30 Shocking Realities Before Marriage by Eno Jerry Part 2
We started on this yesterday and we will conclude today.
19. Manage Expectations
It’s normal to fantasize about marriage and picture the ideal relationship. However, unrealistic expectations can damage a union if not addressed. When two individuals commit their lives together, compromise is necessary.
No one is perfect, so don’t expect your partner to meet all of your emotional or physical needs without also meeting theirs. Appreciate your significant other for who they are, not who you imagine them to be. Small irritations that seemed minor before may bother you more as a married couple.
20. Find Purpose
Also, your partner should not have to fulfill your purpose or identity. While support is important, relying on them solely for happiness places unfair pressure on their shoulders. Maintain interests and friendships outside the marriage for balance.
Similarly, allow your partner space to follow their dreams too. Whether it’s furthering education, changing careers, or pursuing hobbies, encourage each other’s goals. Make time for activities you each enjoy separately as well as together.
21. Be Flexible
Compromise means considering your spouse’s perspective and finding solutions that work for you both. Be willing to bend when possible and don’t just think of yourself. With patience and teamwork, you can overcome challenges as a united front. Going into marriage with realistic views sets the stage for a fulfilling partnership built on mutual understanding and support. Unmet fantasies often stem the root of dissatisfaction.
22. Work on Communication
Strong communication serves as the foundation for any healthy relationship. However, speaking and listening with understanding do not always come naturally and require effort. As a couple, make developing this skill a priority.
Start by listening without judgment or assumptions when your partner speaks.
Focus fully on what they say rather than thinking of your response. Ask clarifying questions if needed so you can see things from their perspective. All these are important before marriage.
When sharing your feelings or needs, do so respectfully using “I statements” instead of accusations. Say something like “I feel upset when you forget our plans because I was looking forward to our time together.” This avoids placing blame.
Discussing disagreements kindly helps resolve issues rather than letting them fester. Come prepared to compromise rather than demand your way. Take breaks if tensions rise so you can return to difficult topics with clearer heads.
23. Don’t Sweep Issues Under The Carpet.
Small problems become big ones if not addressed. So talk through everyday annoyances before they accumulate. Catching issues early gives the best chance of a resolution that satisfies you both. With practice, you’ll strengthen your ability to communicate supportively as a team.
Healthy communication habits take work but are well worth establishing as the foundation for a strong marriage. Facing challenges together through respectful discussion helps deepen understanding and intimacy between partners
24. Seek Counseling if Needed
Even couples excited about marriage may have areas to improve before tying the knot. Pre-marital counseling provides an objective third party to help identify issues and give you tools to build a healthy relationship.
A counselor can guide meaningful discussions that you and your partner find difficult alone. They’ll prompt reflection on your backgrounds, values, expectations, and communication styles. This helps ensure you see eye to eye on important topics and are ready to support each other.
Working through any existing problems with a professional also gives the best chance of overcoming them. Bottled-up resentment or unresolved conflicts from your past are less likely to negatively impact your marriage.
Pre-marital sessions teach relationship skills like active listening, “I statements,” compromising, and managing conflict. Practicing these with guidance strengthens your bond and ability to face challenges together down the road.
Don’t be afraid to seek counseling if you notice areas of concern. It takes courage to address problems head-on with your partner and a counselor. But it provides so much benefit to working through difficulties before marriage rather than hoping they’ll disappear after “I dos.”
With counseling, you’ll feel confident that you and your significant other are fully prepared for the commitment of marriage. Your union will be built on a strong foundation of understanding, trust, and communication from the very beginning.
25. Signs It May Not Last
While every couple faces obstacles, some partnerships show red flags indicating deeper issues. If several of these signs apply to your relationship, seriously consider whether you and your partner are ready for marriage. It’s better to acknowledge problems now rather than later.
26. Lack of Commitment
One or both individuals are not fully bought into the marriage. They are not willing to put in the effort it requires through good and bad. One or both feet may still be out the door. Before marriage, this area should be sorted.
27. Inability to Solve Problems
Major conflicts over important issues like finances, intimacy, or in-laws are left unresolved. Partners lack effective communication skills and are unable or unwilling to find compromises. This is a crucial area that needs to be addressed before marriage.
28. Unrealistic Expectations
One or both have an idealized, fantasy view of marriage and relationships rather than a realistic one. They expect their partner to meet all their needs and resolve all their issues. Before marriage, unrealistic expectations should be discarded.
29. Lack of Trust or Respect
There are underlying trust issues due to past hurts, different values, or personality clashes. Partners disrespect one another through insensitive words, dismissal of feelings, or private criticism. If this happened before marriage without check, it will still happen afterward.
