SINGLES – Dear Pastor, Can I Kiss My Fiancé or Fiancée?
A few days ago, on one of our WhatsApp platforms, a question was raised on the subject of kissing and we had several interesting comments. By the way, if you are single and yet to join our discussion hub on WhatsApp, do so HERE. There are discussions, questions, and answers you can learn from on a daily basis.
I have been asked several times about this issue. A lot of people believe there is nothing wrong with kissing. In fact, most people believe it is godly. The question is, ‘is it right or wrong?’
Before, I answer the question; let us look at the scripture that is often quoted to justify kissing in relationships.
Salute one another with an holy kiss. The churches of Christ salute you. – Rom 16:16 KJV
All the brethren greet you. Greet ye one another with an holy kiss. – 1Co 16:20 KJV
Greet one another with an holy kiss. – 2Co 13:12 KJV
Greet all the brethren with an holy kiss. – 1Th 5:26 KJV
From the above scriptures, it looks like a kiss is not a sin, and sincerely, in the context of the above scriptures, it is not a sin.
What is the above context? It is a cultural context. A Jewish kiss is a form of greetings in those days. Nothing more! See an example here:
And his father Isaac said unto him, Come near now, and kiss me, my son. – Gen 27:26 KJV
The issue with us in this part of the world is that we don’t greet with a kiss. You can’t lock your lips with your fiancée for over thirty minutes and then turn around to say you’ve just been greeting her! What kind of greeting was that? What type of greeting were you doing that your heartbeats accelerated and your hands got busy?
The scripture above says to greet one another with a holy kiss. Now, the Jewish kiss may be holy, but I am not sure that the Nigerian kiss is holy!
To be continued…
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY Lord, I receive wisdom to discern between positive and negative influences in my life and grace to avoid the negative.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY In Jesus’ name, I resist the power of negative influence over my life.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Rom 7:25 MSG The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Cut off your association with any person, place, or thing that is influencing you negatively.
The wisest king of Israel once said that two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labour. That is if they are going the same way
If one falls, the other can help his friend get up. But how tragic it is for the one who is all alone when he falls. There is no one to help him get up. Again, if two people lie down together, they can keep warm, but how can one person keep warm? Though one person may be overpowered by another, two people can resist one opponent. A triple-braided rope is not easily broken. A young man who is poor and wise is better than an old, foolish king who won’t take advice any longer. A young man came out of prison to rule as king, even though he had been born in poverty in that same kingdom. Ecc 4:10-14 GW
But the pertinent question is which two? Is it just any two? It is definitely not so.
God asked a question, and He is still asking in Amos 3:3. Can two walk together except they agree? When God asks a question, it is not because He does not know the answer, but because He wants you and me to think about the question.
Before you enter that relationship, you need to ask yourself four very important questions.
1. Can he/she go with me?
2. Will he/she go with me?
3. Can he/she grow with me?
4. Will he/she grow with me?
If the two of you are not going the same way, then you do not have a business with that person no matter how handsome or beautiful the person is.
Is your decision based on attraction or direction? Your marital journey is sweeter and smoother when the two of you are going to the same place. Your focus and vision are single. You have the advantage of cooperation and joint effort. You are not pulling at each other, distracting yourselves, and moving contrary to each other.
The pain in your relationship may be a signal that you are not going the same way. Please, do not ignore these signals.
If he/she is not born again and you are, it is a dangerous sign. Don’t say yes to an unbeliever or one with a different spiritual standing.
To be continued…
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I receive grace to cut away from relationships that will distract and pull me back.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, help me today to choose to walk with people who are in agreement with my destiny.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY When two of you get together on anything at all on earth and make a prayer of it, my Father in heaven goes into action. Mat 18:19 MSG
ACTION PLANFOR THE DAY Write the names of your 10 closest friends. Strike out the names of those who are not going the same direction as you are going.
Some years back, my wife and I addressed hundreds of teenagers in a particular meeting. It was amazing at the kind of questions those little ones asked. Some of them were as young as eleven years old. They asked about gay marriage, sex, masturbation, and so on.
Some of those questions you wouldn’t think a thirteen-year-old would ask. But you see, it is obvious that a ten-year-old child today is no longer as innocent or as unexposed as a ten-year-old some twenty years ago. Things have changed, and that rapidly too.
One of the conclusions drawn for those young ones is that there is no point in experimenting with what would fail. Life is about what you sow!
You cannot fool God, so don’t make a fool of yourself! You will harvest what you plant. (Gal 6:7 CEV)
This is so simple yet so profound. You will definitely reap whatever you sow; someday, somehow. You cannot reap what you did not sow. It is like putting potatoes on fire and expecting to eat a dinner of fried rice and chicken. It does not happen that way!
Some people are busy sowing wild seeds into their marriage and they expect to have a happy married life. People sow into the flesh; they follow the dictates of their fleshly appetite. They get involved with all manner of sexual activities and impurities, yet they expect all to be well in their marriage. If you are thinking of cheating God in this way, you are very much deceived. God CAN NOT be mocked!
Each time you sow bad seeds into your marriage, something dies in the marriage. When you sow to the wind, you usually reap the whirlwind. Some others do not necessarily sow sexual sins in their marriage, but they sow anger, bitterness, strife, oppression, pain, and unforgiving spirit.
Some commit adultery and expect their homes to be peaceful. It is impossible! You cannot be messing around with teenage girls and expect your children to be blessed. Someone somewhere will defile your daughters too…
To be continued…
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I receive the grace to sow good and right seeds in my marriage. My home is blessed. My marriage is blessed.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Heavenly Father, I ask you to forgive all wrong actions and wrong seeds sown into my marriage.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, (Gal 5:19 KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Write out all the good qualities you admire and desire in your marriage. Begin to sow them into your marriage.
Am I rushing? Am I too young? Did we have sufficient friendship and courtship? Do I really know him or her since I can only love the person I know?
6. Is The Feeling Mutual?
Am I forcing myself on him or her? Does he or she reciprocates the love or treats me anyhow?
7. Is God Involved?
Do I have peace with this relationship? What are my Pastors saying? What about my parents? What about my siblings? Do I have peace?
Am I sure this is of God? Am I sure I am not on my own? Do I have God’s support and favour?
Ask yourself these questions and make sure you find answers to all of them and you would have succeeded in doing yourself a lot of good. You would have contributed to your happiness and taken charge of the future.
Don’t allow pressures brought about by delays or friends to make you decide and cling to what will obviously not work out.
There is no need to rush into a marriage because you are desperate only to get there and suffer silently because you never knew who you were dealing with.
Once you know a relationship is not of God or it is defective, don’t hesitate to end it all in order to do it right. A broken heart is still much better than a broken life!
Go back to God if you know your relationship with Him is not too good again because that is the foundation of getting blessed by Him!
It is well with you in Jesus name!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I possess wisdom, wisdom directs my actions. I am not blindly in love that I do not apply wisdom. I am patient to find out what I need to find out before saying ‘I do’.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to do my part and follow your leading in my decisions, especially in the area of my relationship. I receive fresh wisdom from you to direct my path in Jesus name.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Ask (questions), and the answer shall be given you; seek, and you shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. –Matthew 7:7
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Take a pen and paper and write down all the questions you are going to ask the person you intend to marry, whether he/she is already around or not. Be prepared, so you are not so much in love that all sense of reasoning is gone.
