Abuse in relationships and marriage is the most common cause of separation and divorce in marriage.
As Singles, you should watch out for signs of abuse and be courageous enough to take the necessary steps.
First, let’s look at the meaning of abuse.
Abuse means treating a loved one or partner with violence, disrespect, cruelty, harm, or force. When someone treats their partner in any of these ways, it’s called an abusive relationship. Abuse in a relationship can be physical, sexual, verbal, financial, or emotional. Or it could be all of these.
In an abusive relationship or marriage, it takes a positive mindset and courage to confront the abuser. Having healthy self-esteem will also help to know that you are not to be abused but loved and cherished. No one should be a victim, whether male or female.
When a partner is showing signs of abuse it is not alright to ignore it. An abuser in relationships will be an abuser in marriage.
There are many reasons for being an abusive partner, a major cause is a dysfunctional background. Most people who abuse their partner have been abused and they usually have a deep-seated emotional issue or immaturity.
In an abusive marriage, the husband or wife has a power imbalance and uses manipulation, intimidation, threats, and physical or emotional violence to control the other.
Abuse in relationships and marriage is often characterized by extreme jealousy, possessiveness, and a lack of respect for the other partner’s boundaries.
A lot of marriages go through abuse of various kinds and different degrees. When violence and physical abuse are involved, a professional therapist must be sought.
The use of scriptures to pray and make daily declarations and confessions is also known to get amazing results.
Declaring the word and speaking the Word over the abuser helps in rewiring the brain.
Genesis 1:1-2 (KJV) In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.
God spoke His Word to a situation that was without form and void. You too can speak to that situation.
Singles should not go on to marry a partner who is already showing serious signs of abuse.
Based on 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast.”
Your lover or spouse will test your patience! Just telling you ahead!
Throughout a relationship, there are times when you’ll need patience and times you’ll need grace to acknowledge each other’s kindness.
Patience and kindness are the strings that bind all your excesses together, helping you through every uphill and making it easier to celebrate every high.
It encourages couples to appreciate each other’s gifts, navigate through each other’s flaws with understanding, and dig in with care.
2. Love and Keep Loving
Each One of You Also Must Love His Wife as He Loves Himself, and the Wife Must Respect Her Husband.
Ephesians 5:33 encourages wives and husbands to respect each other, which is the essence of mutual admiration and understanding.
When you respect each other, you create a safe environment for your love to grow. You can disagree with respect, appreciate your partner’s opinions, feelings, and well-being, forming a strong base for any relationship.
When you understand this, you will be able love and keep loving!
3. Practice forgiveness
Colossians 3:13 reminds us, “Bear with each other and forgive one another; if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
The power of forgiveness allows relationships to heal, grow, and mature, building a foundation of trust. Grudges create barriers to love; forgiveness breaks them down and creates a bridge to the other person, a bridge to the heart.
My dear couple, avoid strife like a plague! You don’t want to dine with strife in any way!
4. Be honest and transparent
What is the foundation of all relationships? Proverbs 24:26 says, “An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.”
Honest communication is the lifeline of relationships. It builds trust, dissipates misunderstandings, and gives partners a clearer path.
When we love another person, we need to know that in their love for us, they will be honest, and we can be honest with them. Then, the lines of communication are truly open!
Be sincere! You really don’t want to be caught in the web of deception!
5. God cannot be wrong!
She was intelligent, ambitious, and the love of your life. You were intelligent, ambitious, and the love of her life. God was involved. In the journey of your unfolding relationship, keep referring to the encounter you had with God before you married your spouse! That will stabilise you and remove all doubts!
These five Biblical pieces of advice can help you and your partner enrich your relationship and build a loving, respectful union that can stand the test of time and flourish in times of joy and challenge.
Whether you’re navigating the early stages of love or seeking to rekindle the flame in a long-term relationship, these timeless teachings will help you in your relationship or marriage.
A successful relationship leading to a wedding and a successful marriage as a couple requires a certain type of humility!
It is interesting how you start a relationship and you are sure you already know your lover only to find out that you are clueless.
