The Song of Songs, a book of love and intimacy, opens with such profound lines that I would love to present to you today.
“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: For thy LOVE IS BETTER THAN WINE.” Song of Solomon 1:2 KJV
This verse captures a strong intimacy between the bride and her groom. There was an intense desire for one another locked up in the hearts of these lovers. This verse should, however, not just be read with the physical sensual passion in mind, but with the wholistic view of intimacy. You can’t even achieve the highest pleasure on the bed as a couple if you are not intimate outside the bedroom. So intimacy goes beyond the activities in the bedroom.
Intimacy is about how he is thoughtful about you and things concerning you. Intimacy is about how you occupy her heart. Intimacy is in those cares and little acts of kindness. Intimacy is in how nothing else competes with you in his heart, where your love is indeed better than wine. Intimacy is in how you look out for one another. It’s in those random calls to say, “I was just thinking of you.”
My dear couples, do you have this burning intimacy between you and your spouse? No? Then it’s something to begin to strongly desire, pray for, and work toward. Marriage was designed for this kind of beauty.
My dear singles, that one professing love for and to you, do you really weigh in his/her heart? Or are you simply a makeshift? Are you Someone he/she is just settling for because age is no longer a friend? Wash your eyes and marry well, my dear.
“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: For thy LOVE IS BETTER THAN WINE.”
Kai… I can’t seem to get over this. There is really something strong going on here.
What the bride was simply saying here is: Our love is intoxicating. Our love for each other is better than any other thing.
Their hearts were strongly locked in desire for one another.
Dear couple, don’t settle for less.
Not by constantly nagging your spouse, but by intentionally becoming an intimate partner while gently nudging your spouse. Plant that random kiss. Send that random text message that says “I care,” or “I’m thinking about you.” Be thoughtful and secretly buy that thing for your spouse and gift him/her.
Dear single, don’t settle for less.
Marriage is meant to be beautiful, so don’t settle for someone who doesn’t value you. Become that person who intentionally loves and doesn’t settle for one who is not. The LORD has someone amazing for you too; but if you don’t break up with the one occupying space, how will you receive the one God has for you?
As we continue reflecting on how we can make our relationships and marriages better in this new year, I wish to show you one key principle that I believe will surely make things better in your life. It’s in the book of Ephesians:
“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” Ephesians 4:2-3
This is one verse that shows us that love is not just words (nor emotions), it requires effort. It can be easy to profess love verbally, but can you decide to really ACT IN LOVE this year and beyond? Don’t just SAY LOVE, ACT LOVE. Without corresponding actions of love, our profession of love can easily become like the noise of a clanging cymbal to our person. The Scripture says to be “patient, bearing with one another IN LOVE,” meaning that it is love that produces this action. Love always produces corresponding actions, so don’t just verbalize love, DO love.
“FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD THAT HE GAVE His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” John 3: 16 NKJV
What is your love making you DO? You need to start asking yourself this question.
Love should make you strive to be a better partner.
Love should make you be patient, and bear with your spouse. For singles, this is not saying you should go ahead and marry someone who is already verbally, emotionally, and physically abusing you even when you are not yet married. To you, I say, “Flee o.”
Love will make you go out of your way to seek the good of your partner.
Love does not traffic in shame and disrespect. Love does not selfishly seek its own honor.
Love is not easily irritated or quick to take offense. Love joyfully celebrates honesty and finds no delight in what is wrong. Love is a safe place of shelter, for it never stops believing the best for others. Love never takes failure as defeat, for it never gives up. 1 Corinthians 13:5-7 TPT
Do you have the DOINGS of love, or is it just the SAYINGS?
Selah.
P.S.:
For singles, don’t just be carried away with the nice words, look beyond… look for the actions.
Hey there, friend! Whether you’re two weeks into dating or celebrating a decade together, keeping the spark alive is all about cherishing the story you’re writing together. Let’s dive into how you can celebrate your love story in fun, meaningful ways that resonate with who you are as a couple.
Why Celebrating Your Love Story Matters
Here’s the deal: relationships need TLC to grow. Think about it—when God designed relationships, He didn’t intend for them to feel stale or routine. Genesis 2:24 talks about two becoming one, a deep and dynamic connection. Celebration is like watering that unity, helping your relationship thrive. Plus, who doesn’t love an excuse to make new memories?
