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Building a Relationship Based on Friendship First: Why Taking It Slow Isn’t Boring (It’s Biblical!)

So, you’re thinking about dating, or maybe you’re already in a relationship, and everyone’s throwing around words like “soulmate” and “commitment.” But let’s press pause for a second—because there’s a different angle we might want to consider: building a relationship based on friendship first. Crazy idea? Not really. In fact, it’s pretty genius, and it’s one of the most biblical ways to approach romance. So, let’s talk about why slowing down and prioritizing friendship can actually lead to deeper, lasting love—and bring you closer to God.

Why Start with Friendship?

If you’ve ever listened to dating advice from, say, an older friend, a pastor, or even your mom, you’ve probably heard this before: “Make sure you’re friends first!” It sounds cliché, but there’s a reason this advice has been around forever. Think about it:

• Friendship builds a foundation: When you’re friends first, you learn about each other without the pressure to impress. You can just be. You get to see each other’s quirks, habits, and real personalities—and let’s be real, you’re more likely to discover if you’re truly compatible.
• Friendship reveals character: Friends see the good, the bad, and the ugly. A friendship-first approach lets you see how your potential partner treats others, handles stress, and stays faithful in their walk with God, without all the romance-driven fog clouding your view.
• Friendship promotes patience: Our culture can be all about the quick fix and instant gratification, especially in relationships. But building on friendship teaches patience, a fruit of the Spirit we could all probably use more of.

Breaking Down “Biblical Friendship”

So, what exactly is “biblical friendship,” and why should it matter in dating? Biblical friendship isn’t just about having a good time and sharing interests. It’s about being there for each other, challenging each other to grow, and putting God at the center. Let’s look at some friendship qualities the Bible celebrates and how they make a difference in relationships:

1. Loyalty: Proverbs 17:17 says, “A friend loves at all times.” Loyalty in friendship means you stand by each other through ups and downs. When this loyalty extends into a romantic relationship, it creates a space where both of you feel safe and loved even on tough days.
2. Honesty: Proverbs 27:6 reminds us that “faithful are the wounds of a friend.” True friends don’t shy away from calling each other out. If you’re building a romantic relationship on honesty, you’re more likely to face hard truths with grace instead of letting resentment fester.
3. Encouragement: Hebrews 10:24-25 encourages us to “spur one another on toward love and good deeds.” Imagine dating someone who builds you up in your faith, encourages you in your dreams, and supports your goals. A friendship built on encouragement helps you grow into the best version of yourself.

The Perks of Taking It Slow (Even When It Feels “Old-School”)

When you start dating someone, it’s natural to feel that spark. You want to be around them all the time, talk endlessly, and jump into all the romantic feels. But here’s the thing: slowing down gives you room to build something strong. Here’s why taking it slow isn’t just for people in rom-coms:

• You create lasting memories: Friendships tend to be packed with stories, funny memories, and shared experiences. Imagine starting your romantic relationship with those same layers. The time you spend just being friends becomes the foundation for your love story.
• You avoid burnout: Rushing into a relationship can feel like running a marathon at sprint speed. Building a relationship over time helps you pace yourself emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. Instead of burning out, you get to appreciate each other’s growth.
• You prioritize values over vibes: Attraction is powerful, but so are shared values. A friendship-first relationship helps you stay focused on what truly matters—faith, character, and purpose—over fleeting feelings.

Real Talk: The Challenges (And Why They’re Worth It)

Building a relationship on friendship isn’t always easy, especially in a world of dating apps and insta-love stories. You might feel pressure from friends or social media to speed things up. But here’s what’s important: you’re building a relationship that’s built to last.

• It might feel slow: There will be days when you’re tempted to push the timeline. But remember, even though it feels slow, you’re planting seeds that grow into something meaningful and resilient.
• People might not “get it”: Not everyone understands the value of a friendship-first relationship. And that’s okay! The purpose here is to honor God and to pursue a relationship that aligns with His love and purpose.
• You might need to set boundaries: Friends who are dating sometimes need to set boundaries to avoid jumping too quickly into physical intimacy. Boundaries are just guardrails to keep you on the path you’ve committed to, and they show maturity and respect for each other.

Taking Friendship-Based Dating to the Next Level

So, how do you actually build a friendship-focused relationship without getting stuck in the “friend zone”? Here’s a guide:

1. Communicate openly: Be honest with each other about your intentions. Say, “Hey, I value our friendship and want to build something strong.” It may feel awkward, but it’ll set you both on the same page.
2. Invest in shared interests: Find activities you enjoy together that aren’t just about romance. Volunteer together, join a small group, or work on a project. Shared activities allow you to connect and create memories.
3. Pray together: When you’re dating with a friendship foundation, praying together isn’t just a spiritual practice—it’s a way to bond deeply. Pray for each other, for your relationship, and for God’s guidance.
4. Laugh a lot: One of the best parts of friendship is laughter. A relationship built on friendship lets you be silly, enjoy inside jokes, and not take everything so seriously. This joy becomes a powerful glue.
5. Stay accountable: It’s easy to lose focus or get carried away in the romance, so consider inviting a trusted friend, mentor, or pastor to be your accountability partner. They can pray for you, offer wisdom, and help you stick to your commitment.

Final Thoughts: Friendship is the Real “Spark”

If there’s one takeaway, it’s this: relationships based on friendship don’t lack romance—they’re filled with a deeper, more meaningful connection that doesn’t fade when life gets hard. So if you’re in that friendship stage, don’t rush it. Instead, cherish the season you’re in, laugh a lot, pray together, and build something that’s designed to last.

Choosing to date through friendship isn’t just old-school; it’s God-school—a way to invite God into the process, honor each other, and create a relationship that shines with His love.