It is equally amazing, how your solid pride about being an expert loverboy or girl is completely shattered after the wedding. You suddenly discover that all your dexterity as a fantastic and romantic human is useless and you can’t seem to please your spouse! How humbling!
Now you are married or in a relationship and your dream of living happily ever after has turned into living sadly daily!
The relationship or marriage is riddled with persistent quarrels that seem unending. Strife has become a part of the home. The once lover/husband who used to be funny than Brother Shaggy has become a shadow of himself and can no longer make you smile.
The once happy babe who laughs at any little effort has hibernated into a cocoon, which seems sealed.
What do you do, either in courtship or marriage?
You must come into that humbling space and tell God you hardly know the one you are married to. Tell God to forgive your assumptions and teach you how to love your fiancee, husband, or wife!
The anointing we have teaches us all things! Including how to love appropriately! 1 Jn 2:27
Humble yourself and pray that prayer. Read books, get a relationship or marriage mentor, and become accountable! Check some of the courses we have HERE and make an effort to invest in your relationship or marriage! You cannot just be looking while things deteriorate! I usually say it is better to invest in your relationship or marriage than to pay a lawyer to handle separation or divorce! That will never be your portion in Jesus’ name!
If these are not in place, you are not seeking a solution!
The devil doesn’t want you to live in peace! All he wants to do is scatter that union. Don’t allow him. Commit to fighting for your relationship or marriage by doing the right things, humbling yourself, and reaching out to God to help you! Good morning!
We started this amazing topic yesterday and we will be concluding this morning.
To know and experience God you need to be still. There is a level of stillness required to be able to relate and know God for who He is.
When you are still, you most likely can trust more. Especially if it is stillness in your mind and body too. When we make haste and are in a hurry, we are not still. We make mistakes.
In a state of stillness, God can perform His glorious works in our lives.
God had to put Adam to sleep when He was to make Eve.
Is 30:5a ‘In quietness and confidence lies your strength’
We exchange our weakness for His strength when we are quiet and still, trusting in God.
Dear SIngles, learn to be still. There is an intentional quietness to know Him. Quietness and stillness that come from a place of brokenness. A place and state of total and absolute surrendering to God’s will.
The partner is not yet around. Yes, it is NOT YET. He or she that will come, will come. Enjoy yourself, relax, get to know God more, and put your mind at rest. God is in control. Be still and know that God is God.
Let’s search the scriptures. In Isaiah 46:10 ‘ Be still and know that I am God.
All married couples, listen. You cannot afford to have sleepless nights over some issues. Avoid that temptation. God is never in competition with man. The Bible says He never sleeps nor slumbers. If God is awake then you are protected
You know God on your knees and in worship. It is when you are still that you can see the wonders of the Lord. He will always take charge and be in control of every situation we commit into his hands.
Place your husbands, wives, children, parents, and in-laws into His hands and leave them there.
Don’t worry about that situation that is causing you sleepless nights.
DACSER is a Dating, Courtship, Sex, and Relationship Academy, A Free School of Relationships for University of Ibadan Students powered by Kisses and Huggs Club
One of the hardest things to do as a Single or married is to be still. Especially in this fast-paced life.
It seems we just got to do ‘something’. Unfortunately, this ‘ something’ is not always the right, good, or best option. We always think and take issues into our own hands. Unfortunately, we don’t get too far.
I think every single and married person should take time to read the whole of Psalm 46. It is such a beautiful portion of the scripture that offers comfort in whatever situation we find ourselves in.
The Psalm opens by telling us in verse I
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble Ps 46:1KJV
Psalms 46:1 NLT God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble.
Psalms 46:1 HCSB God is our refuge and strength, a helper who is always found in times of trouble.
God is described as a refuge and strength.
God is both a hiding place of refuge from the storms of life and the strength to carry us through whatever the situation is.
As singles, what is the situation you are in or facing? Is it a delay beyond your understanding? Is it a heartbreak? Is it confusion about making a decision? Is the future so bleak you feel so unsure? Is it a failed engagement with no explanations?
Whatever the situation is, God through the writer of this Psalm is introducing Himself as refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
He is your refuge and strength. That strength could be in the form of wisdom
Remember the Psalm says in another translation, that He is always ready to help in times of trouble.
