A Conversation On Feelings, Sex, And Guilt. Buddy, with a lot in his mind, a lanky handsome guy of twenty-five years of age goes to his mentor’s office for some talk. George is about forty years old, a leader in the church, a man of one wife and no more, and a man who truly loves God.
Buddy: Good evening sir
George: Eh…Buddy, how are you doing? (Lowering his eyeglasses)
Buddy: I am cool
George: So, how has it been?
Buddy: I’ve got stuff on my mind and I need to see you, sir
George: Right, (Pushing his book away) I am all ears
Buddy: You know my fiancee?
George: Remi? How is she doing? Has she gotten a job?
Buddy: Yes, she is working in a Bank now
George: So, what is the problem?
Buddy: You know we compromised once?
George: Yes, I remember
Buddy: And you prayed for us and restored us and all that
George: Yes, and I am sure God forgave you
Buddy: But my problem is that anytime we are together, irrespective of what we are discussing, my body misbehaves. I feel like grabbing her, sincerely.
George: But did you grab her?
Buddy: No
George: So you are doing great
Buddy: But this feeling, I mean, my eyes are almost red all the time, not because I smoke cigars, but because my body is smoking. And she doesn’t seem to have an idea. Sometimes, she touches me, and then she looks at me intently, innocently though, but my God, you know she is beautiful!
George: Yeah, I understand.
Buddy: So these feelings, I really don’t want to mess up again. How can I eliminate the feelings? This thing of sin, I sometimes and ridiculously feel like cutting it off.
George: It is not a thing of sin. It is a gift of God.
Buddy: Waoh!
George: You see, that is not where the problem is. The problem is not your manhood. When it gets engorged with blood and changes in size when you see the one you love, it means you are perfectly normal. The problem is not down there; it’s up here. (touching his forehead)
Buddy: How do you mean?
George: The problem is with your mind.
Buddy: How do you mean?
George: If there is anything you feel like cutting off, it should be your mind.
Buddy: So how do I do that?
George: God never says you should cut off your mind. He says you should renew your mind. He tells you that you can have the mind of Christ.
Buddy: How do I do that?
George: The more of God’s word you listen to, the more your mind is renewed. The more your mind is renewed, the more you come to appreciate God’s word and the more you get revelation knowledge. The more revelation knowledge you get, the more you are strengthened in your inner man. The more might you have in your inner man, the more you are able to put your body under.
Buddy: Umnnnn
George: The feelings you have are okay. I have those feelings sometimes. I sometimes even have those feelings towards somebody I perceive as beautiful aside from my wife.
Buddy: Are you serious?
George: Yes, but after marriage, you are permitted only to admire, and not desire! So you don’t act out those feelings. Those feelings are brought about in my mind through my thoughts. So I consciously dispel those thoughts, casting down imaginations and every thought that exalts itself against the knowledge of God.
Buddy: How do you cast down those thoughts?
George: By thinking about what God says concerning that situation and saying them out. That is why it is good to read your Bible regularly. The point of being tempted is not when you start looking for your concordance.
Buddy: I see. Are you telling me even after marriage, I will still feel like going out with others apart from my wife?
George: The devil continues to tempt you, especially in the areas of your weaknesses, but when you resist him, he will leave you alone for a while. You resist him the same way Jesus resisted him…It is written.
Buddy: But Jesus was never tempted by women
George: Read your Bible very well. He was tempted at all points, so says the scripture.
Buddy: Ok, give me an example of where you think he must have been tempted by women.
George: Ok. I will do just that. Do you remember when the lady with the alabaster box began to pour oil on his feet and then began to rub his feet with her hair?
Buddy: Oh!
George: So you agree now, he was tempted at all points…but the scripture says the prince of this world hath nothing in him. He refused to fall into any traps.
Buddy: Lord, help me.
George: He has helped you already. He sent you a helper. So when you take advantage of that help, you will be kept safe.
Buddy: How?
George: Did you read in your scripture where it says, Walk in the Spirit and you will not fulfill the lust of the flesh? The Holy Spirit is your helper.
Buddy: Yes, I remember
George: That is it.
Buddy: One more thing. That time my fiancee and I compromised…it wasn’t her fault. It was mine. I was the one that put pressure on her
George: Why are you still talking about what God has forgotten?
Buddy: How can God forget? I understand the part about forgiving, but forgetting?
George: You see, He said your iniquities would I remember no more
Buddy: How is that possible?
George: It is made possible by the blood of Jesus.
