Signs of Abusive Relationships Part 2. We started on this topic yesterday. Did you miss it? Not to worry. Check it out below!
8. Denial of Intimacy
Having a sexual relationship outside marriage is a sin in itself and God doesn’t approve of that kind of arrangement. However, within marriage, withholding intimacy is one way that a person can be abused emotionally, by using withdrawal to control the other person.
In the sanctity of a marriage relationship, you are not supposed to deny each other. The scriptures say that you should not defraud one another.
Married ladies should not use sex to punish their husbands as that may lead to more vulnerability.
Signs of Abusive Relationships Part 2
9. Words like arrows
Another sign of emotional manipulation is when you are called names, given unpleasant labels, derogatory nicknames, and the use of biting cutting remarks.
Words are powerful and you are what you hear everyday. A guy goes to Medical school, listens to medical classes for seven years and then becomes a Medical Doctor. The same thing with a lawyer.Invariably, you are what you are hearing. You should therefore not allow anybody to constantly pull you down and trample on your esteem all in the name of love.
Love will not constantly put you down! Love will not crush your esteem day after day. If one or more of these signs are prevalent in your relationship, you may need to pause and review it.
Let’s delve deeper into these symptoms of abusive relationships:
1. Your Individuality is in Question
In an abusive relationship, one of the most subtle yet insidious signs is the gradual erosion of your individuality. You may start to question your own thoughts, feelings, and actions, as the abusive partner systematically chips away at your self-esteem. They may belittle your opinions, decisions, and passions, making you doubt your worth and significance.
2. Unending Chastisement
Abuse often manifests in the form of unrelenting chastisement. You may find yourself on the receiving end of constant criticism and nitpicking. This continuous stream of negativity can be emotionally draining, leaving you feeling worthless and defeated.
3. False Accusations
Abusive partners frequently employ false accusations as a means of control. They might accuse you of infidelity, dishonesty, or wrongdoing without any basis in reality. These unfounded allegations can leave you in a state of constant defensiveness, further undermining your self-esteem.
Abusers often excel in shifting blame. Instead of taking responsibility for their actions, they find ways to place the blame on you. This tactic leaves you feeling guilty for problems that are not your fault, reinforcing their control over the relationship. It can eventually bother on mental health if care is not taken.
Emotional and physical withdrawal is another common sign of an abusive relationship. The abusive partner may use the silent treatment or physical isolation to exert control and manipulate your behavior. This isolation can lead to feelings of loneliness and helplessness. It is also called stonewalling
6. You Are Always in the Wrong
In an abusive relationship, it can feel like you can never do anything right. No matter what you do, your actions are met with disapproval or anger. This constant feeling of inadequacy can lead to a loss of self-confidence and self-worth.
7. Control Over Your Finances
Abusive partners may also exert control over your financial resources. They might restrict your access to money, scrutinize your spending, or even take charge of your finances entirely. This control can leave you financially dependent and trapped in the relationship.
Recognizing these symptoms is the first step in breaking free from an abusive relationship. If you or someone you know is experiencing these signs, it’s crucial to seek support and help from professionals who can provide guidance and assistance in leaving the abusive relationship and rebuilding a life free from harm.
Wendy is frustrated. She has been involved in several relationships that never worked and she is beginning to think she is cursed. All her friends are married and she seemed to be the only one left. The more desperate she became, the more relationships and marriage were evading her. She has prayed, fasted, and cried, and she doesn’t know what to do again.
On the other hand, George had so many girls he sleeps with regularly, and he feels that is being a man. Sadly he is misinformed and confused. He fails to realize that he has been sucked into a cycle of sexual perversion with damning consequences and only God can save him if he is genuinely repentant. The more he did that, the more he frustrates and truncates the plan of God for him in this area.
John and Comfort are married but are not enjoying their marriage one bit. They got married without knowing the purpose of marriage, hence abuse set it. They are both well-read and educated, but unfortunately, you are not taught how to run a marriage in school. You are left with deliberate tutoring through self-development or through mentors.
So now, the question is “How do you know the purpose of a relationship/marriage is being abused?
Uncovering Relationship Anomalies
1. When you start a relationship experimentally
You see, a relationship or marriage as the case may be is not supposed to be an experiment. It is something you initiate deliberately and purposefully. It is an institution created by God, and as such it should be held sacred.
When God began the marriage institution, He had something in mind. He was not performing an experiment but he was deliberately packaging a purposeful institution. So, the moment you do anything experimentally, you have moved away from the original intention, hence the consequences.
In experimental relationships, you say “Let‘s see whether this will work out.” Before it begins, you already perfected the exit strategy. I really don‘t think this is what God wants from us.
2. When you are involved in sexual sins
During friendship or courtship, it is the mind that should be aligned, not the body.
When the body comes together in a sexual relationship before marriage, the light of God’s word is tampered with because of violation and confusion enters the soul!
One common statement you will hear from people who are compromised is “I am confused!”
They know it is wrong, and yet they are held in the embrace of sin because an illegal bonding has been formed. It takes God and guts to break such.
On the other hand, when married couples make love, it strengthens them more. It is for this reason that the scripture says a couple should not deny each other!
Uncovering Relationship Anomalies
3. When you objectify your lover
Objectification of people is relationship abuse. The purpose of that lady in your life is not to satisfy your rush of adrenaline. Reducing a lady that God created in His image to a mere sexual object for pleasure is gross abuse.
When the lady sees the husband as her ATM, it is also abuse. He is not in your life to buy weekly recharge cards while you are giving sex. This is an abuse of what God intended.
4. When you start a relationship while still bitter and hurting
I have said it over and over again, you don’t begin a relationship immediately after getting off one because you want to prove a point or you want to get back at your ex. At that point, your reasoning is impaired and your definition of love has been warped by the recent experience.
It is always good to take a break for about six months and allow yourself to heal. Wisdom says you should find out what went wrong with the first one before you dabble into another. If you have had several relationships broken over and over again, it is not about a curse anywhere, it is just that you lack wisdom and you are abusing the purpose of a relationship.
You don’t enter a relationship because you want the person to fill some emptiness in your soul. Only Jesus Christ can fill your emptiness with His Spirit! If you haul a job meant for God on a guy or a lady, you will end up frustrating that person! After a broken relationship, take your time. Ask questions. Why did it go wrong?
Don’t jump into the next available arms just to deal with hurts and wounds. When you do that, you will get hurt the more, because you have not followed the right process. Never ever try to give sex in order to get attention or love. It will never work that way. Young ladies, drum that into your head and carry yourselves with some dignity!