The question is are you ready to receive His help? His help is not automatic.
The police services are ready to help, but until you call or dial 911, you can’t enjoy their help.
As married couples, what is that trouble? Health, financial, Emotional, a cheating spouse, a spouse you just don’t understand?
You have to receive Him as strength and refuge. You can’t enjoy peace amid crisis until you learn to trust and call upon Him for help.
I learned something once a situation is in court, you rest about it. You allow the court to decide, if not you could be charged with contempt of court
Once you have called upon Jesus, leave it with Him. Let Him handle it.
What most of us do is, we think we are trusting and making Him our refuge and strength, and then we start worrying and trying to handle things in our wisdom and strength.
God’s strength, method, and ways will be different from ours.
Trust Him and leave the matter with Him.
God bless. We will continue tomorrow by God’s Grace
Introduction: What does a woman want from her husband? It’s pretty straightforward: she wants to be heard, supported, respected, and loved. She’s looking for a partner who’s there for her, really listens when she talks, and stands by her side no matter what. It’s about being teammates in this big game called life, sharing laughs, tackling problems together, and having each other’s backs.
Being Heard One of the key things a woman wants from her husband is to be truly heard. This doesn’t just mean listening to her words but understanding the feelings behind them. It’s about giving her your full attention, showing interest in her thoughts and concerns, and responding with empathy. When a woman feels heard, she feels connected and valued in the relationship.
Support Support is another cornerstone of what a woman seeks from her husband. Whether it’s backing her career moves, helping out with household tasks, or being there emotionally during tough times, your support tells her she’s not alone. It’s about being her cheerleader, her confidant, and her safe haven.
Respect Respect is the bedrock of any healthy relationship. This means valuing her opinions, acknowledging her contributions to the family, and treating her with kindness and consideration. When a woman feels respected, she feels safe and esteemed, which fosters deep trust in the marriage.
Partnership Marriage is a partnership. It’s about sharing responsibilities, making decisions together, and supporting each other’s goals and dreams. When you work as a team, you build a strong foundation for a lasting and fulfilling relationship.
Love and Affection Beyond everything, a woman wants to feel loved and cherished. Small gestures of affection, kind words, and quality time together go a long way in keeping the romance alive. It’s about showing her she’s special, not just on special occasions but every day.
Conclusion The keys to what a woman wants from her husband are quite simple: listen, support, respect, partner, and love. These fundamental actions create a nurturing and joyful marriage. By focusing on these aspects, husbands can build a stronger, more loving relationship with their wives, filled with mutual respect and deep connection.
Let me open you up to today’s devotional by quoting this scripture.
Philippians 4:8 AMPC For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them].
When we learn to obey the word of God, things happen for us in the positive.
Whether married or single, we are to intentionally find good things about our spouses to fill our minds with. Filling our minds with the good quality of our spouses keeps us kind, tender-hearted, and forgiving towards them.
As Singles, when your fiancee or fiance is trying hard to please you or your spouse is doing their best to make the marriage work, you don’t ignore their efforts.
Don’t say, that if I appreciate their efforts now, they will relax and not continue making efforts. Don’t say, that until I see 100% improvement, I will not acknowledge the efforts made.
This mindset is very wrong.
Celebrate and acknowledge the little efforts. What we appreciate, appreciates and what we don’t appreciate depreciates.
Appreciation also begets respect and willingness to do more. If all you see in your spouse are the errors, their faults, their shortcomings, and their weaknesses, then something is wrong.
If you are looking for faults, you will find them. Whatever you are looking for is what you find.
Even with the little errors, you can overlook and ignore, you use a magnifying lens to focus on them.
Remember, you are not perfect either. Neither are you easy to also live with. Fill your mind with the good in your spouse.
As singles, you can write out those good qualities in your partner and keep them before you so that you can appreciate them. Appreciation should be verbal, don’t internalize your appreciation.
When you start practicing these as a single, it becomes a habit that will help you in your marriage
As a couple, I don’t believe your spouse won’t have any good qualities. I am sure you will be able to find at least one good quality in them.
