Are you still following the series? These questions are necessary to ask before you conclude that you’ve met your soul mate.
7. Habits
What are his habits? Be specific and ask directly.
Do you drink?
Do you smoke?
Do you club?
If the answer to the above is in the affirmative, you obviously are not on the same page.
Don’t become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong? That’s not partnership; that’s war. Is light best friends with dark?
2Co 6:14 (MSG)
There is nothing to pray about, there is no need to pray that God would change him for you because nothing can happen until he makes up his mind.
If he says no, he doesn’t do all of these and then you discover later, run for your dear life.
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Run because he has the capacity to be untruthful. Insincerity and adultery are cousins! They hang out together.
If he says, yes, but he would change later after the wedding, he is unlikely to change! Marriage is not a change agent.
Also, be careful of those who want to change because of you, not because they feel it is wrong. They would go back there later!
Also, be careful of people who say you should change them. You cannot change anybody. You are not the Holy Spirit.
8. Sexual Compromise
What is his disposition to sex before marriage?
If he believes there is nothing wrong with it, he is more or less telling you that he would defile you before the wedding day. He is already telling you that he would put pressure.
Nothing is as frustrating as loving a man that doesn’t love God. Nothing is as agonizing as to have given your heart to a man who has not given his heart to God.
To be Continued…
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will marry rightly.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to ask the right questions.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Isaiah 30:21 [KJV] And thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, This is the way, walk ye in it, when ye turn to the right hand, and when ye turn to the left.
In those days, when a new bride has been given, the bridegroom will lead her into a hut where their love will be consummated. Everybody will wait outside, expecting the groom, or is it the bride herself now, to bring out a red stained cloth, a token signifying that she was a virgin till her wedding.
Yes, these values and powerful cultural practices are quickly being eroded by civilization cum immorality, we still must raise the standard as children of God.
Our bed must remain green! A green bed signifies a life devoid of sexual immorality and pre-marital compromise.
A green bed is devoid of perversions and all antics that have been invented by the enemy of our soul.
Here is how the scripture puts it
Son 1:16 (KJV) Behold, thou art fair, my beloved, yea, pleasant: also our bed is green.
Let the bed remain green!
Oh yes, I know, a lot of bed have been stained even before the age of accountability, through abuses that emanated from people we have trusted.
The trauma of the past must not be allowed to create a permanent stain on our soul. We must allow the blood of Jesus to remove every red stain and clean up our soul as if we were never stained before.
This is the heritage we have in God. Allow Him to bring forgiveness to you over the perpetrator, that every stain can be removed and your destiny cleaned up for the fulfillment of God’s plan for your life.
Irrespective of the mistakes of the past, you can approach marriage with a green bed, not a stained, ugly distorted bed, for that often comes with bedsheets of stigmatized coverings! Rather allow the blood of Jesus…that will do the ultimate work.
Be blessed today and always!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My bed is green
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help my bed to remain green
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Son 1:16 (KJV) Behold, thou art fair, my beloved, yea, pleasant: also our bed is green.
Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord. (Proverbs 18:22 KJV)
It is interesting to note that the scripture above says, He that findeth a wife, not a sister, not a girl, but a wife! In other words, you must be a wife material before being found.
You see, the scripture cannot be broken. It is the wife material that would be found, not any other thing! So the next question is how does one become a wife material?
First of all, we will attempt to answer that question by looking at what a wife material is not. Sometimes, you find out what something is by studying what it is not.
You are not a wife material when
1. You are lazy When you read through who a virtuous woman is in the scriptures, you will know that laziness is not part of the virtue being described there. If you have doubts, go through Proverbs 31: 10 – 31. Listen to me, if you are lazy, you need to start working on that now, so that it will not affect your marriage eventually after marriage.
A good wife should Know how to cook. A good wife is a homemaker. Women are usually multipliers. Start to discipline yourself and learn the basic things.
