How to Be There for Your Spouse When Life Gets Tough

by Rev Dunamis Okunowo | Dec 12, 2024 | Singles and Married

Reading Time: 3 minutes

So, life’s thrown your spouse a curveball, huh? Whether it’s work stress, family drama, or just one of those “why is everything falling apart” seasons, being the supportive spouse they need can feel overwhelming. But don’t worry—you don’t need to have it all figured out. Let’s break it down like we’re chatting over coffee.

Step 1: Understand What They Actually Need

Here’s the deal: people respond to tough times differently. Some cry it out, others go full “I’m fine” mode (spoiler: they’re not). Your job isn’t to fix everything but to understand how your spouse processes stress.

The Bible nails it in James 1:19: “Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” This verse is gold because listening—like, really listening—shows your spouse you’re in their corner.

Ask open-ended questions like, “How are you feeling about all this?” or “What can I do to help right now?” And then just…wait. Let them talk without jumping in with solutions or stories about your own bad day.

Step 2: Be Their MVP (Most Valuable Partner)

Supporting your spouse isn’t just about pep talks (though those are great). Sometimes, it’s about rolling up your sleeves and getting stuff done.

Take over some chores: Laundry piling up? Dishes taking over the sink? Handle it. Even small things like this scream, “I’ve got your back.”
Bring the comfort food: You’d be amazed what their favorite meal or a surprise coffee can do for morale. Think Proverbs 17:22: “A cheerful heart is good medicine.” Sometimes, tacos are the medicine.
Organize the chaos: Whether it’s scheduling doctor’s appointments or sending reminders about deadlines, helping them stay on top of things can feel like a lifesaver.

These acts of service don’t just lighten their load; they remind your spouse they’re not in this alone.

Step 3: Talk It Out (Without Fighting)

Look, communication isn’t always easy, especially when emotions are running high. But it’s essential. Philippians 2:4 says, “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” Translation? Teamwork makes the dream work.

When you sit down to talk:

Keep it chill: No one wants to feel attacked. Start with “I” statements, like “I’ve noticed you’ve been stressed. How can I help?”
Focus on solutions, not blame: If something’s not working, brainstorm together.
Know when to back off: If your spouse just needs to vent, let them. You don’t have to solve it all right away.

And hey, it’s okay to pray together. Nothing bonds you like taking your worries to God and trusting Him to carry what you can’t.

Step 4: Take Care of You Too

Here’s where it gets real. Supporting someone through tough times can drain you if you’re not careful. That’s why self-care isn’t selfish—it’s smart.

Check-in with yourself: Are you feeling stressed, tired, or resentful? Address that before it spills over.
Lean on your people: Whether it’s a trusted friend, your pastor, or a therapist, having someone to talk to makes all the difference.
Stay grounded in faith: Verses like Matthew 11:28-30 (“Come to me, all who are weary”) remind us that we’re not meant to carry every burden alone.

Final Thoughts: It’s About Showing Up

At the end of the day, your spouse doesn’t need you to have all the answers. They need you to show up—with love, patience, and maybe a little humor when things get heavy. Relationships are about being a team, even when life feels like overtime with no breaks.

So, take it one day at a time. And remember: God’s got both of you. You’re just the hands and feet helping Him show His love.

Got tips of your own for supporting your spouse? Drop them in the comments—because we’re all in this together!