What are those things singles should look for? What are those things couples should pray for in their spouses? Let’s take a look this morning
1. The Fear of God: The Non-Negotiable Foundation
The foremost quality to seek in a life partner, non-negotiable and beyond compromise, is the fear of God. Beyond mere physical attributes, the fear of God stands tall. While beauty and attractiveness may fade, a partner with the fear of God brings enduring blessings. For those already married without observing these qualities, prayer can be a powerful tool to usher these virtues into your spouse’s life.
Embracing the Fear of God
The fear of God is the reason your spouse will not cheat on you! It is not because your spouse is a “Christian” it is because they have the fear of God. Look for the fear of God! Pray the fear of God into your spouse!
Personal faithfulness and steadfastness in relationships emanate from the fear of God. This foundational quality, exemplified by figures like Joseph, can prevent succumbing to temptations. Choosing a partner with a genuine, lasting fear of God ensures a steadfast and faithful union.
2. Integrity and Sincerity: Guiding Principles in Marriage
Second on the list is the indispensable duo of integrity and sincerity. Proverbs 11:3 states that the integrity of the upright guides them.
Embrace the belief that sincere and upright individuals exist; renew your mindset through God’s word. Dismissing all humanity based on one negative experience can hinder attracting the positive qualities you seek.
Guided by Integrity
Integrity is a guiding light in relationships, preventing the destructive consequences of deceit and transgressions. Seek a partner whose integrity aligns with the principles that guide a successful marriage.
Nothing is as frustrating as having a lying spouse. Trust is broken, suspicions are birthed, and trepidation is initiated to the extent that it affects the health of the spouse on the receiving end of these lying tantrums.
Be insincere! Be a person of integrity for the sake of yourself, your family, your children, and your God!
Good morning! I will conclude on this topic tomorrow!
By divine orchestrations, we found ourselves together at Ogun State University, Now known as Olabisi Onabanjo University. I came in 1991/92 session and she came in 1993/94 session.
I was two years ahead of her, in 300 level while she came in as a new student.
Most of my friends had girlfriends, I had none. They would often bring girls to the hall and the girls would spend days and sometimes weeks!
I was always amazed, like, what did they tell these “fine girls” that made them abandon their own schools and classes and relocate to another school to play the role of “small Mummy?”
And yes, you should never do this as a young lady!
Listen to me, every time you do that, it will always culminate in some regret!
You are never able to “hold” a man or secure him, by subjecting yourself to such “affliction!” That is the only thing I can call it!
I call it an affliction because on one of the occasions, one of the guys who had “camped” a girl for two weeks straight took a belt and beat up his girlfriend! I was the one who went to collect the belt from him! Wasn’t that an affliction?
It was one of the reason I did all my best to get a “one-man-room” because guys who brought in girls easily “de-roomed” their roommates. This means the roommate had to look elsewhere to sleep!
The parents of these girls would never imagine where their daughters were and the parents of the guys too would never imagine their wonderful sons were already on that lane! The more reason as parents, you consciously start inculcating the right values in your children!
Back to how I met her! On her very first night, my self and two other friends went round to welcome the new students that we referred to as “Jambites!
So what happened?
I will continue from tomorrow! Leave in comment section if you want me to continue tomorrow!
3. Two people where one is born again and the other is not
Here is another scenario that doesn’t always play out well, except with patience, prayers, and perseverance. I always advise singles not to think of getting married to someone who doesn’t have a relationship with God. It would always be filled with challenges that you might have to fight alone because you do not agree with your choice of weapons. You want to pray, but he or she thinks you are just being fanatical.
That can be very disconcerting. It is always a good combo when both agree and are going in the same direction in terms of belief systems and practices.
4. Two sentimental people
When two sentimental people get married, their lives will be devoid of principles that are meant to keep them focused and energetic in their marriage and home. Two sentimental people will always judge a situation from a sentimental point of view rather than principles. They can ruin themselves in no time because you cannot go very far living and swimming in the ocean of sentiments. They would not be able to achieve much because they would have excuses for their mediocre lifestyles.
