Building a Relationship Based on Friendship First: Why Taking It Slow Isn’t Boring (It’s Biblical!)
So, you’re thinking about dating, or maybe you’re already in a relationship, and everyone’s throwing around words like “soulmate” and “commitment.” But let’s press pause for a second—because there’s a different angle we might want to consider: building a relationship based on friendship first. Crazy idea? Not really. In fact, it’s pretty genius, and it’s one of the most biblical ways to approach romance. So, let’s talk about why slowing down and prioritizing friendship can actually lead to deeper, lasting love—and bring you closer to God.
Why Start with Friendship?
If you’ve ever listened to dating advice from, say, an older friend, a pastor, or even your mom, you’ve probably heard this before: “Make sure you’re friends first!” It sounds cliché, but there’s a reason this advice has been around forever. Think about it:
Friendship builds a foundation: When you’re friends first, you learn about each other without the pressure to impress. You can just be. You get to see each other’s quirks, habits, and real personalities—and let’s be real, you’re more likely to discover if you’re truly compatible.
Friendship reveals character: Friends see the good, the bad, and the ugly. A friendship-first approach lets you see how your potential partner treats others, handles stress, and stays faithful in their walk with God, without all the romance-driven fog clouding your view.
Friendship promotes patience: Our culture can be all about the quick fix and instant gratification, especially in relationships. But building on friendship teaches patience, a fruit of the Spirit we could all probably use more of.
Breaking Down “Biblical Friendship”
So, what exactly is “biblical friendship,” and why should it matter in dating? Biblical friendship isn’t just about having a good time and sharing interests. It’s about being there for each other, challenging each other to grow, and putting God at the center. Let’s look at some friendship qualities the Bible celebrates and how they make a difference in relationships:
Loyalty: Proverbs 17:17 says, “A friend loves at all times.” Loyalty in friendship means you stand by each other through ups and downs. When this loyalty extends into a romantic relationship, it creates a space where both of you feel safe and loved even on tough days.
Honesty: Proverbs 27:6 reminds us that “faithful are the wounds of a friend.” True friends don’t shy away from calling each other out. If you’re building a romantic relationship on honesty, you’re more likely to face hard truths with grace instead of letting resentment fester.
Encouragement: Hebrews 10:24-25 encourages us to “spur one another on toward love and good deeds.” Imagine dating someone who builds you up in your faith, encourages you in your dreams, and supports your goals. A friendship built on encouragement helps you grow into the best version of yourself.
The Perks of Taking It Slow (Even When It Feels “Old-School”)
When you start dating someone, it’s natural to feel that spark. You want to be around them all the time, talk endlessly, and jump into all the romantic feels. But here’s the thing: slowing down gives you room to build something strong. Here’s why taking it slow isn’t just for people in rom-coms:
You create lasting memories: Friendships tend to be packed with stories, funny memories, and shared experiences. Imagine starting your romantic relationship with those same layers. The time you spend just being friends becomes the foundation for your love story.
You avoid burnout: Rushing into a relationship can feel like running a marathon at sprint speed. Building a relationship over time helps you pace yourself emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. Instead of burning out, you get to appreciate each other’s growth.
You prioritize values over vibes: Attraction is powerful, but so are shared values. A friendship-first relationship helps you stay focused on what truly matters—faith, character, and purpose—over fleeting feelings.
Real Talk: The Challenges (And Why They’re Worth It)
Building a relationship on friendship isn’t always easy, especially in a world of dating apps and insta-love stories. You might feel pressure from friends or social media to speed things up. But here’s what’s important: you’re building a relationship that’s built to last.
It might feel slow: There will be days when you’re tempted to push the timeline. But remember, even though it feels slow, you’re planting seeds that grow into something meaningful and resilient.
People might not “get it”: Not everyone understands the value of a friendship-first relationship. And that’s okay! The purpose here is to honor God and to pursue a relationship that aligns with His love and purpose.
You might need to set boundaries: Friends who are dating sometimes need to set boundaries to avoid jumping too quickly into physical intimacy. Boundaries are just guardrails to keep you on the path you’ve committed to, and they show maturity and respect for each other.
Taking Friendship-Based Dating to the Next Level
So, how do you actually build a friendship-focused relationship without getting stuck in the “friend zone”? Here’s a guide:
Communicate openly: Be honest with each other about your intentions. Say, “Hey, I value our friendship and want to build something strong.” It may feel awkward, but it’ll set you both on the same page.