It is not exactly like a wife should become the house help, and I am not advocating that the husband should do nothing at home. It’s so simple, a wife should not be lazy. How do you know you are lazy? Somebody would have told you! If your mum or dad has ever told you that you are lazy, it is true! Don’t argue, just say mum, how can I make adjustments? Be humble! Don’t wait for your husband to confirm that!
2. You are sleeping around You are not a wife material when you are still sleeping around and you are generous with your body! It is a direct violation of God’s way of doing things and such a lifestyle will bring difficulties into your life. The way of the transgressor is hard! A wife material is not into “aristo!”
3. You are spiritually irresponsible A wife material should develop herself spiritually. You need that spiritual maturity to help you balance your role as a wife-to-be, mother-to-be, and sometimes combining that with a vibrant career.
4. You are not accountable Accountability is powerful. As a young lady, who are your mentors? Who are you accountable to? Who can you call on the phone when you have issues and you will get good counsel? Are you a tither? Do you honor God with your time and service? Are you serving in your local assembly?
5. You are selfish A wife material is selfless. You don’t consider yourself alone! Marriage is about being selfless. Two people who are married and are selfish will soon crash their marriage. Marriage can only survive when the two people involved love themselves genuinely and are not selfish
6. You are already living with him You are not a wife material by living in his house when you are not yet married. One of the marks of being a wife material is to respect your body and honor God with it. But when you are already involved in compromise repeatedly and without repentance, you are not really honoring your body!
Don’t travel over to meet him where he is and then spend days with him. If you do that, you will be sowing the wrong seeds into that relationship and you are not going to have God’s support and favor doing that.
What if you are already doing that? Park out of his house! You are not married!
What if I park out and he leaves me? Then he is not your husband!
Your husband will be willing to wait for you. That is how you carve some respect for yourself.
When you look at the concept of a “wife” in the scriptures, it says, you are a help meet for him. Your entrance into his life translates into favour for the family!
Are you preparing yourself in that regard? You see God is not an author of confusion, so He will not bring into your life what you are not ready for! Are you really ready for marriage? Do you love yourself? Are you really single in the sense of it? Have you gone past that stage where you are looking for someone to complete you?
It is a wife material that would be found. Not any other thing, so my challenge to ladies this morning is, are you a wife material?
I pray for you this morning, that God will open your eyes the more and help you to be better prepared, and to be found by your husband! You will be found in Jesus name! I curse every operation of the spirit of delay in your life and declare that God’s counsel over your life will stand in Jesus name!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I receive the wisdom of God to prepare for my marriage
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Pray for wisdom to be all God wants you to be.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Prov 18:22 (NET) The one who finds a wife finds what is enjoyable, and receives a pleasurable gift from the Lord.
We live in a world where negative things are so rampant that they are all over the place. We pick habits here and there largely from the environment and from friends. Some of these habits are unhealthy for us in many ways. This may include drinking, smoking, sleeping around, gambling, masturbation, pornography, and so on.
When you have an issue you are dealing with, there are steps to take to overcome them and we are going to be looking at these steps this morning in a general sense. Whatever situation you find yourself in and whatever issues you are dealing with, there are always ways to overcome them.
In the scriptures, God has not left us helpless. He has designed ways out for us in any mess or situation we find ourselves in. In fact, He has wrought victory for us in every area of our lives.
The strategy of the devil is to take advantage of our ignorance. When you are not filled with God’s word, you will not be able to walk in the fullness of the victory that God has wrought for us.
The word of God strengthens. The word of God equips. The word of God sets free. Sin is not supposed to have dominion over us again. We have been made free! For example, many believers are still under the influence of habitual sins. May still drink. Many still masturbate. These habitual sins may be prevalent, but they are not supposed to be the norm.
Why is it important to confront habitual sins? You have to work at stopping habitual sins so that you can grow in God, enjoy the fullness of His blessings, and fulfill your ministry.
