Marriage, they say, is the only institution where you receive a certificate even before you start. It is a lifelong journey, and the person you choose to walk with determines where and how you end up. Your spouse has a significant impact on your future, destiny, and purpose in life.
The question of whom to marry is a crucial one that requires sincere answers. Many people seem good, kind, and caring, but that does not necessarily mean they are God’s best for you as a life partner.
When I say “marry from your tribe,” I’m not referring to ethnicity, nationality, or cultural background. I’m talking about the tribe of Christ, which is the body of believers.
The Bible clearly states
[Amos 3:3] “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?”
A partner who does not share your faith and convictions will eventually create division, which will make walking in unity difficult.
Your tribe is not just someone who goes to church but a true believer in Christ. Someone who shares the same understanding of salvation, grace, and the Lordship of Jesus.
“Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14)
Being in the same church does not mean you share the same faith. Someone can be religious without being saved. True compatibility in Christ goes beyond attending services together. It means having the same foundation in faith.
If you believe in living a life of holiness, prayer, and service to God, marrying someone who doesn’t share those values will only bring conflict.
For example:
If you are convicted about modesty, don’t marry someone who believes otherwise, hoping they will change. Or if you belong to the no ornaments tribe, don’t marry someone who loves jewelry, expecting them to abandon it after marriage.
Yes, change is possible through God, but some changes require deep personal conviction. Marriage is meant to be enjoyed, not endured.
“Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it.” (Psalm 127:1)
Steps to Marry from God’s Tribe
1. Be a Part of the Tribe First
Before looking for a godly spouse, ensure that you are rooted in Christ. You cannot find the right person if you are not the right person.
“Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” Matthew 6:33
2. Pray for Divine Guidance
Marriage is not just about emotions; it’s a spiritual covenant. Seek God’s direction before making a choice.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6
3. Observe Their Fruit, Not Just Their Words
Jesus said, By their fruits, you will know them. Matthew 7:16
A godly spouse should exhibit the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Galatians 5:22-23.
4. Check for Doctrinal Agreement
Do you both believe in salvation by grace? Do you both understand the role of faith, prayer, and obedience to God? Differences in core beliefs can create future conflicts.
5. Seek Godly Counsel
Where there is no counsel, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety. Proverbs 11:14
Involve spiritual mentors, pastors, or mature believers in your decision-making process.
Marriage is a journey that should bring joy, not sorrow. You can either enjoy marriage or manage marriage. Let your standard go beyond the physical. Choose wisely and within the tribe of God.
Why Your Family Needs a Vision (Yes, It’s a Thing)
Ever feel like life is just a series of random events? If you’re married or thinking about it, you might wonder how to make sure you and your partner are on the same page, especially when it comes to your future. That’s where having a family vision comes in. It’s like a roadmap for your relationship—your guide to what you both want in life, whether that’s growing spiritually, having kids, or building a dream home.
When couples take the time to create a family vision, they’re setting up their lives for fewer miscommunications and stronger teamwork. It’s not just about avoiding conflict (although, let’s be real, that’s a bonus), it’s about thriving together.
Think of your family vision as the North Star that keeps you both moving in the same direction, even when life throws curveballs. The key here? Communication. When you talk through your goals, dreams, and values, you’re building something solid—a partnership that’s grounded in love, trust, and mutual understanding.
Aligning Your Goals: Why It Matters
Let’s get real—life can get messy. Between work, church, friends, and everything in between, it’s easy for couples to drift apart when their goals aren’t aligned. That’s why having those honest conversations about where you’re heading as a couple is so important.
Here’s what aligning your goals does:
Improves Communication: When you’re both clear about what you want, misunderstandings are less likely to happen.
Fosters Accountability: You’re not just partners; you’re teammates. A shared vision keeps you both invested and working toward the same things.
Deepens Your Relationship: Working together on shared goals strengthens your connection. Plus, it makes celebrating those wins so much sweeter.