Invest in shared interests: Find activities you enjoy together that aren’t just about romance. Volunteer together, join a small group, or work on a project. Shared activities allow you to connect and create memories.
Pray together: When you’re dating with a friendship foundation, praying together isn’t just a spiritual practice—it’s a way to bond deeply. Pray for each other, for your relationship, and for God’s guidance.
Laugh a lot: One of the best parts of friendship is laughter. A relationship built on friendship lets you be silly, enjoy inside jokes, and not take everything so seriously. This joy becomes a powerful glue.
Stay accountable: It’s easy to lose focus or get carried away in the romance, so consider inviting a trusted friend, mentor, or pastor to be your accountability partner. They can pray for you, offer wisdom, and help you stick to your commitment.
Final Thoughts: Friendship is the Real “Spark”
If there’s one takeaway, it’s this: relationships based on friendship don’t lack romance—they’re filled with a deeper, more meaningful connection that doesn’t fade when life gets hard. So if you’re in that friendship stage, don’t rush it. Instead, cherish the season you’re in, laugh a lot, pray together, and build something that’s designed to last.
Choosing to date through friendship isn’t just old-school; it’s God-school—a way to invite God into the process, honor each other, and create a relationship that shines with His love.
Support Systems: How Family and Friends Shape Your Love Life
The Modern Dating Landscape
Dating in 2024 isn’t the same as it was for our parents. Swipe culture, dating apps, and social media have changed the game entirely. We’re constantly bombarded with “options,” and while that sounds fun, it can actually be overwhelming. Ever felt “decision fatigue” after scrolling through profiles? You’re not alone. We live in a time where the pressure to present a “perfect” relationship online can make the whole dating scene feel more like a competition than a genuine quest for connection. Add ghosting, unmatched values, and endless situationships to the mix, and it’s no wonder we all feel a little lost sometimes.
So, where do you turn when it feels like too much? Your family and friends. While you’re out there navigating this wild world of dating, they can be your grounding force—your emotional GPS.
Why Your Squad and Fam Matter in Dating
Let’s talk about the real MVPs: your support system. Whether it’s your BFF hyping you up before a first date or your parents casually dropping interesting (sometimes awkward) relationship advice, they’ve got your back. Here’s why they matter:
Emotional Support: Dating can be rough. Your crew keeps you grounded when it feels like you’re free-falling through endless options and heartbreaks.
Reality Checks: They’ll call you out when you’re overthinking a text or getting lost in the honeymoon phase. (Yes, your partner might not be perfect.)
Boosting Your Confidence: Let’s be honest, sometimes you need someone to remind you of your worth—especially after a ghosting incident.
Family Influence: Blessing or Stressing?
Family can shape the way you date in ways you might not even realize. Whether it’s that “how we met” story your parents keep sharing or the unspoken pressure to follow certain relationship milestones, your fam’s perspective can carry weight.
The Good Stuff: If you’ve got a supportive family, they’re there to encourage you, give advice, and be that emotional safety net. They can offer a perspective that helps you evaluate whether your potential partner vibes with your values.
The Pressure: Not every family will see eye-to-eye with you on dating choices. Maybe they expect you to get serious with someone quickly, while you’re still enjoying casual dating. Or they might have “the perfect person” in mind for you (cue eye roll). The key? Balancing their advice with your own desires. You do you but listen to their input with an open heart.
Friends: Your Dating Reality Check
Friends are often our first go-to when we need to vent, celebrate, or ask for advice. They’re in the trenches with you, navigating this dating battlefield together.
Share the Struggle: Your friends are likely dealing with similar stuff. From awkward first dates to deciphering cryptic texts, they get it. This makes them perfect for bouncing off ideas or getting a much-needed pep talk.
Group Dates, Anyone?: Not into one-on-one hangouts yet? Group outings with friends can help ease the awkwardness. It’s a more relaxed way to see if you vibe with someone without the pressure of “formal” dating.
Fashion Police: Ever stood in front of the mirror, completely stumped on what to wear for a date? Your friends can swoop in with killer outfit suggestions or throw in some conversation starters that’ll break the ice.
Introducing Bae to the Fam: The Big Moment
Bringing your partner home to meet the fam? That’s a milestone. Whether it’s the “Sunday dinner with the parents” or the big family reunion, it’s normal to feel nervous.