Focus on that. Begin to praise, appreciate, and celebrate that good quality and before long there will be more qualities to appreciate.
Practice these and your marriage will enjoy bliss, joy, peace, understanding, patience, and love.
You may want to ask, so what about the weaknesses? We don’t get better all at once. We get better gradually. It is one step after the other.
In today’s world, it is so easy to fall into the temptation of getting all worked up or worried or anxious about so many things.
Our relationships as singles are not spared from this strategy of hell to snuff joy, understanding, and bliss from them.
You will always see ladies more beautiful, more caring, more understanding, richer, and more respectful than your fiance or fiancee. Make up your mind with the help of God to stay focused on your partner.
You will always have desires, especially of material things. Don’t focus on what you don’t have and get anxious or agitated about those things
Celebrate your partner. Be intentional about seeing the best in each other.
Appreciate what you have and leave what you don’t have.
The same goes for us Couples. Other ladies and men will not suddenly become ugly. There will still be countless good men out there. Don’t compare the qualities of other women and men to your spouse.
Accept and love your spouse the way they are.
We are all a work in progress. The human tendency is to complain about what God has given you. The more you complain the more you will have reasons to complain. The more you appreciate your spouse the more grateful you are for them.
Don’t become anxious, especially about the good things of life, you don’t have YET. A pregnant woman does not envy the woman carrying her baby. They both carry something, it’s just a matter of time and the pregnant one will also carry her baby.
These things are not bad in themself but when you have your mind focused on them, they tend to choke the bliss out of your marriage.
Philippians 4:6 NIV Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Enjoy your spouse. Thank God for the spouse God has given you. What you lack now, will become plenty only if you have the right attitude of thanksgiving.
Material prosperity will come. Let us learn to enjoy ourselves on the way to our destination.
God does not want us to be worried and get preoccupied with things we don’t have.
He expects us to make our request known to our maker through prayers.
Enjoy your spouse. Enjoy your children. Enjoy where you are and what you have in the present.
Ask every couple, things get busier after the wedding!
Dear singles, you will never have “free” time like you do now as a single! Enjoy it while it lasts!
Instead of rushing into marriage, fasting, and praying for a wedding, relax and calm down, and serve God with all your energy now!
The reality remains, that nobody can marry your own! Let there be a million weddings daily, nobody can marry your spouse!
Let go of the pressures, because pressures take away all the pleasures. Moreover, pressures don’t get prayers answered quickly, if anything, it brings delays.
Pressures make you lower your standards, become vulnerable, and entertain nonsense!
Take a look at the scripture.
1Co 7:32-35 (GNB) I would like you to be free from worry. An unmarried man concerns himself with the Lord’s work, because he is trying to please the Lord. [33] But a married man concerns himself with worldly matters, because he wants to please his wife; [34] and so he is pulled in two directions. An unmarried woman or a virgin concerns herself with the Lord’s work, because she wants to be dedicated both in body and spirit; but a married woman concerns herself with worldly matters, because she wants to please her husband. [35] I am saying this because I want to help you. I am not trying to put restrictions on you. Instead, I want you to do what is right and proper, and to give yourselves completely to the Lord’s service without any reservation.
Did you see that? The single time affords you to serve God more because there are fewer worries about taking care of your spouse and eventually your children!
Before you enter that phase, enjoy this one you are in. Serve God with all your strength.
For couples, this should never be an excuse to not serve God. God won’t understand that it’s because you are married that you ignore Him and His will.
My dear and most especially, God’s dearest, I bring you a word from the Lord this morning!
Single or married, this word is for you! Please pay attention to the words and take heed of them.
Let’s dive into it!
Psa 95:8-11 (MSG) “Don’t turn a deaf ear as in the Bitter Uprising, As on the day of the Wilderness Test, [9] when your ancestors turned and put me to the test. [10] For forty years they watched me at work among them, as over and over they tried my patience. And I was provoked—oh, was I provoked! ‘Can’t they keep their minds on God for five minutes? Do they simply refuse to walk down my road?’ [11] Exasperated, I exploded, ‘They’ll never get where they’re headed, never be able to sit down and rest.’
