Marriage is a covenant. Know this and know peace! It is sad to know that there are married people who are entangled in sexual affairs with their colleagues, subordinates or superiors at work. How I wish you know the implication of what you are doing?
How I wish your eyes would open to see the turmoil and anguish that awaits you, then you would have escaped for your dear life.
Adultery ruins, it destroys, it tears families apart, it transfers wrong spirits to innocent children, it opens the home to invasion of demonic attacks, the list is endless.
Above all, God’s principles and spiritual laws are violated, you risk losing all of God’s support in your life. It’s an unsafe place to be!
Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband. God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex. – Hebrews 13:4 (MSG)
Sexual intimacy between a man and a woman is sacred. It is not a carnal act neither is it an evil act.
The Bible advises that this sacredness of sexual intimacy between a husband and a wife must be guarded.
Marriage is to be honoured. It is an institution that must be respected. One of the ways you respect the marriage institution either as a husband or wife is to guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy.
To be continued.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will guard the sacredness of my marriage.
PRAYERSFOR THE DAY Lord, give me the wisdom I need to run my marriage well.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY All of you should honor marriage. You should keep the marriage bed pure. God will judge the person who commits adultery. He will judge everyone who commits sexual sins. –Hebrew 13:4
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY List a few ways you need to make changes in your marital bed. Follow through.
We’ll be considering the intricacies of cheating on your spouse this morning. It is one thing to find it difficult to sin, a situation where you have to really look and search for sin or the tools of sin to compromise, it is another story, another ball game entirely when the sin is so available, staring you in the face, calling and you, pulling you and wooing you with all kind of entreaties.
It is one thing to be tempted with the sin that doth not so easily beset you; it is another thing entirely to be poked at by the fingers of your weaknesses!
Such is the generation we have found ourselves!
Sin is available! Jeru trip is available at your beck and call.
Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, (Hebrews 12:1 KJV)
We are not in this race of life alone! We’ve got some saints up there in the balcony of heaven, looking down on us and getting excited, when we say No to sin!
It is our responsibility then to lay aside every weight and the sin that doth so easily beset us! We’ve got to lay aside every spiritual fat and parasitic sin!
If you live in a very busy environment and you and your spouse are involved in an intense job, day in day out, you have to go a long way to ensure you keep the devil at bay.
Take for example, both of you work in a place like Lagos state, Nigeria, you leave home as early as 5.30am and sometimes you are not back till 10.00pm because of traffic congestion. The proclivity is that you will likely spend more time with your colleagues than with your spouse! It is with deliberate and decisive heart coupled with the fear of God that you make up your mind to be faithful in your marriage.
Here are few points to note:
1. Cheating on your spouse is cheating on your destiny Why is this so? It is a direct violation of the principles of God, so you end up not having God’s support and favour in your life. It is not worth it.
Why would you cheat on your spouse? What kind of Jeru trip are you looking for that you won’t find in your spouse?
Why play with fire. Will you carry fire in your bosom and not be burned? Will you walk on hot coals and your feet not be singed? I doubt!
2. Cheating on your spouse is a stupid idea. Now I didn’t say that, God did. I am only echoing what God said.
But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul. (Proverbs 6:32 KJV)
Now see that in Message translation because KJV seems to be really nice there.
Adultery is a brainless act, soul–destroying, self–destructive; (Proverbs 6:32 Message)
Brainless! That’s not nice at all, but that is the truth! What the scripture is saying here is that if we can think deeply, we would not dabble into adultery for anything in this world.
We see right there the implication of adultery.
Expect a bloody nose, a black eye, and a reputation ruined for good. For jealousy detonates rage in a cheated husband; wild for revenge, he won’t make allowances (Proverbs 6:33-34 Message)
The next time somebody is trying to talk you into some compromise, go ahead and tell that other person, that would be a stupid idea.
There is something about being faithful. It has tremendous rewards!
To be continued.
May God grant us more understanding.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am a responsible husband/wife.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, open the eyes of my understanding.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Hebrews 12:1 Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Decide to be faithful to your spouse
We started on the topic of Handling affairs in marriage difficult. We started on this topic yesterday and I established the fact that it is a difficult situation to handle for the spouse.
It is better prevented than experienced.
Handling affairs in marriage is difficult. The pain and hurt of the betrayal of an affair is in different categories. There are more painful experiences than others.
Imagine the pain of someone having a full-blown sexual affair with your house help or having an affair with your sister or brother or with your best friend or even with someone who needed your help and offered to help.
The pain of being cheated and taken for a fool is best described as a dagger piercing ones soul.
That is why, the spouse of the erring spouse must allow the Lord heal his/her soul completely.
The first response is that of frustration and revenge.
It is to be noted that our response to handling this issue (i.e handling affairs in marriage) can never be in the flesh. If we must handle things well, we should never allow our flesh to gain ascendancy over our spirit.
There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. Romans 8:1 KJV
The only way to avoid condemnation is to walk in the spirit.
The devil seeks to accuse us to God even in the midst of that very difficult situation. He wants to accuse us so that the unity and agreement needed as a couple to break the backbone of lust is broken.
When the spouse that is supposed to stand in the gap to the erring spouse is bitter and offended against the spouse that needs help, how will there be total victory and complete deliverance?
Hear me, I am not saying or pushing the responsibility to be free in the hands of the other spouse, I’m only saying it puts the enemy to shame faster.