Here’s how to survive it:
Prep with Your Partner: Chat about your family’s quirks beforehand. Maybe your dad’s going to ask about politics, or your sibling will roast you (with love). Being prepared helps manage the pressure.
Stay Authentic: Don’t feel like you need to morph into someone else. Families appreciate when you’re genuine—it sets the tone for a real connection.
Handle the Nerves: Yeah, it’s nerve-wracking, but try calming techniques like deep breathing, or even a quick prayer beforehand. You’ve got this!
When Friends and Family Disapprove
Sometimes, your family or friends might not be on board with your partner. It sucks, but it happens. Whether it’s because of cultural differences, conflicting values, or just plain vibes, this disapproval can throw you off your game.
Here’s how to handle it:
Open Conversations: Ask for specifics. Why aren’t they vibing with your partner? Maybe they’re seeing red flags you’ve missed, or perhaps they just need time to adjust.
Set Boundaries: If the criticism is constant and unhelpful, it’s okay to say, “Hey, I value your opinion, but I need to make my own decisions.”
Trust Your Gut: At the end of the day, it’s YOUR relationship. If you believe in your partner and feel confident, keep your focus there.
Managing Expectations: Chill Out, Everyone
Look, we’ve all had that moment when a well-meaning family member starts hinting about grandkids or your friend asks when you’re going to make things “official.” While their curiosity comes from a good place, it can also create a lot of unnecessary stress.
Communicate Your Pace: If you’re taking things slow, be upfront about it. People will be more understanding when they know where you’re coming from.
Focus on YOU: You’re not obligated to fit into anyone else’s timeline. Whether you want to date around or settle down, it’s your choice. Don’t let external expectations define your dating journey.
The Bottom Line: Balance and Boundaries
Navigating relationships can feel like a rollercoaster, but your family and friends are your safety net. They offer love, advice, and the occasional reality check. But remember: this is YOUR journey. Take their advice, weigh their opinions, but at the end of the day, make decisions that align with your own values and goals.
Dating in the modern world is tough, but with the right balance of support from your inner circle—and confidence in yourself—you’re equipped to handle whatever comes your way. So go ahead, enjoy the ride!
Why Your Family Needs a Vision (Yes, It’s a Thing)
Ever feel like life is just a series of random events? If you’re married or thinking about it, you might wonder how to make sure you and your partner are on the same page, especially when it comes to your future. That’s where having a family vision comes in. It’s like a roadmap for your relationship—your guide to what you both want in life, whether that’s growing spiritually, having kids, or building a dream home.
When couples take the time to create a family vision, they’re setting up their lives for fewer miscommunications and stronger teamwork. It’s not just about avoiding conflict (although, let’s be real, that’s a bonus), it’s about thriving together.
Think of your family vision as the North Star that keeps you both moving in the same direction, even when life throws curveballs. The key here? Communication. When you talk through your goals, dreams, and values, you’re building something solid—a partnership that’s grounded in love, trust, and mutual understanding.
Aligning Your Goals: Why It Matters
Let’s get real—life can get messy. Between work, church, friends, and everything in between, it’s easy for couples to drift apart when their goals aren’t aligned. That’s why having those honest conversations about where you’re heading as a couple is so important.
Here’s what aligning your goals does:
Improves Communication: When you’re both clear about what you want, misunderstandings are less likely to happen.
Fosters Accountability: You’re not just partners; you’re teammates. A shared vision keeps you both invested and working toward the same things.
Deepens Your Relationship: Working together on shared goals strengthens your connection. Plus, it makes celebrating those wins so much sweeter.
Finding Your Individual Values and Goals
Before you can create a vision for your family, it’s important to know what each of you values individually. What’s important to you? What are your personal goals? This is where you get to reflect and be real with each other.
Here’s a little exercise to try: Each of you write down your top 10 values (think faith, career, adventure, family, or health). Once you have your lists, compare them. Do you notice any overlaps? Maybe you both value community service or personal growth. And for the values that don’t match, don’t stress—this is a great opportunity to have deeper conversations about how you can support each other’s dreams while blending them into your family vision.
And don’t just stop at values. Talk about goals, both big and small. What does each of you want to accomplish in the next year? Five years? Whether it’s saving for a house or getting more involved in church, knowing each other’s aspirations is key to building that shared vision.