When you intentionally celebrate your love story, you’re not just reminiscing; you’re building on what you’ve got. It’s about looking back, looking forward, and savoring the now.
Creative Ways to Celebrate Your Journey
No, you don’t need a Pinterest-worthy plan or a big budget. Celebrating your relationship can be as low-key or grand as you want. Here are a few ideas:
1. Bring Back the OG Vibes
Revisit the spot where you first met, had your first date, or said “I love you.” If you can’t go there physically, recreate it at home—cook the meal, play the playlist, and relive the magic.
2. Create a Scrapbook of Your Story
Think of it like your personal highlight reel. Include photos, movie stubs, handwritten notes, and maybe even a sticky note with your inside jokes. Every time you flip through it, you’ll remember how far you’ve come.
3. Schedule “Us Time” Regularly
Whether it’s a weekly coffee date or Sunday afternoon hikes, carve out time to connect. It doesn’t have to be fancy—it just needs to be intentional. Bonus: it’s a built-in excuse to unplug from your phone.
Adding a Dash of Spontaneity
Routine can be comforting, but let’s be real—it can also get a little…meh. Here’s where spontaneity comes in. Proverbs 17:22 says, “A joyful heart is good medicine.” Why not shake things up with surprise moments that spark joy?
1. The Sweet Note Surprise
Leave a sticky note on their mirror with a quick “You’re my favorite human” or something that makes them laugh. It’s small but shows you care.
2. Try Something New Together
Have you ever taken a cooking class together? Tried paddleboarding? Volunteered at church as a team? Shared adventures build bonds, and they make for great “remember when” moments.
3. Spontaneous Getaways (Even If It’s Local)
Book a last-minute Airbnb nearby or set up a backyard picnic. Adventure doesn’t have to mean plane tickets—it’s about doing something out of the ordinary together.
Handling the “Dry Seasons”
Every relationship hits those seasons where the spark feels more like a flicker. And that’s okay! It doesn’t mean the love is gone—it’s a chance to refocus and grow.
Here’s some encouragement from Ecclesiastes 4:9-10: “Two are better than one…for if they fall, one will lift up his companion.” Lean into your faith, pray together, and ask God to reignite the flame.
Quick Fixes for Dry Seasons
Start a gratitude journal together. Write one thing daily that you’re thankful for about each other.
Go tech-free for a day and focus entirely on each other.
Have a “questions night” where you ask each other fun, deep, or random questions.
Celebration, but Make It Fun
The bottom line? Your love story deserves to be celebrated because it’s uniquely yours. Whether you’re laughing over burnt pancakes on a surprise breakfast date or reflecting on how God’s guided your relationship, every moment matters.
So go ahead, plan that date, leave that note, and celebrate the amazing gift of your relationship. And remember: you’re not just keeping the spark alive—you’re letting it grow into something even brighter.
Now, what’s your next move? Dinner for two, or maybe starting that scrapbook? Whatever it is, celebrate boldly and love deeply—you’ve got this!
Let’s talk about something we all deal with at some point: dating. Whether you’re trying to navigate the world of dating apps or holding onto more traditional approaches, there’s no one-size-fits-all formula for love. And if you’re a Christian young adult trying to balance your faith with modern dating trends? Yeah, that adds a whole new layer of complexity!
What Are Dating Styles, Anyway?
Dating styles refer to the unique approaches people take when forming romantic connections. Some lean towards traditional methods rooted in culture, family, and clear intentions, while others are more about modern, laid-back encounters, often influenced by social media and technology. Understanding these dating styles is essential—because if you’re on different pages than your partner about what you want, it can create a lot of unnecessary drama.
Factors like culture, background, and even your past experiences shape how you date. Maybe you grew up in a family that emphasized long-term commitment, or maybe you’ve been burned by casual relationships in the past. All these things influence your approach to love.
As a Christian, you might also be trying to stay true to your values, which can make navigating modern dating trends a bit tricky. But guess what? It’s totally possible to respect both your faith and your unique dating preferences. Let’s break it down.
