Abuse in relationships and marriage is the most common cause of separation and divorce in marriage.
As Singles, you should watch out for signs of abuse and be courageous enough to take the necessary steps.
First, let’s look at the meaning of abuse.
Abuse means treating a loved one or partner with violence, disrespect, cruelty, harm, or force. When someone treats their partner in any of these ways, it’s called an abusive relationship. Abuse in a relationship can be physical, sexual, verbal, financial, or emotional. Or it could be all of these.
In an abusive relationship or marriage, it takes a positive mindset and courage to confront the abuser. Having healthy self-esteem will also help to know that you are not to be abused but loved and cherished. No one should be a victim, whether male or female.
When a partner is showing signs of abuse it is not alright to ignore it. An abuser in relationships will be an abuser in marriage.
There are many reasons for being an abusive partner, a major cause is a dysfunctional background. Most people who abuse their partner have been abused and they usually have a deep-seated emotional issue or immaturity.
In an abusive marriage, the husband or wife has a power imbalance and uses manipulation, intimidation, threats, and physical or emotional violence to control the other.
Abuse in relationships and marriage is often characterized by extreme jealousy, possessiveness, and a lack of respect for the other partner’s boundaries.
A lot of marriages go through abuse of various kinds and different degrees. When violence and physical abuse are involved, a professional therapist must be sought.
The use of scriptures to pray and make daily declarations and confessions is also known to get amazing results.
Declaring the word and speaking the Word over the abuser helps in rewiring the brain.
Genesis 1:1-2 (KJV) In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.
God spoke His Word to a situation that was without form and void. You too can speak to that situation.
Singles should not go on to marry a partner who is already showing serious signs of abuse.
We started this amazing topic yesterday and we will be concluding this morning.
To know and experience God you need to be still. There is a level of stillness required to be able to relate and know God for who He is.
When you are still, you most likely can trust more. Especially if it is stillness in your mind and body too. When we make haste and are in a hurry, we are not still. We make mistakes.
In a state of stillness, God can perform His glorious works in our lives.
God had to put Adam to sleep when He was to make Eve.
Is 30:5a ‘In quietness and confidence lies your strength’
We exchange our weakness for His strength when we are quiet and still, trusting in God.
Dear SIngles, learn to be still. There is an intentional quietness to know Him. Quietness and stillness that come from a place of brokenness. A place and state of total and absolute surrendering to God’s will.
The partner is not yet around. Yes, it is NOT YET. He or she that will come, will come. Enjoy yourself, relax, get to know God more, and put your mind at rest. God is in control. Be still and know that God is God.
Let’s search the scriptures. In Isaiah 46:10 ‘ Be still and know that I am God.
All married couples, listen. You cannot afford to have sleepless nights over some issues. Avoid that temptation. God is never in competition with man. The Bible says He never sleeps nor slumbers. If God is awake then you are protected
You know God on your knees and in worship. It is when you are still that you can see the wonders of the Lord. He will always take charge and be in control of every situation we commit into his hands.
Place your husbands, wives, children, parents, and in-laws into His hands and leave them there.
Don’t worry about that situation that is causing you sleepless nights.
DACSER is a Dating, Courtship, Sex, and Relationship Academy, A Free School of Relationships for University of Ibadan Students powered by Kisses and Huggs Club
One of the hardest things to do as a Single or married is to be still. Especially in this fast-paced life.
It seems we just got to do ‘something’. Unfortunately, this ‘ something’ is not always the right, good, or best option. We always think and take issues into our own hands. Unfortunately, we don’t get too far.
I think every single and married person should take time to read the whole of Psalm 46. It is such a beautiful portion of the scripture that offers comfort in whatever situation we find ourselves in.
The Psalm opens by telling us in verse I
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble Ps 46:1KJV
Psalms 46:1 NLT God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble.
Psalms 46:1 HCSB God is our refuge and strength, a helper who is always found in times of trouble.
God is described as a refuge and strength.
God is both a hiding place of refuge from the storms of life and the strength to carry us through whatever the situation is.
As singles, what is the situation you are in or facing? Is it a delay beyond your understanding? Is it a heartbreak? Is it confusion about making a decision? Is the future so bleak you feel so unsure? Is it a failed engagement with no explanations?
Whatever the situation is, God through the writer of this Psalm is introducing Himself as refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
He is your refuge and strength. That strength could be in the form of wisdom
Remember the Psalm says in another translation, that He is always ready to help in times of trouble.