Many people, rather than cooperate with God, are putting God to the test, trying His patience and provoking Him with their carelessness and insensitivity!
Thank God He is a merciful God, full of loving kindness and tender mercies!
That is our saving grace!
However, we cannot continue to test His patience and behave like stubborn little kids!
God wants you to keep your mind on Him!
Regarding every decision you make, who to marry, loving the one you have married, staying faithful, avoiding bickering and strife, and so on, God wants you to keep your mind on Him! When your mind is on Him, you will behave!
The punishment for the Israelites in the above text is non-arrival! Their dreams were never fulfilled! They worked tirelessly and struggled with nothing to show at the end of the day! They wandered and meandered and yet never reached their destination!
These will not be our portion!
The scripture made it clear these things were written to serve as our examples! We must not repeat the same mistakes!
Dear singles and couples, decide to cooperate with your maker! Decide to listen to His word and His Instructions. Decide to live for Him and you will find all things working together for your good!
God the Present Help in your Relationship and Marriage
God’s word is powerful enough to be trusted. The word from His mouth will never go back to Him void but will accomplish what it says it would.
If you are a child of God, take refuge in His word and promises.
Whatever the issue or challenge is with your relationship trust God. He is the very present help in times of trouble. You will testify to His faithfulness. ( So far as the perfect will of God is known)
Maybe you are having issues with parental consent. Maybe it is the finances for the wedding that is the issue. Maybe it’s a misunderstanding that has been lingering for long. Maybe it’s peer pressure or listening to the wrong advice.
I want to encourage you this morning. Take hold of God’s word.
If you can have it in the word, you can have it in your world.
That marriage will not end in separation or divorce. The dry bones of that marriage will rise again. Finances will flow again. You will enjoy marital bliss once again. Or if you do not know what it is to enjoy bliss, God’s word will manufacture it.
Isaiah 41:18 GNT I will make rivers flow among barren hills and springs of water run in the valleys. I will turn the desert into pools of water and the dry land into flowing springs.
God’s word promises restoration. God promises to make rivers flow among barren hills. He will turn the desert into pools of water and dry lands flowing springs.
What a wonderful promise to hold on to.
Whatever looks like dryness in your relationship and marriage, in your finances, or business, God promises to turn it around.
The issues you face in your relationship and marriage are not meant to break you. They are there to make you stronger.
Jesus told Peter, when thou art converted strengthen your brothers.
Whatever you are dealing with right now is only for an appointed time. Its season will soon come to pass. Then you will be furnished to strengthen your brethren.
Fight the good fight of faith. After it all, we are still standing.
God’s word is a sure foundation to stand upon.
Don’t give up, believe His word and it will happen for you in your relationship and marriage.
The problems or challenges you face in your marriage or relationship should not inform what your thought pattern is.
Rather you should choose your thoughts despite what you are going through.
The devil has gained entrance into many homes and relationships through their unwholesome thoughts.
What happens in mind, happens in time.
As a single, you cannot afford to fill your mind with thoughts of disappointment. Stop thinking your fiance will cheat on you. Stop thinking your fiancee is a fraud.
As a married woman or man stop thinking the worst of your spouse. Don’t believe the worst of him/her.
Your thoughts have a lot to do with what goes on in your relationship and marriage.
Proverbs 4:23 GNT Be careful how you think; your life is shaped by your thoughts.
Your life, marriage, relationship, future is shaped by your thoughts
When God wanted to give Abraham multitudes as children, God brought him out to count and visualize the stars as his children.
God had to change what he was seeing and thinking.
You must find a way to keep visualizing good thoughts about your home, children, marriage, and relationship.
Once you are sure of God’s leading concerning the person you are engaged with, go ahead and be filled with thoughts of good and not evil.
Yes, you will have challenges but remain positive. Be joyful by having the right thoughts.
Philippians 4:8 GNT In conclusion, my friends, fill your minds with those things that are good and that deserve praise: things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and honorable.
Be disciplined in your thoughts. Keep up the good thoughts and the devil will have no inroad into your relationship or marriage.