Finding Your Individual Values and Goals
Before you can create a vision for your family, it’s important to know what each of you values individually. What’s important to you? What are your personal goals? This is where you get to reflect and be real with each other.
Here’s a little exercise to try: Each of you write down your top 10 values (think faith, career, adventure, family, or health). Once you have your lists, compare them. Do you notice any overlaps? Maybe you both value community service or personal growth. And for the values that don’t match, don’t stress—this is a great opportunity to have deeper conversations about how you can support each other’s dreams while blending them into your family vision.
And don’t just stop at values. Talk about goals, both big and small. What does each of you want to accomplish in the next year? Five years? Whether it’s saving for a house or getting more involved in church, knowing each other’s aspirations is key to building that shared vision.
How to Create a Family Vision (Without Overcomplicating It)
So, how do you actually create a family vision? It’s simpler than you think.
Set the Mood: Find a comfortable spot, grab your favorite snacks, and make sure there are no distractions. This is your time to connect.
Share Your Dreams: Start by talking about what’s important to you as individuals. What kind of family life do you both want? What are your biggest hopes for the future?
Find Common Ground: Look for the goals and values you both share. These are the building blocks of your family vision.
Document It: Write it down! Whether it’s a couple of bullet points or a full-on mission statement, get your shared vision on paper. You can always tweak it later.
Remember, this process should be fun, not stressful. It’s about dreaming together and making sure you’re both excited about the future.
Turning Your Vision into Action: SMART Goals
Now that you’ve got a vision, it’s time to make it real. And to do that, you need to set some goals—specifically, SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound).
Here’s how you can do it:
Specific: Be clear about what you want. Instead of saying, “We want to save money,” say, “We want to save N20,000 for a house down payment by 2026.”
Measurable: How will you track your progress? Maybe it’s saving N500 a month.
Achievable: Be realistic. Can you both commit to these goals given your current situation?
Relevant: Make sure the goals tie into your shared vision.
Time-bound: Set deadlines to keep yourselves on track.
SMART goals keep you focused, motivated, and accountable.
Crafting Your Family Mission Statement
A mission statement for your family might sound a little too “corporate,” but it’s actually a really meaningful way to keep your family vision front and center. It’s like a manifesto that reflects what matters most to you both.
Start by discussing your core values and what kind of family culture you want to create. Once you’ve got some ideas, draft a short statement that captures your shared goals and values. Something like: “We’re a family that values faith, kindness, and adventure. We’re committed to growing together, supporting each other, and making a positive impact in our community.”
Involving Kids in the Vision
Got kids? Include them in the process! It doesn’t matter if they’re young or teenagers—getting them involved helps them feel like part of the team.
For younger kids, try simple activities like having them draw what they want the future to look like. For older kids, ask them what they think is important for your family’s future. You might be surprised by their insights!
Keep It Fresh: Reviewing Your Vision
Life changes, and so should your family vision. Make it a point to review and reassess your vision every year or so. Things like career changes, a new baby, or a move can shift your goals and priorities, so it’s important to stay flexible.
During these review sessions, talk about what’s working, what needs tweaking, and what new goals you want to set. This not only keeps you on track but also keeps the conversation flowing.
Celebrate the Wins (Big and Small)
Don’t forget to celebrate your progress! Whether it’s paying off a debt, hitting a savings goal, or just surviving a tough season—acknowledge the wins. Celebrating together strengthens your bond and makes the journey that much more rewarding.
At the end of the day, creating a family vision is about building a life that reflects your shared dreams and values. It’s not about perfection—it’s about intentionality, growth, and staying connected through all the ups and downs. So take the time to dream big, plan together, and enjoy the ride. You’ve got this!
18 Blueprints for a Successful Marriage and Home Part 2 by Bishop Oyedepo.
We continue from where we left off yesterday.
