In our many years of counseling married couples, we have had to handle different kinds of issues in marriage. Some of the issues, simple and direct while others are pretty complicated and not direct at all.
The Holy Spirit helps us handle these issues. Some of these issues have their root causes in some generational issues, a complex parental issue, a background issue or a habit that was developed while growing up.
Some husbands are good with silent treatment to their wives. There could be a lot of reasons responsible for this kind of treatment but it takes digging into the issue to get to the root cause.
It will be good to note that there could be different things responsible for such actions. The husband could be frustrated at the wife nagging. The husband could be having issues at work. The husband might have difficulties communicating his deepest feelings. The husband might grow up seeing his dad do the same to his mum. The husband may be involved in extra marital affairs, thus his cold actions. The husband might be dealing with issues that the wife knows nothing about. It could be an act of wickedness on the husband’s part.
So, in the scenario above, let’s assume we are in the shoes of the wife, we have to be tactical in finding out the real cause of our husband’s coldness. E.g if he is cold because he is having an affair and we treat it as having issues at work or overact believing he is mean, we would have ended up majoring on the minor and minoring in the major, and not dealing with the issue.
That is why we have to depend on the Holy Spirit in handling issues in our marriage. Some issues may be complicated while some are not as complicated.
Let’s try to be more patient and think deep through the issues that may arise in our marriage.
Let’s also be prayerful, asking God for the spirit of wisdom and revelation. We also need discernment to discern the root cause of issues.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am a discerning spouse.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray for the spirit of discernment.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Romans 8:14 For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Pray for your spouse
BIBLE READING FOR THE DAY Rom 8
Rev. Sophia Okunowo
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Over the years, from counseling experiences, and even from the scriptures, one guaranteed reason a relationship or marriage will crash is when there is no form of mentoring or tutelage, or better put, when there is no accountability!
The kingdom of God is so orchestrated in such a way that you are not supposed to stay in isolation. Isolation will usually dovetail to desolation.
Here is God’s word:
God setteth the solitary in families: he bringeth out those which are bound with chains: but the rebellious dwell in a dry land. (Psalms 68:6 KJV)
God in His wisdom has surrounded us with not only physical families but also spiritual families. You have to be able to identify your spiritual family and stay there. There is a man or woman that God has placed over you from whom you can access wisdom and who will be able to speak into your life in the times of storms.
There are times that you face some issues, and yet the solution to that storm is just a sentence or two away in the mouth of an anointed servant of God.
This is why I am often scared of couples that have nobody they are accountable to. I am often scared of couples that have no mentors over them. Somebody has rightly said that you need mentors to avoid tormentors of life!
Singles, beware of getting into a relationship with a person who is accountable to no one! The moment he or she begins to tell you that God is his mentor, something is wrong somewhere.
Now, I will tell you why it is so important that you get married to somebody who is accountable.
There are some times that couples call in for counseling and upon listening to them, there would only be one way to move forward.
So, I would ask the question,
“Who is your husband’s mentor?”
It is always sad when the answer is “Nobody sir!”
So, I would usually reframe the question, “Who does your husband respect? Who can talk to him?”
And then, a sadder answer comes “Nobody sir!”
Then I would make one more attempt, “What about his parents?”
“He does not listen to his parents! Nobody can talk to him!”
At this point, the situation actually looks bleak… because you can hardly help an isolated and disenfranchised person!
One of the pertinent things to be sure of in considering marriage is the issue of accountability!
Don’t get involved with someone who says you don’t need a mentor. That would be risky!
Let me conclude with this scripture:
Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counsellors they are established. (Proverbs 15:22 KJV)
Purposes can be genuine, but when they are without counsel, they can be frustrated and disappointed.
See it in Message translation:
Refuse good advice and watch your plans fail; take good counsel and watch them succeed. (Proverbs 15:22 Message)
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have the wisdom of God. I am not isolated. My relationship will not crash.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, show me who you have appointed to speak into my life so that my relationship will not crash.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY The empty–headed treat life as a plaything; the perceptive grasp its meaning and make a go of it. (Proverbs 15:21 Message)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Discuss and decide on who will be your mentor