11 Marriages That Must Not Take Place By Dr. D.K Olukoya
Introduction
I agree that wrong marriages can seriously damage our lives and futures. In this post, I will discuss Dr. Olukoya’s guidelines on 40 types of marriages that must be avoided. By learning to identify and steer clear of such unions, we can protect ourselves from unnecessary hardship. I will explore each kind of problematic marriage and explain why it should not take place.
Number 1. Fast food marriages.
Fast food marriages are based solely on physical attraction and lustful desires, rather than true love and compatibility. When the initial infatuation fades, as it always does, the relationship collapses. Marrying for looks or sexual chemistry alone is a recipe for divorce once those surface-level attractions disappear.
Number 2. Serpent in the pocket marriages.
A “serpent in the pocket” marriage is one where one spouse hides their real character flaws and intentions until after the wedding. Once committed, the deceptive person’s true colors emerge, often in a toxic manner that poisons the relationship. Founding a marriage on deception lays the groundwork for major betrayal and breach of trust down the road.
Number 3. Marrying the enemy.
Marrying someone you perceive as an enemy or competitor is asking for trouble. Unresolved negative feelings like dislike, mistrust, or a history of conflict do not make for a solid foundation for marriage. Even minor disagreements can easily escalate when underlying enmity exists. It is usually best to maintain distance from adversaries rather than legally binding yourself to them through marriage. Trying to change an enemy into a spouse often backfires.
Number 4. Marrying late in life hastily.
Those marrying later in life after previous relationships have ended may feel lonely or pressured to settle down quickly. However, rushing into marriage without properly evaluating the partner’s character can be imprudent. When loneliness or deadlines override good judgment, marriages entered into hastily tend to end in regret. It is wise not to compromise the standards of a compatible life partner just to avoid singleness. Taking the time to know someone fully is critical for long-term success.
Number 5. Half and half marriages.
Half-and-half marriages combine two incompatible halves that are doomed to clash. This occurs when partners of different faiths, cultures, or backgrounds enter marriage with unresolved differences. Over time, disagreements over issues like religion, in-laws, or child-rearing tend to intensify rather than diminish tension. For lasting peace, spouses must be fully united.
Number 6. Red Cross Society marriages.
Red Cross Society marriages refer to unions formed due to accidental pregnancy before marriage. While having a child does require responsibility, rushing to marry the other parent does not guarantee the couple is ready or suited to building a healthy family together long-term. Careful discernment is still needed.
Number 7. Demonic consultation marriages.
Demonic consultation marriages were explained as occurring when a partner seeks guidance from occult forces like astrology, witch doctors, or other ungodly sources rather than relying on God’s will. Putting faith in spiritual powers runs contrary to biblical teaching and exposes the marriage to harmful manipulation and control from demonic entities. God alone should direct our paths.
Number 8. Witchcraft marriages.
Witchcraft marriages are those involving spouses with a background or family history steeped in witchcraft, idolatry, or other demonic practices. Such spiritual baggage has toxic consequences, as the marriage itself may become a battleground for conflicting spiritual influences and ideologies that undermine harmony.
Number 9. Syringe marriages.
Syringe marriages occur when a partner has a history of drug abuse or addiction. Substance issues often stem from deeper problems, and getting clean is a long process even after rehab. Marrying an unreformed addict risks exposing yourself and any future children to harm from relapses or associated unhealthy behaviors. Stability must be established first before committing to such a union.
Number 10. Diabetes marriages.
Diabetes marriages involve partners with uncontrolled medical conditions like diabetes that require intensive management. The strain of caring for an ill spouse’s needs can drain both physical and emotional resources from the relationship. Health must be reasonably stable to ensure both spouses’ well-being and ability to fulfill their roles before marriage
Number 11. Marrying out of pity.
Marrying out of pity rather than genuine love or compatibility is unfair to both partners. Pity seeks to fulfill an ego need to help someone, but true care requires considering the other person’s long-term well-being and ensuring the relationship is healthy for both sides. Otherwise, it risks becoming a crutch rather than a partnership.
In conclusion, while the heart wants what it wants, marriage is not merely an emotional affair but a serious life commitment. Entering without fully considering factors like spirituality, values, health, background, and long-term goals nearly guarantees problems down the road. Rather than acting on fleeting feelings or circumstances, take time to carefully discern true compatibility in all areas before making a vow. Building on a firm foundation of mutual understanding and agreement increases the chances of a stable, fruitful union.