How to Create a Family Vision (Without Overcomplicating It)
So, how do you actually create a family vision? It’s simpler than you think.
Set the Mood: Find a comfortable spot, grab your favorite snacks, and make sure there are no distractions. This is your time to connect.
Share Your Dreams: Start by talking about what’s important to you as individuals. What kind of family life do you both want? What are your biggest hopes for the future?
Find Common Ground: Look for the goals and values you both share. These are the building blocks of your family vision.
Document It: Write it down! Whether it’s a couple of bullet points or a full-on mission statement, get your shared vision on paper. You can always tweak it later.
Remember, this process should be fun, not stressful. It’s about dreaming together and making sure you’re both excited about the future.
Turning Your Vision into Action: SMART Goals
Now that you’ve got a vision, it’s time to make it real. And to do that, you need to set some goals—specifically, SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound).
Here’s how you can do it:
Specific: Be clear about what you want. Instead of saying, “We want to save money,” say, “We want to save N20,000 for a house down payment by 2026.”
Measurable: How will you track your progress? Maybe it’s saving N500 a month.
Achievable: Be realistic. Can you both commit to these goals given your current situation?
Relevant: Make sure the goals tie into your shared vision.
Time-bound: Set deadlines to keep yourselves on track.
SMART goals keep you focused, motivated, and accountable.
Crafting Your Family Mission Statement
A mission statement for your family might sound a little too “corporate,” but it’s actually a really meaningful way to keep your family vision front and center. It’s like a manifesto that reflects what matters most to you both.
Start by discussing your core values and what kind of family culture you want to create. Once you’ve got some ideas, draft a short statement that captures your shared goals and values. Something like: “We’re a family that values faith, kindness, and adventure. We’re committed to growing together, supporting each other, and making a positive impact in our community.”
Involving Kids in the Vision
Got kids? Include them in the process! It doesn’t matter if they’re young or teenagers—getting them involved helps them feel like part of the team.
For younger kids, try simple activities like having them draw what they want the future to look like. For older kids, ask them what they think is important for your family’s future. You might be surprised by their insights!
Keep It Fresh: Reviewing Your Vision
Life changes, and so should your family vision. Make it a point to review and reassess your vision every year or so. Things like career changes, a new baby, or a move can shift your goals and priorities, so it’s important to stay flexible.
During these review sessions, talk about what’s working, what needs tweaking, and what new goals you want to set. This not only keeps you on track but also keeps the conversation flowing.
Celebrate the Wins (Big and Small)
Don’t forget to celebrate your progress! Whether it’s paying off a debt, hitting a savings goal, or just surviving a tough season—acknowledge the wins. Celebrating together strengthens your bond and makes the journey that much more rewarding.
At the end of the day, creating a family vision is about building a life that reflects your shared dreams and values. It’s not about perfection—it’s about intentionality, growth, and staying connected through all the ups and downs. So take the time to dream big, plan together, and enjoy the ride. You’ve got this!
So, you’ve probably heard the term “choleric” thrown around, but what does it really mean? Imagine someone who’s always on the move, setting goals left and right, and smashing through them like a boss. That’s the choleric temperament in a nutshell. These folks are the definition of driven—think of them as the CEO types who don’t just talk about big dreams; they make them happen. Whether it’s leading a project at work or planning a weekend getaway, they’re the ones taking charge.
But here’s the catch: with all that ambition and energy, cholerics can sometimes come off as a bit… intense. They know what they want, and they want it now. This urgency can lead to impatience, especially when others don’t keep up with their pace. And let’s be real—being around someone who’s always in high gear can be exhausting. But hey, that’s just part of their charm, right?
Now, Enter the Phlegmatic: The Chill Partner You Didn’t Know You Needed
On the flip side, we’ve got the phlegmatic temperament. If cholerics are the storm, phlegmatics are the calm after it. These are the people who make you feel like everything’s going to be okay, no matter what. They’re steady, reliable, and just have this way of keeping things cool even when life gets chaotic.
Phlegmatics are like that friend who’s always down for a relaxed night in, making sure everyone’s comfortable and having a good time. They avoid drama like the plague and would rather keep the peace than stir the pot. But while their laid-back nature is a blessing, it can also be a bit of a curse. Sometimes, they struggle to get moving, and procrastination can be their middle name. But once they’re on board, you can bet they’ll see things through to the end.