Keep visualizing a good home, a good marriage, and a blissful relationship with your spouse. You understand each other. Being kind, being friends, taking care of one another. Being tenderhearted with one another
You have to first think about it, and embrace it. Think of yourself as being very rich. If you have a high earning power you will be valued and appreciated. So think good thoughts.
Don’t think about the problem, think of the solution
March Into His Presence! Welcome to March! March has always been a special month for us. The month of March was when our ministry was inaugurated. I was still single at the time. 12th March 1998 to be precise, the same day Archbishop Benson Idahosa went home.
The month of March was when my fiancee, then, said yes! One of our sons was born on the 1st of March as well.
God has given us a word for this month. Let’s take a look.
Psa 95:2 (MSG) Let’s MARCH into his presence singing praises, lifting the rafters with our hymns!
It’s time to March into God’s presence this month! The attitude with which to do that is specifically indicated; We are to do that singing and lifting rafters with our hymns!
What are those issues that have been sources of concern to you? Are there bills you need to pay? Are there debts you need to clear? Are there enormous dreams that seem unrealizable?
Well, I have news for you! March into His presence! Discard complaints and murmuring, rather lift your voice in singing and worship unto the name of the Lord!
The next verse is powerful.
Psa 95:3 (MSG) And why? Because GOD is the best, High King over all the gods.
Why should you Sing? Why should you rejoice in the midst of contradictions and seemingly unanswered prayers?
The answer is right there. God is the best!
Not just that, He is king over all other gods!
No other gods or person should scare you. God is King over them.
He is the best father you can ever have.
This month, you will sing! This month you will rejoice! Something beautiful will surely happen in your life this month in Jesus’ name!
Make that decision. March into His presence. Practice His presence this month and you will see God doing the best for you!
Taking Care Of Your Lover/Spouse Okay, so you are in love. Butterflies are flying in the tummy, your heartbeat accelerates, and there are twinkling little stars on your face. How do you take care of each other? Or you are married, somehow the butterflies have decided to rest, the heartbeat is stable and the stars have hibernated. How do you take care of each other or probably rekindle this love?
Here are some ideas for singles and married couples.
1. Communication Stay in touch. Words are powerful; use them to your advantage. As singles, don’t let your courtship season be a memory of fights, quarrels, and arguments. Be mature with each other. Avoid being incommunicado.
Make it a rule; we must keep talking. That can also be a powerful principle to live by as a married couple. The devil feasts on silence; assumptions will persist and complicate the issue because assumptions are the lowest form of knowledge.
What is a man looking for? Respect! What is a lady looking for? Love! If you learn to communicate this, there will be less tension!
Singles should however note that it is wrong to say you are showing respect while you are disobeying God’s injunctions! More aptly put, you are not showing respect to your fiance by cooperating with him when he asks for pre-marital sex.
2. Spirituals Oh, pastor, what has this got to do with being romantic? It’s got a lot to do! Somebody said, to be romantic, read the book of Romans! Your spiritual life as single or married can determine the success of your relationship or marriage. There are two elements to your spiritual life: reading God’s word (which also includes study and meditation) and praying to God. If you can make this regular and consistent, some order will enter your relationship/marriage.
A man ought to be responsible. As a single man, how many books have you read or are you reading to prepare yourself? Who is your mentor? Who are you talking to? You need a mentor in your relationship to avoid the tormentors of marriage!
Are you a man who fears God? If you have the opportunity Joseph had, to have sex so easily, will you run? The fear of God is something that cannot be negotiated.
I know a lady whose husband has been abroad for seven years and was lonely. There was this brother who got careless and visited her at home all alone in the name of being her cell leader. First mistake. They sat down to watch a film. Second mistake. Then the film got to some romantic part, and the lady stood up, went inside the room, and started crying because she was sexually moved.
The brother could hear her sobbing. He went to her to console her. Third mistake. You see that was not part of cell leadership. He put his arm around her and consoled her and they ended in sexual sin.
Fast-forward; to a year later, they’ve had several sex romps. Fast-forward six months; the brother was dead! Cold dead! Nobody knew what killed him. It was the lady herself that narrated this to me!