The question is are you ready to receive His help? His help is not automatic.
The police services are ready to help, but until you call or dial 911, you can’t enjoy their help.
As married couples, what is that trouble? Health, financial, Emotional, a cheating spouse, a spouse you just don’t understand?
You have to receive Him as strength and refuge. You can’t enjoy peace amid crisis until you learn to trust and call upon Him for help.
I learned something once a situation is in court, you rest about it. You allow the court to decide, if not you could be charged with contempt of court
Once you have called upon Jesus, leave it with Him. Let Him handle it.
What most of us do is, we think we are trusting and making Him our refuge and strength, and then we start worrying and trying to handle things in our wisdom and strength.
God’s strength, method, and ways will be different from ours.
Trust Him and leave the matter with Him.
God bless. We will continue tomorrow by God’s Grace
Let me open you up to today’s devotional by quoting this scripture.
Philippians 4:8 AMPC For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them].
When we learn to obey the word of God, things happen for us in the positive.
Whether married or single, we are to intentionally find good things about our spouses to fill our minds with. Filling our minds with the good quality of our spouses keeps us kind, tender-hearted, and forgiving towards them.
As Singles, when your fiancee or fiance is trying hard to please you or your spouse is doing their best to make the marriage work, you don’t ignore their efforts.
Don’t say, that if I appreciate their efforts now, they will relax and not continue making efforts. Don’t say, that until I see 100% improvement, I will not acknowledge the efforts made.
This mindset is very wrong.
Celebrate and acknowledge the little efforts. What we appreciate, appreciates and what we don’t appreciate depreciates.
Appreciation also begets respect and willingness to do more. If all you see in your spouse are the errors, their faults, their shortcomings, and their weaknesses, then something is wrong.
If you are looking for faults, you will find them. Whatever you are looking for is what you find.
Even with the little errors, you can overlook and ignore, you use a magnifying lens to focus on them.
Remember, you are not perfect either. Neither are you easy to also live with. Fill your mind with the good in your spouse.
As singles, you can write out those good qualities in your partner and keep them before you so that you can appreciate them. Appreciation should be verbal, don’t internalize your appreciation.
When you start practicing these as a single, it becomes a habit that will help you in your marriage
As a couple, I don’t believe your spouse won’t have any good qualities. I am sure you will be able to find at least one good quality in them.
Focus on that. Begin to praise, appreciate, and celebrate that good quality and before long there will be more qualities to appreciate.
Practice these and your marriage will enjoy bliss, joy, peace, understanding, patience, and love.
You may want to ask, so what about the weaknesses? We don’t get better all at once. We get better gradually. It is one step after the other.
In today’s world, it is so easy to fall into the temptation of getting all worked up or worried or anxious about so many things.
Our relationships as singles are not spared from this strategy of hell to snuff joy, understanding, and bliss from them.
You will always see ladies more beautiful, more caring, more understanding, richer, and more respectful than your fiance or fiancee. Make up your mind with the help of God to stay focused on your partner.
You will always have desires, especially of material things. Don’t focus on what you don’t have and get anxious or agitated about those things
Celebrate your partner. Be intentional about seeing the best in each other.
Appreciate what you have and leave what you don’t have.
The same goes for us Couples. Other ladies and men will not suddenly become ugly. There will still be countless good men out there. Don’t compare the qualities of other women and men to your spouse.
Accept and love your spouse the way they are.
We are all a work in progress. The human tendency is to complain about what God has given you. The more you complain the more you will have reasons to complain. The more you appreciate your spouse the more grateful you are for them.
Don’t become anxious, especially about the good things of life, you don’t have YET. A pregnant woman does not envy the woman carrying her baby. They both carry something, it’s just a matter of time and the pregnant one will also carry her baby.
These things are not bad in themself but when you have your mind focused on them, they tend to choke the bliss out of your marriage.
Philippians 4:6 NIV Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Enjoy your spouse. Thank God for the spouse God has given you. What you lack now, will become plenty only if you have the right attitude of thanksgiving.
Material prosperity will come. Let us learn to enjoy ourselves on the way to our destination.
God does not want us to be worried and get preoccupied with things we don’t have.
He expects us to make our request known to our maker through prayers.
Enjoy your spouse. Enjoy your children. Enjoy where you are and what you have in the present.
