I was at a meeting this past few days, and our father, Dr. Albert Femi Oduwole, was ministering. He quoted a scripture that really struck a chord. It will bless you.
2Sa 14:26 (KJV) And when he polled his head, (for it was at every year’s end that he polled it: because the hair was heavy on him, therefore he polled it:) he weighed the hair of his head at two hundred shekels after the king’s weight.
The scripture above referred to Absalom, who was the most handsome man in the Old Testament.
He would cut his hair at the end of every year because it had become heavy on him.
What is heavy on you that you are coping with? You are supposed to “poll” it.
Interestingly, the same hair was the point of his beauty. But that which is responsible for his beauty also became a point of weariness due to the heaviness.
How often have we found out that our point of giftings can often become a point of distraction, if left unpolled!
This is the end of the year! You need some polling to do!
The Amplified Bible calls it a burden!
2Sa 14:26 (AMPC) And when he cut the hair of his head, he weighed it–for at each year’s end he cut it, because its weight was a burden to him–and it weighed 200 shekels by the king’s weight.
Many of you are probably gifted and smart, but your weight has become too much of a burden!
The scripture rightly says:
Mat 11:28 (KJV) Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
That hair that has grown over your relationship needs some polling. Some numbers need to be deleted. Some relationships need to be discarded. They have become a point of iniquity, and you know! Go get some barbing now!
Refuse to carry all demonic hair on your head! Do not allow any heaviness!
May God give you proper rest as you approach the coming year!
Life is never in a straight or parallel line. There are times when we all don’t find it entertaining.
Times of distress will usually come.
What is our recommended way of responding to distress when overwhelmed with life?
Let us check the scriptures. There is an answer for every imbroglio we might encounter.
Psa 107:13 (KJV) Then they cried unto the LORD in their trouble, and he saved them out of their distresses.
Times of trouble are not the times to panic or be filled with anxiety. It is not time to worry or be filled with trepidation. It is not time to complain or murmur. It is not time to withdraw from God or become numb to the love of God. It is not time to be filled with apathy and begin to reject God!
It is time to cry unto the Lord!
They cried unto the Lord… Not cry unto themselves… Not cry unto their family… But into the Lord. And that is very instructive.
Crying unto the Lord shows that you put your trust in Him and have faith that He can save, deliver, and settle you!
Crying unto the Lord shows that you don’t have any alternative besides God, which is what you call faith!
After calling unto the Lord, what did the scripture say?
…and he saved them out of their distresses.
Well, God will save you from every distress in Jesus’ name!
When there is a lot of stress, we become distressed!
But hear me this morning: God will save you from every distress!
Take a look at the message translation:
Psa 107:13 (MSG) Then you called out to GOD in your desperate condition; he got you out in the nick of time.
Is your condition desperate? God will get you out in time—he won’t be late! Believe, trust, and see God’s salvation today!
Let’s get real for a second: We all have those moments when we feel like we’re not good enough. Whether it’s from past heartbreaks, personal insecurities, or just the weight of the world telling us we’re “too much” or “not enough,” it’s easy to start believing we’re unworthy of love. But here’s the thing: you are worthy. And we’re here to help you see that truth, one step at a time.
What’s Behind These Feelings of Unworthiness?
It’s totally normal to feel unworthy at times. Life is messy, right? Maybe a relationship ended badly, or someone made you feel small. Society’s constant pressure to “be perfect” doesn’t help either. But the truth? These feelings of unworthiness are lies—lies that don’t reflect your true value.
Think about it: even in our lowest moments, God still calls us His beloved. In Romans 5:8, it says, “But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” He loved you even when you felt far from lovable. That’s the kind of love you’re meant to experience.
How to Beat the Feeling of Unworthiness
Okay, so how do we shake off these negative feelings and truly believe we’re worthy of love? Here are some simple, practical steps that can help:
1. Write It Down
Grab a notebook (or your phone) and start jotting down what makes you unique and lovable. It could be your sense of humor, your creativity, or your ability to listen when someone needs to vent. Seeing these qualities in black and white can help you realize just how amazing you really are.