Imagine if someone comes to accuse your son to you for stealing your money expecting you to flog him, it will be the son’s privilege and he will forever be grateful if you don’t join the outsider to condemn him but show him mercy.
For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: Matthew 6:14 KJV
The outsider cannot do anything except the father agrees with the outsider to punish his son.
I am not undermining disciplining a child when wrong. It is just an analogy to tell us you don’t have to join the enemy in disciplining or correcting your son. You will punish your son but not in the presence of the outsider. It is a family issue and should be handled as such.
Likewise handle the erring spouse infidelity as such. Once again, this is done by being in the spirit.
Let’s continue on the issue of handling affairs in marriage
3. Walk in the spirit
This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh. Galatians 5:16 KJV
If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Galatians 5:25 KJV
Our flesh is what seeks expression when we feel we have been violated. The flesh wants to respond in retaliation. The flesh wants to fight back but we must go by the way of the cross when it comes to the issue of handling affairs in marriage.
It takes unconditional love to forgive and keep forgiving even when the erring spouse is in the wrong.
Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven. Matthew 18:21 – 22 KJV
It takes a conscious walk in the spirit to do this. If it were not possible, Jesus would have not said it. But that he said it means it is possible.
Jesus will definitely give us grace. This Grace is available for us if we will embrace it. If we are willing and obedient, he will give us this grace to forgive.
But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble. James 4:6 KJV
Let’s trust God to help us. No matter how far stretched we are, God still has more Grace to give to us.
I will stop here today and continue tomorrow on handling affairs in marriage
God bless our marriage and protect us from the powers of darkness.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will be faithful to my partner.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY My Father, help me to keep my marriage vows.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY James 4:7 (ESV): Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Open up to your spouse, if there be any issues
It is difficult and hard when your spouse has been involved in an affair or affairs. It takes a lot of maturity and God’s love shed abroad in our hearts to properly handle the situation.
It will take God and the willingness of the erring spouse to denounce this habit, turn a new leave and become an instrument against affairs in the hands of God.
Such change is very possible when the erring spouse knows how to appropriate the grace, mercy, and blood of Jesus. No devil has the power to make any of us do what we don’t want to do.
For example, the deliverance of Saul was complete and total. Never did he go back again to persecuting the church. So the determination of the erring spouse is more important than what the spouse does or does not do.
Despite the reaction of the spouse, total victory is still a reality.
However, for the sake of support and those who are not so strong, here are things the spouse of an erring spouse is not to do.
Never allow a feeling of revenge overtake you.
The devil is a bad devil and would love to exploit any situation, but the bible says we should resist him.
So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. James 4:7 NLT
You may be tempted to also pay your spouse back in the same coin, to also cheat and have an affair. The temptation will be strong but please do not yield to it.
Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the Lord. Romans 12:19 NLT
Keep yourself in the love of God.
2. Never try to blow your own trumpet.
The devil is full of different strategies that he never seeks to give up. Even when it is obvious he has lost the battle, he still wants to try, peradventure he could still win some grounds.
God should still remain the center of focus and not man. So it is better to continually give all the glory to God. Don’t think it is because you are smart or gifted that you discovered. It is God that made it happen. He gave you the wisdom.
Don’t also think you are standing because you are righteous, it is of the Lord’s mercy.
So rather than blow your trumpet of being the good cop over all the years, thank God for the grace to be faithful. We are all a product of God’s help.
Thank God you made yourself available for God to use you in being so forthright, disciplined, and focused.
We all are a product of God’s Mercy.
I will stop here today, and continue tomorrow by the grace of God.
It is my prayer that God will give us more understanding in Jesus’ name.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will be faithful to my partner.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY My Father, help me to keep my marriage vows.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY James 4:7 (ESV): Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Open up to your spouse, if there be any issues
An affair is an illegalrelationship with anyone other than your spouse. It could be sexual and non-sexual in nature. Each spouse should set boundaries of how far they can go with the relationship with the opposite sex. I feel we should all work on our relationship with our spouse in such a way that we will not need other persons to fulfill our desires, cravings, attention, and longings. If we are satisfied emotionally and sexually there will be no reasons for an affair. We don’t live in a perfect world or perfect situation neither are our spouses perfect.
A born-again child of God is not expected to have an affair. However, when an affair does happen, these are practical steps to go about handling it. No matter what happens, our spouse remains our covenant partner. We should seek their restoration by handling the situation well. On the part of the spouse having an affair, things should also be handled with all sincerity so that it never happens again.
1. Confrontation
The first step to handling an affair is confronting it. What you don’t confront you can never change. The erring spouse should come to a place where he/ she knows that having an affair is an attempt of the devil to steal, kill and destroy from you. You should call it a sin and not just a mistake. You are not confronting when you still make excuses or when you explain.
2. Ask for forgiveness.
There is no forgiveness until there is a willingness to turn around from your sins. The erring spouse should acknowledge that he/she needs to be forgiven.
3. Seek help and support.
That an affair has taken place shows that there are principles you don’t know or are taking for granted. You need to be educated and informed. This is the time to search for books that talk about how to handling lust, how to handle affairs, how to set healthy boundaries, how to love and satisfy your spouse. The resources are so much. What reading along this line does is that you get enlightened. When the light comes, ignorance vanishes. It is also good to learn how you fell, because recognizing the pitfall will help you avoid such next time.
It is my prayer that God will grant us more understanding.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am committed to my marriage vows.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to love my spouse appropriately.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY If you are having an affair, make amends today
