She thought marriage meant constant date nights. He thought marriage meant saving every penny to keep the home running and to give the children a good life.
He thought “quality time” meant watching TV together. She thought it meant long walks and deep talks.
Neither was absolutely wrong—but both were disappointed.
This is how expectations clash. And if unspoken, they lead to frustration.
Singles, while dating, don’t just ask, “What’s your favourite colour?” Ask, “What does love look like to you?” You might discover one of you defines romance as gifts, while the other defines it as service. This clarity will definitely save you from some conflict later. With this understanding, you can go into marriage knowing what and what you will do that will read L.O.V.E to your spouse.
Now, to couples, let’s stop assuming that our spouses should “just know.” No one is a mind reader. If you expect help with chores, say so. If you long for more affection, voice it. James 4:2 says, “You do not have because you do not ask God.” Ehm, the same principle applies in marriage—sometimes you don’t have because you didn’t ask your spouse. Now start asking.
Expectations aren’t the enemy—silence is. Talk. Listen. Adjust. That’s how two merge into one.
Marriage is one of life’s most significant commitments, and it requires careful preparation, self-awareness, and a strong foundation. Before jumping into this lifelong partnership, it’s essential to assess whether you’re truly ready emotionally, spiritually, and practically. Below is a quiz designed to help you reflect on your readiness for marriage. Answer honestly, and use the results as a guide for further growth.
1. Do You Have a Deep Relationship with God?
Marriage should be grounded in faith, especially for Christians. A strong relationship with God equips you to navigate challenges, make wise decisions, and prioritize love over selfish desires. If you feel distant from God or unsure about His role in your life, consider investing more time in prayer, Bible study, and spiritual growth before committing to marriage.
2. Can You Communicate Effectively?
Healthy communication is the cornerstone of any successful marriage. Are you able to express your thoughts, feelings, and needs clearly? Can you listen actively without becoming defensive? Misunderstandings and unresolved conflicts can strain relationships, so mastering communication skills is crucial before tying the knot.
3. Are You Emotionally Mature?
Emotional maturity means understanding and managing your emotions while showing empathy toward others. Do you handle stress well? Can you take responsibility for your actions and apologize when necessary? Emotional immaturity can lead to unhealthy patterns in marriage, such as blaming, controlling behavior, or avoiding tough conversations.
4. Do You Know Yourself Well?
Self-awareness is vital for building a healthy marriage. Are you clear about your values, goals, strengths, and weaknesses? Do you understand what you bring to the table—and where you might need improvement? Knowing yourself helps ensure that you enter marriage as a whole person, not someone seeking completeness through another.
5. Are You Financially Responsible?
Money is one of the leading causes of conflict in marriages. Do you have a basic understanding of budgeting, saving, and financial planning? Are you free from excessive debt or reckless spending habits? While no one expects perfection, being financially responsible demonstrates maturity and readiness to manage household responsibilities together.
6. Have You Resolved Past Hurts?
Unresolved issues from past relationships or family dynamics can resurface in marriage if left unaddressed. Have you worked through any lingering pain, trauma, or bitterness? Healing these areas ensures that you don’t carry unnecessary baggage into your new life together.
7. Do You Share Core Values with Your Partner?
While differences can enrich a relationship, core values like faith, family, career, and lifestyle priorities must align for long-term harmony. Do you and your partner share similar beliefs about raising children, finances, and commitment to God? Compatibility in these areas lays a solid foundation for lasting love.
In conclusion, if you answered “yes” to most of these questions, congratulations—you’re likely ready for marriage! However, if some areas need improvement, take the time to grow and prepare. Remember, entering marriage prematurely can lead to unnecessary struggles. Trust God’s timing, and invest in yourself and your relationship. After all, a successful marriage isn’t just about finding the right person—it’s also about being the right person.
Everyone is looking for where the grass is greener. And subtly, somewhere in our minds, we keep our eyes on other people’s lands. But remember the 10th commandment?
“Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour’s.” Exodus 20:17 [KJV]
It’s easy to look at other relationships and think they have it better. Whether single or married, the temptation to keep looking at other people’s lives, believing that something “better” is out there, can creep in. But the truth actually is:
The grass isn’t greener on the other side; it’s greener where you water it.
For singles, social media can make it seem like everyone else is in a perfect relationship, while you wait. And you may start thinking, “Am I a spoon?” But don’t let comparison push you into desperation. Rushing into the wrong relationship because you feel left out can lead to heartbreak. Instead of searching desperately for the “greener grass” of a change of relationship status, focus on making yourself greener—growing yourself emotionally, spiritually, and mentally—so that when the right person comes, you’re ready.
