From Neglect to a Vicious Life: Sade’s Untold Story
In the heart of Yoruba land, lay the bustling city of Lagos. Life in Lagos was a blend of vibrant market scenes, the rhythmic sounds of traditional drums, and the soft, comforting murmur of the Bar Beach. It was here that Sade’s story unfolded, marked by neglect, sorrow, rebellion, and eventual redemption.
Sade, a delicate girl with eyes that held the depth of neglect and unspoken sorrows, often found herself lost in the shadows of her parents’ ambitions. Her small frame seemed to shrink even further in the vast emptiness of their modest home, where laughter and warmth were as scarce as water in the dry season.
Her father, Mr. Williams, was a transporter whose life was measured in miles rather than moments. His weathered hands gripped the steering wheel of his battered truck from dawn to dusk, navigating treacherous roads that snaked between distant cities. The constant rumble of the engine had become more familiar to him than the sound of neglect from his daughter’s voice. When he did return home, his eyes were heavy with exhaustion, barely registering Sade’s eager face before he collapsed into a dreamless sleep.
Mrs. Williams, a petty trader at the bustling local market, lived in a cacophony of bartering and gossip. Her days were a blur of haggling over yams, peppers, and second-hand clothes, her shrill voice rising above the din as she fought for every kobo. The market had become her world, its rhythms dictating her life more surely than the rising and setting of the sun. In the rare moments when she thought of home and its neglect, it was with a mixture of guilt and justification – surely her hard work would pay off someday, giving Sade the life she deserved.
Their relentless pursuit of a better life had become an all-consuming obsession, leaving no room for the present, no time for the small joys of family life. Sade had become an afterthought, a vague future beneficiary of their sacrifices rather than a living, breathing child in need of love and attention.
In their absence, Sade was left in the care of her older cousins, a decision made more out of necessity than consideration. These cousins, themselves products of neglect and hardship, saw Sade not as a child to nurture but as a burden to bear. Their resentment manifested in subtle cruelties – a sharp word here, a missed meal there, and sometimes, in the dark of night, far worse transgressions that Sade dared not speak of.
As days bled into weeks and months, Sade’s world shrank to the confines of her loneliness. She learned to move silently through the house, to make herself invisible, to swallow her tears and longings. Her eyes, once bright with childish wonder, grew deep and sorrowful, holding secrets too heavy for her young heart to bear. In the rare moments when her parents were home, Sade would watch them from afar, a stranger in her own family, yearning for a connection that seemed forever out of reach.
The shadows of Lagos’s lush forests paled in comparison to the darkness that engulfed Sade’s young life. Her cousins, entrusted with her care, became the architects of her nightmares. Ade, the eldest at seventeen, led the pack with a malevolent glint in his eyes. His sister, Funmi, two years his junior, was no less cruel, her soft voice a deceptive mask for her sadistic nature. The youngest, fourteen-year-old Bode, followed his siblings’ lead, eager to prove his own capacity for cruelty.
Their abuse began subtly – a pinch here, a harsh word there – but quickly escalated into a reign of terror. In the dead of night, when the city was cloaked in darkness, they would creep into Sade’s room. Ade’s calloused hands would clamp over her mouth, muffling her screams as Funmi and Bode took turns inflicting their twisted desires upon her small, fragile body.
“If you breathe a word of this to anyone,” Ade would hiss, his breath hot against her ear, “we’ll throw you into the Bar-Beach. The water spirits will drag you down, and no one will ever find your body.”
The weight of this secret crushed Sade’s spirit. At five years old, she bore a burden that would break even the strongest adult. Her once melodious laughter, which had rung through the compound like little bells, fell silent. The sparkle in her eyes dimmed, replaced by a haunted, faraway look. Joy became a foreign concept, fear her constant companion.
At school, the change in Sade was stark. Mrs. Adeyemi, her kindergarten teacher, watched with growing concern as the once vibrant child withdrew into herself. Sade’s colorful drawings of smiling families were replaced by dark scribbles and torn pages. During playtime, she would huddle in a corner, flinching at the slightest touch from her classmates.
“There’s something wrong with Sade,” Mrs. Adeyemi confided to the headmaster. “I’ve tried talking to her, but she just stares at the floor. I fear something terrible is happening at home.”
The headmaster nodded gravely. “We must inform her parents. This behavior is not normal for a child her age.”