2. Practice Positive Affirmations
It may sound cheesy, but trust me, affirmations work. Start your day by telling yourself, “I am loved, I am worthy, and I am enough.” The more you say it, the more it sinks in. This helps rewire your brain to embrace the truth of who you are, rather than the lies you’ve believed.
3. Surround Yourself with Support
This one’s huge. We all need a squad that lifts us up. Hang out with people who remind you of your worth—friends, family, or even a mentor. A good community can help reinforce your sense of belonging, especially when you’re feeling like you don’t measure up.
4. Give Yourself Grace
You don’t have to be perfect, and that’s okay! Sometimes, the biggest struggle is just being kind to ourselves. When you mess up, be gentle. God doesn’t expect perfection, but He does expect us to show ourselves the same grace He shows us.
When You Need Extra Help: Professional Support
If those feelings of unworthiness stick around despite your best efforts, don’t be afraid to reach out for help. Talking to a therapist or counselor can help you unpack those deep-rooted issues. Professionals can offer tools to reframe your thoughts and build a healthier relationship with yourself. Mental health is just as important as physical health, and sometimes, a little guidance can make all the difference.
God Sees You Differently
It’s time to remind yourself of the truth—God created you, He loves you, and He calls you worthy. In Isaiah 43:4, God says, “Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you…” God sees you as precious, and He doesn’t make mistakes. You’re a masterpiece, flaws and all.
When those feelings of unworthiness start creeping in, remember this: You are chosen, loved, and accepted by the Creator of the universe. His love isn’t based on your performance or what you’ve done—it’s based on who He is and the fact that He created you with purpose.
Final Thoughts: You Deserve to Be Loved
Listen, you are so much more than your doubts and insecurities. You were made to experience love—God’s love, and the love of those around you. It might take time to shake off those negative thoughts, but with some self-reflection, positive affirmations, a supportive community, and maybe a little extra help when needed, you’ll get there.
So, next time you feel unworthy, remember: You are worthy of every bit of love. And God? He’s already told you that you are more than enough. Live in that truth, and watch your life transform.
Now go out there, be kind to yourself, and let the world see the beautiful, worthy person you truly are.
Alright, let’s talk about life changes. We all face them: maybe it’s moving to a new city, starting a different job, or ending a relationship. For others, it might be smaller but still nerve-wracking, like adjusting to a new school or helping a family member who’s aging. Whatever the size, these transitions can shake up our day-to-day routines and, often, our emotions too. Consider Abraham, who left everything behind at God’s command. This was a massive life change, but he trusted God’s promise and took the leap. Hebrews 11:8 says, “By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place that he was to receive as an inheritance.”
Life transitions—big or small—come with all sorts of feelings: excitement, stress, and maybe even grief over leaving the familiar. It’s completely normal to feel a little overwhelmed or unsure. And here’s the thing: going through transitions alone? Not ideal. We’re wired for connection, and a good support system can make all the difference.
Why You Need a Strong Support Squad
In times of change, having a reliable circle—family, friends, your church group, or even an online community—can make things a lot smoother. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 beautifully expresses the strength we gain from community: “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow.”
These people aren’t just a sounding board for your worries; they can lift you up in all kinds of ways:
Emotional Support: Just having someone to listen, encourage, or offer a virtual hug can help you feel less isolated.
Practical Help: Whether it’s a friend helping you pack for a move or someone pitching in with meals, these little actions make a huge impact.
Advice and Insight: Friends who’ve been through similar situations often have the best advice. Plus, knowing you’re not alone in your struggles is so reassuring.
So if you’re in the middle of a big change, don’t be afraid to lean on your people. And if someone else is going through something? Show up for them in whatever way you can.
Recognizing Your Needs—and Other People’s Limits
One of the toughest parts of change is figuring out what you need—and being okay with asking for it. But remember, the people around you might have their own limits, too. We’re all human, after all, and sometimes even the most supportive friend might be going through their own stuff. Jesus often withdrew to pray, showing us the importance of personal reflection and rest (Luke 5:16).
When you’re going through something major, it’s helpful to:
Be Real with Yourself: What do you need? Maybe it’s a listening ear or a helping hand with errands.
Ask with Care: Don’t be afraid to ask for support, but remember that everyone has their own capacity.