You see, God is not a killer, but the devil is! You need to know that! What would have kept that brother from being trapped is the fear of God!
Go for the fear of God! That is what will keep you from cheating on your wife. It is not because you are a worker, leader, or pastor. There are a thousand and one leaders, workers, and pastors messing up by the day. The only reason you won’t mess up is because you have the fear of God.
The fear of God can be understood. It can be learned. It can be cultivated. You need it to stay faithful. You need it not to pounce on that little girl when you are alone. You need it not to falsify documents. How do understand the fear of God?
I will show you one way, and we will conclude with that this morning. I want you to read it slowly and let it settle in your spirit.
My son, if thou wilt receive my words, and hide my commandments with thee; So that thou incline thine ear unto wisdom, and apply thine heart to understanding; Yea, if thou criest after knowledge, and liftest up thy voice for understanding; If thou seekest her as silver, and searchest for her as for hid treasures; THEN SHALT THOU UNDERSTAND THE FEAR OF THE LORD, and find the knowledge of God (Proverbs 2:1-5 KJV)
The more of God’s word you read, study, and mediate on, the more of the fear of God you are going to have!
You can either learn through wisdom or from experience. Learning from experience comes with its downside. You would have made so many mistakes. Yes, God forgives, but the consequences of the mistakes will stare you in the face and you might have to live with them for a long time.
Let me give you an example. David went into an adulterous relationship with Bathsheba. He later admitted his error when God sent Prophet Nathan to him. God forgave him, but two things happened. The son from the adulterous union died, despite David’s pleading. Sword was never to depart from his house. That was a consequence that stared him in the face all through his lifetime.
Yes, God restored and even blessed their union eventually when Bathsheba gave birth to Solomon who later became a king, but there were issues in David’s family!
What I am saying to you this morning, is that the best way to go is the way of wisdom!
Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding. (Proverbs 4:7 KJV)
My dear, go for wisdom. That is how to get the best of relationships and marriage. It is not tantalizing yourselves alone or having outings that will sustain a relationship.
Next verse says: Exalt her, and she shall promote thee: she shall bring thee to honour, when thou dost embrace her. (Proverbs 4:8 KJV)
So one of the things to watch out for in a spouse is how passionate he or she is about learning and going after the things of God.
You don’t want to get involved with someone not spiritually minded.
Look at a scenario, you are married and it is Sunday morning. It doesn’t happen, but you don’t feel like attending church. Your wife will either say, “It’s okay, even me, I want to rest,” or “ No, dear, we have to go to church.”
That is why the scripture calls a wife a helper. You see, there is a difference between a wife and a knife! A helper is an encourager, a factor you need for functioning well for total productivity.
That is why as a man, you should never lift your hands against your wife. You don’t beat your helper. It is not done!
A man would beat up his wife and then say it was the devil. Why didn’t the devil push the man to go and beat up a soldier? Just wondering!
We have probably all been there. You have tried all you know and yet nothing seems to be working.
You have prayed, fasted, and even sowed seeds, and yet, the heaven seems closed.
God seems silent to all your inquiries and you are not getting anything. Your prayers seem to be bouncing off the ceiling.
What could be happening?
Well, a lot of things can be happening why this is so, but this morning, I want to point to singles and couples alike why this could happen.
Let’s take our text below:
Rom 4:21 (KJV) And being fully persuaded that, what he had promised, he was able also to perform.
The text used “fully” persuaded. That means persuasion can be measured. You can be half persuaded or a quarter persuaded! But the text says he was FULLY persuaded.
Are you fully persuaded concerning what you trust God for or ask Him to do?
Why must you be fully persuaded?
The answer is in below text:
Jas 1:6-8 (KJV) But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. [7] For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord. [8] A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.
A person who is DOUBTING is like a wave. Verse 7 says that man will not receive anything from God.
Every time things seem not to be working, check your heart if there are doubts concerning God’s promises to you or concerning His instructions.
As you learn to be fully persuaded, you get more results in your walk with God either as a single or couple.
I pray for you this week, God will reach out to you and send you help in every area you need Him in Jesus’ name!
