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We started looking at this all-important topic yesterday. “How to relate with in-laws without strife” We looked at 2 scenarios and we will look at more scenarios today.

It is impossible to deal with all possible scenarios but this is just to help you draw wisdom from them and know that you are not alone.

There are no custom-made problems. You just have to draw the needed wisdom and handle your own situation.

Scenario 3
Ronke’s mother-in-law is a good woman and she has heard a lot of good reports from her husband about how she single-handedly raised her son and sent him to the University against all odds. So, naturally, Ronke was happy when Tunji announced that mama was coming to spend the rest of her life with them in the city. Unknown to Ronke was that mama was very petty.

They were all excited to welcome mama to her new home and she loved it in the city. Mama would always express her view and air her opinion which Ronke didn’t mind until it was getting too much.

Ronke likes flowers and would always buy flowers for decorating the sitting room. Mama would ask how much she bought them and would complain that they were too expensive since it was not food. Mama would complain whenever Ronke went to the stores and came home with nylons of household needs. She would ask how much each item cost and Ronke would tell her only for mama to scream of wastage.

Tunji would always wake up early to prepare breakfast because the nature of her job is quite strenuous and need extra sleep to be refreshed of the next day’s job. This mama frowned at seriously and even took offense at.

In other for her son not to do this, mama will wake up early to prepare breakfast. During breakfast, mama would look at her with displeasure and this continued until Ronke decided to be eating out. Tunji noticed this and called his wife to order.

Mama too noticed and all the time something went wrong between mama and Ronke, mama would go inside her room and sob. This was getting on Ronke’s nerves and Tunji was in a dilemma.

What should be done?

To ask a parent-in-law to stay with you has a lot of disadvantages especially a long-term stay. Before they come, the husband and wife should be in agreement. The husband must promise to protect the wife. After much discussion, if there is no other option, she might come to stay, but not after all options have been exhausted. They might look at the option of sending money to her regularly, get her a house help etc

If she would eventually stay, the husband must always be ready to defend his wife at the slightest opportunity. She must not come in between them. She must be made to mind her business and know that this is her son’s matrimonial house.

The husband and wife must be very prayerful and patient to accept her and her excesses.

Scenario 4
Bode’s father-in-law is in a cult. At first, they didn’t know but just felt he was unnecessarily hard on Bode. He showed little or no compassion for them when they first got married and had financial crisis. He had the money but was not just disposed to helping them.

Bode first noticed that each time they took the children for a visit to see grandpa outside town, they will be down with fever. Each time he also comes visiting the same thing happens.

It was difficult for them to stop visiting. Kemi was not happy especially because it would mean not seeing her mother who was more than an angel to them. They also noticed that the father-in-law would always give the children money.

After such gift of money, they would notice a financial hardship at that period. This would last for a while and go after they have prayed. This went on for a while and this usually caused conflict between them.

What should be done?

They should reduce their visits and if confronted for not visiting, they should say they are very busy. They should minimize their visits to only important occasions and should not sleepover. The children should be protected and once given money, it should be given away.

The wife should find other means of communicating with her mum especially since she had been good to them.

The husband should be very prayerful, avoid quarrels with his wife and understand her sentiments. He should try and get his wife to his side on every decision.

They should both pray for divine intervention.

You will always find different situations in different homes. No two situations are exactly the same but may have similar situations. Follow through with wisdom, be patient, mature, and godly.

Remember, you too will be a parent-in-law someday. Every action is a seed.

God bless your marriage

Lord, I am wise as regards all in-law issues.

Father, teach me your ways as regards my in-law issues

For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave unto his own wife.

Begin to handle every in-law issues in your marriage with God’s wisdom

Isaiah 13 – 17


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