But their concerns fell on deaf ears. When confronted, Mr. Williams waved off their worries with a tired hand. “Children go through phases,” he said dismissively. “We’re working hard to give her a good life. She’ll be fine.”
Mrs. Williams, her mind preoccupied with the day’s sales, barely registered the teacher’s words. “Sade has always been a quiet child,” she insisted. “You’re making something out of nothing.”
As her parents remained blind to her suffering, Sade retreated further into her shell. Each day became a battle for survival, each night a descent into terror. The carefree child she once was vanished, replaced by a hollow-eyed ghost who moved through life in fearful silence, carrying the weight of unspeakable horrors on her tiny shoulders.
Years passed, and Sade’s resentment towards her parents grew. By the time she entered the higher institution, she was a wild dog let loose, seeking to punish her parents through her own destruction. She dove headfirst into a life of hedonism—clubbing, smoking, and engaging in all manner of reckless behavior. She spat on the name of God, despising everything He represented. Invitations to school fellowship were met with disdain. Her heart hardened with each passing day.
On campus, Sade joined a notorious cult known as the Jezebels. Their reign of terror was unmatched; they caused chaos and instilled fear among students and faculty alike. Sade’s transformation into a force of rebellion was complete.
Her roommate, Angela, was a stark contrast. Angela was a devout Christian, her faith unwavering. She prayed fervently for Sade, often with her fellowship friends, despite Sade’s antagonistic behavior. Their coexistence was tense, and it reached a boiling point when Sade decided to exact her revenge on Angela.
In a fit of rage, Sade conspired with her boyfriends to ambush Angela. One evening, as Angela walked back from lectures, singing worship songs and praying, the boys moved in to attack. But something inexplicable happened. As they closed in, they saw Angela moving, but her legs had vanished. Fear gripped them, and they fled, convinced she was a witch.
Terrified, Sade plotted another way to rid herself of Angela. She laced some meat pies with rat poison and offered them to Angela. Angela accepted the food and ate it without hesitation. When nothing happened to her, Sade was shaken to her core. Angela then showed her the scripture that spoke of divine protection: “If they drink any deadly thing, it will not hurt them.”
Sade’s walls of anger and rebellion crumbled. She broke down and confessed her sins to Angela, who listened with compassion. Through Angela’s guidance, Sade discovered the love and mercy of Christ. It was a long journey, but step by step, she found healing and forgiveness.
Years later, Sade returned to Lagos, not as a wild rebel, but as a beacon of hope. She reconciled with her parents, who were filled with regret and sorrow for their neglect. The city that once witnessed her suffering now saw her as a testament to the transformative power of faith and redemption. Sade’s story became an inspiration, a reminder that even in the darkest times, light can find a way through.
Lessons Learned.
1. Parental Neglect can lead to Emotional and Psychological Damage. When parents fail to provide the necessary love, attention, and protection, children can suffer deep, lasting wounds.
2. Neglect often leaves children vulnerable to abuse, as seen with Sade, who suffered at the hands of her cousins.
3. Sade’s neglected state led to a noticeable decline in her academic performance and social behavior. Parents should not neglect, but be sensitive to such declines.
4. Sade’s attempt to punish her parent’s neglect by engaging in destructive behaviors only led to further harm to herself. Never try to punish people with your actions.
5. Her involvement with the Jezebels and her subsequent actions demonstrate how one bad decision can lead to another, creating a downward spiral that is hard to escape. Watch your company!
6. Despite Sade’s rebelliousness and the wrongs she committed, God’s love remained steadfast.
7. Angela’s faith and persistent prayers for Sade underscore the importance of intercessory prayer and the belief that God can change even the hardest hearts. Do not neglect anyone. Keep praying!
Nalo was admired for her beauty and grace, but even more so for her kindness and wisdom. She had a heart full of dreams and a spirit eager for adventure. Despite her cheerful demeanor, she often felt a sense of confusion and uncertainty about her future. The village elders often spoke of the great plans Jehovah had for everyone, but Nalo found it hard to see her own path clearly.
One morning, as the first light of dawn painted the sky in shades of pink and orange, Nalo sat by the river, lost in thought. She remembered the words of the elders, echoing a sacred teaching from the Holy Writ of Umoja: “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”
As she pondered these words, she felt a presence beside her. It was Elder Kofi, a wise and gentle leader known for his deep understanding of the spiritual world.
“Nalo,” he said softly, “I see the worry in your eyes. What troubles your heart, my child?”