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. (Genesis 2:24 KJV)
Here, we see God giving an instruction once marriage is in view. There must be “leaving” and a “cleaving” before any marriage can be successful.
A lot of people leave without cleaving. It won’t work. A lot more try to cleave without leaving. It won’t work either.
It has to be a “leaving” and a “cleaving.”
The word “leaving” is very interesting. There are two particular words or meanings I am interested in. They are the words ‘relinquish” and “commit self”
Pastor, you mean I must relinquish relationship with my parents? It doesn’t mean you disconnect from them or cut off from them, it only talks about where your focus should now be as a married person. After God, the next most important person in your life is your spouse. It doesn’t mean you should not take care of your parents any longer, it just means there should be more emphasis on your spouse.
And then the word “commitment!” Leaving to cleave involves commitment! A person that goes into a relationship or marriage without the willingness to commit to the relationship is just playing around. You need to pray as a single that your path will not cross with such people because they would waste your time, energy and resources. Yorubas call such people “alawin”
It is not God’s concept to have several people on your list that you are dating at a time. If God wanted some form of double dating or polygamy, He would have created Eve, Eva and Evelyn for Adam. Remember Adam still had ribs remaining!
But God created only one person upon whom Adam should focus on. And that is the biblical standard! In that one person is packaged everything you need to be complete. Couples who constantly fight and quarrel are missing out a lot because they are never complete that way. Their agreement would be broken and prayer would be hindered.
Men are the aggressors, ladies are the responders. Men are supposed to woo ladies.
The problem is that most men stop wooing their wives immediately after the wedding, and then wonder why the spark, the laughter, and the joy disappear from their wives’ faces. Well, the reason is obvious. You have to keep doing what you did before the wedding to sustain the marriage after the wedding!
In the beginning, Adam was the aggressor. Eve said nothing and just watched while she was being “toasted”
And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. (Genesis 2:23 KJV)
As a single lady, don’t take the lead in asking a man out. It is not scriptural. You will be found, trust God on that. Don’t manipulate and don’t be suggestive so that the guy will not take advantage of you. Men are hunters by nature; don’t tamper with that “hunter” in him! Let him value you by coming after you.
The man who is not ready to “chase” and “woo” is not worth it.
Why is this so important?
Wooing is a lifetime assignment, even for husbands after marriage. If you want to keep the fire of your marriage burning, keep wooing your wife. It is a potent principle! The source of a thing is often time the sustenance of that thing.
Whatever you did to her while you were “toasting” her should not be stopped after marriage. If you wrote letters, keep writing. If you bought flowers, keep buying. If you used to take her out and her eyes would brighten up, you shouldn’t wonder why she has been downcast when you have not taken her out in six months!
Some people are deeply spiritual. So spiritual they probably wanted God to help them propose or answer a proposal. Well, it is not as complicated.
And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. (Genesis 2:22 KJV)
What God will do is that He will present you with opportunities and guidance, but He will always allow you to make up your mind. That is why the scriptures says:
Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord. (Proverbs 18:22 KJV)
Whoso findeth… this is talking to men. Men are the ones that do the finding, not the ladies.
Right now, look around you. Your friends, church folks, classmates, relationships around you, those are all the people God has presented to you. You are to prayerfully choose once you are at a marriageable age. You are to be led by God’s Spirit, because when you ask Him, He will lead you and you won’t have to be proposing to several people. God still leads. You don’t need to have a dream or vision or hear a voice, it could just be inner witness or even circumstantial leading.
I am very certain that God’s design for a good relationship is not to start having boyfriends or girlfriends all over the place and be toying with your emotions in experimental relationships. God certainly wants to lead, if you allow Him.
And do you know one thing? God will not lead you wrong!
Now to the couples. If you are already married, presentation opportunities are over. Stay with your spouse and enjoy the wife of your youth, the scripture advises. Focus on God and then on your spouse. That is the secret to a successful marriage.
You can only admire people after your wedding, you should not desire them. In other to enjoy God’s blessings and favour maximally, you will need to focus on your spouse with all your heart! After God, the next person is your spouse!
