in marriage, it has the capacity to hinder the progress of any marriage no matter how much the couples love themselves.
How do you know what’s in your bag? Check your beliefs, your childhood experiences, did you have an absentee father? Have you ever been sexually abused? Did you grow up in an environment where you did not “feel loved”?
Baggages are negative, unprocessed emotions from past experiences. All types of baggage, if not taken care of, can negatively impact your current experiences — your relationships, your friendships, your family relations, your career, etc.
Is Your Bag Heavy?
Does it feel like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders? People go through different experiences in life and that makes some people’s baggages just like a little child’s school bag, while for others because of their experiences their baggages can be compared to the biggest “ghana-must-go” bag out there. Imagine walking with such a heavy load, your movement and progress will definitely be impeded.
Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28, KJV
Emptying and Refilling
Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. 1 Peter 5:7, KJV
It’s not God’s desire for you that you have guilt, fear, regrets, shame in your bag, those things weigh you down, they will wear you out and get you tired. It won’t affect you alone, it will also affect your spouse and cause you to hurt him/her unintentionally this is why it’s most important to deal with them.
You can’t deal with baggage by locking the bag and burying it somewhere in the deepest depths of your heart, it never works that way, you’d have to slowly open them and with God’s help deal with them.
Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly Matthew 11:28-30, KJV
The solution, after you’ve identified those baggage is to cast “ALL YOUR CARES” on him. Let go and let God, forgive ALL who have hurt you in the past.
Unforgiveness will lead to resentment, bitterness, negativity which will affect our relationships, emotions and physical health. Once you’ve forgiven, you’ll begin to feel lighter, literally.
All the issues about bags and luggages is to get your past opened up. Every couple should have a day of opening their boxes. Like we all opened up our wedding presents when we first got married and we were presented with different gifts.
This is extremely important. Tell yourselves everything about yourselves. Yes, everything. The good, bad and the ugly. It is better done now before you start discovering one by one later. Help you spouse open up. Listen empathetically, give uninterrupted attention and h/she will feel secured opening up. Put off all phones and gadgets and let it be a me and you time.
We will continue tomorrow by Gods Grace.
God bless your marriage
CONFESSION OF THE DAY I choose to cast my care on God.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord I receive grace to trust you more
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. 1 Peter 5:7, KJV
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Be patient to understand your spouse
Andy and Sandy were so much in love in their courtship days. They were the quintessential campus love birds. Their love was palpable. Their eyes shone in ecstasy at the thoughts of each other. Barely can thirty minutes go without getting in touch for one thing or another. They looked forward to the wedding and they knew it was going to be so blissful.
The wedding happened and life began to happen. Differences emanated from nowhere and screamed at their love story. A love story filled with laughter and flowers, with dimples without pimples, soon became a love song punctuated with moods, cries, and tales of regrets.
What really happened?
They both brought their invisible baggages into the marriage. Baggages collide with luggages. These baggages were filled with junks and emotional dirts accumulated over the years growing up from abuses, negative words spoken, attacks and misconceptions that have been fed to them.
After the wedding, emotional baggages, sexual baggages, physical baggages and even spiritual baggages are brought to the table.
They now begin to deal with these, and sometimes for years, some of the contents of the baggages have not been revealed. Howbeit, the consequences of the baggages contents begin to take a toll on the couple, opened or closed.
Every anomaly and inconsistent behavior in marriage is drawing strength from that bag.
It is for this reason Jesus made one of the most powerful statements ever.
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Mat 11:28 (KJV)
Instead of carrying the bags around and messing up relationships, go to Jesus and let Him give you rest.
I love the Passion Translation:
“Are you weary, carrying a heavy burden? Then come to me. I will refresh your life, for I am your oasis.
Mat 11:28 (TPT)
Have a great day!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I lay down all baggages at the foot of the cross.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Ask the Saviour to help you.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Matt 11:28 (MSG) “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest.
