Yesterday, we started writing on this topic. We mentioned qualities like his relationship with God, how he treats you, his ability to protect your purity and your heart, and his ability to communicate openly and honestly.
True love involves sacrifice—an unselfish willingness to put your needs above his own desires. Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.”
While this passage specifically addresses husbands, sacrificial love should characterize all godly men. Does he prioritize your happiness? Does he serve you willingly, even when it costs him something? These actions reveal the depth of his love.
6. He Supports Your Dreams and Goals
A man who sees you as a co-laborer in life—not just a companion—will encourage you to pursue your passions and fulfill your God-given purpose. Proverbs 18:22 says, “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.”
Similarly, finding the right man means discovering someone who celebrates your talents and stands beside you as you grow. He’ll cheer you on and help you overcome obstacles along the way.
7. He Leads with Humility and Integrity
Leadership isn’t about control; it’s about serving others with humility and leading by example. The right man will take responsibility for his actions, admit mistakes, and seek wisdom from Scripture and mentors.
Micah 6:8 challenges us to act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with our God. A humble leader inspires trust and creates a partnership based on mutual respect.
Janet: So… what are you wearing tonight for your date?
Liz: I’m thinking of that red dress Stephen got me last month. It should work.
Janet: Wait, Stephen? You’ve left him already? I thought you said he was the right person.
Liz:Correction. I didn’t leave him. We’re still in the talking stage.
Janet: Talking stage? Liz, it’s been six months. Are you guys stammering or what?
Liz: laughs. He’s sweet, but… he’s not really my type.
Janet:sighs. I honestly don’t get you sometimes. Stephen’s the fifth “serious” guy I’ve seen around you lately. And now you’re going on a date with someone new?
Liz: That’s why it’s called a date. To figure people out and get to know them.
Janet: Really? Because at this rate, it feels like you still haven’t figured out Jude, Taiwo, Peter, Osas… or Stephen. Honestly, I feel like I need a date with you to understand what’s going on.
Liz: Don’t be dramatic. Jude was too soft. Remember when that bike guy yelled at me? Jude apologized to him.
Janet: He told me you were rude to the guy.
Liz: Even if I was, he could’ve backed me up in the moment and addressed it later. You stand up for me publicly, then correct me privately. I need someone who’s got my back publicly.
Janet: Huh. So I guess Peter’s more your vibe then?
Liz:rolls eyes. peter? He tries too hard. Everything feels like a performance.
Janet: Isn’t that what he’s supposed to do- try?
Liz: Sure, but there’s trying… and then there’s being over-the-top. I want a guy who knows when to show up and when to chill.
Janet:[looking genuinely puzzled]
Liz: Aren’t you gonna ask about Osas and Taiwo?
Janet: Nope. I already know you ghosted them. I’m not even mad, just… I hope things work out with Stephen.
Liz:smiles softly. Thanks.
Janet: But let me say this, girl, you really need to figure out what you want for yourself. Otherwise, you’ll keep bouncing from guy to guy, looking for something that’s not lost in the name of looking for the right person.
Liz:groans playfully. There she goes again with the life coaching.
Janet: I’m just saying. Six guys and counting in under two years? At some point, you’ve gotta ask: maybe it’s not them. Maybe it’s… you.
Liz: I know what I want in a man.
Janet: Okay, but do you know what you want in yourself?
Liz: So… what’s the moral of this little intervention, Dr. Janet?
Janet:laughs. It’s not an intervention. Just girl talk with a sprinkle of truth.
Liz: More like a bucketful.
Janet: Look, dating’s not a crime. Neither is exploring your options. But at some point, you’ve got to stop collecting names and start collecting lessons.
Liz: Oof. That one hit.
Janet: I’m serious. The real glow-up is self-awareness.
Liz: So you’re saying I should take myself on a date first?
Janet: Exactly. Figure out what you want from you; peace, growth, stability, and the right person won’t feel like a puzzle piece you’re forcing to fit.
Liz: So basically, know yourself, show up honestly, and don’t stop growing?
Janet: Now that’s the real red dress energy.
Liz:laughs. Okay, okay. Fine. Maybe I’ll start with dinner… with myself.