Be Open to Communication: Healthy boundaries and honest conversations keep relationships strong, even in tough times.
By respecting each other’s boundaries and leaning on empathy, you build an environment where support can go both ways.
Communication: Let’s Talk (and Really Listen)
Communication is one of the best ways to support each other through transitions. James 1:19 advises, “Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” Listening actively and communicating clearly help us support each other well.
Here’s a little crash course on keeping conversations open and supportive:
Listen Without Judging: This is the foundation of good communication. Make eye contact, put down the phone, and let the other person know they’re being heard.
Use “I” Statements: Instead of saying, “You always make things more complicated,” try, “I feel overwhelmed when things are uncertain.” This keeps the conversation calm and less defensive.
Give Feedback with Care: If you need to discuss something that’s been bothering you, focus on specific actions rather than attacking the person. Keep it positive, so it feels more like problem-solving than finger-pointing.
Effective communication isn’t just helpful; it’s essential for getting through major life changes together.
Building Empathy and Understanding
Empathy can be as simple as asking, “How are you really feeling about this change?” Or, if someone’s going through a difficult time, just be there with them, in the thick of it. You don’t always need to “fix” things; sometimes just being there speaks louder than words.
Real-life example: Imagine a friend who’s just been through a breakup. Instead of saying, “You’ll find someone better!” ask how they’re doing. Empathy helps others feel seen and understood.
Making a Plan Together for Smooth Transitions
Big life changes? They’re a lot less intimidating with a plan in place. Think of it like creating a roadmap with your friends or family members. Proverbs 15:22 reminds us, “Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.”
Here’s a quick guide:
Identify Goals: What’s everyone hoping to get out of this transition? A smoother move, better work-life balance, etc.
Set a Timeline: Establishing milestones keeps things moving forward. If you’re relocating, maybe set deadlines for packing, finalizing work transfers, etc.
Divide and Conquer: Everyone can play a part. One person handles logistics, another focuses on researching new schools, neighborhoods, or job options.
With a plan, the chaos feels way more manageable.
Prioritizing Self-Care—For Real
Self-care isn’t just for show; it’s a lifeline in times of change. The more we care for ourselves, the more we can genuinely support others.
Reflection Practices: Prayer, meditation, journaling, or just taking five minutes to breathe deeply can help you stay grounded.
Move Your Body: Whether it’s a walk, workout, or yoga, physical activity releases those feel-good endorphins.
Do What You Love: Find hobbies or activities that make you feel like yourself. They help you recharge and stay centered.
Learn from Each Other’s Experiences
Sharing personal stories of change can be deeply healing. When you talk about your own ups and downs, others feel safe to open up about theirs too. And hey, you might even pick up a few useful tips or comforting insights along the way.
For example, say you’re nervous about starting a new job, and a friend tells you how they overcame their own job transition jitters. Learning from each other’s stories reminds us that we’re not alone on this journey. Proverbs 27:17 says, “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” By sharing experiences, we grow together in wisdom and faith.
Embrace Change as a Constant
Change is one of the few constants in life, so the better we get at navigating it, the stronger we become. Here’s how to stay resilient:
Reflect on Past Changes: Look back at what helped you get through previous transitions. Chances are, those same strategies will help you again.
Keep an Open Mind: Embracing a flexible mindset keeps you proactive. It’s all about rolling with the punches and finding the silver linings.
Lean on Faith and Community: Whether it’s your faith, friends, or family, remember that you don’t have to face anything alone.
In the end, life’s transitions might be challenging, but they’re also powerful opportunities to grow and strengthen relationships. So next time you’re going through something big, remember you’re part of a community—one that’s ready to support, listen, and navigate whatever comes your way, together.
So, What Exactly Are Unhealthy Relationship Patterns?
Alright, let’s be real: relationships can be complicated. Sometimes, without even realizing it, we find ourselves stuck in unhealthy patterns. These can range from being codependent to dealing with manipulation or even emotional abuse. But what does all of this mean?
Codependency happens when you’re constantly putting your partner’s needs above your own, losing yourself in the process. Picture this: You’re always sacrificing your goals just to keep them happy, and after a while, resentment creeps in. Sound familiar?
