We used to hear this phrase about marriage a lot long time ago, but nowadays, we hardly hear such a thing. The world has gone digital, fast and every body seems busy.
Knowledge has made people to replace old values with modern ones. The question is does modernization makes our conclusions about marriage right?
The modern day view of marriage is contractual while the good old days view marriage as in Gods eyes as a covenant.
Contractual view says, you do this, then I do that’. While covenant says, I will do this for you because I am committed to you. It doesn’t really matter what you do or don’t do’.
Marriage as a contract is always based on negotiations, convenience, and protection of self. Each spouse maintain their lanes and do what is expected. Otherwise the marriage contact does not work and they go their separate ways which means separation or divorce.
In this case, marriage is not for a common goal. There is no fulfilling purpose or destiny together in view. There is no sense of purpose or God bringing the couples together to fulfill a mandate or an assignment.
All that is involved is ‘I am attracted to you, and you to me. We have a love connection between us and we are good to go’.
Marriage is for better for worse. This is a little scary which brings with it a sense of awe. Two hearts beating as one is a mystery. That mystery can only be unraveled by the help of divinity.
Here, there is a sense of a divine assignment. Marriage is not just lived on their terms but on the terms of God, who is the covenant witness and judge in the marriage union.
Each couples live their lives following a particular road map created by the creator. That means there is a supervisory role performed by God.
The husband cannot just do whatever he likes to do, neither can the wife do whatever she likes or wishes in the marriage.
There are guiding principles, guiding both husband and wife. There is a race set before each one to run, and each one runs with passion looking to God for grace to accomplish his/her race.
Here, the wife is protected as well or as much as the husband is protected too. Both husband and wife have a common father who protects their interest.
It is not based on human standards that the rights of the husband is protected above the wife. Where the woman is subjected to servitude. Or in some cultures, where the wife is overly protected above the husband.
Marriage is indeed till death so us part.
May God grant us grace to so His will.
God bless our marriage
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have an understanding of what marriage is, my home is blessed
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, let the eyes of my understanding be enlightened.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY And when she had done giving him drink, she said, I will draw water for thy camels also, until they have done drinking. Genesis 24:19 (KJV)
There are five levels of communication in marriage. Communication is simply talking, but of cause, there are more things involved than just talking. A healthy conversation involves not just what is said but what is heard.
In essence, communication is a two-way conversation that involves speaking and hearing. The two spouses must form the conscious habit of allowing the other spouse to express himself or herself. While he/ she speaks, the other partner should be actively listening.
Not listening for pleasure, not listening for information but should practice empathic listening. This is putting yourself in the conversation. Trying to understand and feel the impulse of the speaker.
It is unhealthy to dominate a conversation without waiting at intervals to get feedback, to check whether your hearer is hearing the right thing, to know how he/she is processing the information. The aim of your conversation, especially in marriage, is for your partner to understand what you are saying and then obey you.
Listening should not also be done with the intention of giving a reply that will defend your status or what you represent in the marriage covenant.
I think we cannot also have a good conversation with our spouse if our interpretation of what marriage is, is defective. Until we see our marriage from the viewpoint of it being a covenant relationship, every other thing becomes loop-sided.
What we see most couples practicing is a contract and not covenant marriage. This is so important. It is a contract (which could be unwritten and informal) when the marriage is based on mutual benefit. That is, we are both doing something for each other.
For example, I will be nice to you, if you bring in enough money. Or, if you help out in the house, I will prepare the meals. The opposite obtains if your spouse doesn’t do what is expected. I will be very cold and unresponsive to you if you hurt my feelings. I will be uncaring to you if you disrespect me.
Marriage is a covenant in which each partner takes up his/her responsibility. The wife is to submit fully. The husband takes up his responsibility to love her like Christ does irrespective of what she does. It is the aim of a covenant relationship to please and serve the other person despite what he/ she does.
It’s kind of difficult right? Very hard. Especially if you have been to some school of hardknocks where you have been deeply hurt.
If you are starting on a clean note and you have this understanding, how blessed you are.
No matter how farther away we have gone, in Christ there is always a way out. He shows us and leads us in the way since He is the way.
We need to retrace our steps and in humility, accept what works. When a marriage is not working, both partners are responsible. It is not just one person’s fault but the two parties have their contributing factors.
Tomorrow, I will attempt to summarize the five levels of communication. A further read is encouraged on the subject of communication especially by the best-selling author Gary Chapman.
I am sure you will find it rewarding and worth your while.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I know how to communicate with my wife