“Elder Kofi,” Nalo replied, “I feel lost. The future seems so uncertain, and I do not know which path to take. How can I trust that Jehovah has a plan for me when everything feels so unclear?”
Elder Kofi smiled warmly, his eyes twinkling with wisdom. “Let me tell you a story, Nalo, a story of trust, faith, and the unseen plans that Jehovah weaves for us.”
And so, he began:
The Story of Amani and the Holy Writ.
Many moons ago, at a time when the world was still young, there lived a humble farmer named Amani. He was a man of great faith and believed deeply in the wisdom of Jehovah. Amani’s life was filled with hard work and devotion, yet he too often felt the weight of uncertainty about his future.
One night, as Amani sat by his small fire, the Spirit of Jehovah appeared before him. The presence was powerful and comforting, and in its hands was a beautiful book, intricately bound with symbols and patterns that seemed to move and shift in the firelight.
“Amani, my dear child,” the Spirit said, “this Holy Writ is a gift from Jehovah. It holds the key to your future and the answers to your deepest questions. But remember, its wisdom can only be unlocked through faith and trust in the journey it will take you on.”
Amani accepted the Holy Writ with reverence and curiosity. He gazed at it, wondering what secrets it held. The next morning, he took it to the village elder, seeking guidance on how to use this mysterious gift.
The elder told him, “Amani, the Holy Writ will guide you through a series of trials and challenges. Each one will test your faith and perseverance. Only by trusting in the wisdom of Jehovah and following the path laid out for you will you unlock its true power.”
Determined and hopeful, Amani set out on his journey. The Holy Writ led him to a dense forest, where the path was tangled with vines and thorns. He struggled through, often doubting his ability to continue. But each time he felt despair, he remembered the words of the Spirit and pressed on, trusting that Jehovah had a plan.
His first trial was to find water in a dry, barren land. With faith, he dug deep into the earth, and to his amazement, a spring of clear, fresh water burst forth. The Holy Writ glowed, revealing a new path.
The second trial brought him to a high mountain, where he had to climb to the peak. The journey was exhausting, and the path was steep. But Amani’s faith never wavered. He believed that Jehovah was guiding him, and with each step, he felt His presence lifting his spirits.
At the summit, he found a rare and beautiful flower, which he carefully placed inside the Holy Writ. The flower’s fragrance filled the air, and the Holy Writ glowed brighter, showing him the next part of his journey.
The third trial took him to a village plagued by sickness. Amani used the water from the spring and the essence of the flower to heal the villagers. Their gratitude and joy were boundless, and Amani felt a deep sense of fulfillment. The Holy Writ now shone with a light so bright it illuminated his path clearly.
Finally, after many trials and acts of faith, the Holy Writ guided Amani back to his home. It was there, in his humble abode, that he found his true purpose. The Holy Writ transformed into a radiant beacon, symbolizing the wisdom and blessings of Jehovah. Amani had discovered that his journey, with all its challenges and uncertainties, had been Jehovah’s way of preparing him for his true calling—to be a healer and a leader in his village.
Lessons from the Tale.
As Elder Kofi finished his story, he looked at Nalo with gentle eyes. “Do you see, Nalo? Like Amani, you too must trust in the wisdom of Jehovah. Your path may seem unclear, and the future uncertain, but Jehovah has a plan for you, a plan for peace and fulfillment.”
Nalo nodded, feeling a newfound sense of hope and clarity. She understood that the journey itself, with its twists and turns, was part of the divine plan. The key was to trust, have faith, and embrace each moment with an open heart.
Elder Kofi continued, “Remember these lessons, Nalo:
Number 1. God’s Not Confused, You’re Just Stressed:
Jehovah knows the plans He has for you. Even when you feel lost, He is not confused. Trust in His wisdom.
Number 2. Your Future:
Jehovah sees the path ahead, even when you cannot. Trust that He is guiding you to your destined place.
Number 3. Your Struggles:
Every challenge is known to Jehovah, and He is not worried. Your struggles are part of the journey, shaping you into who you are meant to be.
Number 4. Your Desires:
Jehovah understands your dreams and desires. He has placed these hopes in your heart for a reason and is working to bring them to fruition.
Number 5. Your Path:
Even if you feel lost, Jehovah has the ultimate guide. Trust that He is leading you with love and wisdom.
Number 6. Trust the Process:
Life’s process can be unpredictable, but Jehovah’s process is perfect. Let go of control and believe in His timing.