When Choleric Meets Phlegmatic: The Dynamic Duo
So, what happens when a choleric marries a phlegmatic? You get a relationship that’s equal parts fire and ice, with all the potential for both friction and fusion. It’s like pairing a go-getter with a peacekeeper—a combo that’s as intriguing as it is challenging.
Conflict Central: The first place these two might clash is in decision-making. Cholerics, being the natural leaders they are, want to make decisions quickly and efficiently. Meanwhile, phlegmatics take their sweet time, weighing every option because they want to avoid any conflict down the road. This can drive a choleric nuts, making them think their partner isn’t pulling their weight, while the phlegmatic might feel bulldozed by the choleric’s forcefulness.
Talk the Talk: Then there’s communication. Cholerics are straight shooters; they’ll tell you exactly what’s on their mind without sugarcoating it. Phlegmatics, on the other hand, prefer to keep things gentle and kind, which can sometimes lead to them bottling up their feelings. The result? The choleric might come off as too harsh, and the phlegmatic too passive, leading to some serious misunderstandings.
How to Make It Work: Tips for Choleric-Phlegmatic Marriages
But it’s not all doom and gloom—far from it! When these two temperaments learn to appreciate each other’s strengths, they can create a balanced, fulfilling relationship.
Communication is Key: Cholerics, take a breath and give your phlegmatic partner time to voice their thoughts. And phlegmatics, don’t be afraid to speak up—even if it’s to say, “Hey, can we slow down a bit?” Finding a middle ground in communication will help keep both partners happy.
Embrace the Differences: Remember that these contrasting traits can actually complement each other. The choleric’s drive can give the relationship direction, while the phlegmatic’s calm nature can provide the balance needed to avoid burnout.
Conflict Resolution 101: Cholerics, practice a little patience. Your phlegmatic partner isn’t being slow to annoy you—they’re just making sure things are done right. Phlegmatics, don’t shy away from expressing your opinions. You’ve got valuable insights that can help steer the ship, too.
Grow Together: Both partners should focus on personal growth. Cholerics can work on softening their approach, while phlegmatics might want to push themselves to be more assertive. This way, both partners grow stronger together, creating a more harmonious marriage.
Your Turn: What’s Your Temperament?
So, where do you fall on the temperament spectrum? Whether you’re a choleric, phlegmatic, or somewhere in between, understanding your personality type—and your partner’s—can be a game-changer in relationships. Drop a comment below and share your thoughts, or tell us how you and your partner navigate your own unique dynamic!
There is hardly any strong person. We only have helped people. My discourse with you this morning is a prophetic declaration that you will be marvelously helped in your relationship in Jesus name.
Oratory power is cool. Intellectual prowess is admired but is not always a magic wand when it comes to the problems of life. There are issues that defy the best of the intellectuals. There are puzzles and enigmas of life that are beyond the parameters of cognitive abilities.
At the end of the day, ensure you are helped of God. Your innate abilities, your gifting, your intelligence then begin to make meaning when God helps you indeed.
This morning, I prophesy into your relationship, you are helped of God in Jesus name!
And he made in Jerusalem engines, invented by cunning men, to be on the towers and upon the bulwarks, to shoot arrows and great stones withal. And his name spread far abroad; for he was marvellously helped, till he was strong.
2Ch 26:15 (KJV)
The guy above is sharp and intelligent. He is creative and productive. He had inventors working for him. But the last phrase amazes me. He was marvelously helped till HE WAS STRONG!
So, with all his achievements and productive energy for inventions, he was weak. He only became strong when he was marvelously helped.
May God help you by sending the right people your way. May you have your engines located on the towers and upon the bulwarks, to shoot arrows and great stones that will devastate every marital enemy in Jesus name.
See the Message Translation:
He also installed the latest in military technology on the towers and corners of Jerusalem for shooting arrows and hurling stones. He became well known for all this—a famous king. Everything seemed to go his way.
2Ch 26:15 (MSG)
Everything will go your way and work together for your good in Jesus name!
Have a great day.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am marvelously helped of God.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Pray for the help of God
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 2 Chron 26:15 (ERV)In Jerusalem, Uzziah made machines that were invented by clever men. These machines were put on the towers and corner walls. They shot arrows and large rocks. Uzziah became famous. People knew his name in far away places. He had much help and became a powerful king.