Buddy: You mean he has completely forgotten about it
George: Yes, when you go back and ask for forgiveness the second time, He is wondering. It’s no longer in your records. But you complicate matters when you go back into that sin and it becomes habitual.
Buddy: So what about this guilt I still feel
George: That’s the devil, trying to make you feel worthless so that your prayers can be hindered.
Buddy: God help me
George: You know the Bible says “let us now come BOLDLY unto the throne of grace that we might obtain mercy and find grace to help in the time of need?”
Buddy: Yes
George: He tries to rob you of that boldness by reminding you of sins that God has forgotten and forgiven
Buddy: So how do I deal with that?
George: By quoting and meditating on what the scripture says.
Buddy: I hear!
George: You can wait and you can hold on.
Buddy: Yes I know, God help me.
George: Every time you compromise, you lose something. Something dies.
Buddy: I know
George: Sin is a destiny destroyer. But the power of sin is broken. What the devil is contending with is your glorious future. So you don’t mess up a permanent blessing with a temporary pleasure of a few minutes like Esau did.
Buddy: I will wait
George: Sin shall no longer have dominion, so says the scripture.
Buddy: One other thing…she sometimes wears provocative and tantalizing clothes…
George: Tell her, not accusingly, but let her know that she doesn’t have to show her cleavage or laps to you. She needs to know how she can help you.
Buddy: And you know she is light in complexion…
George: I know…but let her know that men are moved by sight…including you. Don’t suffer in silence or pretend or act spiritually when you are burning inside.
Buddy: I will tell her…she would just think I am a miserable sinner
George: No, she would respect you more…because she suddenly sees that you are willing to preserve virtue rather than fulfill the lust of the flesh. That would bring trust. It will cement your relationship more. Good things come to those who wait.
Buddy: Thank you, Uncle
George: You are welcome! We just had a Conversation On Feelings, Sex, And Guilt
Buddy: Thanks for your time. What about Auntie…
George: She is resting…we just came back from an outing, today is her birthday.
Buddy: Oh….kindly wish her Happy Birthday on my behalf…
George: Will do just that
Buddy: Ok then.
George: Yeah, see you later.
This is the end of A Conversation On Feelings, Sex, And Guilt
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will wait. I will not compromise
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Father, let your Holy Spirit be my helper indeed, that I may walk in the Spirit and not fulfill the lust of the flesh THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; (2 Corinthians 10:5 KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Make amends where necessary
Know These And Know Peace In Marriage. I want to talk about two crucial things in marriage. They are pivotal to a smooth relationship as couples. Let’s dive into it.
Know These And Know Peace In Marriage
1. Renewal and Recharge Junctions
In marriage, you must learn to take breaks from work and relax. You have to have time that you spend together as husband and wife.
You need to go back to what used to excite you before the wedding and do those things again and again.
Apart from reading your Bible and praying in the Holy Ghost which refreshes and recharges your spirit, you should also learn to be relaxed once in a while.
2. Mentoring
Every marriage must have a mentor to whom you defer and seek wisdom.
There is something that a couple that has been married for thirty years knows that a three-year-old couple is oblivious of.
It is plain wisdom to seek counsel.
Most issues that lead to serious strife and possible separation and divorce could easily have been resolved by seeking knowledge.
That is why I am a little scared of couples who talk to nobody! Something is not quite right with that. Part of having a marriage mentor is being humble.
3. Sincerity and Openness
Finally, this is so crucial to the survival of any marriage! Be open
Marriage is not a secret cult! Talk about everything and anything.
Hiding things and allowing your spouse to discover will only lead to mistrust and suspicion. The rule of the game is to talk about everything. That will go a long way to establishing trust. Know These And Know Peace In Marriage
If you keep talking exactly how it is, it would be difficult to go into adultery, because adultery is perpetuated in the platform of insincerity and deception. May God help us all.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have God’s wisdom in my marriage
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, give us a humble heart
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Psa 51:10 (KJV) Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Discuss on mentorship and agree
I Wish I Knew This During Our Courtship. I wish I knew we were supposed to be different. I got engaged to my wife in the year 1996. That was a long time ago. I was born again, with ministry in view, but I was an ignoramus when it came to the issues of temperament.
You see; knowledge is power. I am a quick, nimble person when it comes to how I do my things. My wife is not like that; she is deliberate in doing her things.
So, having waited for her like three times, and almost getting late for fellowship, (We lived in the same hall – male and female section!) I got angry. So I would lecture her and all that. Then I stumbled on the book by Tim LaHaye on temperament, and that book delivered me.
I understood that we are supposed to be different. I saw that it was actually our differences that got us attracted to each other in the first place because opposites attract.