Here are ten general steps you can take to deal with any habitual sin in your life.
1. Be honest with God
This is the first step. You have to be sincere with God. You have to come clean for God to help you. Never try to deceive God. He knows all things and He sees all things. But God wants accountability. That was why He asked Adam, “Where art thou?” The scriptures says, “Be not deceived, God is not mocked…” So when you go before God, be truthful. Before Jacob’s name was changed from a deceiver to a Prince, he was asked, “What is thy name?” and He had to answer truthfully.
2. Nail down a stake
A stake is used to identify an important spot or the beginning of a journey. Decide before God to put a stop to it. The scripture says sin shall not have dominion over you. Make up your mind and ask God to help you. Don’t just continue living hopelessly and helplessly.
3. Connect with God’s power
You will need God’s power. There are habits you cannot overcome in your own strength. God never designed you to overcome them in your own strength or wisdom. As a believer, you have been configured to survive with the help of the Holy Spirit. Connect with that power and walk in the Spirit and you will not fulfill the lust of the flesh.
I will stop here for today and continue tomorrow by showing us more ways to confront addictions.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am helped by God to confront addictions.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, give me the strength to confront any known addiction in my life
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Job 31:1 KJVI made a covenant with mine eyes; why then should I think upon a maid?.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Decide to stop all forms of compromise and confront addictions slowing you down
There is nothing wrong with loving your wife or wife-to-be. There is nothing wrong with thinking about her. In fact, the scripture advises you to do that. Before you say hurray, however, there is a way you love your fiancée and there is a way you love your wife.
Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love (Proverbs 5:18-19 KJV)
This is talking to married people and not singles in courtship. It didn’t say, rejoice with the fiancée of thy youth or with your wife to be…
So verse 19 clearly establishes that God does not want you fondling and caressing each other. That is always the beginning of compromise.
When two people who are genuinely in love start petting each other, they will always do more and more each time they meet until they find themselves entangled in the web of compromise. It is called the law of progression and it happens all the time.
I know how your body feels when you are in love. I was once in love back then on the campus in the early nineties, and oh my God! Your body is mostly on fire!
You can continue to spiritualize it and deceive yourself that nothing can happen until you find yourself messing up. Or you can tell your fiancée, please, you have got to help me. I am in love with you and this is how my body feels. We must not compromise. Always caution me, if I am being inappropriate! And sometimes, it is the lady that needs to say that to the guy!
You see, when you do that, you are consciously protecting your destiny and preserving your relationship with God, which is what will make your relationship work out and lead to marriage!
How do you love a lady appropriately?
1. You are the protector of her body and her virtue A good man will say from the very first day, “I love you dearly and because of that, I have a strong physical desire each time I see you, but we will not compromise. We will obey God’s principles in order that our courtship is protected. We will put our bodies under.
I will not allow my body to take charge and give me direction, I will allow my spirit to gain ascendancy and I will not lose my testimony. You make up your mind to wait and not compromise. That way, trust will be established and your intending marriage will be founded on a good foundation.
2. Never lift your hands against her I have heard cases of singles in courtship that have been beaten severely by their fiancé. I have also had a few cases of ladies who slap the guys.
Well, you shouldn’t cope with any form of physical abuse on any level in your courtship. Don’t suffer silently thinking it will get better after marriage.
Deliver yourself like a bird and fly! If he is used to donating a few slaps here and there for you, and you still cling to him in sexual lust, something is seriously wrong. It is either he controls you with his money or there is a soul tie effected through pre-marital sex.
Whichever way, you need to deliver yourself quickly! Don’t go through all of life been treated like a doormat. You have a destiny to fulfill and don’t allow anybody to play the role of “God” in your life.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am not being inappropriate. I know how to love my fiancee
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God will give you the grace to always put your body under
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY For the ways of man are before the eyes of the Lord, and he pondereth all his goings. (Proverbs 5:21 KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Decide how you want to love your fiancee