30. Frequent or Escalating Arguments
Disagreements happen, but true red flags include arguments that end in personal attacks, name-calling, or one partner trying to control the other through anger or tears.
Take time to reflect on whether any of these signs ring true for your relationship. Addressing concerns with counseling before marriage gives the best chance at a healthy union built to stand the test of time.
Secrets Unveiled: Apostle Arome’s 14 Keys To A Lasting Marriage Part 2
What are the Keys to a Long-Lasting Marriage?
8. Understanding the Price of Agreement.
Agreement is the foundation of any covenant relationship. Maintaining an agreement requires effort, but it is well worth it to enjoy the benefits of a true partnership. As the Apostle pointed out, “two cannot walk together except that they agree.”
Agreement allows couples to function as a corporate entity, combining their strengths for maximum impact. However, agreement does not just happen – it is something that must be cultivated through understanding each other, compromising when needed, and prioritizing the relationship above personal desires.
Apostle Arome used the example of Israel’s relationship with God to show how disagreement can arise even when two parties are committed to each other. Though Israel was married to God by covenant, at times “there was no harmony, no concord.”
Living together day after day reveals each person’s weaknesses as well as their strengths. It takes work to see beyond surface issues and maintain the “temperature of agreement.” But the rewards are great for couples who make this effort, as Apostle Arome said, with agreement comes the ability to “explore the field of destiny” through their combined efforts.
9. Avoid Unequal Yoke.
Being “unequally yoked” leads to a lack of harmony. When two people have differing values, priorities, or visions for their lives together, it creates internal friction that manifests in their interactions. Small disagreements that would normally be resolved become magnified when the underlying yoke is unequal.
Couples may find themselves constantly butting heads over decisions big and small. Resentment and frustration can build on both sides when there is no agreement at the core level of who they are and what they want from their marriage and future. Apostle Arome pointed to this lack of agreement at the foundational level as a disaster for any relationship that is meant to function as a unit.
10. Fellowship and Participation.
The Greek word for fellowship means participation. Effective participation between partners requires understanding each other’s strengths, weaknesses, passions, and quirks.
Couples who take the time to truly get to know their spouse on deep levels find it much easier to participate together in a harmonious way. They understand how to encourage and support each other’s participation in activities, responsibilities, and decision-making in a way that plays to each person’s nature. This allows them to function as a cohesive unit where both people feel valued for their contributions. A lack of real understanding breeds a lack of participation, which in turn breeds distance and disharmony in the relationship.
11. Communion and Intercourse.
Communion, or “koinonia”, refers to intercourse – the height of agreement between partners. When there is disharmony between a couple, it negatively impacts their ability to be intimate with each other. Intercourse is meant to be an act that deepens the bond of unity between a husband and wife, but lack of agreement on other levels makes true communion very difficult.
Unresolved issues like differing values or ongoing arguments translate to a disconnect even in the bedroom. Partners may feel reluctant to be emotionally or physically vulnerable. Addressing the root causes of disharmony through open communication and compromise is important to restore full communion in the relationship.
12. Purpose and Objectives.
Having a clearly defined, shared purpose is important for agreement. Couples who do not have a strong sense of why their marriage exists beyond just being together are more likely to experience disagreement down the line. Life presents many opportunities to veer off course individually if a marriage’s purpose is unclear or unaligned. Discussing each person’s goals, values, vision for family, and aspirations helps partners get on the same page about their reasons for committing to each other. With a mutual understanding of purpose, it is easier to make decisions and compromises while staying focused on similar objectives.
13. Addressing Past Mistake.
Apostle Arome discusses how past inappropriate relationships or touches can negatively impact agreement in a current marriage if unaddressed. Soul ties from previous romantic connections, even if just emotional, can linger in the recesses of one’s mind and heart. This leaves room for comparison or unresolved baggage that seeps into the present. Complete honesty and repentance between partners is needed. Working through such issues with a counselor or mentor can help cut past ties that hinder full agreement in the marriage. Sins of the past, if not brought to light, have the power to slowly poison unity in the present.
14. Conclusion.
In conclusion, the keys to lasting long in any marriage ultimately come down to agreement. Couples must work to cultivate agreement through fellowship, shared purpose, addressing past issues, and prioritizing their unity. When two become one in mutual understanding and participation, it allows them to present a united front even against any “enemy” seeking to bring disharmony. With agreement as the foundation, a marriage can withstand challenges and last for the long run.