Then there’s manipulation—where one person uses guilt or mind games to control the other. Ever had a partner who said, “If you really loved me, you’d do this”? That’s manipulation in action. Not cool, right?
And of course, emotional abuse—the more sneaky, damaging stuff like constant criticism or isolating you from friends and family. It can mess with your head and make you question your self-worth.
All of these patterns usually stem from deeper issues, like past trauma or attachment styles (which we’ll get into later). But the good news? Once you recognize these patterns, you can take steps to break free and create healthier connections.
How to Spot Unhealthy Patterns Like a Pro
So, how do you know if you’re in an unhealthy relationship? It’s not always obvious, especially when feelings are involved. But here are some signs to watch out for:
Anxiety on Repeat: Are you constantly feeling anxious about where you stand in the relationship? Do you second-guess everything you say or do? That’s a major red flag.
Lack of Trust: If you’re always questioning each other’s intentions or snooping through phones, it’s time to hit pause. Trust is the foundation of any strong relationship.
Losing Yourself: When you start changing your values, hobbies, or even your personality to fit into your partner’s world, you’re losing touch with you. Your relationship should enhance your identity, not erase it.
Same Fights, Different Days: If you keep arguing about the same things over and over, and the fights escalate over the smallest issues, it’s likely a sign that there’s something bigger beneath the surface.
Communication Breakdown: If meaningful conversations are becoming fewer and farther between, it’s a sign of disconnection. Healthy relationships thrive on open dialogue, not on avoiding tough conversations.
Breaking Free from Unhealthy Patterns
Now that you’ve identified the patterns, let’s talk about breaking free. Here’s where the hard work—and the magic—happens.
Set Clear Boundaries First things first: set some healthy boundaries. Let your partner know what’s okay and what’s not. This doesn’t have to be a confrontation. It’s about communicating your needs and standing firm on them. Your boundaries should protect your emotional and mental well-being.
Therapy Can Be a Game Changer Therapy isn’t just for “big” issues. It’s for anyone who wants to understand themselves better and break unhealthy cycles. Whether it’s individual therapy or couples counseling, having a professional guide you through the process can be super empowering.
Self-Care is Essential When was the last time you really focused on you? Take time to invest in your hobbies, spend time with friends, and nurture your spiritual life. The more grounded you are, the more you can show up as your best self in any relationship.
Look for the Red Flags Keep an eye out for red flags like disrespect, dishonesty, or controlling behavior. If something feels off, it probably is. Trust your gut and don’t be afraid to step back when needed.
Building Healthier Relationships: What’s Next?
Alright, you’ve done the work to break free from unhealthy patterns—now what? It’s time to build the kind of relationships that bring joy and help you grow.
Communication is Key Make open and honest communication a priority. Don’t just sweep things under the rug. Have tough conversations, share your thoughts and feelings, and listen to your partner with empathy.
Mutual Respect A healthy relationship is built on respect—respect for each other’s individuality, opinions, and personal space. You don’t have to agree on everything, but you should value each other’s perspectives.
Trust and Intimacy Trust is earned through consistency. Be reliable, be honest, and create a space where both you and your partner feel safe. Intimacy isn’t just physical; it’s about being vulnerable, sharing your deepest thoughts, and connecting emotionally.
Keep Your Independence A healthy relationship is made up of two whole individuals. Continue to invest in your own growth, hobbies, and friendships. Your relationship should complement your life, not consume it.
Your Path to Healthier Relationships
Breaking free from unhealthy patterns isn’t easy, but it’s so worth it. By recognizing the signs, setting boundaries, seeking help when needed, and committing to personal growth, you’re laying the foundation for relationships that are strong, fulfilling, and grounded in faith.
Now, I want to hear from you! Have you ever experienced unhealthy patterns in your relationships? How did you overcome them? Drop a comment below and let’s chat about it! Or, if you’re ready to take action, why not reach out to a trusted friend, mentor, or therapist and start your journey toward healthier connections?
Whether you’re single, dating, or figuring it all out, remember this: you deserve a relationship that uplifts, supports, and helps you grow into the person God created you to be. Take the first step today, and you’ll be amazed at how far you can go.