Relationship and Marriage Red Flags! Top 10 Signs You Need Help Part 2
We continue from yesterday.
6. You’re leading separate lives
This another one of the Signs You Need Help. Make a conscious effort to prioritize quality time together. We all need our own space and independence. But when you and your partner start feeling more like roommates than soulmates, that’s a major red flag. It’s like you’re two ships passing in the night, never really connecting or sharing experiences. The Bible hits the nail on the head with Amos 3:3 – “Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?”
I’ll never forget this one couple I knew. Let’s call them… Sally and Buddy. These two were so wrapped up in their own worlds that they practically needed a translator to communicate. Sally was always off doing her own thing, while Buddy was glued to his video games. Date nights? Forget about it! They were living that separate lives life to the maximum.
But here’s the thing – a relationship is supposed to be a partnership, a journey you take together. When you stop making that quality time for each other a priority, the connection starts to fray. It’s like a plant that doesn’t get enough water – it’ll eventually wither and die.
So, what’s the solution? Well, it’s all about being intentional. Set aside regular date nights, plan little adventures together, or even just snuggle up and watch your favorite movie.
7. Trust has been broken
This is one of the Signs You Need Help. We’re not just talking little white lies here, but the kind that makes you question everything and feel like you’re walking on eggshells.
I had this one friend, we’ll call her Samantha, who went through the ultimate trust betrayal. Her partner of five years had been having an emotional affair, sharing deep thoughts and feelings with someone else behind her back. When she found out, it was like her entire world shattered into a million pieces.
Samantha was devastated. How could someone she trusted so completely violate that sacred bond? She felt like a fool for believing in their partnership.
But here’s the thing – rebuilding trust is possible, but it takes hard work from both parties. It’s a conscious choice to forgive, to be accountable, and to communicate openly, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Trust is precious, my friends. Once it’s been broken, working to repair it is one of the highest callings. It’s about choosing to see the higher road, even when the pain is fresh. It’s about loving bigger than you ever thought possible.
8. You’re feeling unheard or ignored
This is one of the Signs You Need Help. We’ve all been there, right? You try to share something that’s important to you – a frustration at work or an idea for a vacation. But instead of your partner’s full attention, you get the dreaded glazed-over look or one-word responses. It’s the romantic equivalent of talking to a brick wall.
Listen, communication is the lifeblood of any healthy relationship. Without it, that once-blazing connection starts to feel like a dying campfire. The embers are still there, but they’re getting faint and harder to re-ignite with each passing day.
The Bible says in James 1:19, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” Being an active listener, fully present and engaged, is one of the greatest gifts you can give your partner. It’s a way of saying “You matter. Your thoughts and feelings are valuable to me.
So make that conscious choice, every single day, to listen with your whole soul. Put down your phone, turn off the TV, and drink in every word your partner has to say, as if it’s the nectar of the gods. Let them feel that soul-quenching feeling of being truly heard.
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9. You’re not supporting each other’s goals and dreams
Here is another one of the Signs You Need HelpYour relationship should be a dream team – a dynamic duo working together to help each other soar to new heights. When one person’s wings start to falter, the other is there to provide an updraft and keep them aloft.
Not supporting one another is like two planets spinning in opposite directions, never quite aligning. And as Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 remind us, “Two are better than one…If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.”
Supporting each other’s goals and dreams doesn’t have to be complicated. It can be as simple as listening intently when your partner shares a new idea, asking questions to understand their vision more deeply. It’s celebrating each tiny victory and reassuring them through the setbacks.
10. You’re feeling stuck or stagnant
How do you know if your relationship has veered off that path of joyful partnership and stumbled into a growth-stunting rut? Well, there are a few telltale signs to watch out for:
The conversation well has run dry.
Date night is a distant memory. The core values and interests that once bound you together have drifted in separate directions.
If any of those strike you, fear not! This isn’t an inevitable death sentence for your relationship – it’s a wake-up call to get that growth groove back.
Here’s the truth – a relationship is a living, breathing entity. And like anything alive, it requires the oxygen of growth, progress, and exploration to survive. Stagnation is a slow suffocation.
So go ahead, be bold! Shake up those comfortable patterns. Nurture your evolving partnership with the same devotion and joy that first sparked it into existence.
Choose growth – in all its messy, unpredictable, breathtakingly beautiful forms. That’s what true partnership is all about.
