This morning we will be considering the topic “Can I Change My Spouse?” This is a question that has been in the minds of many married couples.
Mr. And Mrs. Scott have been married for five years and both of them are frustrated. They are both born again, God loving and loved each other passionately. But over the years, that love seemed to have waned. The love they once had seemed to have evaporated into the thin air. The butterflies that used to congregate into the love shape within their tummies seemed to have gone on vacation.
The eyeballs of Mrs Scott that used to engender a rush of adrenalin in her husband seemed the very source of irritation now. From, “I just love your eyeballs, they are heavenly,” It is now, “Please, stop looking at me irritatingly like that!”
The broad shoulders of Mr. Scott that weakens the knees of his wife as she admires him, does nothing to her now. In fact, she thinks, he is too wide chested! Does he think they sell “chests” on earth when he was being created?
Well, The Scotts embarked on a journey to change each other shortly after their wedding. They constantly sang the song into each other’s ears.
“You need to change.”
“You are the problem in this house.”
“If only you can change.”
Well, they never changed. And that is the reality you will always meet and see in marriage. When you expect your spouse to change overnight, you will be heavily disappointed.
When either spouse is an unbeliever, that is another thing entirely. Change in that sense is possible and can be anytime. But when we talk about habits, attitudes, and behavioral patterns it can take a while. Take note of these few points.
You will need to exercise patience! It takes a while. Let’s assume your spouse was twenty five years old by the time you got married.It means that he or she has been formed into a certain mold for twenty five years.
Coming into marriage and expecting a quick change because your sermonized or lectured him or her will not make a change in a few days. If you keep expecting a quick change, you may be disappointed.
1Co 13:4 (CEV)
Love is kind and patient, never jealous, boastful, proud…
I think in marriages, you always get to understand that virtue called “long-suffering!”
2. Don’t lecture or sermonize
Your lectures and long talks does nothing at the end of the day.It only turns you into a nag, a domineering spouse and an impatient spouse. Between a husband and a wife, one will talk more than the other. Don’t ever make the mistake thinking your ability to package words is effective on your spouse. It is even much more annoying and irritatingly hilarious if your spouse is a phlegmatic who doesn’t want trouble. He or she will allow you to talk and talk, and then will promise you there is change, only so that you can stop talking! Only to do the very thing you’ve been talking about!
You feel like escaping from the marriage, but sorry, you are hooked already! Trust God that things will get better.
3. Pray rather than talk and talk
Your most effective and sure way to create any change is to pray.Take it to God and stop wearing yourself out. Try and think about it, you’ve been complaining about something for seven years, yet no change! And you keep complaining! Don’t you think in seven years, your spouse has disconnected himself or herself from your complaints? He or she has mastered the art of closing the gate of his heart, you are only talk to the ears! It does nothing and it would do nothing! Pray about it!
4. Get back Into dating mode
You used to love yourselves! What happened? You used to overlook and ignore some things you are bitterly complaining about now. You need to get back into that romantic mode and love each other again rather that thinking your spouse is the problem of your family!
1Co 13:7 (CEV)
Love is always supportive, loyal, hopeful, and trusting.
Be supportive, be hopeful and trust again. Cast your cares unto Jesus and stop focusing in the flaws of your spouse. Get back into appreciating him or her in the area of strength.
I pray that God will help you need and send the very help you need in Jesus name.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY
I am patient
PRAYER FOR THE DAY
Lord, help me to be love my spouse again
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
1Co 13:7 (GW)
Love never stops being patient, never stops believing, never stops hoping, never gives up.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY
Take your spouse out
BIBLE READING FOR THE DAY
CHURCH: Shouts of Grace Center, Ibadan
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