For married couples, it’s easy to become dissatisfied when you start noticing flaws in your spouse. The excitement of the early days fades, and you might be tempted to think, “Maybe I married the wrong person.” Or worse still, you look at another marriage and begin to fall in love with another person’s spouse. But remember, we don’t fall in love like that, rather we fall in alignment with the angel of our destiny. (Laughs)
Every great marriage you admire was built—not found. Instead of looking outside, invest in what you already have. Communicate, forgive, appreciate, and keep nurturing your love.
Dear couples, let me even add another thought for you to ponder: the grass always looks greener on the other side until you come close. That person you’re now lusting after, whether subtly or overtly, has flaws too—maybe even greater than those of your spouse. The difference is that you’re close to your spouse but far from the person—so you see all your spouse’s flaws and not one of the other person’s. It’s easy to admire a person from afar, but when you come close, you find that there are flaws.
Listen, don’t destroy your marriage thinking the grass is greener elsewhere. Fight that distraction destroying your marriage. Stop looking at another man or woman. Focus on your spouse. Stop comparing. Focus on your marriage. Make it work.
Finally, dear singles and married, the devil thrives on making us believe that joy is always somewhere else. But true fulfillment comes from gratitude, contentment, and commitment. So, be grateful and content with where you are and what you have. And learn to water the grass in front of you—that’s where the greener grass is.
There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end, it leads to death.” Proverbs 14:12 (NIV)
Have you ever been in a relationship where everything seems to be okay on the surface, but there is just this little voice inside you that says something is not right? Maybe you have been in it for so long, that everything is going smoothly, and you stopped questioning it.
Have you asked yourself; Is this the person God has for me? It’s so easy to get into the flow and move with it.
A biblical account that beautifully illustrated how God’s choice often defies human expectation was when Samuel thought Eliab was the perfect choice for a king because he had the look, the stature, and the presence. But God saw differently: “People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7).
This story reminds us that good is not always God’s best. Like Samuel, we must learn to trust God’s wisdom over our perceptions. Instead of making decisions based on what seems right, we should seek God’s guidance, knowing that His choice will always be greater than our expectations.
Life has a way of presenting us with this picture-perfect view of choices to make in life. Sometimes, in relationships, friendships, or even career paths, we meet people who often seem to be everything that we would have prayed for: kind, loving, responsible, and even God-fearing. But then, as time unfolds, we really get to find out that just because they are a good person does not make them the right person. The difference is found in the divine alignment.
A good person can have great qualities, but the right person is someone God has specifically aligned with your destiny. The right person won’t just make you happy, they will help you grow into the person God has called you to be (Jeremiah 29:11).
Sometimes, we get caught up in our own checklist of what we think we need, but God’s plan is always bigger and better than our expectations. A good person may be kind and loving, but if they’re not meant to walk your journey with you, they could slow you down instead of helping you move forward. Perhaps the clearest sign of all, while a good person may seem perfect on paper, the right person will bring a deep, unshakable peace in your spirit that only God can give (Colossians 3:15).
Good isn’t always God. Just because something looks perfect doesn’t mean it’s meant for you. What seems right in your eyes may not be what’s best for your future. Instead of chasing what looks good, seek what is God-ordained. Pray, listen, and trust His leading because His choice is always better than yours.
This is a few days gone in the new year. What will happen at the end of this year starts now. Our everyday steps, moving in the positive direction are so important.
As couples, let us think ahead. Let’s have a projection of what we want to achieve in our marriage. We have to get certain principles right.
There are a lot of things we do consciously and unconsciously that frustrate our marriages and are detrimental to the bliss of our marital journey.
Or what king, going to make war against another king, sitteth not down first, and consulteth whether he be able with ten thousand to meet him that cometh against him with twenty thousand? – Luk 14:31[KJV]
As we begin a new year, we should sit down in retrospect and cast a vision for ourselves.
You need to ask yourself what exactly do I want from my spouse and marriage. Put it in one or two sentences; something you can put before God and aim at.
Also, know that it takes two to tango. Just as you have certain expectations from your spouse, your spouse too has expectations. Break those expectations into smaller bits and have a vision for this year.
For example, I want my spouse to be more Godly this year. Find out all you need to know about being godly. Let that be your focus. Your spouse can tell you they expect you to be more homely. Humbly, accept that and keep working towards it through the year.
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Let each one of us be committed to doing what our spouse demands of us. Stay focused to this. Do all you can this year to become a better person!
Read books that will show you and help you be a better and happier person. Commit your ways into God’s hands and make sure you talk to God about this. Measure your progress weekly. Don’t get discouraged in your pursuit and don’t become critical of yourself or your spouse.
May God strengthen us!
God bless our marriages.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will be a better version of myself this year
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to be a better spouse
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Luke 14:31 [ERV] “If a king is going to fight against another king, first he will sit down and plan. If he has only 10,000 men, he will try to decide if he is able to defeat the other king who has 20,000 men.
