If conversations devolve into yelling matches, silent treatments, or complete avoidance, communication has likely collapsed. Healthy dialogue is the lifeblood of any marriage. James 1:19 advises, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” A therapist can teach effective communication skills to bridge the gap between spouses.
6. Abuse Is Present
Any form of abuse—physical, emotional, verbal, or financial—is unacceptable and requires immediate attention. Safety must always come first. If abuse is occurring, seek therapy professionally and consider protective measures. Matthew 7:12 teaches, “Do to others as you would have them do to you.” No one deserves to live in fear, and therapy can help victims find healing while holding abusers accountable.
7. Life Transitions Are Overwhelming the Relationship
Major life changes—such as job loss, health crises, the birth of a child, or grief—can strain even the strongest marriages. When these transitions spiral into conflict or resentment, therapy offers support and strategies to navigate the challenges together. Philippians 4:6 encourages, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, present your requests to God.”
8. One Partner Refuses to Engage
If one spouse has emotionally checked out or refuses to work on the marriage, therapy becomes essential. Even if only one partner initially participates, counseling can provide clarity, healing, and insight into the next steps. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 emphasizes teamwork: “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor.”
Why Early Intervention Matters
Waiting too long to address marital problems can lead to irreparable damage. The earlier you seek therapy, the greater the chances of restoring your relationship. A licensed counselor or Christian therapist can offer biblical wisdom, practical tools, and compassionate guidance tailored to your unique situation. Learn more about how to seek therapy, counseling and courses Here
Marriage is a beautiful covenant, but it’s not immune to challenges. While every relationship experiences ups and downs, some issues require professional guidance to prevent further damage. Knowing when to seek therapy can be the difference between healing and heartbreak. Here are key signs that indicate your marriage may urgently need therapy—and why taking action sooner rather than later is vital.
1. Constant Conflict Without Resolution
If arguments have become a daily norm and resolution feels impossible, it’s time to seek therapy. Persistent conflict without healthy communication erodes trust and intimacy. Proverbs 17:14 warns, “Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.” A therapist can provide tools to navigate disagreements constructively and restore peace.
2. Emotional or Physical Disconnection
When emotional distance grows—or worse, physical intimacy disappears—it’s a red flag. This disconnection often stems from unresolved issues or unmet needs. Ecclesiastes 4:12 reminds us, “A cord of three strands is not quickly broken,” symbolizing the strength of unity. Therapy can help couples reconnect emotionally and spiritually, rebuilding the bond they once shared.
3. Trust Has Been Broken
Infidelity, dishonesty, or breaches of trust can devastate a marriage. Whether it’s an affair, financial deception, or repeated broken promises, these wounds run deep. Psalm 51:10 prays, “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” A trained therapist can guide both partners through forgiveness, accountability, and restoration—a process that’s difficult to navigate alone.
4. One or Both Partners Are Considering Separation or Divorce
When thoughts of separation or divorce enter the conversation, it’s a critical moment for intervention. Therapy provides a safe space to explore underlying issues and determine if reconciliation is possible. Malachi 2:16 declares, “God hates divorce,” underscoring the sacredness of marriage. Seeking therapy at this stage shows a willingness to fight for the relationship.
As a single man or lady, you sometimes are all about yourself alone. Certain decisions are made without considering anyone. When you get married, that narrative will change. Whatever you do, you put your spouse first.
What to eat, what to wear, when to return home, where to go, how much to spend, what to buy, etc.
When taking such decisions, you will have to consider your partner.
Mk 10:8 [ESV] and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh.
2. Forgiveness.
There is no place where offence is frequent other than marriage. The reason is clear. You get hurt by the one you love so dearly.
Marriage is not a place to keep malice. As a matter of fact, in marriage, you forgive ahead.
Who do you think can offend you 490 times in a day?
Who? Your spouse. You don’t believe, right? Ask a married person beside you.
Mat 18v22 [NIV] Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
3. Assumptions.
Assumption is the lowest level of knowledge. In marriage, couples don’t just make babies; they talk.