Debunking Common Marriage Myths and Misconceptions
Marriage is a beautiful journey that brings two individuals together in love, commitment, and companionship. However, it’s not strange for various myths and misconceptions to obscure people’s perceptions of what a successful marriage entails. In this devotional, we will debunk some of the most prevalent marriage myths and shed light on the realities of married life.
Myth: We will be happy forever Many individuals grow up with the false notion that marriage guarantees a lifetime of bliss, happiness, and endless enjoyment. While marriage can indeed bring joy, it’s important to note that challenges and ups and downs are also a part of the journey. Realistic expectations and effective communication are vital in navigating the complexities of married life. Marriage only works for those who work it!
Myth: Once we love ourselves, we are good! Love is undoubtedly important in a marriage, but it’s not the only ingredient for a thriving partnership. Marriage requires commitment, compromise, mutual respect, and ongoing effort from both partners. It requires a lot of prayers and patience! Synergizing your values, trust, and understanding is essential for lasting marital success.
Myth: Incessant Quarrels translate to a failed marriage The reality is that conflict is not necessarily a negative aspect of a marriage. Healthy disagreements can lead to growth, understanding, and deeper emotional connections. It’s how couples handle and resolve conflicts that truly matters. When a couple understands themselves, and is sacrificial, they will stay together for long and have a successful marriage.
Myth: Marriage will make me to be fulfilled A common misconception is that marriage will fill the emptiness in our lives and make us whole. While marriage can bring happiness and fulfillment, it’s important to have a sense of self-worth, good self-esteem, personal goals, and interests outside the relationship. Each partner should maintain their individuality while nurturing marital unity.
Myth: Marriage is easy once you are in love Marriage requires continuous effort, adjustment, and adaptability. It’s unrealistic to expect a smooth sailing journey without any challenges. Couples should be prepared to navigate through life puzzles and be willing to grow together, learning from each other’s strengths and weaknesses. The commitment to work through difficulties can lead to a deeper and more resilient relationship.
Gen 2:18 (AMPC+) Now the Lord God said, It is not good (sufficient, satisfactory) that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper (suitable, adapted, complementary) for him.
Conclusion: By debunking these marriage myths and misconceptions, we can approach married life with a more realistic and pragmatic position. Understanding that marriage requires effort, compromise, and acceptance of imperfections can lead to a more fulfilling and harmonious partnership.
Remember, a successful marriage is built on love, respect, communication, and synergy from the couple.
I hope this devotional helps you in addressing marriage myths and enlightening your readers. If you need any further assistance or have any specific requests, feel free to let me know in the comment section!
What is that one thing that is also important in considering who to marry? His faith is important.
Mostly because his faith will influence yours.
It is his faith in God, that will cause him to have the fear of God.
If he has the fear of God, he will never cheat on you.
He would rather protect you and care for you.
He would have the wisdom to live with you and raise a godly family because the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom.
Never ever get married to a man who has no regard for God.
It would be the greatest mistake ever!
Well, no matter how much you love him, no matter how much preparation you have made, no matter how much has been spent, if he does not have a relationship with God, pick your bags and bolt!
Run for your life.
Preserve your destiny with your choice.
2Co 6:14-15 (MSG) Don’t become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong? That’s not partnership; that’s war. Is light best friends with dark? [15] Does Christ go strolling with the Devil? Do trust and mistrust hold hands?
In marriage, there is a “knowing” at the highest level as love is consummated.
The husband becomes the cover and the head of the family.
God forbids that the head is sick, for he would only transfer the sickness.
He can only give what he has.
God forbid that the head is foolish, he would only disseminate the foolishness and no more.
He would make foolish decisions and affect the wife and the children, and sometimes, the children’s children!
The mouth of the foolish poureth out foolishness.
Pro 15:2 (KJV) The tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright: but the mouth of fools poureth out foolishness.
Take a look at the Message Translation:
Pro 15:2 (MSG) Knowledge flows like spring water from the wise; fools are leaky faucets, dripping nonsense.
May you not have a leaky faucet of a head, dripping nonsense over your destiny!
Knowing Who To Marry
I tell you, as a counselor, that can be frustrating!
How beautiful is it, to have a praying man over your life, to have a man who is faithful to you, who will never cheat on you, not because he doesn’t feel like it but because he fears God!
You wouldn’t need to add the unrest, suspicion, insecurity, disagreements, and bickering that goes with knowing your spouse is cheating on you to your daily pressures.
Go for peace of mind.
If you are already married and have issues, please don’t give up too quickly. Pray and intercede! Go for therapy as well! Don’t keep quiet and watch things degenerate until it becomes too late!
Divorce is not always God’s direction unless life is threatened.
Take time to intercede and trust God for intervention and you will surely see the salvation of the Lord in Jesus name!