Four Destiny Questions You Should Ask Before Falling In Love
Life is a journey of destination that only God knows and understands its beginning and ending (Jeremiah 1:5). This is why you shouldn’t take your purpose discovery lightly; it is a determinant of the answers to your existence.
There’s a primary assignment that is committed to every individual on earth and that assignment is greater than the purpose that life offers after your arrival on earth (Ephesians 2:10).
Here are four destiny questions you should ask yourself:
1. Who am I?
The discovery of YOU is the awareness of what God has embedded into you. I want you to understand that everyone has a reason for being here. That reason is to propagate God and His work. So, take a deep breath and ask yourself, who am I? (1 John 3:1)
2. Why am I here?
Your existence on earth is never a mistake and if you’re an afterthought child, you’re still not a mistake because there’s a greater reason why you’re here; to compliment and fill up the space God has created for you. (Isaiah 43:21)
3. What is my purpose?
The moment a man gets to a stage in life and that big question pops up, the depth of your existence is about to be revealed. Purpose is the real intent of your creation and this can only be found in God. God is the revealer of our assignment on earth, so cling to Him and He will direct your paths (Jeremiah 29:11)
4. Where am I going from here?
There’s something we call CLARITY in the journey of life. This clarity doesn’t uncover all the details you need to finish the journey but it will give you a heads-up to start. In other words, whatever God has shown you is enough to start, clarity unfolds as you progress in the journey. (Deuteronomy 31:8)
How do I navigate through the journey of discovering ME?
1. Build a personal relationship with God
2. Read the word of God daily and meditate on it
3. Pray always and develop your spirit man.
4. Have a mentor or a spiritual parent to guide you on the journey
5. Stay committed to doing the will of God in every area of your life.
Emotional intelligence is a pivotal quality to seek in a prospective husband. It plays a fundamental role in understanding, managing, and navigating emotions, both his and yours. A partner with high emotional intelligence will be attuned to your feelings and able to manage his own emotional responses effectively, fostering a balanced and healthy relationship. Emotional intelligence encompasses self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills. These attributes collectively contribute to a relationship built on mutual respect and understanding.
Effective communication skills are equally crucial. Key attributes to assess include active listening, empathy, and the ability to convey thoughts and feelings clearly. Active listening involves paying full attention to the speaker, understanding their message, and responding thoughtfully. It signifies valuing the other person’s perspective, which is essential in resolving conflicts and fostering intimacy.
Empathy enables a partner to put themselves in your shoes, understanding your feelings and viewpoints. This ability to connect on an emotional level enhances emotional closeness and support in the relationship. Clear communication is another cornerstone. A prospective husband should express his thoughts and feelings openly and honestly. This transparency helps in building trust and avoiding misunderstandings.
Anecdotal evidence suggests that couples who score higher in emotional intelligence and communication skills tend to have more fulfilling and lasting relationships. For instance, Sarah and John, married for over a decade, credit their strong relationship to their ability to communicate effectively and understand each other’s emotional needs. Sarah shares, “John is always there to listen without judgment, and he shows empathy towards my feelings, which has strengthened our bond tremendously.”
Experts also assert the importance of these skills. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, highlights that couples who practice active listening and show empathy are more likely to navigate the complexities of a relationship successfully. Therefore, seeking a partner with high emotional intelligence and strong communication skills is indispensable for a thriving, long-term relationship.
When considering a prospective husband, one of the most pivotal factors to examine is shared values and long-term goals. These elements form the foundation of any successful marriage, as they represent the core beliefs and aspirations that will guide a couple’s life together. Ensuring that both partners are aligned in areas such as family planning, financial goals, and lifestyle choices is essential for maintaining harmony and preventing future conflicts.
Family Planning
Family planning is a fundamental aspect where shared values are critical. Couples must discuss their desires regarding children, including the number of children they wish to have and their parenting philosophies. Mismatched expectations in this area can lead to significant strife. For instance, if one partner desires a large family, while the other prefers to remain child-free, this disparity can create insurmountable challenges. Open, honest discussions about family planning early in the relationship can help avoid such conflicts.