Number 7. Lean on Faith:
When overwhelmed, lean into your faith. It will anchor you in the storm, reminding you of Jehovah’s guidance.
Number 8. Take Action with Confidence:
Move forward with the assurance that Jehovah is guiding your steps. Do not let fear or doubt hold you back.
Number 9. Surround Yourself with Positivity:
Build a support system of loved ones who uplift you and remind you of Jehovah’s promises.
Number 10. Reflect and Reset:
Regularly reflect on your journey. Acknowledge your progress and reset your focus on Jehovah’s plans. Stay aligned with His wisdom and keep your heart in a positive space.”
Nalo felt a deep sense of peace wash over her. She thanked Elder Kofi and rose from her place by the river, ready to embrace her journey with faith and trust. She knew now that Jehovah was always with her, guiding her toward a future filled with hope and fulfillment.
And so, Nalo walked back to her village, her heart light and her spirit strong, ready to face whatever the future held with the unwavering belief that Jehovah had a beautiful plan for her life.
Over the years, I’ve helped both single people and married couples with their problems. Let me tell you, dealing with issues related to sexual sins is one of the toughest challenges out there.
The grip of sexual sins can feel unshakeable, trapping people in cycles of guilt, shame, and compulsion. It’s a battle that tests your willpower and faith to the core. Many who seek guidance find themselves torn between fleeting desires promising quick satisfaction and the deeper longing for spiritual purity.
Imagine trying to climb a huge mountain; that’s what it’s like for anyone dealing with sexual sins. They get so caught up in it, like an ant trapped in a spider’s web, and it’s really hard to break free but beating temptation is very possible in God.
Breaking free from addiction and beating temptation demands a holistic strategy: prayer, accountability with trusted friends, and practical changes in daily life. It’s a journey that requires patience and empathy, understanding that setbacks aren’t failures but opportunities to recommit to recovery.
When I first started at KHC, it was super frustrating. Even after a lot of counseling and prayers, many people would just go back to their old habits. It felt like we weren’t making any progress.
We were all pretty confused until God revealed to me that sexual sins are often like spiritual traps. With God’s help, I’ve been able to guide people toward beating temptation with a kind of supernatural freedom from the spirit of perversion and deception behind these behaviors.
I’ve seen people cry and repent, only to fall back into sexual sins later. I’ve even counseled pastors who preached against these sins but struggled with them personally.
One time, I got a call about a leader who was making inappropriate advances on a church member during prayer at his branch.
I’ve also seen people fast for forty days to fight against sexual sins, but then they would just go back to their old behaviors.
Remember what it says in the Bible: “Sin won’t control you, because you’re not under the law but under grace” (Romans 6:14). No matter what you’ve been through, this truth stands strong. Jesus gave His life to free us from sin’s power.
Back in the day, people in the Old Testament used to cover their sins with animal sacrifices. Every time they messed up, they had to offer up an animal to make things right with God. But things changed when Jesus came. His death on the cross wasn’t just another sacrifice—it was the ultimate game-changer in beating temptation. His blood didn’t just cover our sins temporarily; it wiped them out completely. Imagine that—all your mistakes, gone, erased by His sacrifice.
So, now we’re not stuck under the weight of our wrongs. We’re free to embrace God’s grace, to experience real forgiveness and restoration. It’s not about trying to be perfect or earning our way to heaven; it’s about accepting what Jesus did for us and letting His love transform our lives.
So, let’s live like we’re truly forgiven like we’ve been given a fresh start. Because in Jesus, we find true freedom from sin and a new way of living that’s filled with hope and purpose.
Next, remember to ask God for forgiveness. He not only forgives but also forgets. It’s important to know that God doesn’t judge you; instead, He encourages you to turn away from sin.
Many people trapped in sexual compromise aren’t necessarily promiscuous but have endured abuse or trauma. It’s crucial to seek healing and not let past hurts control your future.
You don’t have to be controlled by sinful desires. With the Holy Spirit’s help, you can overcome these struggles and step into the future God has planned for you by beating temptation easily.
Take time today to pray for forgiveness and grace. Reflect on Psalm 125:4, and think about how you can make choices that honor God throughout your day.