Traditional Dating: More Than Just Dinner and a Movie
Let’s rewind a bit. Traditional dating is about intentionality—it’s about pursuing relationships that are rooted in family values, commitment, and the goal of long-term love. This style isn’t just about hanging out; it’s about courtship, a term that implies respect, consideration, and care.
For many, especially in cultures where family approval matters, traditional dating involves seeking your family’s blessing before you get too serious. Think of it like this: getting Mom and Dad’s seal of approval isn’t just a nice-to-have—it’s a must in some cultures. In the Christian faith, this aligns with the idea of honoring your parents and ensuring that your relationship is built on solid, respectful foundations.
Key Features of Traditional Dating:
Commitment & Intentions: No playing around. It’s about long-term connection.
Family Involvement: Parents or the community often play a role in the relationship.
Clear Expectations: No guessing games. You both know where things are headed.
Many people who prefer this style believe that it leads to more stable, secure relationships. There’s a lot of comfort in the structure—if you’re someone who values marriage and family, traditional dating may feel more aligned with your goals.
Modern Dating: Casual, Flexible, and Sometimes a Little Too Fast
Flash forward to the present: modern dating is all about choices, freedom, and technology. Thanks to apps, meeting people has never been easier (or faster). The culture has shifted towards more casual connections, where dating can feel like a low-pressure activity—no heavy commitment required.
For Gen Z and millennial daters, this often means going on a few dates, feeling things out, and seeing where they go without an immediate expectation of commitment. This kind of dating feels liberating for many, as it allows for a more fluid experience. If you’re someone who enjoys exploring connections without feeling locked down right away, modern dating gives you the space to do just that.
However, while modern dating can be a lot of fun, it can also be a bit of a rollercoaster. The rise of ghosting, “situationships,” and unclear intentions can leave you feeling confused or frustrated. That’s where a Christian worldview can bring some clarity.
Navigating Modern & Traditional Styles Together
So, here’s the big question: how do you blend the best of both worlds? Can you be modern while holding onto traditional values? The answer is yes, but it requires intentionality and clear communication.
Here’s how to create a balance between traditional and modern dating:
Know Your Own Values: What do you want in a relationship? If you’re dating with the intention of marriage (and that’s important to you), you’ll want to make sure your partner is on the same page. Don’t be afraid to have that conversation early on. Proverbs 16:3 says, “Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.” Keep your values rooted in faith, and trust that God will guide you.
Communicate Your Intentions: Whether you’re going for a laid-back vibe or something more serious, always communicate your expectations upfront. If you’re looking for something long-term, make that clear, especially in the early stages. Likewise, if you’re into casual dating, it’s better to be upfront about that too. Misunderstandings are the worst!
Blend Traditions with Technology: You don’t have to ditch dating apps just because you prefer a more traditional approach. Use them to meet people, but take your dates offline quickly. Enjoy a classic dinner date or a walk in the park. In the same way, blend modern communication (texting, social media) with traditional gestures (writing a thoughtful letter or planning a special evening). The best of both worlds!
Set Boundaries, But Stay Open: This is especially important if you’re navigating modern dating apps while trying to remain grounded in your faith. Dating apps can open up all sorts of possibilities, but if you’re not careful, it can also lead to temptation or confusion. Set boundaries that align with your beliefs, and don’t be afraid to say “no” when something doesn’t feel right.
Trust God’s Timing: Whether you’re meeting someone through an app or through a more traditional means, remember that God is in control. Psalm 37:4 says, “Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Trust that your relationship journey is part of God’s plan for you, and He’ll guide you to the right person at the right time.
Final Thoughts: Finding Your Own Dating Style
Ultimately, there’s no “right” way to date—it’s all about what feels authentic to you. Whether you’re more into traditional courtship or the flexibility of modern dating, the key is to stay true to your values, communicate openly with your partner, and trust that God is leading you every step of the way.
And remember, whether you’re swiping through an app or asking for your parents’ blessing, it’s all part of God’s plan for your love story. So go ahead, embrace your style—and make it one that honors both your heart and your faith.
What’s your dating style? Do you lean more traditional, or are you a modern dater? Let me know in the comments—let’s chat about it!