Financial Goals
Financial goals and values also play a crucial role in a marriage. Understanding each other’s perspectives on saving, spending, and investing is indispensable. For example, one partner may prioritize saving for retirement, whereas the other may value spending on travel and experiences. Aligning these financial priorities can be achieved through detailed discussions and compromises, ensuring that both partners’ values are respected and integrated into their financial planning.
Lifestyle Choices
Lifestyle preferences, such as attitudes toward work-life balance, health and fitness, and social activities, should also be aligned. A couple with synchronized views on these matters is more likely to enjoy a cohesive and satisfying life together. For example, if both partners value a healthy lifestyle, they can support each other in maintaining fitness routines and healthy eating habits.
The absence of synchronized values and long-term goals can lead to perpetual disagreements and dissatisfaction. Relationship counselors often stress the importance of alignment in these core areas. Real-life experiences further illustrate the advantages of shared values. Couples who take the time to understand and align their values and goals tend to navigate the complexities of marriage more effectively, fostering a resilient and enduring partnership.
Financial Responsibility and Stability
When evaluating a man as a prospective husband, financial responsibility and stability are crucial factors to consider. These elements not only reflect an individual’s ability to manage resources but also their capability to provide a secure future. A constructive approach to saving, judicious spending, efficient debt management, and prudent financial planning are indispensable traits of a financially responsible individual.
Firstly, his approach to saving says a lot about his priorities and foresight. A man who systematically saves, regardless of his income level, demonstrates a commitment to future stability. Observing his attitude towards savings can offer insights into his long-term goals and preparedness for unforeseen circumstances. Conversely, reckless spending and poor financial planning often lead to financial stress, which can place a significant strain on a marriage.
Effective debt management is another critical aspect. Understanding how he handles existing debts, his views on borrowing, and his strategy to mitigate liabilities can help in assessing his financial health. Accumulating debt carelessly can impact credit scores and future loan opportunities, which are vital considerations, especially when planning major life investments like buying a home.
Financial planning extends beyond day-to-day expenses, encompassing long-term objectives such as retirement, investments, and emergency funds. A well-rounded financial plan indicates that he is thinking about the future and is prepared to take necessary steps to secure it. It involves setting realistic goals, monitoring progress, and being adaptable to life’s changes.
Financial compatibility is intrinsically linked to marital satisfaction. Misaligned financial habits and goals can foster resentment and conflict. Transparent financial communication, be it about income, debts, or spending habits, ensures that both partners are on the same page. Practically, discussing financial habits early in the relationship and regularly reviewing financial plans together can build a strong foundation.
To sum up, evaluating a partner’s financial responsibility and stability requires careful consideration and open discussions. Ensuring that both partners share similar financial values and goals can lead to a more harmonious and secure marital relationship.
Respect and Support for Individual Growth
When considering qualities in a prospective husband, respect and support for individual growth stand as pivotal. Mutual respect lays the foundational framework for a harmonious relationship, where each partner’s uniqueness is acknowledged and appreciated. Encouraging each other’s personal and professional aspirations is an indispensable component of a thriving partnership. Prospective husbands who actively support their spouse’s goals exemplify a commitment to shared success, fostering a deeply interconnected bond.
Healthy boundaries are essential in maintaining individuality within the union. A husband who values your personal space and understands the importance of me-time demonstrates wisdom and emotional intelligence. These boundaries create a balanced coexistence, ensuring that both partners can flourish without encroaching on each other’s personal growth. This equilibrium allows the relationship to thrive as a union of two healthy, fulfilled individuals.
Moreover, growing together while respecting each other’s needs and ambitions fosters a unique synergy. Every couple faces the challenge of evolving together while maintaining their individuality. A supportive husband not only celebrates your achievements but also stands by you during setbacks, offering a steady hand of encouragement. This two-way street of mutual support often results in a relationship that can withstand various life challenges.
One example illustrating this dynamic comes from a couple married for over two decades. The wife pursued a career in academia, while her husband built a successful business. Despite their demanding schedules, they always made time to discuss and support each other’s aspirations, celebrating small victories and providing solace during tough times. Testimonials like these underscore the significance of a partner who values and nurtures your growth.
In the end, a prospective husband who respects and supports your individual journey not only contributes to a strong relationship but also ensures that both partners can achieve their fullest potential, cultivating a resilient and enduring partnership.