Back in the early days of our marriage, around 2002, my wife and I got into a quarrel that dragged on for days. Strangely, I can’t recall what sparked it. However, during this dispute, something remarkable happened: I experienced a spiritual awakening. For the first time, I glimpsed into the realm of the supernatural and saw the deep-seated animosity that the devil and his followers harbor toward marriages and families. It was eye-opening to witness the lengths to which the devil would go to sow discord and disrupt relationships. Fortunately, the quarrel between my wife and me was resolved swiftly thereafter.
If God were to grant you a glimpse into the spiritual realm, you’d find yourself softening swiftly. All the anger and aggression would dissipate as you realize you’ve been under demonic sway. Demons are indeed real. While the physical world may seem bustling, the spiritual realm is even more so.
Understand, there exist powerful malevolent forces, opposing courtships and marriages, aiming to sow doubt and discord. These evil spirits seek to manipulate your thoughts, feeding you assumptions that could jeopardize your marriage.
The real question is: will you align your destiny with hell? As a child of God, the devil cannot intrude into your life, family, or home unless you invite him in. Remember, the devil has already been defeated. However, by disregarding God’s principles, you inadvertently open the door for his influence.
A child of God cannot be possessed by a demon but can experience oppression. This oppression can pave the way for yielding to demonic influences. In your relationships, marriage, and home, it’s crucial to steer clear of certain pitfalls. These missteps can swiftly open the door, providing the devil with an opportunity to wreak havoc. One such mistake to avoid is harboring bitterness towards each other.
Don’t get bitter at each other
Bitterness should be shunned like a plague, for it is far more destructive. When bitterness takes root, it becomes a barrier to receiving help, as even prayers go unanswered. It’s not merely a fleeting emotion; it’s a deep-seated root that, if left unchecked, can lead to further devastation. Reflect on the scriptures for guidance in this matter.
Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled; (Hebrews 12:15 KJV)
When bitterness takes hold, it can cause God’s grace to falter, a perilous position to find oneself in. It warns of trouble ahead, as bitterness only begets more trouble. Ultimately, many will be tainted by its influence, leading to impulsive actions. In marriages, it can affect the children, while in single life, it may disrupt academic and career pursuits.
It all begins with getting hurt. You may have an expectation, perhaps awaiting an apology, but none comes. As you grapple with this, another hurt follows, compounded by the absence of an apology. Then, another action adds to the hurt, perpetuating the cycle.
These accumulated hurts can evoke a range of emotions, from feeling unloved to harboring hatred toward the very person you’re meant to love. Before you know it, the devil steps in, planting seeds of suggestions and assumptions. Remember, the devil is a deceitful liar, the originator of falsehoods incapable of speaking the truth.
Embracing and believing these assumptions leads to a hardening of the heart, gradually plunging you into depression and despair. In this state, where scripture and God’s love are pushed aside, the sole focus becomes proving a point, paving the way for bitterness to take hold. In the grip of bitterness, your spouse becomes perceived as the enemy, ensnaring you in a trap.
The wife withdraws emotionally, while the husband’s anger escalates, exacerbating the situation. Bitterness clouds judgment, leading to regrettable decisions.
When trapped in bitterness, there are paths to freedom.
1. Prayer is key
Engage in fervent prayer to clear the mind and open yourself to God’s guidance, which offers a way out.
2. Patience
Patience is paramount when dealing with a bitter spouse. It requires an abundance of patience to guide them out of their bitterness. In cases where both parties harbor bitterness, it’s crucial to set aside hostilities and collaborate towards resolution.
3. Forgiveness
Additionally, swift forgiveness is imperative. Only through quick forgiveness can prayers find their efficacy.
4. Humility
Humility plays a pivotal role as well. Rather than asserting dominance, humility fosters an environment conducive to reconciliation.
For singles, the process remains the same. If bitterness and hurts permeate your relationship or courtship, seeking help and mentorship is essential to uproot the bitterness. It’s imperative not to proceed down the aisle burdened by bitterness.
30 Shocking Realities Before Marriage by Eno Jerry Part 2
We started on this yesterday and we will conclude today.
19. Manage Expectations
It’s normal to fantasize about marriage and picture the ideal relationship. However, unrealistic expectations can damage a union if not addressed. When two individuals commit their lives together, compromise is necessary.
No one is perfect, so don’t expect your partner to meet all of your emotional or physical needs without also meeting theirs. Appreciate your significant other for who they are, not who you imagine them to be. Small irritations that seemed minor before may bother you more as a married couple.
