How To Explore Different Parenting Styles In The Home

by Rev Dunamis Okunowo | Dec 7, 2024 | Singles and Married

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Just saying the word ‘Parenting’ can feel like stepping onto a tightrope, especially when you and your partner have different ideas about how to raise your future kids. Should bedtime be 7 p.m. sharp, or is “when they’re tired” good enough? Do you go full-on discipline or take a gentler approach?

Here’s the truth: every couple brings their own parenting philosophies to the table, shaped by how they were raised, their faith, and their personal values. But don’t worry—you’re not alone in figuring this out. Let’s dive into how you can explore different parenting styles together, with grace and a dash of humor.

Step 1: Know the Parenting Styles (And What They Mean)

First, let’s break down the main parenting styles. Think of these as the “love languages” of raising kids—different approaches that can complement or clash, depending on how you blend them:

Authoritative: Clear rules with lots of love. Think firm but fair.
Authoritarian: Heavy on discipline, light on flexibility.
Permissive: The “cool parent” who’s more laid-back.
Uninvolved: Minimal rules, minimal involvement (not the vibe, obviously).

No one fits perfectly into one box, and that’s okay. Most of us end up somewhere in between. The key is figuring out how you and your partner align—or don’t—and working from there.

Step 2: Start With a Heart-to-Heart

Communication is everything when it comes to parenting differences. Before you dive into specifics, talk about the big picture.

Ask each other:

How did your parents raise you? What worked, and what didn’t?
What kind of parent do you want to be?
How does your faith influence your views on parenting?

Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Your shared faith can be the foundation that brings you together, even when your methods differ.

Step 3: Embrace Your Differences

Let’s be real—your partner probably isn’t going to parent exactly like you, and that’s a good thing. Their strengths can balance out your weaknesses and vice versa.

Example: If you’re all about structure but your partner is more go-with-the-flow, you might create a bedtime routine that’s consistent but flexible enough to adapt when needed.

Think of it as a team sport. You’re not competing; you’re combining your unique strengths to give your kids the best possible upbringing.

Step 4: Find Common Ground

This is where the magic happens. Once you’ve talked through your styles, start looking for areas of overlap:

Do you both value open communication with your kids?
Are you on the same page about instilling faith and Biblical values?
How do you handle discipline?

If you hit a sticking point (and you will), remember to approach it with humility and a willingness to compromise. Ephesians 4:2 is clutch here: “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”

Step 5: Create a Game Plan

Having a plan can make all the difference. You don’t need to map out every detail of your parenting strategy before your kids are even born, but having a shared framework can prevent future clashes.

Here’s how:

Set priorities: What’s non-negotiable for both of you?
Agree on discipline methods: Time-outs, grounding, and taking away screen time. Figure out what works for your family.
Stay consistent: Kids thrive on routine and clarity.

When you’re united as a team, your kids will feel safe and secure, even if you occasionally disagree behind the scenes.

Step 6: Pray Together (And Often)

If there’s one piece of advice you take away, let it be this: pray over your parenting journey. Ask God for wisdom, patience, and the ability to navigate disagreements with grace.

James 1:5 encourages us, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” Parenting isn’t easy, but with God at the center, you’re never doing it alone.

Quick Tips for Exploring Parenting Styles as a Couple

Laugh it off: Not every disagreement is a big deal. Sometimes, humor is the best medicine.
Seek counsel: Talk to trusted mentors or other Christian couples who’ve been there.
Stay flexible: What works for one kid might not work for another. Parenting is a constant learning curve.
Keep the main thing the main thing: Raising kids who love Jesus and feel loved by you is the ultimate goal.

The Bottom Line

Navigating parenting styles as a couple isn’t about being perfect—it’s about working together, keeping Christ at the center, and creating a loving, God-honoring home. You won’t always agree, but that’s okay. What matters most is showing your kids what it looks like to love, listen, and grow as a team.

So, go ahead—start the conversation with your partner, keep God in the loop, and trust that He’s equipping you for this beautiful, messy, rewarding journey of parenthood.