Relationship and Marriage Red Flags! Top 10 Signs You Need Help
Let’s talk about something that’s really important, but can be tough to acknowledge: when our relationship or marriage needs a little or a lot of help. As a married person, you know that relationships take work. And sometimes, despite our best efforts, things can start to feel off. The connection that once felt so strong starts to fade, and you find yourself wondering if everything is okay.
Well, wonder no more! Today, we’re diving into the top 10 signs that your marriage might need a little TLC.
1. You’re barely talking (and when you do, it’s only to argue)
Communication is key in any relationship, but when the only conversations you’re having are heated ones, that’s a red flag. As Ephesians 4:29 in The Message Translation reminds us, “Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift.” Make an effort to have meaningful, respectful conversations with your partner. Set aside dedicated time to talk about things that matter, and make a conscious effort to listen actively and respond thoughtfully.
In a healthy relationship, communication should be open, honest, and respectful. If you find yourself avoiding conversations or only talking to argue, it’s time to reassess your communication style. Ask yourself: Are we only talking about surface-level issues, or are we diving deeper into our thoughts, feelings, and desires? Are we actively listening to each other, or are we just waiting for the other person to finish speaking so we can respond?
2. You feel more like roommates than partners
This is another one of Relationship and Marriage Red Flags! Remember when you used to be each other’s rock? If you’re feeling more like cohabitants than soulmates, something’s amiss. As singles in courtship, you are no longer excited or looking forward to your spouse! That is a red flag! As couples, you are emotional disenfranchised from your partner, well, that is a red flag! What do you do? Make time for regular date nights and activities that bring you closer together. Deliberately seek to invest in your relationship or reach out for professional help. On Kisses and Huggs Club, we have several courses designed to rekindle your love as couples!
It’s essential to prioritize quality time together, doing things that bring you joy and closeness. This can be as simple as cooking dinner together, going for a walk, or watching a movie. The key is to make an effort to reconnect and strengthen your bond. Ask yourself: When was the last time we did something fun together? When did we last have a meaningful conversation about our hopes and dreams?
3. Intimacy is a distant memory
Here is another on of This is another one of Relationship and Marriage Red Flags! Physical and emotional intimacy are essential in a healthy marriage. If you’re feeling disconnected from your partner in this way, it’s time to address it. As 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 reminds us, “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.” The frequency of sex can determine the health of your marriage! Meanwhile, the constancy of sex as singles and unmarried can signal a terrible error in that relationship.
Intimacy is about more than just physical closeness; it’s about emotional connection and vulnerability. If you’re feeling disconnected from your partner, it’s essential to address the issue head-on. This might involve having an open and honest conversation about your desires, needs, and boundaries. Ask yourself: When was the last time we had a meaningful, intimate conversation about our desires and needs? Are we prioritizing our emotional and physical connection?
4. You’re feeling resentful or bitter
Unresolved issues can lead to some serious resentment. If you’re feeling like you’re harboring anger or frustration towards your partner, it’s time to talk things through. As James 1:19-20 says, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” Don’t try to bury resentments, it will only end up becoming like magma within the crust of the earth. One day, there will be volcanic eruption from the bitterness stored within, and that would not always be a pleasant time.
Resentment can build up over time, causing resentment and anger to simmer just below the surface. It’s essential to address these feelings before they boil over. Make an effort to listen to your partner’s perspective, and be willing to apologize and forgive. Ask yourself: What am I holding onto? What do I need to let go of? What do I need to communicate to my partner?
5. You’re not fighting fairly (or at all)
This is another one of This is another one of Relationship and Marriage Red Flags! Conflict is a natural part of any relationship, but when you’re not addressing issues or are fighting dirty, it’s a problem. As Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words stir up wrath.” Learn to communicate effectively and respectfully, even in the heat of the moment. Do not demonize your partner. Face the issue, not your partner. Learn to separate the person from the action so that you won’t end up hurting each other.
When conflicts arise, it’s essential to address them in a healthy and constructive way. This means avoiding blame, criticism, and personal attacks. Instead, focus on the issue at hand and work together to find a solution. Make an effort to listen actively, remain calm, and communicate your thoughts and feelings clearly.
Ask yourself: Am I addressing issues as they arise, or am I letting them simmer beneath the surface? Am I fighting fairly, or am I using underhanded tactics to “win” the argument? Am I willing to listen to my partner’s perspective and work together to find a solution?
Remember, relationships take work, and conflicts are an inevitable part of the journey. By learning to communicate effectively, address issues as they arise, and fight fairly, you can build a stronger, healthier relationship that will last a lifetime.