They talk about everything.
What you discussed in courtship, you discuss again in marriage. Life happens, and seasons change, so the conversation you had last year may need to be revisited this year.
The moment communication dies, assumptions set in.
You can’t live your life based on hearsay. Always ask.
Oh, I am not the talking type. Really? And you want to get married?
If you don’t talk to your spouse, someone else will do the talking.
Gen 3:1 [ESV] Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?”
4. Teamwork.
Marriage is not a competition where you want to find out who the better parent is. You are a team. It is both of you against the world, not against each other.
You don’t have to always have the final say; that’s why you are a team.
Carry him along. Carry her along. That way, it will take extra effort for anyone to come between you.
I am an independent person. I like to do things my own way. That is very good for your level, but the moment you agree to sign the dotted lines, that mentality has to change.
Gen 2v24 [NLT] This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.
There are a few things that add spice into your marriage. Apart from praying and doing all the spiritual aspects, the things you do physically matters too.
We need to remind ourselves of some of these things. They are so simple; in fact, some of us vowed to do these things while single, but life happens to us, and then we get overcome by events.
There is no way you can start doing these things and stay committed to doing them that your marriage will not be better and grow intimately.
Let’s take a look at some of those things.
1. Take time to touch daily
a. Hugs – aim at 3-4 hugs per day for atleast 20sec
b. Hold hands for at least 10 mins per day
c. Cuddles – at least 30 mins everyday
d. Massage – at least 10-15 min per day
e. Intimate touch – kissing, caressing & lovemaking.
Physical touch reduces stress and anxiety. Oxytocin release hormones of bonding. It promotes feelings of attachment, closeness & bonding
2. Find something to laugh about daily
a. Schedule laughing time – Set aside time to see a movie
b. Find the humor, laugh at yourself
c. Be playful – playful activities & games that bring laughter & joy in your relationship
d. Share funny stories: funny stories about your past.
These tips are simple yet practical and profound.
God bless our marriages in Jesus’ mighty name, amen.
Abigail is one of the women in the Bible, with rich lessons to teach and wisdom to glean from.
Her story is in 1 Samuel 25: 1 – end.
Her story teaches us how to handle any difficult relationship. Whether it is a relationship with an employer, an associate, a colleague, a child, a mentor, a mentee, a spouse, or a family member, it’s the same principle and it can be applied for success.
1 Samuel 25:3 [KJV] Now the name of the man was Nabal; and the name of his wife Abigail: and she was a woman of good understanding, and of a beautiful countenance: but the man was churlish and evil in his doings; and he was of the house of Caleb.
Emotional intelligence, people management, and good understanding were virtues that Abigail possessed. Abigail had a good understanding of herself, her husband, her situation, and her household.
Our focus is not on Nabal’s behavior but on her ability to beautifully manage and navigate the situation.
It is our year of supernatural growth and our emphasis should be growing in the fruit of the Spirit.
Galatians 5:22-23 [KJV] But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
The more we learn to develop the fruits of the Spirit, the better our relationships will be even if the persons are “churlish and evil in their doings” like Nabal
We can see her good understanding being displayed in her attitudes, speech, actions, and the quality of her inner life.
Her good understanding helped her to know the times and seasons and how to salvage a situation that would have led to the murder of every life associated with Nabal, both young and old.
The story of Abigail is not just for wives but also for men, who want to know how to manage people. People are ladders, especially those relationships God brought into your life.
Don’t discard people because of offenses and unforgiveness. You need to understand that not every man has developed fully in the fruit of the Spirit. They might just be the help you need at certain junctions in your life.
There are some things we have control over and some we don’t have control over. You don’t have control over other people’s behavior but you have control over your attitudes.
It’s all about how you react when others treat you badly.
Being married to Nabal was a lot, but Abigail was a woman who had a good understanding.
Isaiah 11:2 tells us that the Holy Spirit is the spirit of wisdom and understanding.
I pray the Holy Spirit will impact our lives with Good understanding in Jesus’ mighty name amen