20. Find Purpose
Also, your partner should not have to fulfill your purpose or identity. While support is important, relying on them solely for happiness places unfair pressure on their shoulders. Maintain interests and friendships outside the marriage for balance.
Similarly, allow your partner space to follow their dreams too. Whether it’s furthering education, changing careers, or pursuing hobbies, encourage each other’s goals. Make time for activities you each enjoy separately as well as together.
21. Be Flexible
Compromise means considering your spouse’s perspective and finding solutions that work for you both. Be willing to bend when possible and don’t just think of yourself. With patience and teamwork, you can overcome challenges as a united front. Going into marriage with realistic views sets the stage for a fulfilling partnership built on mutual understanding and support. Unmet fantasies often stem the root of dissatisfaction.
22. Work on Communication
Strong communication serves as the foundation for any healthy relationship. However, speaking and listening with understanding do not always come naturally and require effort. As a couple, make developing this skill a priority.
Start by listening without judgment or assumptions when your partner speaks.
Focus fully on what they say rather than thinking of your response. Ask clarifying questions if needed so you can see things from their perspective. All these are important before marriage.
When sharing your feelings or needs, do so respectfully using “I statements” instead of accusations. Say something like “I feel upset when you forget our plans because I was looking forward to our time together.” This avoids placing blame.
Discussing disagreements kindly helps resolve issues rather than letting them fester. Come prepared to compromise rather than demand your way. Take breaks if tensions rise so you can return to difficult topics with clearer heads.
23. Don’t Sweep Issues Under The Carpet.
Small problems become big ones if not addressed. So talk through everyday annoyances before they accumulate. Catching issues early gives the best chance of a resolution that satisfies you both. With practice, you’ll strengthen your ability to communicate supportively as a team.
Healthy communication habits take work but are well worth establishing as the foundation for a strong marriage. Facing challenges together through respectful discussion helps deepen understanding and intimacy between partners
24. Seek Counseling if Needed
Even couples excited about marriage may have areas to improve before tying the knot. Pre-marital counseling provides an objective third party to help identify issues and give you tools to build a healthy relationship.
A counselor can guide meaningful discussions that you and your partner find difficult alone. They’ll prompt reflection on your backgrounds, values, expectations, and communication styles. This helps ensure you see eye to eye on important topics and are ready to support each other.
Working through any existing problems with a professional also gives the best chance of overcoming them. Bottled-up resentment or unresolved conflicts from your past are less likely to negatively impact your marriage.
Pre-marital sessions teach relationship skills like active listening, “I statements,” compromising, and managing conflict. Practicing these with guidance strengthens your bond and ability to face challenges together down the road.
Don’t be afraid to seek counseling if you notice areas of concern. It takes courage to address problems head-on with your partner and a counselor. But it provides so much benefit to working through difficulties before marriage rather than hoping they’ll disappear after “I dos.”
With counseling, you’ll feel confident that you and your significant other are fully prepared for the commitment of marriage. Your union will be built on a strong foundation of understanding, trust, and communication from the very beginning.
25. Signs It May Not Last
While every couple faces obstacles, some partnerships show red flags indicating deeper issues. If several of these signs apply to your relationship, seriously consider whether you and your partner are ready for marriage. It’s better to acknowledge problems now rather than later.
26. Lack of Commitment
One or both individuals are not fully bought into the marriage. They are not willing to put in the effort it requires through good and bad. One or both feet may still be out the door. Before marriage, this area should be sorted.
27. Inability to Solve Problems
Major conflicts over important issues like finances, intimacy, or in-laws are left unresolved. Partners lack effective communication skills and are unable or unwilling to find compromises. This is a crucial area that needs to be addressed before marriage.
28. Unrealistic Expectations
One or both have an idealized, fantasy view of marriage and relationships rather than a realistic one. They expect their partner to meet all their needs and resolve all their issues. Before marriage, unrealistic expectations should be discarded.
29. Lack of Trust or Respect
There are underlying trust issues due to past hurts, different values, or personality clashes. Partners disrespect one another through insensitive words, dismissal of feelings, or private criticism. If this happened before marriage without check, it will still happen afterward.
30. Frequent or Escalating Arguments
Disagreements happen, but true red flags include arguments that end in personal attacks, name-calling, or one partner trying to control the other through anger or tears.
Take time to reflect on whether any of these signs ring true for your relationship. Addressing concerns with counseling before marriage gives the best chance at a healthy union built to stand the test of time.