Having a sexual relationship outside marriage is a sin in itself and God doesn’t approve of that kind of arrangement. However, within marriage, withholding intimacy is one way that a person can be abused emotionally, by using withdrawal to control the other person.
In the sanctity of a marriage relationship, you are not supposed to deny each other. The scriptures say that you should not defraud one another.
Married ladies should not use sex to punish their husbands as that may lead to more vulnerability.
Signs of Abusive Relationships Part 2
9. Words like arrows
Another sign of emotional manipulation is when you are called names, given unpleasant labels, derogatory nicknames, and the use of biting cutting remarks.
Words are powerful and you are what you hear everyday. A guy goes to Medical school, listens to medical classes for seven years and then becomes a Medical Doctor. The same thing with a lawyer.Invariably, you are what you are hearing. You should therefore not allow anybody to constantly pull you down and trample on your esteem all in the name of love.
Love will not constantly put you down! Love will not crush your esteem day after day. If one or more of these signs are prevalent in your relationship, you may need to pause and review it.
Listen to me, marriage does not change abusers. It is better to remain single and wait for the right person than to rush into a marriage with an abuser because of the pressures around you.
When the abuse takes a toll, all the people putting pressure will not be seen around you.
The last day you would see most of them is on your wedding day to eat your food!
As my wife would always says, you will live with your choice!
Signs of Abusive Relationships Part 2
10. Personal information
Lastly, abusers can often resort to using your personal information and secrets against you and to control you. This is why you have to beware of people who are always asking for your nude pictures.
Why would a person who claims to be a child of God be asking for your nude pictures?
There is something perverse about that.
Is it to masturbate or what? Or to sell the pictures? Young ladies, don’t ever send you nude pictures to anyone in the name of love.
He would eventually use your pictures to manipulate and control you, and when you call his bluff, you would find your nude pictures all over the internet.
Several young girls have committed suicide when they couldn’t bear with the shame of having their nude pictures and videos all over the internet. So, don’t ever make that mistake.
Remember the scripture we saw earlier? Your souls has escaped like a bird out of the snare of the flower!
Fly away from all demonic and manipulative relationships.
Pro 6:5 (KJV) Deliver thyself as a roe from the hand of the hunter, and as a bird from the hand of the fowler.
Cut off that relationship where you are being oppressed.Let the wrong person go so that the right person can show up! I pray that God will grant you more understanding!
Let’s delve deeper into these symptoms of abusive relationships:
1. Your Individuality is in Question
In an abusive relationship, one of the most subtle yet insidious signs is the gradual erosion of your individuality. You may start to question your own thoughts, feelings, and actions, as the abusive partner systematically chips away at your self-esteem. They may belittle your opinions, decisions, and passions, making you doubt your worth and significance.
2. Unending Chastisement
Abuse often manifests in the form of unrelenting chastisement. You may find yourself on the receiving end of constant criticism and nitpicking. This continuous stream of negativity can be emotionally draining, leaving you feeling worthless and defeated.
3. False Accusations
Abusive partners frequently employ false accusations as a means of control. They might accuse you of infidelity, dishonesty, or wrongdoing without any basis in reality. These unfounded allegations can leave you in a state of constant defensiveness, further undermining your self-esteem.
Abusers often excel in shifting blame. Instead of taking responsibility for their actions, they find ways to place the blame on you. This tactic leaves you feeling guilty for problems that are not your fault, reinforcing their control over the relationship. It can eventually bother on mental health if care is not taken.
5. Withdrawal
Emotional and physical withdrawal is another common sign of an abusive relationship. The abusive partner may use the silent treatment or physical isolation to exert control and manipulate your behavior. This isolation can lead to feelings of loneliness and helplessness. It is also called stonewalling
6. You Are Always in the Wrong
In an abusive relationship, it can feel like you can never do anything right. No matter what you do, your actions are met with disapproval or anger. This constant feeling of inadequacy can lead to a loss of self-confidence and self-worth.
7. Control Over Your Finances
Abusive partners may also exert control over your financial resources. They might restrict your access to money, scrutinize your spending, or even take charge of your finances entirely. This control can leave you financially dependent and trapped in the relationship.
Recognizing these symptoms is the first step in breaking free from an abusive relationship. If you or someone you know is experiencing these signs, it’s crucial to seek support and help from professionals who can provide guidance and assistance in leaving the abusive relationship and rebuilding a life free from harm.