8. Protect Your Home from Unauthorized Discussions.
Satan knows the best way to infiltrate is through our vulnerabilities. We must guard our hearts and minds, as well as protect our families, from having private counsel with those who could mislead or misinform.
Only by focusing on Jesus can we avoid being led astray down dangerous paths that end up destroying what God wants to build.
9. Satan, Liar and Deceiver.
Satan is introduced in the Bible as a deceiver, not a man of strength. He is against a Successful Marriage and home. His power comes from deception, not might. We must recognize him for who he truly is – a liar who seeks to trick us through half-truths and distortions of God’s word. To avoid giving Satan access, we must educate ourselves on the strategies he commonly uses. Some of his devices mentioned in the Bible include sowing discord, temptation of the flesh, and accusations against believers. Studying God’s word and growing in spiritual discernment equip us to recognize Satan’s tactics and not fall for his tricks.
10. Satan Seeks to Gain Advantage Through Ignorance.
Paul warns in 2 Corinthians 2 verse 11 that we should not be ignorant of Satan’s devices, lest he gain an advantage over us. Unless we are conversant in his tricks and tactics, the enemy will succeed in deceiving us. Knowledge is key to not allowing Satan’s entrance. We must understand how he operates so we aren’t caught unaware by his schemes. In a successful marriage, the couple is sensitive.
11. Love Your Spouse As Christ Loves the Church.
A foundational way to keep Satan out is by following Christ’s example of sacrificial love for our spouse. When we put our partner’s needs above our own desires, prioritizing understanding and kindness, it creates an environment Satan cannot penetrate. Your marriage and home becomes a haven.
12. Submit to One Another in Reverence for Christ.
Another one of the blueprints for a successful marriage and home is submission. Bishop Oyedepo highlighted the importance of mutual submission according to Ephesians 5. By humbly yielding to one another out of respect for Jesus, it fosters an atmosphere of peace, unity, and care that protects the home from Satan’s schemes.
13. Living Out God’s Design for Marriage.
God created marriage to reflect Christ’s love for the church. Living this out daily through small acts of service, communication, and time together provides the foundation Satan cannot gain entry over.
14. Dealing With an Unsaved Spouse.
For those with unbelieving partners, Bishop Oyedepo advised continuing to love unconditionally as Christ did, while being a light that points to Jesus. With patience and prayer, God can use a faithful spouse’s example to soften their companion’s heart over time. Your marriage and home can be glorious.
15. Standing United as a Family.
When spouses present a united front and make their marriage and home a priority through quality time together, it sends a message to Satan that he is not welcome. Discord and division give him an opening to sow temptation, but unity slams the door in his face.
16. Praying For and Encouraging Your Spouse.
Lifting each other through prayer is vital and also a Successful Marriage secret. When spouses cover one another before God’s throne daily, interceding for protection and blessing, it forms a hedge of protection around the home that demons cannot penetrate. Positive words of affirmation and compassion also strengthen the resolve to resist Satan’s attacks.
17. Resolving Conflict Biblically.
Disagreements will inevitably arise, but Bishop Oyedepo stressed addressing them according to Matthew 18, through gentle confrontation and then involving authority figures if needed. Refusing to let the sun go down on anger prevents the devil from gaining a foothold in division. thereby saving your marriage and home.
18. Filling Your Home With Love.
Making your marriage and home a place of acceptance, forgiveness, and fun keeps Satan at bay. Laughter, inside jokes, and making memories together form an impenetrable shield of protection. Filling your water pots with love and kindness starves the accuser of any opportunities.
Conclusion. By understanding Satan’s tactics, equipping yourself with biblical knowledge, and living out God’s design for marriage, you can send the demons attacking your marriage and home fleeing. Make protecting your family through Christ-centered unity and love a daily priority. Though spiritual battles will come, focus on filling your water pots with God’s love so Satan finds no entrance. Stay strong in the Lord and in the power of His might.