5. Two angry people
Two angry people in a relationship and marriage cannot go far. See the scriptures:
Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go: Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul (Proverbs 22:24-25 KJV)
The scripture here advises that you should not get involved with somebody who has anger problems and who refuses to work at it. An angry man can take a knife or gun one day and end it all. An angry wife can ruin things in seconds. Take a look at the Message Translation:
Don’t hang out with angry people; don’t keep company with hotheads. Bad temper is contagious–– don’t get infected (Proverbs 22:24-25 Message)
As singles and married couples, you are to deliberately work things out in your relationship or marriage and with the help of the Holy Spirit.
Here is what the scripture says:
Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. (Philippians 2:12 KJV)
In a relationship and or marriage, you are to work things out. A relationship or courtship does not lead to marriage automatically, you are to work things out in your disposition, attitude, and reactions. A marriage does not just succeed; you are to work things out between yourselves.
Now some combinations will surely crack along the way. When you find yourself in these spots, you need to seek help prayerfully and with a lot of wisdom to address the lurking issues.
Here are those combinations:
1. Two people who are unbelievers
Two people who are unbelievers may love themselves and may be committed to each other, but when the storms of life come, they will fight their battles alone and you know, some of those battles can be very fierce. They will not have God’s support since they don’t have a relationship with God. They will not have the benefit of a relationship with God and it can be very intense! They need to connect with God!
2. Two people who are believers but refuse to grow
The second group of couples may be believers but whose minds are not renewed. The only thing is that they already have a relationship with God, but apart from that, they are still carnal. They still do their stuff like unbelievers would do. They still want to have fun in forbidden areas and they still want to explore the perverse, which would often come with dire consequences. My advice for couples in this group is that they seek help as soon as possible.
Thoughts or mindsets are very powerful. The mind rules the man. Where the mind goes, the man follows. Victory in life is so much as the victory in your mind.
If you can master your mind, then you can positively channel it for a victorious living. Your level of victory in life is directly proportionate to the level of victory you have in your mind or soul.
Now your mind is the seat of your will, thoughts, emotions and your intellect.
3Jn 1:2 (KJV) Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth.
The soundness or health of our minds or souls is so important that we should constantly be checking on the state of our minds.
You need to constantly check your thoughts. Are your thoughts leading you to victory in your relationship, marriage, and life?
You must see these negative thoughts as they truly are. They can destroy your relationship and marriage if you don’t destroy them.
The Bible teaches us how to handle our thoughts, especially the negative ones that can destroy our lives and marriages.
2Co 10:4-5 (KJV) (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) [5] Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;
Every negative, ungodly, selfish thought must be cast down. They must not be allowed to govern your marriage, home, and life.
You have to take up that responsibility because nobody will do it on your behalf.
How do you handle negative thoughts? You use godly thoughts to cast down those negative thoughts or mindsets.
Here are ten wrong mindsets or thoughts that can ruin your marriage.
1. My spouse hates me and only shows he loves me when he or she wants something from me.
2. There is no ‘God’s perfect will’ in marriage. Just marry anybody, bear his name, and don’t expect too much.
3. There are no blissful marriages. It exists only as a figment of one’s imagination.
4. Husbands don’t have the ability to love their wives.
5. As a wife, I refuse to allow my husband full authority over my life. He will still end up hurting and cheating me.
6. Faithfulness in marriage is not real. Just pretend everything is okay and pray you don’t get caught or catch your spouse in adultery
7. You don’t have to be one hundred percent sincere, open, or transparent, it’s not worth it.
8. Without money in marriage, there is no love.
9. The Bible, God’s principles, or learning about marriage is not necessary or very relevant to having a blissful marriage.
10. Once my children are okay, that is okay. Expecting my husband to love me unconditionally is asking for too much.
If you have any of these mindsets, it is time to throw them away and discard them.