However, after being lost in love and you are now awake, and your eyes are cleared, the very ‘opposites’ that attracted you in the first place now becomes an irritation and many relationships do not get past this stage!
Understand that you are supposed to celebrate your point of differences because that is how the balance would be achieved in your relationship and marriage later on. What would the world look like if everybody were like you? It would be so boring! I Wish I Knew This During Our Courtship
Many husbands ignorantly try to “change” their wives to be like them. It will not likely happen!
You can learn from each other over the years, and even exchange temperaments at some points, but you are going to be different in thought patterns, opinions, and so on.
Know this and know peace! Celebrate your differences and let weaknesses be covered by each other’s strengths.
No spouse is useless. Everybody is bringing something vital to the table.
Work together and harness your strengths. Minimize your weaknesses and you will be a power couple eventually.
I hope you are blessed this morning. Good morning! This is What I Wish I Knew During Our Courtship
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I seek relevant knowledge. God’s word gives me light
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, teach me wisdom in areas where I lack in Jesus’ name
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY A wise man is strong; yea, a man of knowledge increaseth strength. Proverbs 24:5 KJV
Communication Is So Important In Marriage. I started writing yesterday on things that should be present in every marriage and we looked at one thing yesterday. Today we look at four more things.
The second thing that must be present in every marriage that will succeed has to do with communication.
Communication Is So Important In Marriage. Constant Communication. A man was once asked what the three most important things in a marriage are.
His response:
1. Communication 2. Communication 3. Communication
Do I agree? Yes, I fully do!
When communication dies, assumptions, suspicions, lies, and deception will take over.
There is nothing as beautiful as a marriage where both parties can fully express themselves. Hear each other out!
When a man talks, his goal may be a logical explanation, but when a woman talks, it is more than an explanation, it is a release; an emotional release.
So every time she is muted, there are pent-up tensions being stored up for a later time.
It is akin to the molten magma within, nothing shows on the surface much, but one day, the magma can no longer hold still, and there will be a volcanic eruption causing untold havoc!
Unexplained hurts, unexpressed bitterness, are all like the molten magma in the belly of the ground.
So, when you tell your spouse to “shut up” continually, and it looks as though you are in charge and winning, well, you are not really winning, you are actually losing!
Allow free expression in your matrimonial home.
When a lady is also reluctant to talk or communicate, it shows some deeper issues as well.
Both husband and wife have to be committed to communication. The excuse of temperaments should not be brought in.
Well, people at work, in church, or elsewhere can look at you and say you are a quiet person, but your spouse should be able to say “you are not quiet to them!” This shows they are friends!
Make the commitment to be friends and to keep talking. Communication Is So Important In Marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will keep communicating with my spouse
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to work on areas where I am lacking
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Mat 12:35 (MSG) A good person produces good deeds and words season after season. An evil person is a blight on the orchard.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Have a time out with your spouse
He Doesn’t Love When He Says These. As I said, problems don’t just show from the blues. They have always been there and would have been hinted at because out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.
We looked at two yesterday, let’s dive into the remaining today.
He Doesn’t Love When He Says These
3. Out of all my girlfriends, you are the best
This is often a logical way to manipulate the emotions of the lady. As a lady, I don’t really know what you are doing with someone who tells you out rightly that you are not the only one he is seeing. Are you encouraging adultery after marriage and giving him a go-ahead? Men don’t really change after marriage! When a man has the guts to tell you that he has several ladies as lovers including you, then as a lady you should have the guts to walk away from such affliction!
4. We don’t have to tell anybody about this relationship
When a guy begins to make this statement, your antenna should go up! Something is defective right there. There are no commitments when he hides the relationship from friends and family. There may be occasions when the parents are not interested in marriage and it is wise to keep quiet for some time, but at least, he should be willing to notify his pastor. What if he doesn’t have a pastor? The answer to that is another question. What are you doing with such a person?
5. I am just managing you and you should thank your stars
When a guy doesn’t love you, he will verbalize it one day, one way or the other. If you are sensitive, you can pick it up from his words. When a guy says he is just managing you, that sounds like wickedness to me. Probably the lady in question has a self-esteem issue, but as a lady, you don’t have any business with anybody that doesn’t value you or appreciate you as a person. After marriage, you don’t want to be treated as a doormat, you want to be valued as a true help.
He Doesn’t Love When He Says These
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not be deceived
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, show me what I don’t know
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Mat 12:34 (KJV) O generation of vipers, how can ye, being evil, speak good things? for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Disallow your relationship to be sex driven