Understanding Today’s Dating World: It’s Not What It Used to Be
Hey, dating today? It’s a whole new world! Between swiping right, sliding into DMs, falling in love, and awkward first dates over Zoom, it’s safe to say things have changed a lot. Especially if you’re in your 30s or beyond, dating can feel like uncharted territory, but guess what? You’re not alone in this.
With the availability of love or dating apps becoming the new “meet-cute,” technology has taken over how we connect. And while it’s great to have all these options, the endless scrolling can lead to what I call “decision fatigue” — you know, when you’re overwhelmed by too many choices and can’t pick anything? The same goes for dating.
Here’s the deal: Before diving into the online dating pool, it’s crucial to know what you’re looking for. Whether it’s something serious or casual, having clarity will help you swipe with purpose instead of getting stuck in endless chats that go nowhere. Knowing your relationship goals ahead of time can make the whole process way smoother.
Pro Tip: Swipe Smart, Not Fast
Instead of treating dating apps like a video game, slow down. Think about what really matters to you, and choose quality over quantity. You’ll thank yourself later.
Rediscovering Yourself: Why Self-Reflection Is Key
Alright, here’s a little truth bomb: dating in your 30s and beyond often starts with some serious self-reflection. Before you can figure out who’s the right match for you, you’ve got to be clear about who you are. Yeah, I know, deep stuff.
Think about your past relationships. Were there any patterns? Were you constantly picking people who weren’t ready for commitment, or maybe you were the one who wasn’t quite sure? Reflecting on this helps you avoid repeating old mistakes. Plus, knowing your relationship goals enables you to stay intentional when dating.
Real Talk: Growth Mode
The person you are now isn’t the same person you were in your 20s — and that’s a good thing! With age comes self-awareness and emotional intelligence. Own it, and let it guide you to someone who vibes with your true self.
Embracing Vulnerability: It’s Okay to Be Scared
Dating after 30 can feel intimidating, especially when you throw in the fear of rejection. It’s like we’ve all got these emotional walls built up after years of life experiences, and putting yourself out there can feel like a major risk. But here’s the thing: you’ve got to be vulnerable if you want to find something real.
Instead of avoiding rejection, lean into it. Rejection isn’t a reflection of your worth, it’s just part of the process. And each “no” gets you one step closer to the “yes” that’s meant for you. Think of it as a refining process — you’re learning more about yourself and what you need in a love relationship.
Pro Tip: Bounce Back
Develop a resilient mindset. Every dating experience teaches you something, and that’s a win, even if the relationship doesn’t pan out.
So, What Do You Really Want?
It’s time to get clear. By now, you’ve probably realized that relationships aren’t one-size-fits-all. Casual dating? Long-term commitment? Or maybe you’re more into a deep friendship with love undertones. Whatever it is, take a step back and ask yourself: What do I actually want from a relationship?
You don’t have to follow the script of “settling down” just because society says so. If you’re all about long-term stability, that’s cool. The key is communicating your desires upfront to avoid any confusion later.
Your Social Circle: Expand Your Horizons
At this stage in life, meeting new people can feel tough. Most of your friends are settled down, and the days of meeting someone at a college party are long gone. But don’t worry, there’s still hope. Whether it’s through mutual friends, social events, or even a random meetup at your local coffee shop, expanding your social circle can open up new dating possibilities.
Ideas to Try:
– Join a class or group activity based on your interests (book clubs, sports leagues, volunteering).
– Attend social gatherings — birthdays, community events, or anything that gets you out of your comfort zone.
– Ask your friends to set you up. Sometimes, friends know exactly who would be a good match for you.
Mental Health Check: Take Care of You
Before jumping into the dating pool, make sure you’re in a good place mentally and emotionally. Sometimes, dating can bring up old wounds or unresolved feelings. Whether it’s from past love relationships or personal experiences, being aware of your triggers and mental health is key.
Therapy or support groups can help you work through emotional baggage and equip you with tools to navigate dating with a healthy mindset. Prioritizing your mental well-being isn’t just about feeling good, it’s also about building a strong foundation for any future relationships.
Whether you’re swiping, reflecting, or meeting someone new at a volunteer event, remember: dating in your 30s and beyond can be awesome if you approach it with the right mindset. Trust yourself, be intentional, and don’t be afraid to have some fun along the way. You got this!
